The day I found the Death Note
by LaDyOfThEdArKeYeS
Summary: I was a girl that used to think my life was nothing but an empty milk bottle... Untill the Death Note landed onto my life" SUMMARY INSIDE LightxOC LxOC
1. Hello! Welcome to my miserable life

_**Story Name: **The Day I found the Death Note_

_**Genres: **Suspense, Romance, Angst, Mystery, Crime, Drama, Supernatural, Spiritual, Horror, Friendship_

_**Summary:**_

_What if the Death Note hadn't fall on Light/Raito Yagami's hands, but on one of friends/classmates? What events would follow if it fell on the hands of a girl depressed and unhappy with her life? Will young Seira Minamoto use the notebook of the shinigami to practice justice? Or will her interests speak louder than her emotions?_

_Watch as a young girl haunted by her past and by her monotonous life, sees her world turned upside down as she discovers what powers a notebook can contain..._

_Nothing will ever be the same... Will she make the right decisions for the dilemmas that await her?_

_**Because once she chooses her path, there is no turning back...**_

_**Written by: lAdYoFtHeDaRkEyEs**_

* * *

I

_The following chapter was rewritten on 27th of January 2012_

_My name is Seira Minamoto._

In the time on which my story is taking place I was 17 years old, almost 18. I lived in Kanto, Japan.

I was tall, with dark long hair, usually wrapped up in a braid, dark chocolate eyes, and a face decorated with a few freckles. My physical constitution was normal, even though I worked out a lot.

I lived in an apartment only with my father as a company. I was an only child and my mother died years ago. I remember our relationship as being a bit peaceful. He cared for me, despite the fact that I had certain habits. Yes I had some habits any loving parent would hate, among which is the fact that I smoked a lot. Personally I don't consider smoking as being a bad habit. At least to me it was like a calming pill at that time. Something that made me forget of my pitiful existence for moments.

Sometimes I wondered if I would ever be of some use to the world. I remember that most times I felt like I was an empty milk bottle on the fridge. I didn't have many close friends, and my high school life was nothing but studying. I wanted to go to a decent university as fast as I could. The truth was that I was sick and tired of everything around me. Always the same people. Always the same lame environment. It never changed no matter how hard I wished.

_**I hated myself and my life. That's the truth.**_

Sitting in English class I looked out the window, almost like expecting some miracle to fall from the sky. I like English to tell the truth. Oh how I longed to live my life, maybe on America, the land of opportunities and where all prosperity comes from. But it was usually the kind of class where I sometimes persuaded the teacher to let me go out for a little while to let me have a smoke in the grounds. Yes, I had that kind of nerve.

When I was bored in class I usually wondered what it would be like if I was somebody else. I was a person looking for something with meaning in my life. Deep inside of me I screamed and yelled and yet nobody noticed me… Except for…

"Yagami-kun!" called the teacher breaking away my thoughts "You listening?"

The boy in front of me looked ahead.

"Would you like to translate this last part?" he asked

The boy stood up.

"The rules of God must be followed. If you do that the sea will remain calm, and the storm won't come."

Exactly like I would have answered.

"Very well, as expected from you!" congratulated the teacher and the boy sat down again

I looked at him and smiled a bit to myself. That boy was the only reason I wasn't the top in my class. I ended up always second because of him. But he was just perfect… **Perhaps too much perfect…**

_Light Yagami…_

He was the main reason why I wasn't so lonely at Daikoku Academy. And he was the strongest and perhaps only crush I've ever had in my 17 years of existence. I don't know how I began to like him, but… Ever since I started hanging with him, I felt a little better with myself because a boy actually accepted me for who I am.

He was my friend, and one of the few persons with whom I got to have a conversation with some sense. I could talk with him for hours and hours. He was so different from the other guys in school. More mature, brighter, _and __handsome, oh…_

He wasn't all sweet though. There were times when he would be calm, yet angered. When he was in that sort of mood his words were cold and that was easily felt by the person he talked to.

But the main reason why we got along so well may be because we had the same way of thinking.

Ah! At last the school bell rang.

"Stand! Bow! _Deua mata ashita_!"

And once I was up I started to pack my stuff in my bag very quickly. I got out of the room and walked alone to the school entrance.

I didn't have any "girl friends" on that shit of a school. All of them were snobs, and they usually tried to have the sort of conversation on which they say I should see a psychologist, that I should see a dermatologist, buy some women's clothing… In short they had futile conversations that I wished to avoid.

It was 15.00 o' clock. We only had that class on the afternoon, now we were actually free. On our last year of high school our schedule was actually very soft on us. Perhaps because on that year we needed all the time we could to study.

I lighted up a cigar. And once again I was forgetting about my problems for a little while, when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Must you really insist on that habit, Seira-chan?" asked Yagami with a concerned voice

I turned to him and smiled. "Must you worry that much Yagami-kun?" I asked with a joking tone.

"Yes I must "he replied still serious "and please you can call me Light, you know me well enough for that."

"We're all going to die one day, so what the heck, Light-kun." I said voicing on the "kun"

He rolled his eyes, but not taking me serious at all.

"All right, then have it your way…" he sighed walking past me.

"You know I always do…" I said keeping up with him and blowing a puff of smoke from out of my mouth.

We started to hang out a lot ever since the 12th grade started. We began to talk when the 11th grade was ending, then we switched contacts and talked more. When the school year had begun we were inseparable… One may assume we were together, but… I doubt he'll ever look at someone like me…

He had tons of girls after him even though it didn't look like it. But he usually rejected them. I wonder if that was one of the reasons why I was so hated by the snobs in my class.

When we were downtown, I dropped the cigar on the floor on purpose and stepped on it. Then I smiled to him again.

"Just this once I'll actually take your concern seriously" I said immediately having a peppermint chewing-gum I had in my bag.

He smiled.

"It's only for your own good. Your lungs will last longer… Besides, the smell annoys me!"

"Ah, you!" I said pushing him not so hard though

We kept walking side by side. It wasn't hard at all to start a conversation with him.

"Quite an answer you gave today at English class huh?" I said breaking the silence.

"It wasn't nothing amazing… Besides everybody knows English nowadays…" he replied.

"Oh, but you talk so perfectly, like you were actually born in England, or America!" I exclaimed with honesty

"You also talk perfectly yourself… You have a bit of an American type of accent when you talk."

"Yeah… Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was born out there" I replied again thinking of all the dreams I had at that time.

We entered a cafe where we used to hang around sometimes after school, mostly to study and talk most of the times, of course. We sat in our typical place, our seats facing each other. He asked for a sundae, while I asked for a hot chocolate.

"Say, Seira-chan…" called Light out

I looked at him curiously. "What?"

"You've been looking pretty down lately" he claimed very serious.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, getting prepared to change the subject as soon as I could.

Sometimes I talked out every single one of my worries with him, but only when I was about to cry. I had an anxiety problem, and to those who never had the misfortune of suffering of that, it's pretty hard to maintain your self esteem when you're constantly anxious: Anxious about the next day, about what people think of you, about the choices you have to do once in your life, you know…

"I'm asking, because you look sad and sort of scared all the time… Is something bothering you?"

I didn't want to tell him, not to him of all people. I trusted him but I never imagined him as a psychologist. He was indeed a shoulder to cry on when I was down, but…

"I won't tell anyone, girl! You can be sure of that!" he said sensing my nerves

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.

"It's always the same thing every day…" I grunted

He kept glancing at me with inquiring eyes.

"I feel like my life is always the same! Nothing happens and every day I feel trapped by the routine I have…"

Suddenly we both looked at the television in the corner. It was a Breaking News story.

"_Just in… Today in Shibuya, Tokyo, Naoki Tofuji, age 35, was arrested, as a suspect of the death of her roommate, a woman, aged 25…"_

We both looked away. I sighed. Even criminality was as uncontrolled as always. I wondered why had I been born in a world where injustice and inhumanity are constant? If we were born to be happy, why are there people who live without ever trying true happiness? Come to think of it… What IS true happiness?

"I'm afraid I can't help you much with that…" told me Light with a face as heavy as mine "Because I'm dealing with the same problem as you…"

He what? How could somebody as bright as him have such a problem?

"But Light-kun…" I said surprised "You are so very popular, unlike me! How do you have to deal with a problem like mine?"

"I don't consider everybody I talk to as my friend!" he replied a bit annoyed "You, for example, aren't as dumb as other girls back in school! You're not as boring as most of them!"

I blushed slightly. "Not as boring" as the other girls. I was glad I didn't have the "dumb" reputation… At least not to him I hadn't.

"You're right…" I laughed "I don't hang out much with the girls in school, because most of them are snobbish! Besides my best friends are outside of Daikoku, anyways!"

He smiled at me and stuck a spoon of sundae in my mouth all of a sudden. I swallowed in surprise then I looked at him like I was saying "Why did you do that?"

"Although you do need to be a little sweeter!" he said joking.

I looked annoyed at him.

"What exactly do you mean by that Mr.?" I said a little loud.

He just laughed in response.

And once again we were both walking on the streets.

"Someday…" he said breaking the silence which had installed between us "Things will change when I get to the ICPO! I will make justice be more severe for those who deserve that!"

"You dream of making this world a better place then!" I said looking at him curious.

"Don't you want to live on such a world?" he asked looking for my support on that matter.

"I wish I could…" I said remembering some stuff for moments.

A better world is a utopia! That's the truth! A childish fantasy! That's what it is…

"Well, here you are, safe and sound!" said Light when we arrived at my apartment.

"Alive and in one piece!" I replied heading for the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then Seira-chan!" he said walking away and waving goodbye.

"Bye Light-kun!" I replied waving back.

I went up the stairs and opened the door with my own keys. Father wasn't home yet. I threw my school bag to the sofa of the living room, took my shoes off and walked to my room.

I sat in my bed and laid down. At that moment, alone in my sanctuary, I felt I could release myself of the emotions that crushed me. I began crying. Don't ask but these crises came to me most times from nowhere! Everything was making me sick. Nothing new was entering my life. It seemed the world had thrown me to the garbage can without caring for me.

I cried myself to sleep and eventually forgot the matter for moments.

My life was definitely empty and with no meaning. Little did I knew that a miracle was to fall from the sky to my hands soon enough.


	2. When I picked a strange black notebook

_**II**_

_My life was definitely empty and with no meaning. Little did I knew that a miracle was to fall from the sky to my hands soon enough._

* * *

_The following chapter was rewritten on the 3__rd__ of March 2012_

After that little depressive moment ended I went on to the gym. It managed to get my mind off my problems most times... While I worked out I usually thought of how good it would turn out for me and my body and forgot all the rest.

But it was more tiring than usual. I didn't know if it was due to my little crying session or to the fact that it had been a very boring day to me.

I exited the room sweating and panting.

"Seira-chan!" I heard someone yell. I then felt two arms involving me.

"Millie-chan..." I grunted in pain as the girl who had called me out loud embraced tight on the neck

Millicent Kasumoto was my best friend. We were together in elementary school but we ended up split when we passed onto middle school. Her father was Japanese, and her mother was British. That cross was noticeable on her features: despite being born with the same face as her father, her hair was brown, and her eyes were dark-blue. To boys who had a particular attraction for blue eyes she was a muse. At that time it was almost 12 years since we became friends. Not everyone can keep a relation for that long.

"So how has school been treating you?" She asked releasing me and always happy to see me.

I sent her a small smile wiping off the sweat from my forehead.

"Oh, you know, it's always the same crap… Humpf… private schools…" I told her as we went into our lockers to change "So how was your body combat lesson?"

"You should try it! Personally it would be good for someone like you!" said Millie giving me an advice, as she opened her locker and took out her bag.

"Maybe I should enter kickboxing, or even boxing!" I said opening my lock and wiping myself with a towel "Beating the shit out of someone sounds like fun."

"There you go with your violent tendencies…" said Millie with a drop on her head and wiping off her stretched and short hair that stopped at the end of her neck. How that hair always looked beautiful and shiny was beyond me.

"Guess that's just me…" I said dressing my jeans.

"So how are things with, oh you know… that guy?" asked Millie perversely while I finished tying the lace on my sneakers.

"Who?" I asked nervously

"Ohhhhh, that blush of yours is so cute!" said Millie pointing at my nose.

"You…" I mumbled as I looked away.

"So?" she asked still insisting.

"So, we hung up a little after school again…" I said pretending to be calm while dressing my blue t-shirt.

She closed up on me."And?" she asked still being persistent.

"And we talked…" I said still faking my calm tone and taking my white bag.

"About?" she asked picking up her green bag.

"Stuff…" I said with a neutral voice tone as we exited the gym.

"And that stuff was…" she insisted.

Boy was she sometimes a pain in the ass! I decided to be mean to her.

"Was something supposed to be just between him and me…" I said happily as I winked to her.

Millie was annoyed immediately.

"You know you're going to tell me sooner or later!" she protested as I laughed out loud.

"Really? Because I don't know if I actually will…" I said making her go "HUMPF!"

We exited and went to a magazine shop. My mp3 player was singing out loud in my ears.

"Green Day, I assume?" she asked always knowing what I was listening to even though it was so low.

"You practically know my mp3, girl!"I exclaimed happy.

"You sure identify yourself a lot with that style of music!"she said looking at me

"I don't know… It's just music that makes me feel younger that I already am."

"Oh, this year everyone is like mad!" said Millie reaching for the press.

"Hm?" I asked trying to see what she was talking about.

"_Teen murders girlfriend with sulfuric acid."_ Said the headline.

"My God…" I commented a little shocked.

Millie placed the newspaper back on the shelf.

"Somebody ought to do the same thing to him…" said Millie walking out of the store with me.

After walking side by side with her, silently listening to my mp3 player, we eventually arrived at my apartment. I said goodbye to her and went to my apartment. My dad was already home watching TV.

"Hunny, you're here!" he said cheerfully

He called me hunny, because whenever I asked for honey as a kid I said that word. My father usually talked like that to me, but when we had fights it seemed the world was turned upside down. To me I was like a volcano, and my daddy was the deserted island where that volcano stood. I usually ended up feeling bad about the things I sometimes said at him.

"Yeah, I am!" I said petting him on the head as I passed on the sofa.

"How was gym?" he asked.

"Exhausting!" I answered like he was asking a dumb question.

"Get used to it, you can quit if it's too much for you!" said dad trying to pick on me.

"Nah, I like pushed up stuff!" I said heading to my room.

"Is everything going alright with you?" he asked after I opened the door to my room..

"Yes…" I answered, sounding doubtful though.

"You know if there's anything that bothers you… You know…" my father said insisting.

I turned my head and smiled to him."Thanks dad, you know I will!"

I entered my room and locked the door. It was being a good day for me and my dad. Who knew if we would be arguing tomorrow? I felt like talking to _someone_, indeed. But I needed to be a little alone at that moment.

* * *

Next day I walked to school a little late, due to the fact that I had overslept. When I got there I couldn't find Light anywhere. I headed to the bathroom, and looked into the mirror.

"She's a weirdo, I'm telling you!" said a disgusting yet familiar voice.

I looked around and saw nobody. Probably they were talking in separate cubicles.

"Minamoto-san, you mean ?" asked another voice

Ohhhh, whoever they were, they were gossiping about me. I heard the toilet flush. I quickly headed into an empty cubicle.

"She keeps to herself, yes." I recognized Hasuka Rena's voice.

"She's one of those emo/goth people, you know…" replied Takimura Sekino.

Takimura Sekino was one of the most popular girls in the school. She loved to talk on others behind their backs to feel better with her "all-perfect" self. It seemed the victim today was no other than me. Hasuka Rena was her best friend always being right her back and acting as her little puppy.

"Really?" asked Rena.

"I know those kinds of people, they usually smoke and slash themselves a lot!" said Sekino like she was a know-it-all.

True that I smoked a little, but I never slashed myself. I won't hide the fact that I had thought about it though. Many times I wondered how it would feel like, but never had the guts to burry a blade within my skin.

"She's suicidal! I'll bet with you that she's never going to make it 'till the exams!" laughed Sekino very cynical.

I was annoyed. Always insulting behind someone's back: that's how most women's minds works.

"Could that be that you're a little jealous because she's always with Yagami-kun?" said Rena picking on her.

Oh, now Light was brought into this. Why can't two people be friends without being the center of all of gossiping? It was what disgusted me in that school. I felt my fist shaking of frustration.

"Honestly I don't know what he sees in somebody like her! I mean, he's just too damn perfect to hang out with an ugly emo like her!"

I was feeling the tears coming to me. The way people talk without knowing of anything! It was disgusting!

"You think they're, you know… with each other?" asked Rena without being so sure of herself.

I blushed furiously. Nobody in that school couldn't do anything without being talked about on the next moment.

"Well, if they are it won't last long… You know how well I can seduce boys…" Sekino said with pride.

"They call you slut because of that, y'know?" Rena replied, reminding her of her reputation.

"They only call me that because I get what I want… ALWAYS!" she said cynically "And probably that girl wished she was me!"

I felt a growing urge to get out and punch her really hard in the face. Not even in my nightmares would I ever, EVER dream of being her! Even if I needed a body transplant or something she wouldn't definitely be on my list.

"She's a freak, that's for sure… You know that watching a mother being raped and killed in front of you can make you have killing tendencies…"

"Now you're being mean!" said Rena a little serious.

"But it's the truth… Some people don't last much in this world and she's going to be one of those people! You'll see how I'm right soon enough!"

"I'm feeling bothered!" said Rena angrily.

"Because I'm getting to the point! Some people don't live good lives such as me, and eventually, they die by killing themselves. She's different form us! She's not going to be anybody in life if she doesn't dress, act or hang out with us!"

"Sekino-chan, enough!" yelled Rena "I never imagined you could be so mean! Were you even thinking about the things you were saying just now? And you say you're pretty mature yourself!"

I felt like a huge piece of shit. How could anybody be so mean? How could people say those types of things like they were telling a joke? I contained a sob.

"And you know why Yagami-kun hasn't asked you out? Because like everyone he hears about the stuff you do when you dump somebody that isn't 'perfect enough' for you!"

I heard her exiting the bathroom, slamming the door very hard.

"You're going to apologize to me later anyway…" said Sekino like she was enjoying herself "You're as pathetic as that girl…"

And finally she exited. And so did I. I felt my face all wet and my eyes aching. I wiped them off quickly and kept my head down.

When I entered into class there was Light as always in the seat in front of me. When he noticed me he waved cheerfully to me. Thus all I did was ignoring him and taking my usual seat behind him. I lowered my face so my hair would cover the wet-red face. Immediately he turned back at me concerned.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it…" I answered a bit rudely to him.

"But…"

"Good morning class!" said the teacher as he entered. Light had to turn to the front.

The math class wasn't anything special, but maybe because I wasn't paying attention at all. I kept my head lowered and my hands in front of my eyes. Tears were jumping abundantly from my eyes, and falling on my notebook. Near the end of the class, we were doing some exercises in groups. Light immediately went to my side.

"Now you're going to tell me!" he whispered seriously concerned.

I looked to the window and wiped away another tear.

"Tell you what?" I asked playing dumb.

"Why you're face is all wet!" he demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I said trying to pull away the conversation.

"Stop playing dumb!" he said a bit annoyed at me "You're not dumb so stop playing like you are! Ok?"

"I don't…" I tried to tell him.

"You know you can tell me!" he said holding my left hand.

My eyes shined and became wetter. The warmth of his hands made mine sweatier.

"Light, I… I don't…" I said visibly disorientated.

"Minamoto-san, are you okay?" asked the teacher as he passed by and noticed my tears

"I am!" I answered with a sob.

"You're not!" he said seeing the obvious "Go down to the kitchens and drink some tea!"

"I'll go with her!" said Light standing up.

"It's okay!" I said standing up "I don't need an escort"

Light sat down not looking away from me though. Everybody's eyes were on me now. As I exited I noticed Rena looking at me concerned.

I descended to the grounds. I didn't need any tea, just some fresh air to calm me down. I didn't bother to buy some cigarettes last night, so I had to calm down naturally.

I looked up as a soft breeze made my loose hair flutter. Yes I decided to lose the braid I used to have. My glance then turned to the grass.

"_I wish a miracle would just fall from the sky into my hands!"_ I said wishing the fantasies from fairytales were real.

I decided to walk around slowly. All of a sudden from nowhere I heard something fall behind me. I turned around and I saw a black notebook lying on the grass. I could have sworn that wasn't there minutes ago. Curiously, I walked to it and picked it up.

"_Death Note"_ it said on the cover.

With a growing curiosity, I opened it. There were some "How to use" instructions in black pages, all written in English. Of course it wasn't any pain for me to read them.

But the first rule left me a little weirded out:

"_The human whose name is written in this note shall die!"_


	3. It was stupid! But I was curious

_**III**_

_"Death Note" it said on the cover._

_More curious I opened it. There were some "How to use" instructions in black pages, all written in English. Of course it wasn't no pain for me to read them_

_The first rule left me a little weirded out:_

_"**The human whose name is written in this note shall die!"**_

* * *

I just stood there looking at the notebook.

Until finally there was a reaction from me: I exploded in laughter

"What is this?!" I asked out loud "Okay I see, there's a hidden camera somewhere, and a crew that is actually expecting me to believe in this! Right?!" I said out loud

But nobody answered.

I checked the notebook out. There were more rules, but I wasn't really interested in reading all of them. The rest of the lined pages were all blank.

A notebook that could kill whosever name was written on it. How unimaginative can people get these days…

The school bell rang.

"Shit, my bag!" I said rushing to my classroom with the notebook still in my hands

I entered the classroom but there was nobody. And to my surprise… MY STUFF WERE GONE!

"What the…?!" I yelled out loud

I ran to the main entrance of the school where usually all the missing things from the students were placed when found by someone. I hoped nobody had decided to prank me that day.

When I was rushing, I passed by the kitchen, and all of a sudden...

**BAM!**

I hit my ass on the floor and it seemed I had just been hit by a truck.

"OWWWWW…" I reclaimed still in pain

"Nice going Seira-chan…"

I looked and there were thousands of books scattered around the floor. The notebooks were recognizable as being mine. And in the floor, with one of my notebooks placed in a funny way on the top of his head was…

"Light… kun…" I said in regret

Yet he just smiled remaining calm.

"When will you ever learn…"

I almost seriously laughed at the way the notebook was on the top of his head like a hat.

Next minute we were knelt on the ground, just picking up my books and notebooks from the floor into my bag.

"Is running another habit of yours?" he asked placing everything rightfully in my bag

"Well…" I said suddenly noticing the black notebook next to my knee "When you're at the gym, and you run for several minutes, it becomes something within your habits…"

I quickly picked up the Death Note looking around hyperactively, finding somewhere to hide it. I couldn't possibly show something that stupid to Light-kun!

"I also used to run a lot when I played tennis, but it never became something I do by instinct!" I he said still with his eyes on my bag

To my fortunate one of my notebooks was placed a bit farther. I crawled to where it was and placed the Death Note between the other notebook.

"Am I speaking to myself?" said Light all of a sudden from behind me

I let out a dry yell of surprise.

"Eh, eh, eh… Gomen…" I said while I put the notebook away inside my bag and smiled embaressed at him

Suddenly he placed his right hand on my right shoulder. His breath hit my face and I found my cheeks seemed more heavy

"So now then…" he said walking with me, still in that position "… you're going to tell me then…"

"Tell you what?" I asked with a gille playing all dumb

"Why you were crying earlier…" he said still serious

"It's… It's okay now… I felt better after I walked a little through the grounds…" I answered trying hard for him not to see my blush

"No, it's not… Come on let's go somewhere more quiet…" he said pulling me

And he took me to the back of the school.

"Why are we here?" I asked nervous

"To talk without having anyone hearing us… So why were you crying this time?"

"People… Talk about me in my back…" I started to answer sounding embaressed for criyng for something like that

He looked at me. Threr was neither humor nor concern. Just someone listening to me without making personal jusgements.

"Why do you give such a…?" he said

"You weren't there!" I replied already annoyed

He came closer to me.

"Like I was saying why do you give such a damn!" he said with his tone unaltered

"They say I'm traumatized… That I'm going to kill myself because of…"

Suddenly the disturbing images of my past came towards me. It was a flash.

I shook my head looking dizzy.

"I don't want to talk about this! Okay?" I said

He smiled gently at me. He picked my chin up with his fingers and made me look at him.

"Don't you see those people say that because they don't know you? If they saw who you really are I'm sure they would swallow up every word they ever said about you…"

"I doubt that…" I said laughing in a dry way

He kept smiling at me. I still felt my face hot.

We kept silent after my last comment.

All of a sudden the Death Note came to my mind. It was an amount of bullshit, that was sure. But… what if it wasn't?

"Light-kun" I called breaking the silence

"Hum?"

"What if you… If you found something one day… something that could change your life… That could make you feel… happier with yourself… What would you do?"

He touched my nose with his finger in the joke.

"You make such questions sometimes, you know that?" he said

I looked away. Bad question I know It was…

"But I would try it…"

I looked at him again

Was it just me…** Or were our faces becoming way too much close?**

"Well now…"

We turned around to where the voice had came from.

GAH! That Sekino! That bitch had to fuck my whole life as always!

"Hum… What could two prestigious students be actually doing in the back of the school? Glad I came before they started to screw around…" she said cynically

I walked to do I didn't knew what, but Light stopped me.

"I just came to tell you that classes have started like… 30 minutes ago!" she said "So come along now!"

I noticed she tried to grab Light's hand when we were on our way to class. He shook it off though. God I never felt like punching her so hard until that day.

* * *

Later at my home…

"Hi Millie!" I said on my cell

"Seira-channnnnnnnnnn!" she answered in a yell

I had to move the phone away from my ear…

"So what's new?" she asked with her hyper voice

I never thought I would actually tell what happened to her. Ever…

"We almost kissed…" I whispered, still unsure if I should tell her or not

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! OMGOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! ROMAAAAAANCE!!!!!"

Again I had to pull the phone away from y sensitive ear.

"Why didn't you kiss? Don't tell me you ran away!" she said already lecturing me

"Sekino-bitch did it again!" I said

"What? Don't tell me she interrupted you two!"

"Duh…" I said making it sound obvious

"Bitch! But oh he likes you!" she said loudly

"I suppose I won't kill myself now!" I said with a dry voice

"Shut up! Well sorry for the short talk, but I have to go to afternoon class! Bye now!"

"Bye slut!" I said laughing

"You…"

But I shut the phone.

I wriggled my arms in the air and threw myself on the sofa.

I turned the TV on… I zapped and zapped… But nothing cool was on…

I shut the TV down.

I picked my guitar. My faithful guitar. I always played when I wasn't thinking of stupid bad stuff.

But no music came to me while I played.

I walked inside my room. My bag was there next to me.

Immediately I took out the Black notebook and read. I didn't read all of the rules though…

_**-The human whose name is written in this note shall die.**_

_**-This note will not take effect unless the writer has the persons face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.**_

_**-If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.**_

_**-If the cause of death is not specified the person will simply die of a heart attack.**_

_**-After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.**_

"Whoever wrote this had such an imagination…" I said looking around the blank pages

I walked with the note book till the living room.

"I want to test this even though knowing it's a nonsense… How far has my depression came by now?" I said to myself

I turned on the TV.

There was a report about a man being inside a school with little children and teachers as hostages inside an nursery. They had already identified the man as being Kurou Otoharada.

I looked at the notebook and back at the TV, still showing the man's picture.

"Should I write… or not?" I asked myself

But then my hand reached for a pen on a table next to the sofa and I immediately wrote down the man's name on the first line.

"As If something would actually happen…" I laughed as I wrote

I read the rules again.

"A heart attack, eh?" I laughed again

I laughed and laid myself on the sofa with the notebook open on my chest.

"What's with me, minding stupid chain stuff?" I asked myself as I looked up to the celling

I looked up for a while, until…

"_HEY! THIS JUST IN!"_

I looked uninterested to the screen.

"_THE HOSTAGES ARE COMING OUT! NONE OF THEM SEEMS HURT! THE POLICE ARE GOING IN! WILL THEY ARREST THE SUSPECT!"_

"What the hell!" I yelled standing up with a jump "What's going on?!"

"_THEY'RE COMING BACK OUT!"_

The police were leaving the huge building.

I was sweating. And shivering. Could I have played with destiny? No, it couldn't be! Maybe the guy was surrending himself

Yeah! That had to be it!

I breathed deeply. And I was calmer…

But…

"_WE RECEIVED REPORTS! IT SEEMS THE CAPTOR INSIDE THE NURSERY SCHOOL IS DEAD!"_

* * *


	4. I was so scared, yet so dragged into it

_**IV**_

_I was sweating. And shivering. Could I have played with destiny? No, it couldn't be! Maybe the guy was surrending himself_

_Yeah! That had to be it!_

_I breathed deeply. And I was calmer…_

_But…_

"_WE RECEIVED REPORTS! IT SEEMS THE CAPTOR INSIDE THE NURSERY SCHOOL IS DEAD!"_

* * *

I fell off the couch violently as I contained the yell.

"_FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"_ I thought as I crawled away from the TV

My heart was beating a thousand miles per hour. No way the guy couldn't have died only because I wrote his name on some stupid notebook! It isn't logic! IT COULDN'T BE REAL!

Maybe he died of something else? Maybe it's just a fucking coincidence! Maybe someone above has decided to play a prank on me.

"_The victims say he had a sudden collapse while holding on to his chest!"_

"NO FUCKING WAY!" I screamed out loud

I went to the kitchen and drank water to calm myself down… But it didn't do any good.

"I didn't kill him!" I kept repeating to myself as I washed my hands and scrubbed them

I wasn't usually the superstitious kind of girl. But that made have a whole new perspective of supernatural.

"Coincidences happen!" I laughed nervously to myself "Yeah, I know of some stuff… Like that time when I saw Millie falling from her bike in a dream and the next day it happened when we went bike riding in the mountains!"

But I was still shaking.

"GAHHHH! Why can't I forget this?!" I yelled to myself

I went to my room and stripped myself of my lousy school uniform.

I dressed myself with a sporty black top, a chess mini-skirt, black leggings underneath it, and finally the best sneakers in the world: My black and Red All Stars.

I exited with a small purse from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I took the Death Note with me.

Somehow I wanted to be immediately rid of that thing.

I walked through the town until the park. Some children were playing there.

I looked at them as they laughed lous, ran around and played football. Among other stuff that is.

"_Well, at least If I did kill the guy I saved all those little children from the worst…"_

Call me a softie, but I love children.

A little girl with brown hair, a dress with flowers and a cute little ribbon on the top of her head fell right in front of me violently.

Immediately I rushed to help her up.

"Are you okay sweetie?" I asked

She began to cry. The thing I HATED more than Sekino-bitch and my life, was seeing a child crying. It just didn't feel right to me!

"It hurts! It really hurts!" cried the little girl

I took a tissue off my purse and wiped away the blood that was pouring from her knee. I then passed some water from the spring in the park through her knee.

"You're going to have to get some pharmacy things on this knee, but it should be fine for now."

The girl just looked at me curious.

"Why you so nervous?" she asked

How children can be so naïve…

"I felt bad when I saw you crying, that's all!" I smiled gently at her.

She returned the smile.

"Sakura! Here you are!"

I looked to see who it was calling. It was Rena.

"Seira-san?" she asked in surprise "How do you know my little sister Sakura?"

"I didn't know she was your sister!" I just replied

Somehow I couldn't call her names now. She was Sekino's friend(or rather her pup), but somehow she was different when she wasn't with her.

"Oh, my god, look at that knee!" complained Rena taking her small sister in her arms "Now we'll have to go to a pharmacy!"

"She helped me!" pointed little Sakura at me

Rena looked at me and smiled.

"Thanks…" she said

I shook my shoulders.

She kept smiling at me and walked away with her sister in her arms.

* * *

I continued to walk around now thinking about what just happened in the park. Could Rena be actually somebody who is nice and worthy of calling a friend?

It was hard seeing her that way, since she was always with Sekino, bashing people in their backs.

It was almost eve when I got home.

Dad still wasn't home, so I prepared a frozen meal for him, since he was about to arrive sooner or later.

I laid myself on the bed and closed my eyes.

But as soon as I closed my eyes the image of the Death Note came onto my mind.

I opened my eyes quick, then I started to relax again and they closed slowly again.

* * *

"_Stop! Please!"_

"_Heheh! You're pretty when you're naked!"_

"_Let me go! You're scaring her!"_

"_Are you seeing Seira? Are you seeing what you'll be when you grow up? Just a little fuck toy, like your mother!"_

"_PLEASE STOP THIS!"_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH OR YOU'LL BE SILENCED FOR GOOD!"_

"_NOOOOOOOOO!"_

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I woke up in a jump and feeling the cold sweat in my body. That dream… again…

I was even more scared to see my hand holding the Death Note tightly. Was I thinking… about killing…_that person_?

I walked to the living room. Dad was asleep there.

I just took a blanket and a pillow and placed them on his head and over him.

Silently I returned to my room.

"I love you daddy…" I whispered as I entered back into my room

* * *

FRIDAY AT LAST!

We only had two classes that day and my afternoon would actually be free with no gym, nor with my chours.

On the first break me and Light were talking together as always.

We watched two of the most popular guys in the school having a tennis match.

"You could join them, you know…" I suggested him

"Nah! I'm rusted by now…" he commented looking fixatedly at them

"You're fit now, but if you don't work out it won't last long!" I warned him

"Glad to hear that my physical look is still attractive!" he said smiling naughtily at me

"Watch out for egocentrism!" I warned him rubbing his head

"Alright now" he said grabbing my hand and helping me up "Let's walk a little, my legs are aching!"

My thoughts were on the Death Note since that nightmare last night.

Would it be correct if I used it one more time? Just to confirm my doubts, not that I would be actually interested in killing someone…

I HAD to get my mind off of it!

And hey Light was next to me. I could ask him if he was free that night.

"Né, Light-kun!" I called him

He looked back at me. Strangely enough he was still holding my hand. And I grabed his with my other free hand.

"What?" he asked me wondering what I wanted

"Just wondering… do you have any plans for, well… tonight?"

I looked down, already feeling the blush.

"Sorry Seira-chan… I already have plans…"

I noded sadly.

"Okay…"

He released my hands and I walked near him distractedly.

"With what may I know?" I asked trying to keep myself joyful

"Not with what, with who…" he corrected me

WITH WHO?!

"_Don't tell me he's already dating someone else!"_ I asked myself in panic

"So, with who then…" I replied still sounding calm

"With Yuri!"

I gasped. My hands grabbed my skirt from the school uniform hardly.

WHY IN THE WORLD DID HE HAD TO PICK YURI?!

She had always been around him! There wasn't a night when he wouldn't receive a love message on his cell from her! We entertained ourselves and released some laughs when he showed them to me.

I thought he didn't like her… It couldn't be!

"Oh… I see… So you're dating her now…" I said with a dry voice

"What? No! She just wants help with her studies, and she asked for my help!" he said with the naive voice he sometimes had

"But you said you didn't like her…" I said cynically

"I don't like her on THAT way!" he answered seeming embarrassed

I looked darkly to the ground. You can tell how furious and jealous I was feeling right now…

"But why are you so upset?" he asked as the school bell rang

"Oh look the bell's rang, come on now!" I said walking forward without looking at him

"Hey, wait up!" he called form behind me

He tried to talk to me about It, but I didn't say a word to him on the matter on the rest of the day.

And as I was daydreaming in class, an idea came upon my mind. A fucked up one… Along with a fucked up smile...

_There was always the Death Note…_

Heart attacks aren't considered murder! So I would be clean…

But then the fear of using it came upon me… What if It was something I could later regret.

I HAD TO BE RATIONAL! I COULDN'T JUST USE IT ON SOMEBODY WHO DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!

Or at least on whom I didn't have anything against!

But still… She didn't mean anything to me anyways… Yeah Yuri wasn't an essential presence in my life!

I decided! I would use it! So that she wouldn't bother him anymore!

But was I being selfish?? Or even crazy?

Bah I won't lose anything in doing so, I mean the notebooks still hasn't proof itself as being true!

But if it was a waste of time in writing her name down, why was my instinct somehow insisting for me to do it?

I felt like I was in a spiral. Spining and spining to the center, not managing to escape...

Was this the work of the Death Note? Or was it all just in my head?

* * *


	5. I realized I had a mission to do!

_**V**_

* * *

_I felt like I was in a spiral. Spining and spining to the center, not managing to escape..._

_Was this the work of the Death Note? Or was it all just in my head?_

* * *

I slapped myself later in the bathroom.

What the hell was I thinking?!

"_You bitch! Why are you thinking about killing someone who hasn't done anything to you?!"_

I walked out of the bathroom. Still darkened by my thoughts.

My instinct was telling me to use it on Yuki to confirm my doubts whether the Death Note was real or not.

But I knew I was being a spoiled bitch in thinking like that…

BUT THE THOUGHT WAS GLUED INSIDE OF ME, I COULDN'T TAKE IT OUT!

When school ended Light was trying to talk to me… again.

"Seira-chan!" he said trying to be friendly with me as always but with me rejecting his approaches

I didn't felt like talking to him. I don't know why, but I didn't…

"Come on, stop being like that! You know I don't like it when you're like that with me…"

I kept walking… And with him still behind me…

"Why are you walking me home?" I asked not very cynically

"Wha…? Isn't it what we always do?" he asked confused

I stopped. But I still didn't turn to him.

"I just want to be alone today…" I said

I walked some steps forward.

"You're jealous aren't you?"

I stopped. He had unmasked me.

"Of Yuki… Am I correct?"

"Ahou…" I whispered

**(AN: "Ahou"- fool)**

"What?" he asked

How he never angered himself with me was amazing. Sometimes when I was crying because of my unhappiness, I told him stuff that aren't usually supposed to be said to people. Yet he never answered me back. And he ended up cheering me up, or letting me cry on his shoulder (literally).

I turned to him.

"I'm not…" I said trying to sound truthful "It's just… Look, just let be a lone for a little while, okay? I promise the next time you meet me; I'll be in a much better mood than I am now! Trust my word…"

We were silent for some time.

The next minute he was next to me. He placed his arms on my shoulders and he planted a kiss… on my forehead!

…

I died for a moment.

Although I never really admitted to anybody I read Twilight. I preferred The Lord of The Rings a thousand times, but I did read Twilight.

At that moment I thought of myself as Bella…

I wondered why my hormones only decided to make their moves only in my late seventeens, but still…

His warm lips still remained resting on my forehead for a little while.

My two hands grabbed his shirt, and suddenly my eyes began to shake.

I was always told by my mom that a kiss, wherever it was given… was supposed to be given to someone who I liked, whoever it was…

And the fact that he was kissing me on my forehead meant that…

… well, it meant that he didn't hate me, nor that he was mad at me…

He finally separated but we didn't look at each other.

"Starting next week…" he said to me "I want it to be the end of all your problems! Can I trust your word?"

"Ok…" I said dreamily

"Let's forget we had this little fight! And make sure you're alright next week…"

"Sure…" I said still sounding dreamily

"I'm not sure if I told you this, by the way, but… I prefer to see you with your hair loose, like you are now."

It was true. I didn't bother to make a braid on my hair that day. It was long and stretched and falling until the middle of my back.

"Arigato…" I said softly

And he walked forward.

While I decided to take a walk.

I did forgot our little fight. But I sure would never forget that sweet kiss still felt on my forehead.

I was passing by a nursery beginning to gain some consciousness, when all of a sudden…

"Konichiwaaaaaaaaa!" someone screamed joyfully

I looked to the bars of the school and saw little Sakura waving and smiling at me.

"Sakura-chan!" I said approaching her "What a surprise!"

A pleasant surprise indeed.

"How's your knee?" I asked

"One-chan, put a bandage there!" she said showing me a white bandage

"I'm glad to see you're better!" I said smiling at her

"When you coming to the park again?" she asked

Kids those ages manage to be so kawaiii…

"Who knows… I have to go now, okay cutie? Keep your eyes opened when you go to the park, okay?" I said winking at her and standing up

"One-chan said she thinks you're sweet!"

I stopped.

Rena actually said that? People sure wore pretty good masks in public indeed.

"I'm glad to hear that!" I replied "Buh-bye now!"

"Sayonara!" she said waving to me

I smiled to myself.

Strangely enough my life was becoming brighter. I found little motives to smile now.

Again my paranoiac mind thought about the Death Note. Was it really an effect of the note?

"_Just in now! Kurama Tkaiyami, age 34 is barricaded inside a bank, with the workers all hostages! Reports are saying that he may have already killed three of them! Police are trying to negotiate but so far nothing new has come to us!"_

I was looking at the big screen in the middle of Kantou now.

And so an idea, or rather an epiphany came towards my mind. I couldn't just use it on people just because they did something to me that wasn't so good.

The notebook had came onto my hands for one reason. I couldn't just use it in some dumb way.

And then while all of the crowd looked anxiously to the big screen, in a discreet movement…** I wrote my second name on the note book…**

"_So far there are no new reports… What?! How?! Ladies and gentlemen this just in: The criminal had a sudden collapse and died. All the survivors are being transported to the ambulances now!"_

There was a huge reaction from the crowd around me.

And there I was, far behind them watching another of my works.

I had realized… An epiphany indeed…

There are more evil people in the world. And to me… those people are…** those who kill…**

I've always been in favor of Pity of Death! I follow myself by the sentence: Those who kill deserve to die!

Psychopaths were my main target. Well, killers, not all of the killers are psychos…

You may ask me now: But if you're killing those guys doesn't that make you a killer too, and that you also are a person who deserves to die?

In philosophy the same matter was arose on a debate I had.

But… not all people kill by evil… I am aware of that…

And I like to think of myself at that time I was having the epiphany… **As a killer of justice… As a crusade knight…** Or whatever.

But I knew I was finally doing something useful to the world! That I wasn't useless like I had though all those years! I knew I had to have some kind of special talent!

A tear rolled down my face! A tear of joy! For I had finally found something that made me useful to the world.

That I would leave my mark as a person who did justice.

And the world seemed brighter to me at every passing minute…

* * *

_**Sunday…**_

Millie and I had been bike-riding all day in the fields not far from town…

I was now watching TV with my day.

"I'm going to take a bath now!" I said standing up

"You look happy!" commented my dad smiling at me

"It was a nice day, that's all!" I said

"If there's something you want , don't hesitate in telling me hunny!"

I smiled.

"It's okay dad! I have you, and that's enough!"

"_I have everything I've want…"_

I enterd the bathroom, undressed myself and took a shower.

Then, still with a towel around me, I walked into my room and closed the door. And looked through the pages of the Death Note.

One page was complete. All of them criminals from Japan only…

But I still had so much work to do…

The pages needed to be filled. More names were supposed to be in it.

"**So you're enjoying this, eh?"** a voice asked from behind me

I looked back and…


	6. Then this strange shinigami came

_**VI**_

* * *

_One page was complete. All of them criminals from Japan only… _

_But I still had so much work to do…_

_The pages needed to be filled. More names were supposed to be in it._

**_"So you're enjoying this, eh?"_**_ a voice asked from behind me_

_I looked back and…_

* * *

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Of course you know this was a scream of terror. There was a huge tall monster with a face pretty much like The Joker from "Dark Knight". I loved the character, but I would be terrified if I met him in real life.

But laugh all you want: It was the first character that came to me when I turned around.

I fell on my ass, and crawled away from it. For a minute I thought I was going to shit myself of terror, but lucky I wasn't scared to THAT point.

"Hunny!" said dad as he entered "Hunny, is everything alright?"

I pointed at the monster terrified.

"What? Is there something at your balcony?" asked dad walking through the monster as if he was some sort of a hologram.

I looked confused at it. Could I have definitely gone nuts with all that's been happening to me?

**"Only the person who possesses a Death Note can see the Shinigami that originally owns it!"** said the monster with certain tranquility

Oh! So the notebook was from a God of Death! I immediately assumed that he was the real owner of the Death Note, and that somehow I was the only one who could see him. I didn't knew that time if he meant harm or not, but I felt less scared next minute.

"Hunny, there's nothing in the balcony!" said father exiting from the balcony

"It was a crow!" I answered "It entered the balcony and made one hell of a noise, that I got scared and yelled!"

Boy, how many excuses had I made up in my whole life?

"I didn't hear anything, but alright!" said dad exiting through the door "You going to bed?"

"Yeah, I'm beat!" I said still looking curiously at the monster

"Okay hunny, sleep tight!" said dad closing the door

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

**"So you've already uncovered the secrets of my Death Note, huh?"** asked the monster with an ironic face

"Yeah… About that! I have some questions! But first go outside for some minutes, if you please…" I said pointing at the window

**"Why…?"** he was about to ask, but then he got the motive

(I still had only the towel covering my bare body…)

I laughed a little.

"For god's sake, even though you're a Shinigami it's rude for males to spy on half-naked females!"

Eventually he stepped outside, while I dressed my pajamas.

"Come in already, it's getting cold outside!" I called after I opened the balcony glassed door

**"Thought you'd never ask…"** complained the monster stepping inside

I turned on the light on my desk and kneeled on my bed, looking up at the monster.

**"Human Seira Minamoto, allow me to introduce myself as Shinigami Ryuk from the Shinigami Realm!"** he said bowing a little bit

I lowered my head as if I was returning the bow.

"A pleasure to meet a non-human rational being such as yourself, indeed!" I said humbly

**"Such respect… But it's been some days since you've picked my notebook, and since you still have it and therefore you can still see me, I assume you've been finding it pretty… useful!"**

I laughed and smiled.

"So far it's been!" I said showing him the first filled up page of the notebook "And to mankind also!"

**"You gut guts, human girl! Most humans who got their hands on a Death Note would usually be too scared to continue owning it!"**

"But it is scary at first, when you think it's a lame joke!" I replied "But after some events I realized I needed it in my life! But anyhoo… My turn to start with the questions: Why are you here? Is the notebook yours? Do you want it back?"

It would be hard if he took the Death Note away from my hands, now that I only started to discover its mysteries…

**"The notebook is yours, now! But since I'm the shinigami who owned the notebook before it hit the human world, it is my duty to follow around the human who owns the notebook!"**

"So you're going to be with me always from now on?"

**"Exactly!"**

"Are you supposed to act as my guardian angel or my devil within?"

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, I won't be neither of those two things! I won't be giving my opinion or my advice to you on some future situation you may see yourself onto! But remember this and remember it good: When your time comes I will be the one writing your name on my other notebook!"**

Strangely, even though he was telling me this, I wasn't scared but I was fascinated with the new reality unfolding upon my eyes.

"So you shall play the part of: my shadow is that so?"

**"Correct"**

"And so, I can assume my destiny is in your hands from now on?"

**"Hummm, yeah you can sort of say that! And also heed this: the human who uses the notebook can neither go to heaven nor to hell!"**

I laid myself down on the bed. Nor to heaven nor to hell?

"No offense, but… I don't believe in neither those things…"

**"Do you not think about death?"**

"Well, I thought of killing myself sometimes in the past, but now… Now I've just been finding some motives to live on…"

**"You seem optimistic for someone whose fate is filled with horror and suffering!"**

"Yeah? Well… maybe I should just live the moments before my fate eventually comes…"

I stood up.

**"Where are you going?"**

"I'm getting an apple in the fridge! This little conversation made me hungry and…"

**"Apples?!"**

I looked at him and saw he was suddenly curious.

"Yeah, you heard of apples? Want me to get one more for you?"

And so I got two apples. I was surprised to see him enjoying the apples as much as a child enjoys a cartoon.

**"Hummm, your apples! They're so… how do you say? Juicy!"**

I smiled and bit my apple.

"Yeah, and they're healthy too! Lately I've come to crave these fruits!"

**"I've heard many stories of human apples in the shinigami realm, all of them said that the apple is known as the fruit of temptation!"**

"Due to the story of Adam and Eve in the Christian Bible it is! But It's more known as 'The fruit of death'! Maybe that's why you enjoy it so much: You're a God of Death, therefore you like things related to Death!"

**"Such a rational theory you've elaborated! I have a good feeling about you and the way you're going to use the notebook!"**

While he laughed I made a new question.

"But tell me one thing: Did you want to get rid of your second notebook which now belongs to me?"

**"No, I…"**

"Then why did you drop it onto my world?"

He approached me, but I wasn't intimidated. I kept looking firm at him.

**"Can I trust you to keep a secret?"**

"Okay…" I nodded

**"I did it because I was bored!"**

I never realized Gods of Death Could actually bore themselves…

Of course I didn't know how things were in the Shinigami world, so I allowed him to continue telling his story.

**"Yeah, I know what you're thinking, you never imagined we shinigamis could actually get bored… But still I didn't felt like I was actually alive back there… You see nowadays shinigamis don't do much on the realm. Al they do is nap or gamble all day long. When they see you writing somebody's name on the notebook the say 'Who are you working for?' and laugh on your face…"**

"So killing humans is considered uncool in the Shinigami realm?" I asked surprised that a God of Death was talking his emotions to a human such as me

**"Yeah… Besides not having to hear those kinds of comments when I write someone's name on the notebook, it's always more fun to kill humans from here. I get to see the action, you know"**

"Hehe… You're funny in a creepy way, Ryuk!" I said smiling at him "And by the way…"

I picked up his hand on my two small hands(compared to his that is).

"… thank you… so much… for dropping the notebook that released me from my misery!"

**"EH, don't do that!"** he said becoming transparent, and suddenly I wasn't touching anything **"Don't get mad at me, but… I'm shy with females!"**

I laughed for a little while as I headed to bed.

"You're not alone on that matter! I'm pretty shy with the opposite sex myself… Although…"

Gah! Why did I look like such a 12 year old teenager! As Light invaded my thoughts again I felt embarrassed to be blushing for no reason and in front of a God of Death.

I laid myself on the bed and covered myself.

"I wish I could continue talking throughout the night with you Ryuk, but alas you caught me on a Sunday, which means I have to sleep earlier!"

**"Too bad Shinigamis don't sleep! I'll be bored here all night!"** complained Ryuk

"Nighty night! Eat an apple if you want we have more!" I said smiling at him from the bed

**"That's more like it, now…"** he said rushing through the wall

I smiled to myself.

I had made another 'friend'. And I was getting more happy in advantage.

For the first time I actually looked forward to the next day.

To receive the results of the national exam. To meet Millie in the gym after school.

But what I was more looking forward to see, was Light's reaction to my now progressively cheerful attitude.

_"Starting next week… I want it to be the end of all your problems!"_

My heart beated in a pleasant way.

"Don't worry Light-kun! I didn't forget my promise!"

And I closed my eyes to have a pleasant sleep that night.


	7. I felt diferent! Was it hapiness?

_**VII**_

* * *

_I smiled to myself._

_I had made another 'friend'. And I was getting more happy in advantage._

_For the first time I actually looked forward to the next day._

_To receive the results of the national exam. To meet Millie in the gym after school._

_But what I was more looking forward to see, was Light's reaction to my now progressively cheerful attitude._

"_Starting next week… I want it to be the end of all your problems!"_

_My heart beated in a pleasant way._

"_Don't worry Light-kun! I didn't forget my promise!"_

_And I closed my eyes to have a pleasant sleep that night._

* * *

From the minute Ryuk appeared onto my life he became a friend. Although I didn't had much privacy as before, I felt that someone to talk to when I was alone was way better than blowing up in tears because of nothing. He never jugged me, never said I was weird, never made critics to me. But also weirder than him was impossible.

There was only one thing about him I hated: The fact that he didn't knew all the rules and secrets of the Death Note. I protested to him lots of times because of that. But also according to him even all the Shinigamis don't know much about the Death Note themselves.

I guess there are some mysteries we need to discover by ourselves.

Oh, betcha you're wondering how the week on which according to Light all my problems would be over went.

Well…

"**So you're on your last highschool year, huh?"**

I was on my way to school alone with Ryuk flying next to me. Nobody was on the streets that morning, but I kept my voice down anyways.

"Yeah, and College is my next step… Social communication, or tourism, whatever fits me more"

Since we didn't get to know each other last night I decided to let him know the kind of human he would have to put up to from now on. Of course for him it was like being in another country learning stuff that was different from the stuff he was used to. So far I had told him who I was and what kind of lifestyle I had.

"**How are you so sure you're going to pass?"**

"I'm second top in my class, haven't I told you?" I said proudly

"**Don't get so swollen up because of that!"** pointed Ryuk out

I was a little annoyed because people usually complimented me because of that. But oh well, Ryuk was that way I guess…

"I'm not… I just know I have abilities, that's all!"

"**But if you say you have oh so many abilities, then why aren't you the top in your class?"**

My thoughts wandered for moments on him.

"Because there are some people who are just too perfect despite how smart you are" I answered smiling dreamingly

But when I entered school I had to keep quiet.

Winter had just arrived and everybody was with thigh jackets.

All of a sudden somebody bumped onto me violently. When I composed myself after that I saw that the person who bumped onto me was…

"Yuri?" I asked confused

"**What's her problem?"** asked Ryuk

"I don't know…" I said quickly forgetting about that

The bell rang and I rushed onto class.

And once again I thought of Light and the promise I had made him.

Again there he was only he didn't notice me at once. But on this class I would be sitting next to him. I wondered if he had anything to tell me about Yuri.

I stood still wondering how I would say hi to him on that day. He had to notice I was different! So I went to him and placed both my hands on his shoulders.

He looked at me.

"Why so serious?" I asked with a joyful smile on my face

"You're not going to put a smile on my face that way are you?" he asked joke fully

I knelt next to his desk.

"I wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face of yours…" I said looking dreamily at him

He smiled lightly.

Class then begun and while we were doing some exercises, and Ryuk was walking around (pretty bored I imagine), I passed a written note to Light.

"_So how did everything go with Yuri last week?"_

He took the paper read it and wrote back to me.

"_Can you guess?"_

And I took my shot.

"_You two studied, I assume?"_

I wondered for moments if they actually got on it.

But somehow I wasn't anxious at all.

"_Yes… But there's more… Take a second guess"_

He was smiling to me. As if he wanted to see my reactions to that.

Then I realized he was testing me. He wanted to see if he was making me anxious about whatever had happened between him and Yuri. Oh God! Did he knew how I felt about him?

I ignored my doubts and decided to play naïve.

"_Errrrr… How should I know? You were studying? Weren't you?"_

He took a deep breath. He was showing impatience. I smiled in triumphal.

But we had to stop the conversation there, because the teacher had approached us.

Eventually outside…

"Tell me! I don't have any more guesses!" I said cheerfully

"I won't tell, you guess for yourself!" he said still testing me

All of a sudden he stopped and I stopped with him.

Yuri was looking at the two of us face to face. Then her face became sad and she ran off probably to the bathroom.

I remembered then how she bumped onto me on purpose earlier.

"Is she… Jealous of me?" I whispered to him

"Probably… " he said walking to the school bar with me

"Ohhhhhhh!" I said joyfully "You and her… I see…" I said naughtily

Despite the fact that I was praying that it wasn't true, I learned how to hide my emotions.

"Yes something did happen…" he said as he grabbed two breads with cheese and ham, giving me one "But it's not what you're thinking…"

"No… romance?" I asked curious but all happy deep inside of me

"No! It's related to that but it isn't quite that!"

"You had some 'fun' with her then?"

"The opposite…"

I stopped.

"You refused her…" I said

He looked at me.

"…again…" I ended the sentence

Suddenly he walked onto me. I wondered what he would do now.

He simply looked at me and I felt my blush.

Then he gave me his bread.

"Take this as a reward for guessing! Besides I don't want anymore!"

I felt a vein pumping in my head.

"Do I look like a garbage can to you?!" I yelled annoyed going after him

But I was happy he didn't like her. Worst would be if he noticed Sekino…

"Etto… Ohio…"

I turned around to see who was greeting me.

"Rena-san?" I asked in surprise

Rena was standing there looking embarrassed at me.

"Do you want anything?" I asked politely while Light came from behind me

"Etoo, it's just that Sakura-chan… Well, she likes you, and she wonders when you'll come around to the park again…"

I found that a little weird all of a sudden.

"I don't know… I go there randomly,"

Rena just nodded.

"Well, it's only because somehow she really likes you and…"

I smiled softly.

"I have gifts with children… Don't ask but they never manage to let go of me on the first contact.

"You like kids too?" she asked shyly

"Sure… Why wouldn't I?"

"RENA!"

Sekino was yelling on the other side of the hallway.

"What are you doing? Get here now!"

Rena just bowed politely to me and Light and walked away. When she got to Sekino she just yelled something to her. I understood some words among which were "hanging with that freak… you are my friend, not hers!". Then she looked at us and waved. I understood that it was for Light. He just turned around and I followed.

"That was… awkward…" I said confused while I saw that Ryuk was as confused as I was

"She probably doesn't know what she wants…" commented Light "I think that when you got along with her sister she saw that you had something in common with her. Now she wants to see if you're a good company, but Sekino has a big influence on her, so she's not sure of who she wants to hang out with"

"You really think that's it?" I asked believing that everything he said made total sense

"Just a psychological theory, that's all" said Light shaking his shoulders

"**Hyuk… Clever guy, your boyfriend!"** said Ryuk from behind me

I ignored.

"Speaking of which… Are you ready for the psychologist which will be talking to the last grade students all day?"

I stopped. I had totally forgotten about it!

"GOSH! How could I have forgotten about it. I never been to a psychologist, what the hell am I supposed to say?!"

My ideas that time were that psychologist were for crazed up people, which I didn't believe I was(well, not totally).

"Answer his or her question, that's all" said Light as we entered the next class.

After that class we were sent next to the principal's office. One by one the students entered then exited, going straight home, since there were no more classes.

I sat in a corner waiting while Light was inside.

"**So that guy is the reason why you're not the top in your class, huh?"** whispered Ryuk besides me

"Yeah! And guess what: He's the top student in all of Japan!"

It was true. We had received the exam results on the previous class and to everybody's shock he was the top. Nation-wide!

How could he be just too darn perfect?! And how was the 7th best student in Japan (I was 7th, yes!) going to reach expectations he probably had on a relationship?

"I probably will never…"

But I shut myself up when I noticed Light was next to me waiting for me to finish the sentence. Without me noticing I thought too loud.

"… get my turn, I was thinking! You took long!" I said disguising

"'A very bright and smart boy, with a hidden and mysterious side… Has a very high sense of justice, perhaps too much high!' said the woman"

"She said only that?" I asked imagining that she would only make me a personality test like in those disgusting magazines for pre-teens.

"Hummm, pretty much that. It's your turn now!" pointed Light to the door and I moved on "I'll wait here!"

I entered and closed the door.

A woman, not very tall, with brown hair, oval glasses, tons of makeup and clothes form Gucci and Prada.

"Good day, young lady!" she greeted "Name, please!"

She pointed me a chair and I sat down. It was hard.

"Minamoto Seira!" I answered

She looked at a bunch of papers for a few minutes then looked at me.

"There are some stuff over here concerning you Seira-san: socially isolated, insecure, quiet, smoking problems, frequently depressed, but very bright and intelligent"

She came closer to me.

"Can you talk to me a little about what I just read?"

I was considered all of that by the teachers? I didn't felt like answering to her at all.

"I'm… getting over all of that!" I said faking a smile

She looked suspiciously at me.

"And how exactly may I know?"

God I wanted to tell her to mind her own damn business!

"I just decided to win some self esteem! And I haven't picked up a cigarette in weeks!"

When I said that I couldn't help but to smile to myself. I didn't even notice that I hadn't picked up a cigarette in a long time. Probably because of my new way of "tranquilizing" myself.

She smiled at me.

"Usually people with problems like yours don't win self esteem that easly! Are you supporting it on something?"

Shit! She had a point…

"Usually people use some sort of support to hold onto to keep their self esteem up."

"My father, and friends have been supporting me!"

"So I see you're not completely isolated like the teachers say on their reports on you!"

How can teachers think they know everything about their students?! Adults can be ever worst than teenagers when it comes to gossips!

"What do you aspire in your life?"

"For know I just want to live in the present and think only in the closet future! That's all!"

"So, you don't worry about where you'll be when you're 30 or 40 years old?"

I spoke from my soul:

"I'm not a witch! If I could see my future and see something bad I would do everything in the present to change that. But since witches aren't real, and I most certainly am not one, if I don't know what my future is, what's the point of wasting my time worrying about it?! If it hasn't even happened what's the point?!"

She was looking at me like I was Martin Luther King saying the popular speech "I have a dream".

"I don't believe I'm saying this, but you're pretty much different from what the reports say! On some aspects you're different! And you have an excellent life philosophy, which is an excellent way of thinking!"

How could I in such little time develop such a great life philosophy?! I was happy with myself! I was happy because I had found the Death Note! It was like a lucky charm to me! I never felt happier in my 17 years of existence. It was like all the misery I had felt until then had never existed on my thoughts.** All because of something new coming onto my life!**

Next I made a personality test, then an inquiry and finally I was out of there.

"Well, that was pretty useless!" I commented with Light as we were going to our hang-out place

When we entered the café where we used to hang, we studied for a little while, and then began to talk shortly after. We were visibly in the mood to talk.

"So…"

"So…"

"Again placed first nationwide huh, Light-kun?" I asked happy for him

"I guess…" he said a little embarrassed

"Have you noticed how you're every mother's wet dream? I can imagine how your mom must feel about you!" I said cheerfully

All of a sudden he picked up my hand from the table and grabbed it.

"I'm liking… what I'm seeing" he said smiling at me

I stood there, blushed and confused.

"You're more cheered up! And you're different already! I'm actually wondering if you're not a fake Seira-chan or if it's just me."

Was I really that different? Did I really change that much in such little time? Did miracles actually happen in people's lives?

I looked at him feeling shy.

"But I'm still me! I'm still here! I'm Minamoto Seira and I'm here!"

He held my hand a little tighter.

"Then you've been using a mask all this time"

I was surprised by his words.

"I hope this doesn't mean I have to introduce myself again to you does it?" he asked joke fully

"No!" I laughed

We were smiling. The two of us. My outside Seira and my inside Seira. We were happy because everything was changing. For the best.

But all of a sudden a Breaking News would build challenges in my life.

Everybody was looking anxiously at the screen.

And all of a sudden the main reporter of the news was speeching.

"_Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen! In the sequence of the death of 30 criminals in Japan, ICPO has decided to investigate the case and open a case concerning the killer named by them as 'Kira'!"_

"KIRA"?

My stomach gave a turn. So they did notice that coincidences don't happen!

"_The case was discussed with careful observation, and despite the abnormal probabilities of being a human killing the criminals, it has been the strongest theory being discussed in the ICPO! The person who claims that is the world's greatest detective, also known as L!"_

No way!

No fucking way!

L… The world's greatest detective. A mysterious genius whose face I wished to know before I died… was on a case on which I WAS THE CRIMINAL?!

I shivered. He always solved every case he entered onto. He said everything precisely how it happened. He never showed his face but he was a genius! Somebody I deeply admired! Somebody I wanted to meet before I died (after Johnny Depp, Catherine Zeta Jones and Nicole Kidman).

How could one of the persons I admired could turn onto the reason for fearing for my own life?

"_Don't miss tonight! L, the world's greatest detective finally shows his face to the public in a speech that's sure to surprise every person who's wondering who exactly Kira is! Don't miss tonight on Sakura TV!"_

My hands became sweaty under Light's hands.

My happiness was about to turn onto a battle. A battle for my life… and for my threatened happiness.

In short: Little did I know that my real problems were still in the beginning…


	8. All of a sudden a game was on

_**VIII**_

* * *

_How could one of the persons I admired could turn onto the reason for fearing for my own life?_

"_Don't miss tonight! L, the world's greatest detective finally shows his face to the public in a speech that's sure to surprise every person who's wondering who exactly Kira is! Don't miss tonight on Sakura TV!"_

_My hands became sweaty under Light's hands._

_My happiness was about to turn onto a battle. A battle for my life… and for my threatened happiness._

_In short: Little did I know that my real problems were still in the beginning…_

* * *

Next minute I was walking home, with Light besides me. We stayed there studying for a little while, but although he explained everything to me like a true sensei, It seemed the contents had stayed glued onto my head with spitting and not with glue.

I was deeply excited. Yes, I would never imagine I would actually get myself into this kind of thing. And with L hot on my heels… Yet I wondered how he would look like. A million of fantasies travelled onto my mind. L managed to be so mysterious.

Was it right?! My life was about to be put in risk and I was wondering how my opponent's face would look like. I was scared and excited, don't ask me to choose only one of those feelings.

"Here we are then!"

Light's sweet voice managed to wake me up from my daydreaming.

I smiled back to him.

"Yeah, I suppose…" I said in a shy way

"You sure have been on the moon since we were at the café earlier!" he said

"Oh! It's just… I'm wondering about what L looks like!" I said embarrassed

"You like him?" he asked

"Well, based on his talents in solving cases, yeah, but in the physical matters I'm going to find out tonight! Oh! Baka, I shouldn't have said that!" I said blushed and with my tongue out

Ryuk was laughing at my figure like a lunatic behind me. I sent him a discreet angered look.

"I admire him too ya know… But the Kira case is a complex one!"

"So you've been watching the news then!"

"Even if I didn't it's everywhere in Japan! I think a new religion is about to be created due to that!"

I was… shocked. People were creating a religion dedicated… _to me…_

That was more than I deserved. I never considered myself as a godess neither did I want to be. But despite I felt like that my egocentrism rose up a little. Just a little.

"Too bad I never believe in any of that religion crap!" I said haply

"Hm… Sorry Seira-chan, but I have my prep course in an hour, and I have to clean up my room before my mom decides to do it herself"

"Awwww, do I see a momma's boy here?" I said moving at him with a laughing face

"At least I clean up by myself! Well, I'll have to get going then!"

I stood up on my toes. Don't ask but it seemed my shyness had disappeared. I was about to kiss him quickly on the face when he turned his smiling face at me.

I stopped embarrassed.

And he seemed to enjoy seeing me embarrassed which left me irritated.

It's not that I was scared of kissing him or any other guy in the cheek.

The problem was the position on which his face was: _our lips were inches away from touching._

"Well?" he asked "Get on with it!"

I stood there blushed and listening to my breath.

I wondered what it would be like if I decided to move straight ahead and have my first kiss.

You're probably mocking me because of that, but yes: It was a chance for my first kiss.

A brief image of what it would be like to people who were watching us came briefly onto my mind. Ohhhh, it felt so wrong.

But I hear my inner voice calling me out about it.

"**Come on! Move it already! Give a smooch to the guy and get on with it!"**

No actually it was Ryuk who was calling me out.

My inner voice and thoughts said nothing to me. So I finally moved:

**I kissed him… on the cheek, a tad close to the nose.**

Don't start cursing like Ryuk did, but… It just didn't feel right to me on that moment. I know most of you(no, I mean everyone of you) girls with crushes would take the chance immediately.

I know it isn't the same thing as your virginity… But… **I wasn't quite ready to make that move yet.**

"Hmmm? I never knew you could be that sweet!" he said with a mocking voice but touching curiously on the place where I kissed him with his fingers.

"You know very little about me then!" I said in an answering tone

He placed his hand on the back of my head and whispered:

"This just grows my curiosity for you…"

I felt a pleasant beat in my chest after that sweet whisper. And another pleasant beat when he kissed me quickly between the face and the ear.

He walked away waving cheerfully to me. I waved to him back with and open smile.

As I was going up the stairs…

"**For one of the brightest students in your school you sure are pretty dumb in those matters! Why the hell couldn't you see the opportunity just standing there waiting for ya?!"** said Ryuk having the reaction I was supposed to be having

"Since you know so much about these matters, why don't you become my orienteer?" I asked still happy about that moment

"**I don't know anything about your lovy-duby stuff, but I can clearly see when an opportunity is wasted!"**

"I thought you weren't supposed to give me your opinion on the conflicts I face…"

"… **involving the Death Note, I can't!"**

But then I smiled to him.

"But this just proofs you care for me, hehe!"

He seemed embarrassed.

"**Hey, hey, HEY! No it doesn't! I won't be the one to save your life when you have it at risk!"**

"You don't? Oh well, that means I won't be giving you the nice surprise I was about to give you!"

Then I took out the apple I took to eat in the school break if I felt hungry (which I didn't) and bit it.

I smiled evilly as his eyes became like puppy eyes.

Once I got home, the first thing I did besides taking me shoes off was turning the TV on. When I zapped to Sakura TV the annoying commercials were still on.

I sat down writing some names on the Death Note as I waited for L's announcement to start.

"**Tell me one thing Seira: Are you sure you're not getting scared of using my Death Note more and more?"**

I looked at Ryuk curiously after he asked that.

"Why? Should I be?"

"**Usually that's what happens to other humans who had Death Notes fall onto their hands! But despite the fact that you know that you're about to be chased… doesn't that scare you?"**

I looked at him. Then I laughed softly.

"You're pretty concerned about me, eh Ryuk?" I said laughing "And no, I'm not really worried, I mean… Heart attacks aren't considered murder! And how can somebody kill by that way?"

I lay down on the couch.

"But I do know this:** not all people would be too scared after using it!** Probably if it's existence is ever known It may be used in death penalties, or in wars, who knows… Our society is so fucked up!"

I looked fixatedly at the black notebook in my hands.

"So it's another of the reasons I'm keeping it. I will make sure it doesn't fall onto the wrong hands! Who knows what kind of chaos would be made if it fell on just somebody's clutches!"

"**So you'll be baring that cross until I write your name down, in short until you die?"**

"'Bare that cross'? The way you're saying it, you make this sound like a curse to me! Well, I like to call it a blessing, and you already know the reasons of my point of view!"

All of a sudden the screen was blue.

"Oh, look it's starting!" I said anxious

"_We are now proud to present with great honor the world's greatest detective live on our screen: L!"_

All of a sudden a man with long hair, skinny, with white skin and a strong physical constitution appeared sitting on a desk facing the camera.

Oooooooookay… So he wasn't what I expected in physical matters. But appearance isn't all…

"_Good evening! I am Lind L Taylor, also known as L, the world's greatest detective! And the sole person able to mobilize police in every country worldwide!"_

"Nice to meet you!" I said a little ironic

"_Criminals in Japan have been the target of a killing spree… Which has turned into the biggest mass murder in the history of Japan!"_

"Ohhhh, don't talk like that, if I become a narcissist I'll owe it to you!" I said

I did admire L, I really did. But my optimist was making me sure he would never catch my trail.

"_This monstrous crime must be stopped at all costs! 'Kira' as the perpetrator is commonly known will be caught, I guarantee!"_

"In another life douchebag!" I said laughing loud, imitating those 'Higurashi ' girls

"_Kira! I think I've got a pretty good idea on why you're doing this! But what you're doing… __**is evil!"**_

At that moment the grin on my face started to slowly fade away.

Evil?! ME?!

I couldn't be doing anything bad. I only killed those who killed. It was an equivalent exchange! They received what they gave others!

Now wasn't I being fair?!

"_Listen to me Kira! I know how you must feel about our society! There are some good stuff and some bad, some correct stuff and some wrong stuff! But you're no more than anybody to think you can solve that problem!"_

How could he say that?!

"_I can assume the kind of person you must be: lonely, sad, depressed, frustrated, stressed, and spoiled! You must have a deep dark secret inside of you to be doing this!"_

Suddenly there were flashes…

"_**Stop! **__**Please!"**_

"_**You're scaring her!"**_

"_**Just a little fuck toy, like your mother!"**_

"_**SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH OR YOU'LL BE SILENCED FOR GOOD!"**_

I started to shake. My hands grabbed my head and I was invaded by cold sweats. My breath became accelerated and I thought I was going to vomit for a couple of moments.

"No! No! YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME?! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU HEAR ME?!"

"**Shhh, just relax and enjoy the ride!"**

"**Mama! Is he hurting you?!"**

"**Seira-chan cover your eyes!"**

"**I don't want to! I want him to stop hurting you!"**

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

I was gasping. And sobbing. And shaking.

I wondered for moments if I had a fever.

"**Are you… alright?"** asked Ryuk sounding confused and concerned

"_But don't you worry! Once you're caught and sent to the Death Penalty your suffering will end! I guarantee you that!"_

The man smiled cynically after that.

"You'll never take me alive! NEVER!" I yelled

And I immediately picked up my Death Note. I looked aware of what I was about to do.

He didn't do anything bad to me besides provoking me. But he could also be the reason why I was supposed to fear for my life.

I glanced one last time at one of the persons I admired.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I kept repeating as I wrote down his name according to what he said

Then I looked at the my watch nervously.

40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35,…

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,…"

…, 34, 33,32, 31, 30,…

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY,…"

…, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20,…

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY,…"

…, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10,…"

"…IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSOORIMSORRY…"

…, 9, 8, 7 ,6, 5, 4, 3 ,2 ,1…

"_I'm sorry…" _I whispered

All of a sudden the man held onto his chest and collapsed on the desk.

I was about to cry. I had killed somebody who didn't do anything wrong. How low have I gotten?!

I sobbed.

"Thank god I will never do this again!" I sobbed again.

"_I don't believe this!"_

The computerized voice coming from the screen made me rise my head in surprise to the screen.

"What the…?" I asked afraid

"_This was an experiment to test a hunch I had, but I never really thought… Kira… You can actually kill people without direct contact…"_

I felt like I had gotten out on the streets completely naked. I was exposed. I thought I would be safe with heart attacks but…

"_Listen to me Kira. If you just killed Lind L Taylor, the man you saw on your TV, he was a condemned criminal scheduled to die today at this hour. That wasn't me! His arrest and conviction were kept a secret from the media, and went unreported even on the internet. Even you had no way of knowing about him, it seems!"_

… it seemed I had underestimated L… I knew, I had to be more aware that he was the kind of person who always found something or some way to find something.

"**Hehe, he got you there!"** said Ryuk sounding impressed

"_But I, L do in fact exist!"_

And the screen was white with an large black L in the middle.

"_So come on! Kill me if you can!"_

"Shi… Shit…" I said in shock

God damn him!

I didn't know if he had the same name as the other guy(which was practically impossible to coincide), but without his face it didn't matter…

"_What are you waiting for?! Kill me already! Come on!"_

WAIT?! Was I thinking about killing him?!

He was one of my idols! I couldn't kill somebody I considered as an example!

What the hell was I supposed to do?!

My safety?! Or my honor?!

"_So I see there are people you can't kill… That's a valuable clue… Now let me give you some information in return"_

WHAT?! THERE WAS MORE?!

How the hell would he fuck me up even more?!

"_Although it was announced that this would be televised nationally, actually it was only broadcasted in the Kantou region, area of larger population, around Tokyo. The plan was to broadcast live to other areas in turn, but that's no longer necessary. You are, therefore in the Kantou region, Kira!"_

No

Fucking

Way

…

"_And although the police have missed this, your first victim was the Shinjuku killer who took those people hostage at the nursery, therefore this crime was only a test of your power…"_

…

"_I didn't expect this to work so perfectly according to plan, but… Now I dare say, it may not be long before I send you to die. Kira, it would interest me greatly to know how you carry out your murders… But that's something… I can find out after I catch you!"_

…

…

… catch… me?

"_Until we meet again… Kira…"_

And the image disappeared.

"**So now what Seira? What are you going to do now?"**

I didn't answer to Ryuk. Not on that moment.

It was on that moment that I wondered to myself if the Death Note was really a curse.

But if it was indeed a curse… why did I felt that I would be incomplete again if I got rid of it?


	9. There was atonement around me

_**IX**_

* * *

"_Until we meet again… Kira…"_

_And the image disappeared._

"_**So now what Seira? What are you going to do now?"**_

_I didn't answer to Ryuk. Not on that moment._

_It was on that moment that I wondered to myself if the Death Note was really a curse._

_But if it was indeed a curse… why did I felt that I would be incomplete again if I got rid of it?_

* * *

I was now lying on the bed organizing my thoughts.

I had to take a calming pill in the middle, of course…

Boy had I been too much optimistic… I thought the Death Note would be my way of doing a favor to the world without anybody knowing directly about it. It was a childish thought I had, I was clearly aware of that now. I should have known that somebody had the logic of getting to me.

Well, not exactly of getting to me, I mean of getting a little close to me.

I now wondered more than ever how L would make his move. I feared him more but I admired him more at the same time. The complexes of his thoughts were like reading a book: very complex. L reminded me of a book: his mystery was what made him more complex by the minute.

"**Seira, so now what?"** asked Ryuk from behind me again

I took a deep breath and decided to answer to him.

"And now we wait!" I simply said looking at the setting sun

"**You mean you're just going to wait until he gets you? Aren't you fearing for your own life?"**

"I am aware of the danger I've gotten myself into. But somehow… I think that worrying myself of that is worst. When the time comes I'll know what to do. Besides I'm in no mood to be paranoiac right now!" I said with a relaxed voice

After the conversation I studied a little, then I went to the gym, where Millie was as always.

"Seira-chan, so tell me what's new?" she said as we were both on the step

When she said she wanted to know what's new, she meant to say she wanted me to immediately tell her about what's been going on with me and Light.

"I already told you about the kiss he gave me on the forehead!" I said speeding up

"That was cute, yeah, but what about today?!" she said insisting

"Well…"

"Don't tell me he made out with that girl 'whatsherface'!" she said turning up the speed and making a huge effort with a rage face

(She overreacted every time she was impatient as you've assumed from the start.)

"He made me guess what had happened, and guess what: he dumped her, again!" I simply said

"AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said speeding up even more "That's what she gets for messing with your love! Nobody messes with my Seira-chan or else!"

"**Your friend is scary…"** said Ryuk looking at her like he was looking at an alien

"Tell me about it…" I answered

"Tell you about what?" she asked after she stopped the exercise

"Oh, nothing!" I said as I was making the cool down time

After we exited we decided to walk a little around the magazine shop.

Tons and tons of articles were there about L…

"Heeeey did you see the confrontation between L and Kira this afternoon?" asked Millie picking up a magazine which had the sequence of cases solved by L

"Bet ya the guy who was first thought to be him really managed to get onto his nerves!" I said

Of course I never told Millie I was Kira… I didn't want anyone to be involved in the danger I was now involved onto.

"Yeah, and L really got him when he used a criminal nobody knew about! My god I wonder about him more and more!" said Millie dreamingly

"You're a specialist in loving every guy you know…" I said with a drop on my head

"Can't a girl wonder how somebody who never showed his face is?!" said Millie blushed and annoyed

"I also wonder who he is, I just don't fall in love that easily, like you know…" I commented putting the article back in the shelve and reaching for a music magazine

"That's good, because like that I can have L-kun all to me, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Millie laughing out loud in the middle of the shop

All eyes were on us now. She just stood there first not knowing how to react, after she lowered her face in embarrassment.

"**Scary and NUTS!"** said Ryuk looking more stupefied than the people looking at her

"Good thing I don't mind her 'stupidity attacks'…" I said seriously but covering my face with the magazine

I was a little embarrassed yeah… But at least I didn't thought about my problems when I was with her or any of my friends.

* * *

When I got home I got a little surprise. A little surprise that would turn out to be a big deal in the future.

"Hunny, welcome home!" said dad "Someone called looking for you a while ago!"

"Who? Light-kun?" I asked curiously and rising my little fantasies

"No! It was a woman, she left me her contact!" said dad handing me a card with a phone number "You should call her back!"

I looked puzzled at the contact.

"**My my my!" **wondered Ryuk looking as puzzled as me

I went to the phone and marked the number.

"Moshi-moshi…"

I recognized that voice as it being from the psychologist with whom I had just talked.

"Etoo… Hai… Minamoto-dese!" I answered back

"Kombawa Minamoto-san! Remember me?"

"You were the psychologist whom I met at school!" I answered a bit dully

"Oh, so you do remember me after all! By the way, I never did tell you my name, did I?"

"Etto… I guess not…" I answered noticing that detail

"Miriyu Akane, is my name!"

"Hai, Akane-san!" I answered

I just wanted to ask her what she wanted, and get on with that.

"Well, you're probably wondering what I want from you, eh? Well, it just so happens that you managed to get my attention…"

"Doushite?" I asked confused

Why had I suddenly begun to stick out from everyone else those days?

"Well, because you seem awfully different from what others say about you, and I'm somehow… interested in you…"

Interested?! There was something fishy about this chatter, I just couldn't put my finger on it right now.

"Your point?" I asked already sick of that talk

"I'm wondering if you can pass the phone to your father now…"

"Why my father?" I asked

Now I really wanted to know what's going on!

"Go on, pass the phone!" she said as if I never had really asked no questions at all

I turned to my dad.

"She wants to talk with you…" I said with a dry voice

"What for?" he asked as he picked up the phone "Hello?"

I went to my room and closed the door.

"What is this about?" I asked myself

"**Getting attentions all around you lately, huh?"** commented Ryuk

"No, something is wrong here! Why me? Did she contact other students besides me?"

"Hunny, can I come in?" asked dad from the door

I opened the door.

"What is it?" I asked curious

"It seems you'll be having a consult with that psychologist after tomorrow"

A CONSULT?! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This couldn't be happening.

"Why? Did she tell you I'm nuts, huh?" I asked with a darkly tone

"No, it's not that, she just got interested in you and ants to talk with you further on…"

"Aren't you understanding what you're putting me into?!" I yelled revolted "If she said she's interested in me, it's because I'm fucking nuts! How could you do this to me?"

And I slammed the door in his face and locked it.

"Seira, open up! Open up right now! Please!" said dad lowering his authority tone

I threw myself into bed and punched my pillow some times.

"Shit! SHIT!" I yelled annoyed

All of a sudden I began writing names on the Death Note, of every criminal I could remember. I knew that could be considered impulsive, but like I said earlier, the Death Note was my tranquilizer.

"I want to kill that woman! No way she is locking me on a fucking madhouse!" I said with my nerves on fire

Finally I rested on bed and slept. I could have swore Ryuk pulled my sheets up a little to put me comfortable, but I guess I was just seeing things before falling into deep slumber.

* * *

"Eh? Did that woman say anything to me? No, not at all, why?"

"Did she talk with anybody else here on school yesterday?"

I was eating with Light on the school canteen and we were in a corner alone so that we could talk better.

"Not that I know about… Why?"

"Shhhhh…" I said looking around, worried that somebody would hear me

Then I looked at him with a serious gaze.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Duh!"

Of course he could! Who was the one I talked everything out with? How dumber could I get?

"That woman wants to talk with me again…"

Light seemed surprised.

"Why exactly?"

"I don't know… But I'm wondering if she's going to put me in a madhouse!"

Light laughed a little.

"This isn't funny!" I protested "I don't like this situation!"

"You're thinking too fast. If she wanted to lock you up in a madhouse, don't you think she would have called the doctors a long time ago!"

"Well, why me and not anyone else? That's what's bothering me!" I said still keeping my voice low

"Don't think too fast! Personally I guess it's because you seemed different than the reports told about you and maybe she just wants to… I don't know, see what's making you more cheerful, or perhaps help you in the process!"

"Well, I still don't like having deep talks with someone I don't even know!" I said crossing my arms

"So I can assume you would prefer me as your psychologist, huh?"

I blushed than I protested furiously to him.

"I told you the other day to watch out for egocentrism!" I said visibly embarrassed

"Anooo…"

We both looked and saw Rena standing next to our table with her food. She was blushed and seemed embarrassed to be talking to us.

"What is it Rena?" asked Light

"Anoo… Etto…" she said more blushed "Can I…? I… I…?"

"Sure!" answered Light

And she took a seat next to me.

But then I realized I didn't feel bothered at all with her presence. She sent me a small smile and I found myself returning her that smile.

Somehow I then looked at her and saw that she was really pretty. Shorter than me and skinnier, but she was very pretty, with a soft brown hair, not exactly the same color as Light's hair was, and big browns eyes. That shy attitude was what was making her more cute.

"Con-Congratulations you two…" she said still embaressed "For-For… being among the top ten nation-wide…"

"Will you just tell us why you're sitting with us?"

Light's serious voice surprised me. I sent him a reproving gaze which he ignored still looking at Rena very serious.

"Anooo…" she said completely red now

"Does Sekino know you're here?"

She seemed bothered when he talked about Sekino.

"I don't… I'm not… I mean…"

"I didn't see her today…" I commented

"Does she want anything from us?" asked Light serious

She blushed then she talked.

"Well, I... I'm not exactly talking with her right now, and I'm all alone right now, so I thought I would hang out with you two… If you don't mind of corse…"

I felt really bad for her, but then I decided to test her.

"But you were really into gossips… Why do you want to change that now?"

"I didn't do it by evil… But when she started with that I had to talk too…"

"Why do you put her in such a pedestal?" asked Light still serious

She lowered her face.

"Because she was the first to accept me for whom I am…"

I was somehow familiarized with her speech…

That was the way I felt about Light.

I guess we humans need to support ourselves on someone. If there is someone that accepted us for who we are… it's okay to us… It's a reason for us to keep living.

"Don't take me wrongly… But… She accepted me for who I am, and I… I felt good for having a friend in this school. And thanks to her… I got to meet other people, because of how popular she is…"

But then I found the difference between me and her:

While I knew I could be myself with Light, despite the fact that I wondered if he liked me or not…

… that wasn't exactly the case with her and Sekino…

Because she LIED.

Like everyone does nowadays.

I then saw how most friendships were a fake in our ages.

Nobody could act freely without being judged. We had to be what others were expecting of us…

And that was why I never got along in that school…

"Do you understand that you're living a lie?" asked Light very serious "Are you happy in being forced to be what others want you to be!"

She looked away as if he had hit her in the place that hurt her most.

"Itadakimasu, then!" I decided to say to end all that tension

They looked a little awkward at me then ate without anymore words.

Later me and Rena headed to the bathroom and while I was washing my hands she started to talk to me.

"Please… Don't think badly of me… I don't do these things because I like…"

How can we, with almost an adult age act like such brats?!

"But why are you talking to me today?" I asked not with the same serious face as Light was earlier

"Well, I think we… We may have some things in common… You like children… don't you?"

"I told you I did, didn't I?" I asked confused

"Hm… I just don't find many youngsters who like children like I do."

"Oh," I said laughing a little "How can I resist children? They're just so… innocent…"

She seemed she was going to cry, but she managed to contain herself.

"Sakura…" she whispered to herself

"How is she?" I asked cheerfully

"She…" said Rena seeming to wake up "She kind of misses you…"

I smiled to myself. My gifts with children were still working.

"I may go to the park tomorrow…"

She looked at me and I winked at her.

"I'm glad you are… And… I'm sorry… For being this way…"

I just looked away. I couldn't tell her 'It's okay', just to be polite. She was actually being truthful to me for the first time, and I felt I would be a false girl if I didn't return that truth.

* * *

"I'm guessing she'll be your friend soon enough…" commented Light later with me

It was almost eve. We took long enough at the café. I had to study math, my worst school subject. I always managed to reach a positive score but it was only with Light's help.

"Why are you saying that?" I asked

"From what I've heard her relation with Sekino, isn't very good at the moment… And the fact that she's approached you confirms my theory that I made up yesterday…"

He was right…

How could he actually see through people with a better sight than mine?

I felt more and more drawn to him…

"Bye then…" I said kissing him on the cheek

"Bye…" he said kissing my cheek back

Nothing "strange" happened that day between us. But oh well…

I was rising up the stairs thinking about what had just happened. And when I landed on my couch the thoughts went away for seconds.

"Hey Ryuk, do you want an apple, It's the last one we have for the day?" I asked out loud

But he didn't answer.

I rose my head up and he wasn't there to be seen.

"Ryuk-san?" I called

I looked in my room, in the kitchen, in my dad's room, in the bathroom and in the pantry, but nothing.

"What the hell, where are…?"

"**Here!"** he said rising from the floor

I contained a scream.

"Don't ever do that again!" I protested

"**Look! Can you listen to something?!"**

I looked at him confused.

"Nani?"

"**You remember I said I would act as your shadow, right?"**

"Well, I was the one to say it, but still…"

"**Listen! I may act as a viewer on a TV show, or an audience in a show, but I have to confess to you something that's getting on my nerves!"**

I looked naughtily at him.

"Hummm… All worried about me, huh? But what could be so wrong in a Shinigami caring for a human?"

He looked at me with a drop on his head. And I laughed out loud.

"Just kidding! So what is it?"

"**Turn off the lights"**

I looked confused at him and his request.

"**Just turn them off!"** he said a little more demanding

And so I did. Thank god I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore…

"**Walk to the balcony and peek discreetly down on the street through the curtains…"**

I walked to the curtains of the living room's balcony, and I made a little space so that my eye could peek.

The street lights allowed me to see the exterior very clearly. Nobody was in the streets… Except for…

My eyes became horrified along with my face.

"**She's been following you every step since this morning!"**

What was this… atonement ?!


	10. A dream and an accident would follow

_**X**_

* * *

"_**Walk to the balcony and peek discreetly down on the street through the curtains…"**_

_I walked to the curtains of the living room's balcony, and I made a little space so that my eye could peek._

_The street lights allowed me to see the exterior very clearly. Nobody was in the streets… Except for…_

_My eyes became horrified along with my face._

"_**She's been following you every step since this morning!"**_

_What was this… atonement ?!_

* * *

I stood still looking horrified at the woman below…

She was wearing a black jacket, blue pants and black high heels. The lat characteristic I saw of her was that she had black hair just like me.

I turned away from the window scared.

"How long has she been after me again, Ryuk?" I asked like I had just received disturbing news.

"**I only noticed her this morning…"**

I walked back and forward in the middle of the living room. I took my hands onto my head messing my hair. When I was thinking desperately it was how I usually acted.

"Okay…" I said as the cold air made return to earth "So apparently I have a stalker, the thing is does she whose name I don't know saw me doing something suspicious?"

I sat on the sofa still talking to Ryuk, but my voice tone made the impression that I was talking to myself.

"But she can't see you, she never saw me with the notebook and even if she did she wouldn't find it pretty relevant, she would think it was some notebook from school… Unless in some circumstances she would end up touching it, which she didn't…"

But then a theory formulated in my head.

"Could it be that… L already made a list of suspects?" I thought hardly "No, no, there are tons of people in Kantou! It would take him months to get confidential information on all of the people here! Perhaps it would take him his life…"

But then I had an idea that I wished I wouldn't have… again.

"What if I… if I have to kill again just to survive?"

I seemed terrified with the idea while Ryuk seemed excited with all the action going on in my head.

I didn't forget how I killed Lind L Taylor when I thought he was L, just because he provoked me. I didn't like killing people who "didn't deserve it". I just wanted to keep doing good things to people and keep myself alive.

I feared I would have to make a choice, but that wasn't the thing in question on that moment.

"**Hey Seira-chan!"** said Ryuk breaking my thoughts all of a sudden **"I don't know if I might help you or make more questions in your head… But have I ever told you the difference between Shinigami and humans?"**

"So I see you still have stuff to tell me!" I said happy to see that he would tell me more secrets "Spill everything out then!"

"**Well, for starters, while Shinigami who use the Death Note, use it to increase their lifespan, the opposite is the case of humans…"**

"Hold the phone!" I said waving vigorously for him to slow down "First off… A lifespan is my life probability… Correct?"

"**Right ya are!"**

"So what you mean is… you Shinigami, kill human people to keep yourselves alive, but in a human's case there are no changes at all!"

"**Correct!"**

"Oh well, I didn't want to be eternal anyways…" I said disguising my disappointment

"**But you can become more powerful with the second detail I will be telling you!"**

"You mean there is a way of increasing a human's lifespan?" I asked curious

"**Well, it's not about increasing it but of decreasing it…"**

"Sounds uninteresting… But start rambling!"

"**You know there is an agreement that the human with a Death Note can do with a Shinigami who owns it… It's about giving the eyes of the Shinigami to the human!"**

"Giving the eyes?! Tell me the pros of it"

"**Our eyes…"** he said closing up on me so I could watch his eyes carefully **"are different from a human's eyes… Through our eyes… we can see the name and lifespan of a human floating above their heads…"**

I was… really amazed.

It would be useful to have those eyes… Well more interesting than useful though

"So that's how you knew my name before I even introduced myself to you when we met…" I remembered

"**Swift memory ya have! Now do you want to know the conditions of that agreement?"**

"Fill me in!" I said looking excitedly at him

"**If you sacrifice half of your lifespan, I will gladly give the eyes to you!"**

Now it would be hard.

"And… since you won't be telling me my lifespan even if I tried to guess, I guess I will never know how much of my life I will throw away" I said thinking deeply

"**I have a big mouth, but I won't be telling you anything… So do we have a deal, Seira-chan?"**

I thought about it for moments.

If I did the agreement I would be able to eliminate anyone who would want to frame me. But If I had few lifetime left, which I wasn't sure, since life always gives so many turns, I would die a lot faster.

My head became to hurt…

"Ryuk, can you… give me some time?"

"**Sure, but remember: Whatever the choice you make, your time is getting shorter anyways…"**

"I am aware of that, thank you very…"

All of a sudden my cell phone began to ring.

I picked it up and went to my room. I turned on the light, laid on my bed and answer it.

"Moshi-Moshi! Minamoto dese!" I answered

"Seira-chan, sorry for calling this late…"

The voice on the other side made my stomach flip a little.

"Light-kun…" I said not disguising my surprise "How weird of you to call at this hour…"

"I thought about your conversation early today…"

"About what exactly, you know we talk too much when we're together…"

"About that psychologist that wants to examine you…"

Huh? He was acting suspiciously over her now?

"But I thought you said she didn't want to lock me on a madhouse…"

"I still don't think that… But later today I saw something strange about her…"

Suddenly my interest in that conversation grew even more.

"When?"

"Well, my dad has been kind of busy lately… Mom asked Sayu and me to take him some change clothes and some of our remaining dinner to the headquarters, so we did… But then when we were allowed up the stairs we heard a conversation just before we entered to meet with our father"

"A conversation? Wait! Are you telling me that the psychologist was at the headquarters?"

"I saw her there! And I think she's connected to the police…"

I felt my breath freezing.

"To the… police?" I asked in fear

"Before we entered we heard her commenting that she was doing everything she could to find a suspect for 'the case'"

"'The case'?! What case?"

I heard Light take a deep breath on the other side of the line

"Sayu entered due to her impatience… I gave my father the stuff my mother told us to give him, but as I exited I noticed she kept glaring suspiciously at us…"

I felt insecure.

"Maybe she had the hots for you, who knows!" I said disguising my fear

"I just keep wondering if you have been doing something… bad"

I laughed, but the nervous tone wasn't easily disguised.

"I'm naughty, I know, but I don't think I've been committing crimes. At least very big crimes…"

"Nah, you're nothing compared to the famous 'Kira'…" mocked Light

I couldn't help but to laugh deep inside of me. I wasn't nothing compared to Kira, but ironically I WAS Kira.

"Maybe she's just a psychologist, but at the same time she's one of those psychologists who analyze criminals, you know…"

"But I'm not a criminal, so why do I have to put up with her?"

"Perhaps you're a suspect!" said Light but not seriously

"Stop that, now I'm weirded out!" I said nervous

"Calm down, you have nothing to fear… that is, if you didn't do anything wrong!"

"Oh, quit that! But what If I'm a suspect for nothing, like it happens to so many people?"

"Don't worry, now seriously! If you're innocent nothing will happen! Now changing the subject, I can see you're bothered!"

"Arigatou…" I said relieved

"Soooooo, changing the subject… What are you doing right now?"

I decided to play naughty with him.

"Oh, I've just finished taking a bath, and I'm just chilling here…"

"Hmmmm, so I guess you're going to tell me next that you're with only a towel on your body…"

"Hummmm" I said imitating his tone "You're awfully perverted lately Mister Yagami-kun…"

"And you're thinking you can read my thoughts Miss Minamoto-chan…"

Nervous laughter followed.

"Okay why are we talking about this in the first place?"

"You started it! You changed the subject to this!"

"You're the one who began by saying I'm a pervert!"

"You're the one who began with naughty thoughts!"

"Do I have to change the subject again?"

I laughed.

"I'm a hard competition to you at times, huh, mister number-one nation-wide?"

"It seems I may meet my match…"

I wondered if he meant his rival or his…

I shook that thought away immediately.

_I knew he would never look at me that way…_

"I'm kind of tired now… Sorry, I wish I could talk to you more…"

"It's okay, I'm at school tomorrow, remember?"

"Né, Light-kun…" I said feeling all of a sudden a strange, yet pleasant sensation deep inside of me

"Nani, Seira-chan?"

"I… I want to thank you… for being the way you are to me… For treating me… in a way I never deserved…"

There was silence on the other side of the line.

Then I heard him breath softly on the other side.

"You deserve the way I treat you… I care for you like you're from my family. Please don't say you don't deserve what you have… You know I feel bothered when you say such things…"

"It's not that… Although it is kind of true that I don't deserve half of what I have… I think I have to feel thankful for what I have now… So… arigato… for being my friend despite everything…"

My voice seemed teary.

"You're… changed… I will always be your friend… Despite whatever happens… You're one of the few people I trust for real… So I guess I feel thankful for having you too…"

I felt my eyes getting wet.

"Hum-hum…" I said trying to contain my emotion

"Go to bed, I want you to sleep tight now… I want to see you happy again tomorrow…"

"You wish me so well Light-kun…"

"Oh, please cut it off" said Light seeming somehow embarrassed

"Okay, okay…" I laughed with some emotion still present in my voice "Nighty-night…"

"Sweet dreams…"

And I shut the phone although I didn't want to.

I fell asleep on bed without talking anymore about the spy to Ryuk.

* * *

_I was walking on a dark… dark hallway…_

_Everywhere there were voices around me…_

"_Lord Kira…"_

"… _Our savior…"_

"_Praise the God of our New world…"_

"… _Or perish…"_

"… _like the sinner you are…"_

_I finally reached a door._

_And I opened it._

_I was now in the middle of a church. Several hooked people were kneeling in front of the altar. Some of them praying, others chanting in a low voice._

_But I kept walking, following the red carpet._

"_Praise The God of the new world…" I heard one of them whisper_

_I looked up to the altar. And standing high above as perfect as a statue and with everybody adoring him was…_

"_**Light?!"**_

* * *

And I woke up before I could see anything else.

I felt weirded out.

Was it that I was seeing Light as a God?!

Or was the dream related… to everything that would happen… depending of my turns and choices.

Why was Light in my dream? Why was everything becoming so foggy to me?

Even after that, when I was in school with Light laughing cheerfully of our intense conversations, sometimes I looked at him with an inquiring gaze.

A kind of sadly inquiring gaze.

"_Why do I feel you're going to somehow have an influence on my fate?"_

* * *

"Minamoto Seira-san!"

I was at the building where the psychologist was. And guess what: It was my turn!

"_I have to keep my mind closed. She can't see that I have secrets… Well big secrets at least…"_

She greeted me kindly.

"So here we are again, Minamoto-san!"

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Oh, by the way, do you know I saw your friend Light Yagami yesterday?"

Oh, she brought that matter up.

But I decided to hide everything from her.

"You did?" I asked as if I was hearing something new to me "Where?"

"At the police station, he went to give his father some food and new clothes, since he's been so busy in the police department…"

"You're a cop?" I asked in a jokeful tone "I hope that doesn't mean I will get booked soon!"

"Hahahaha! No, I'm not exactly a cop, but I'm also specialized in criminal psychology… You know, I read criminal's minds trying to figure out what's behind their actions…"

"I get it!" I said in a hurried up voice

There was silence.

"But… Do you suspect of someone… I mean for them to be asking your services, means that you're dealing with some sort of criminal or something"

"That's…" she said in a harsh voice "Confidential information, I'm afraid…"

I looked suspiciously at her.

Basically the conversation that followed was her just trying to meet me a little better.

I didn't tell her much… Of my personal life at least.

"**I think you made it so far…"** said Ryuk flying behind me

"For now…" I whispered as I entered the bus to go home faster

I sat down in a seat near the window.

When the bus began to move I saw her again.

The woman who was looking from below my house last night.

She was in the bus next to a man that seemed to be her husband.

Both of them kept ignoring me, and I pretended to ignore them as well.

Some bus stops later I wasn't so ignored anymore.

"Put your hands up!" a scream was heard from nowhere

To my horror a guy with a gun was pointing it at the bus driver.

"**Ohhhh, this should be interesting!" **said Ryuk treating all of it as a comedy show

"Don't… don't kill me!" begged the bus driver in fear

The guy banged the gun in the bus driver's head and he fell off the driver seat with blood coming out of his cracked head.

Screams were heard all over the bus.

"Now listen here! If yall keep your mouths shut there is no need to spill anymore blood! Got it?!" he yelled at two girls of about my age looking completely frightened

All of a sudden he began to drive the bus through places I didn't know. Before I knew it we were out of town in the middle of nowhere.

We were somewhere in a field, but the bus didn't stop at no costs, while it followed through a very straight road.

And all of a sudden the unexpected happened.

The man standing next to the woman who was following me stood up quickly and headed to the bus jacker on the driving wheel. The two of them begun a violent fight in the middle of the bus.

"Yaksuko Irie!" said the man still fighting "I heard of you in the news! You're far too dangerous to be on the loose!"

And the criminal's name was finally known to me.

"Naomi! Drive the bus!"

The woman stood up and took control of the driving wheel.

All of a sudden the man was knocked down and the criminal stood up to hit the woman.

Instinctively I did something stupid: I stood up and slapped the back of his head with my bag.

He faced me and pushed me furiously onto the ground taking his hands on my neck.

"You meddling bitch!" he yelled squeezing my neck hard

I tried to bite one of his hands, but he was far stronger than me.

All of a sudden a gunshot was heard, and the criminal released me and fell on the ground screaming in pain.

"I'm sorry I had to spill blood!" said the man

The criminal stood in the ground still screaming in agony.

"You okay girl?" he raid giving me his hand allowing me to stand up

"Yeah… I guess…" I said massaging my neck as I stood up

"That was very stupid and at the same time very brave of you!" he said complimenting me

"Thanks… I think…"

"Go back to your seat! We'll take everything from here!"

"Are you two… cops?" I asked trying to seem by mere curiosity

"Something like that!" he said smiling at me "Now sit still and let us return you back to safety!"

As the bus drove, in a discreet move I picked up the Death Note from my bag and wrote the criminal's name in the notebook.

It was just to be safe… He was too dangerous to be alive.

If I would be made into a suspect later, was not what I thought. But I thought about the safety of the passengers first.

My concern was that which would be one of my biggest mistakes.

"Naomi!"

All of a sudden I saw that the criminal was up and had given Naomi the same blow he gave the bus driver.

He then shot the man and took control of the driver.

If he had the heart attack while he was at the driving wheel…

"Stop!" I yelled trying to take him off

He pushed me violently.

"If you touch me again you fucking bitch, I'll…"

But then the heart attack happened.

He grabbed his chest in pain and his other hand controlled the driving wheel irrationally.

And it was then when I stood up that I noticed we were heading onto a dangerous curve.

"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

My last scream of agony was the last conscious action that I had before the bus began to fall onto the dark forest, slowly like it was actually floating.


	11. But yet I was the only one to survive!

_**XI**_

* * *

_He grabbed his chest in pain and his other hand controlled the driving wheel irrationally._

_And it was then when I stood up that I noticed we were heading onto a dangerous curve._

"_OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"_

_My last scream of agony was the last conscious action that I had before the bus began to fall onto the dark forest, slowly like it was actually floating._

_

* * *

_"Help me…"

After the bus fell I lost my consciousness. It only came for brief moments as I was hanging for my life onto a branch of a tree.

I didn't look down… I wasn't sure if the fall would be big or not, if it would hurt or not… All I did was hang with my two hands to that branch with my short remaining consciousness.

"Help… Help… me…"

My voice was weak. It seemed my last scream had stolen all my vocal abilities. For a moment I was afraid I would turn mute.

I felt my sweaty hands slowly slipping off the branch.

I closed my eyes and felt the burning tears of frustration.

"I can't fall… I can't…"

Then strangely my beloved ones passed quickly in front of my burning eyes.

_Daddy…_

_Millie…_

_Light…_

"Can't…"

But then my hands slipped sliently, and all I could do was let out a short yell as my body seemed to float slowly below, just like the bus was moments ago…

__

I opened my eyes slowly.

Something smelled like it was burning.

"**You're awake!" **said Ryuk standing in a tree nearby.

I sat on the ground and examined my hands, arms and legs…

"_No… bruises? No… broken bones? Not a single wound?"_

"What happened?!" I asked still in shock to see myself alive

"**You're worthy of a career in Hollywood, girl, your stunt was amazing! Maybe you should try for a stunt double on an action movie!"** commented Ryuk floating in a cheerfully childish way around me

"What happened?!" I asked again a little louder but not angrily

"**Well…"** said Ryuk finally stopping in front of my face **"After the bus began to fell, you seemed to stop for a few seconds… But then all of a sudden you began to run all the way to the closest window, and then you threw yourself through it… You should have seen the faces of the other passengers. After that you almost like flew to this tree"** he said pointing at a tree where I was almost standing next to when I woke up **"And you instinctually grabbed hold onto one of its branches, jut when I thought you would fall and break a leg or something!"**

"And how am I whole and alive?" I asked creped out with my unconscious action scene

"**Because when you began to release yourself, fortunately the height between the branch and the ground wasn't that big… But you still got a little mud on you…"**

I looked to myself and saw that my skirt was all dirty in the backside.

"Ugh! Why do I always mess up this skirt?" I asked wiping some mud off of it

But then I began to look around me…

It was night, and since I was on the field (or rather in the middle of nowhere) I could see the immense stars above me, which turned out to be a great advantage because it wasn't very dark all of a sudden. All around me I could hear the sound of cicadas crying out loud…

"Where's the bus?" I asked remembering that detail all of a sudden

"**I heard an explosion somewhere to those sides…"** said Ryuk pointing towards some trees

I stepped forward quickly and he followed behind me like a faithful puppy behind its master.

They say in Japan, that the chanting of the cicadas is said to be a sad chanting…

And those chartings were getting louder and louder as I moved quickly through the tree branches, bushes and spider webs standing in my way.

I smelt the smell of something burning, clearer on my nose as I moved more ahead.

But I the path I would follow wouldn't be very long though…

All of a sudden a small valley was ahead of me.

There was smoke rising from below, but I couldn't see clearly what it was from there.

"**So now what?" **asked Ryuk looking at me entertained, waiting for my next move

I stepped forward, stretched my arms, and placed a leg forward.

"And now I'll do another crazy stunt move!" I said nervously

And I began to run like a maniac through the titled sandy path.

Fortunately it was over fast.

"**Next time I hope it's a longer path…"** said Ryuk disappointed to see my performance over as I moved forward again following the path my nose told me to

And finally in a clearing from where I saw the smoke was coming, I got one of the biggest shocks in my life…

_**Everything was burning…**_

_**The bus was in a vertical position, and huge flames were rising from the ground giving the sensation that the flames were doing a strange dance as they seemed to touch the stars above.**_

_**I could see the corpse of a person pending from one of the windows… already carbonized and fried.**_

"Over there!"

I covered my mouth with my right hand, but I still hurled and vomited on the grass.

"Hey! Are you alright?"

A police officer was standing next to me. He knelt down on the ground next to me and placed his arm around my shoulders in a gentle way.

"Everyone's… dead…" I said feeling cold like all my body temperature had left me along with the vomit

"Wait! Are you saying you were a passenger in that bus?!" asked the man in shock pointing his shaking finger to the burning bus

"Y-Yes…" I hiccupped shaking with the cold that had installed itself within my body

"Dear God! It's a miracle you survived!"

I survived… I actually survived destiny… Or I was saved by it…

But then more vomit wanted to leave my guts…

"QUICK! GET AN AMBULANCE! WE HAVE A SURVIVOR!"

All I heard after I was placed on an ambulance was the sound you hear when you're underwater. As the lampposts passed through my eyes, as I watched them through the window, I couldn't hear anything else, but that peaceful underwater silence.

But then when the huge buildings of the city covered my view of the stars I had earlier, It was as if I was pulled to the surface… of my life that is.

At the hospital entrance there were tons and tons of photographers and journalists.

The same police officer which had been very friendly to me, covered me with his jacket and shook off the reporters surrounding the place.

After I entered the hospital, I was immediately brought to the waiting area where there was some silence. He took the coat off me and as I looked around I immediately saw a familiar face:

"Millie?!"

Millie turned around as I called her name out loud.

She ran onto me and embraced me deeply, and sobbed soundly onto my shoulder.

"Thank God… Thank God someone above loves you… Oh my God I was so afraid of losing you my dear Seira-chan!"

"How did you know I was on that bus?" I asked embracing her back

"Heck if I know, you know how information runs fast around us these days!" said Millie looking me in the eyes and passing her hands onto my face "But, oh my God, I was so afraid for you! Thank God!"

And she sobbed more loudly in my shoulder.

I couldn't blame her…

"Stop it you idiot!" I cried along with her "I'm alive, aren't I?"

"You are…" said Millie not letting me go

"Hunny?!"

My dad's voice made Millie release me. I looked ahead and saw my father heading towards me with his arms opened.

"I thought you were already here! In the morgue or so! Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're okay!" and he embraced me deeply like Millie

Usually I thought those scenes were over reactive in the movies and other TV shows.

_But maybe I needed to live them on my own skin…_

"So am I!" I cried on my father's arms

My father covered me with kisses and embraced me more and I felt 5 again, because he usually spoiled me like that when I was little.

After those touching proofs of care, I was examined by the doctor that immediately answered me.

"A miracle…" he said amazed "Not even a tiny little scratch on your body!"

He was nice enough to allow me to have a bath, while Millie gave me some spare clothes she had brought from her home by my dad's request.

"May God be with you in the future, Seira-san…" smiled the doctor nicely to me "I can see somebody's watching over you…"

My thoughts wandered around my mom moments as I exited.

I looked at the empty hallway to think of all those patients with their lives at risk.

I wished to them the same luck I had as I went down the stairs to the waiting room.

Two more faces were there to see me.

"Seria-chan!" exclaimed Light as I entered the room and he involved me in his arms

How I felt better feeling his arms around me again!

"I thought you were dead when father knew about the incident!" he whispered in his sweet tone

I was surprised to see that although his words were sincere, he managed to keep emotions inside, unlike Millie and my father.

"I guess I would be missed by so many people…" I embraced him back placing my hand on the back of his head

"Now I feel more thankful than ever…"

"Huh?" I asked looking at him

"For still having you as a friend…"

We released each other, but he passed a hand gently through my cheek.

"Don't think I forgot that conversation the other night"

I smiled emotional, grabbing his hand with my other hand.

"You…" I said in a jokefull way

But next we turned around to face a man around the age of 40, almost 50, tall with dark hair a pair of glasses and a suit and a tie.

"Sorry for interrupting your little moment, son…" he said to Light

"Your father?" I asked surprised

"Finally you meet Soichiro Yagami… My father to say the least…"

I bowed politely to Light's father.

"Dozo Yoroshiku, Yagami-san!" I said

He bowed back.

"Can I have a conversation with you in private?" asked Mr Yagami

"Ummm,okay… I guess…"

"I won't take much of your time… I understand you're tired!"

We stepped away a few distance, and while Light headed toward my father and Millie, standing in the benches, he showed me his police identification.

"Probably my son must have told you…"

"Ummm, I guess he must have" I smiled, but I felt a bit insecure having a police officer talking to me

"First off star by telling me what happened"

And I told him almost every one of the details, hiding the part where the Death Note was involved.

"You say you interacted with a man and a woman?"

"Yeah, the man had a gun and he defended me!" I said trying to sound sincere

"Well…" said Light's father pulling out two files with some small pictures and identification on them "Were these the two you mentioned?"

The pictures in the files corresponded to those two…

I feared I would be interrogated further by the police If I was completely sincere

"I'm… not sure… Maybe yes or maybe not… My memory is kind of blank right now…"

"I understand…" said Mr Yagami putting the files away

"Who were those two?" I asked curiously

"These two are probably the agents you met on the but… Ray Penbar and Naomi Misora… They were engaged to each other and were two of the most prestigious FBI agents!"

The… THE FBI?! THE FBI WAS IN JAPAN?!

"**Looks like L isn't exactly playing on duty…"** laughed Ryuk from behind me

"The FBI?!" I asked using a little bit of my shock to make a surprised tone "But what were they doing on Japan?!"

"That… is confidential…"

"I see…"

"And keep this little conversation in secret, if you please…"

"Sure, sure!"

"By the way, it was a pleasure to know that my son's girlfriend survived such a disaster"

I became sharp red.

"Light and I are not together!" I admitted feeling a bit sad

"Is that so? I'm surprised to see that you're still not his girlfriend! After all, you two hang out a lot, from what he's told me…"

"We're friends… What else can I say?" I said

Shortly after that we said goodbye to Light and his father.

Light pinched my cheek the way he used to and promised me a visit on the next day. I would have reasons to sleep well that night it seemed…

Millie decided to stay over for the night, taking the fact that we didn't have classes on the next day.

And so there we were at my room having another of our "slumber parties"(with Ryuk as an audience), and talking with the lights off and the windows opened allowing us to see the moon above.

"My, my, my, am I getting more and more grateful for spending these moments with you still…"said Millie visibly thoughtful

"Yeah… I guess someone wants me alive for something!"

"It's because you deserve to live! Destiny is on your side!"

I looked away into the darkness pondering about her comment.

"And finally I got to meet the famous Yagami Light!" she said with a cheerful tone

"Oh!" I said looking above "So you met him!"

"I tell you, you're lucky to have met him first than me, cuz that guy is HOT!" she said

"Don't tell me you were getting ready to fall for him…" I said pretending a little anger on my tone

"Heeeheeeheee, maybe…"

"You slut!" I exclaimed throwing her my pillow

"Ah! Can't you take a joke?!" she laughed throwing my pillow back at me

We stood there playing catch with my pillow until we eventually fell asleep.

And the accident matter didn't bother my thoughts…

__

… until the following days at least!

During the Christmas holidays, in the short times I was alone, I gave myself some time to think about the information about those two FBI agents.

What if there were more of them in Japan?

I shook my head doubting that they would ever get to me.

But when it was about L, you had to be more aware than ever.

Christmas passed and so did the new year.

Nothing…

Not another FBI agent appeared in my path.

And all of a sudden I found myself writing lesser names on the Death Note. But criminality was decreasing more and more.

I even wondered if the police had decided to allow Kira to change the world.

When I came to school again…

Everyone was around me…

They were astonished with my near-death experience, and looked at me like I was a goddess.

Everyone wanted to wish me well, or to greet me…

Even Rena began to leave Sekino's side on purpose just to say a cheerful "Hello" to me.

But I felt Sekino's gaze getting colder and colder when she gazed at me.

I became lost in my philosophic thoughts, only waking up to interact with the people around me.

Every time I was alone I had to think… I only read a chapter of the book "Blood and Chocolate", which Millie had given me on Christmas, just to lose myself in my thoughts.

I began to fall asleep later and later because of my thoughts.

_Had I become an over reactive dreamer?_

But eventually I knew it was time to wake up, when a motive to be down, introduced itself in front of me in Math class…

"Hmmm, what a day…" commented Light as he packed up his stuff "So, how much did ya got in this test?"

"Errrrum…" I said embarrassed "Oh, you know…"

And I picked up my bag and walked quickly to the exit.

"Come on, tell me! I want to know!"

"Imagine!" I said feeling my stomach turning

"How should I know? Come on!"

I turned to him as we were still on the school hallway, and I felt my eyes hurting as I touched the test hidden in my pocket.

"You'll bash me! I know you will!"

"Is it that bad?"

I finally gave him the test. He looked at it for some moments.

I could already see his reaction… Maybe he would be shocked… Maybe he would bash me… Maybe he would decide I wasn't that clever anymore…

"Ya got a negative mark, so what?"

Huh? That reaction caught me by surprise.

"But… But I studied… I really did…"

"Maybe your method isn't the most correct, for Maths at least"

I looked away.

"I guess…"

Light approached me and made me turn my face on his direction.

"Tell you what. Can you come over to my house today, so I can help you recover?"

I felt happy. And I realized I actually never been onto his house before. He had been on my house on Christmas holidays but I never went on his.

"You'd really do that for me?" I asked with my eyes shining

"Anything to keep you cheered up!"

It was as if he knew how to make me feel good.

Part of my fear about his opinion about me went away on that day.

Unconsciously we left school to his house…** with our hands joined.**

I wondered what would happen besides the "brainwash" he would certainly give me.

Now that I think of it…

**Maybe I should have thought about in how much trouble I would be after my first visit to his house…**


	12. Yet my troubles were about to worsten

_**XII**_

* * *

_It was as if he knew how to make me feel good._

_Part of my fear about his opinion about me went away on that day._

_Unconsciously we left school to his house…__**with our hands joined.**_

_I wondered what would happen besides the "brainwash" he would certainly give me._

_Now that I think of it…_

_**Maybe I should have thought about in how much trouble I would be after my first visit to his house…**_

* * *

"Ohhhh… Study, study, study! I wonder if they must think of us as machines or something!" I protested while Light heard me

"Just thank the fact that I took the afternoon off to put up with you…" he commented in a dry voice

I looked at him with puppy eyes and he smiled as if he was satisfied to see me that way.

"But seriously, that negative mark on Maths is really bugging me right now…" I said looking down to my feet

"Is that the only thing bugging you?"

I stopped and he stopped too a little in front of me. I had forgotten the fact that we were holding hands until that moment.

"Huh? What is this question about?" I asked moving my fingers slowly around the palm of his hand

"It's just that since the accident you've had… I've been wondering how all the passengers on that bus ended up being all killed…"

And he faced me with a very serious expression. But that expression was not like him…

"… While you were the only one to survive, without a single scratch on you"

I looked at him fearful and kind of sadly.

"Why are you saying this to me only now?!" I almost ended up yelling "Are you saying you wanted me dead right now? Or that you wanted me to end up carbonized like everyone else did?!"

Suddenly the action was too fast. He came closer to me, looked down at me and held our still held hands in the middle of our two faces.

My hand held his tighter.

"I never said that…" he said looking at me with a mysterious darkly expression

Then he moved to my right ear, but he didn't release my hand.

"… but I don't believe that your luck was just a simple coincidence…"  
I froze as he moved away slowly. He couldn't find out that I was somehow the cause of it all. And his father was one of the cops. Probably working on the Kira case. Maybe I was about to enter on the wolf's lair that day.

"**Hyuk hyuk hyuk… Your boyfriend isn't dumb at all is he?"** asked Ryuk entertained from behind me

The two of us kept walking without switching any words.

But our hands remained held together until we got to his house.

It was a nice little house, small but nice.

He tried to open the front door and finally he had to release my hand to do it.

"Huh? Nobody's home?" he asked sounding surprised

"Maybe your mom went out to do some shopping" I said while he took out his house keys.

He opened the door and we proceeded.

"Ojamajimasu!" I exclaimed as I took off my shoes and placed on some slippers he handed to me

"That was unnecessary Seira-chan!" he said as he climbed up the stairs

I peeked onto his living room. It was quite spacey, and the kitchen was just next to it.

"**Just one!"** pleaded Ryuk pointing towards a basket of apples lying in the kitchen table

"No…" I whispered as I returned to the hallway to climb up the stairs to keep up with Light.

When we finally got to his room.

It seemed that he noticed something as he opened the door, because his expression seemed surprised, but at that time I assumed it was just my impression.

It was the typical room of a class's best student. The books all placed in order on the shelves, the desk all organized and clean, soft curtains on the windows, but the best of it was….

"Ohhhhh… Your bed…" I said when I sat down on his bed to find that it was very comfortable.

I laid myself down enjoying the comfort. Not even my bed, now with a water mattress was that comfortable.

"**The nerve of this girl…"** said Ryuk walking out towards the balcony

Light took the advantage of my distraction, and while I moved myself happily on his bed he laid himself next to me.

Suddenly I stopped fooling around and saw that he was very close to me watching my face under his.

I looked at him and felt the blush rising on my cheeks.

"Yagami Light!" I said pushing him furiously away from me and sitting down on the bed "What kind of idea is that?!"

"What idea exactly?" he asked playing naïve

"Oh stop!" Are you going to say that by placing yourself like that towards me, didn't meant you were having perverted ideas

I realized he was testing me… yet again.

"What kind of perverted ideas?" he whispered as is breath slammed my neck

"Oh stop!" Can you imagine what it would be like if someone was watching us?"

HE approached me more, and then grabbed a little part of my hair curling it on his finger.

"Are you going to say that doesn't give you some ideas as well he whispered as his lips petted my ear

"Stop!" I said laughing nervously

All of a sudden he laid me on the bed and placed his hands side by side of my head. He was now over me fortunately he was lighter than I thought and my body wasn't being crushed under his.

"Having some ideas now?" he said smiling maliciously at me

I simply remained staring at him , gazing upon his eyes, not knowing how to react.

All of a sudden the fact that my hips were almost side by side on his waist made me feel like I was actually having a heart attack.

My chest burned me.

I didn't knew if I was supposed to feel disgusting or good.

**But the truth was I wanted… **_**him…**_

Brief images of our bare bodies together raced my mind. I shouldn't think like that!

I COULDN'T!

My legs in a try to close themselves only ended up tightening his waist closer to me.

"Your reactions are interesting…" he commented standing up

I stood up too feeling strange.

I was just sick of mind games. Not only from him but from everyone around me.

During the rest of the afternoon, I managed to take that out of my head, as we studied, watched TV and talked about nothing too relevant. I had to push harder by my head when he wanted to see if I understood all he had taught me.

It was almost 7 pm when the revision was over.

"Ungh!" I said "My head aches!"

And I laid my head on his desk.

"If I had to study like this every day , I would have to make some holidays before the tests…"

He petted my head.

"You'll stay for dinner then!"

"Huh?! But…"

"Light! I'm here!"

"Oh, it's my mom!" he said standing up

I followed him out of his room.

"Light!" greeted his mom when we arrived to the hallway "Are you here for long?"

"A while!" he answered as I came from behind him

"Are… You brought company?" asked his mom watching me from top to bottom

"This girl is Seira-chan!" he said introducing me "The one that competes with me for top of the class"

"Light-kun!" I exclaimed embarrassed

"Actually Light only talks good of you, so you should know!" said his mom punching him softly on the head "But you sound like a nice company for what he's been telling me"

"He he he" I said blushing with my tongue out

"It's a pleasure to meet you at last Seira-san!"

"My pleasure Mrs Yagami-san!" I said making a polite bow

Suddenly a girl, younger than me entered. I assumed it was his younger sister.

"Hi!" she said with a loud but cheerful voice "Huh? Who is this?"

"This girl is Minamoto Seira!" said Mrs Yagami for me

"AH!" she said pointing what sounded like an accusing finger to me "So you are Ni-chan's girlfriend then!"

As you can imagine, my face became bright red like the apples I praised

"Light and I don't…" I tried to say

"Why do you have to assume that all girls are my girlfriends Sayu?" asked Light "Do I have to be engaged in your point of view?"

"Oh, but you two are the best students in the class! It's a perfect match!" she said looking at us evilly

I looked away embarrassed.

"Mom, she'll be staying for dinner, by the way!" said Light ignoring his little sister

"Oh, no, no no! It's not…"

"But I DO insist!" said Mrs Yagami giving Light some backup

I took a deep breath.

"Yes, alright!"

"Come to the living room!" said Sayu taking me quickly by the hand while Light followed behind us

Until dinner began we were watching a soap opera with the famous actor Hideki Ryuga.

"Ohhhhhh!" complained Sayu still glued to the screen "Why isn't anyone of my class like you Hideki!?"

"Sayu! Come and have dinner!" called Mrs Yagami for the fifth time

"Isn't your dad coming?" I asked wondering why I didn't saw Mr Yagami still

"Father is on some complicated cases right now! He barely stops at home only when he's sleeping we're all in the same house!"

"That case wouldn't be the Kira case by chance, right?"

Light and his mom didn't answer.

"I mean… It's the only case on air lately!" I commented trying to sound casual

"Hey!" said Sayu all of a sudden, still in front of the screen "Something just came up: 'ICPO announces that 1500 agents will be sent from all over the world to Japan, in order to solve the Kira case

1500? No way… Not as a joke but seriously

Where would they find all those agents all of a sudden from out of nowhere?

"These ICPO guys are a bunch of idiots…" commented Light breaking the silence

I awoke from the small trance.

"You can say that again!" I answered back "I don't see many people risking their lives to solve the case, and the fact that they've announced it to the public just like that makes their plan go down the drain."

"They are just trying to scare Kira. And you have a point in saying that there aren't many people brave enough to solve such a case. I doubt Kira will fall for this scheme, and even if it's true all he has to do is move a finger and cause some heart attacks"

"If I were Kira I would definitely be laughing in their faces right now, but… I don't think he'll kill people who did nothing wrong!"

I was talking like I was making an autobiography of myself. How ironic…

"But he did kill that guy live on TV when it was that confrontation with L. He thought he was L, and that was all it took."

"But maybe, just maybe he could get some information from the police and see that the guy was indeed a criminal, which he was!"

"But that kill is proof that he's willing to take out whoever gets in his way!"

"All chances are possible, can't argue with you…"

I looked behind me and I noticed for the first time that Ryuk wasn't next to me. Damn it! Couldn't he stand still for just a minute?!

"Something bugging you?" asked Light

"Oh, nothing, I felt a chill that's all…"

After dinner we grabbed some chips and cookies and it was another long study session.

At some point he went to the restroom for a minute and I stood inside his room.

_I was exhausted…_

_The sleep was invading me… I was with my head lying on his desk and I barely managed to keep my eyes opened._

"**Seira-chan!"** said Ryuk suddenly from behind me

_But I didn't answer. I wasn't even actually there anymore. I felt like I was about to float onto the celling._

"**Before you fall asleep listen to me carefully!"**

_But I barely felt conscious…_

"**I was looking around the house, since no one can see me, and I noticed in an important detail. Listen to me…"**

_I was falling now…_

"**The house has **_**cameras**_**! Did ya catch me?"**

_But finally the slumber took the best of me…_


	13. He knew something And then it happened!

_**XIII**_

* * *

_I was exhausted…_

_The sleep was invading me… I was with my head lying on his desk and I barely managed to keep my eyes opened._

"_**Seira-chan!"**__said Ryuk suddenly from behind me_

_But I didn't answer. I wasn't even actually there anymore. I felt like I was about to float onto the celling._

"_**Before you fall asleep listen to me carefully!"**_

_But I barely felt conscious…_

"_**I was looking around the house, since no one can see me, and I noticed in an important detail. Listen to me…"**_

_I was falling now…_

"_**The house has**__**cameras**__**! Did ya catch me?"**_

_But finally the slumber took the best of me… _I woke up.

I hadn't dreamt on that night and I woke up bright as new.

I moved my muscles lazily.

I opened my eyes slowly.

It wasn't my room I woke up onto.

I sat on the bed quickly.

It was Light's room I had slept onto! And I was laying on HIS bed!

"Baka!" I whispered looking around me "Why didn't you …?

But as I looked down to the left side of the bed, I saw him sleeping on the floor with a pillow I recognized from the living room on his head and a blanket covering him.

I looked at him stupefied. Then I passed a hand on his face and took his bangs off his still closed eyes.

"Baka…" I whispered petting him softly on the hair

And then I stood up and opened the curtains, not very wide open, because he was still deeply asleep.

I knelt down next to him and approached my lips to his ear.

"Deep down within you… You're not the all-arrogant tough guy they all say you are…" I whispered

I kissed his cheek softly and he let out a moan and turned to my side. He didn't wake up though.

I exited the room silently and found Mrs Yagami on the hallway.

"I was just going to check on the two of you"

"Be rested Yagami-san. We didn't do anything wrong" I smiled at her

"Oh, I know my son is not of that kind…"

I looked away, unsure if I should differ with her or not.

"Is he still asleep?"

"Like a baby"

"Well honey, you should go have a shower to make you feel all better!"

I sent her a look like I wanted to ask if that was really necessary, but she opened me the bathroom door.

I entered.

I looked around and noticed a detail.

Ryuk was missing… AGAIN.

"_That damn Shinigami…" _I thought as I stripped myself naked_ "Why can't he stay still for one darn second?"_

At that moment I remembered he mentioned something important before I collapsed into slumber.

But I didn't remember what it was… I couldn't put my finger on it…

Finally I entered into the shower.

The hot water felt so good. My common dreams I had were related to water. I often dreamed of myself sinking down into the depths of maybe an ocean, or a lake. But It wasn't a drowning feeling I felt…

It was one of the most pleasant dreams I often dreamt.

I rubbed my hands on my face after removing the shampoo from it, closed the water, took my hair away from y face… and noticed on something _**peculiar…**_

On the holes of the shower, where the water would usually go out, there was one in the middle bigger than the others**. And it was a lens covering that hole!**

"_There are cameras in the house…"_

How dumb was I?! I wished I hadn't fallen asleep when he said that! I stood there looking up horrified at that thing! I felt my mouth shaking in an urge to scream.

Whoever put those there surely knew that I knew that we were being watched the whole time.

I covered my chest with my hands and exited.

I let out a yell when suddenly the bathroom door opened.

"Gomen, Seira-san!" said Sayu impressed "I was just going to bring you a towel!"

She stretched the towel onto my direction and placed it all around my body. I was shaking but It wasn't cold, It was the camera.

"Né, Seira-san" said Sayu coming towards me suddenly "Can I, uhm… fix your hair?"

I looked at her surprised and with a nervous smile I nodded softly.

After she dried my hair completely, she began to curl my hair with her Babyliss(although I did insist with her that stretched hair was a priority)

"Seira-san…" called Sayu

Boy was she pretty talkative.

"Nani?"

"Jut between the two of us, you and oni-chan… You know…"

I laughed embarrassed, always looking towards the shower and to the bathroom to see if I could find another camera.

"No… Seriously…"

"But do you like-like him?"

I laughed nervously disguising.

"It's just, that **I think he has something for you…**"

Oh! That one stole my attention!

"Why do you say that Sayu-san?"

"Because he never acted that way with any girl. He never invited a girl to his house, and besides, I never saw him talk so good of somebody"

"And what exactly does he say about me?" I asked unable to hide my interest

"Besides saying that you're one of the few true friends he has, he just keeps saying every time we talk of you, that you have… something peculiar…"

Something… peculiar?

"Why?" I asked confused

"I don't know… Not even Mr-Top-Nation-Wide knows of the answer to that himself. But don't tell him that I told you that, kay?"

I nodded.

Something peculiar…

So he DID see something within me.

But what was that something?

Yet it could just be her imagination working high. I mean… Why would he find something in ME, when he could find something else in the other girls after him?

"Sayu tell your friend that I ask for your excuse!" said Light from the door

I looked back at him.

"Oh, silly me it's just Seira-chan!"

"Wakey-wakey sleepy head!" I said as approached him to greet him.

"It looks good on you…" he said playing with one of my new curls

"No thank-yous are necessary…" said Sayu passing by us

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to shower…"

I blushed and stepped in front of him.

"I'm afraid you can't…" I said awkwardly

"What?" he said stupefied

I felt ridiculous but I tried to disguise it.

"Oh…" I scratched my head embarrassed "It's just… you can't!"

"I can't shower on my own house?!" he said with a drop on his head

"Yeah, that's what I said!"

"Because…"

"Because, urrm, because… You…" I approached to smell him "You smell so good, why must you bother again?"

"Because I have a sense of hygiene… Now if you'll excuse me…" he said passing by me

"The take a shower with your clothes on!" I said impulsively

"Wha…?" said the two siblings in unison

"I… I mean… Okay I confess… The hot water is gone, it's my fault…"

Why the hell didn't I remember that excuse sooner.

"Well then we'll just have to wait some minutes…" said Light heading towards me

And then he whispered something in my ear.

"**Don't tell me they also placed cameras on the bathroom…"**

I froze.

How did he…? How did he…?

"I'll be back in a while then…" said Light heading towards his room

I looked at him amazed.

After telling my father I would be back home in the end of the afternoon (Mrs Yagami had done me the gentle favor of warning my father that I slept over) I had lunch in the Yagami's house.

Oh, and Ryuk finally appeared. He just stood there looking at us.

I sent him a sadly gaze because I was kind of missing talking to him. And with the cameras on the house…

I looked to Light but he continued to eat not looking back at me.

There was so much I wanted to ask him…

* * *

But finally I got my chance after lunch.

Sayu went to a friend's house, and Mrs Yagami went to pay the bills and take care of some stuff in the bank.

Light and I decided to take a walk… Despite the fact that maybe it was about to rain we went out. I felt a little relaxed to be out of there.

But we stood silent all the time. It was just a small walk through his neighborhood.

I looked to all the corners expecting to see some creepy guy pop out to do something to me.

I swallowed and looked to Light again.

"So…" I said shyly "You know…"

"It was very evident…" said Light visibly unworried

"How…?"

"I knew something was up with the house when we stepped into my room"

"Come again?"

"I could hear the camera's movements in my room when we entered… And besides some of them were easily found, two of them were noticeable when I woke up with my face turned under the bed"

I blushed thinking about the way I noticed there were cameras.

"So we're both in the same boat…" I said shyly "Whoever placed the cameras there knows that we know…"

Light sighed.

"But why are there cameras in your house?"

"I don't know… Maybe they want to check something in all of the Japanese policeman's houses for something suspicious…"

"Something suspicious?"

"I managed to hack onto my father's computer the other day" he whispered "And found out that since those two who died in the bus accident you were involved into, L seems to have the suspicion that Kira somehow manages to get confidential police information"

I stopped and looked astonished at him.

"They were in Japan… without anybody knowing?!" I asked with a horrified gaze

He nodded.

Now I was really in deep shit! Besides having killed FBI agents by accident, I was now sure L would find me suspicious.

"No… No… I don't want to have anything to do with police stuff…"

"Who said you would?" asked Light confused

"When I found the camera in the shower… I couldn't disguise my shock… And now…"

Light grabbed both my shoulders.

"What are you…?"

"He'll recognize me as being the only one to have survived that accident… He'll think it will be too many coincidences… And he'll interrogate me…"

I was shaking with paranoia! I didn't want L to get to me! I couldn't!

"Calm down, you're thinking too much!" said Light trying to calm me down

**"Watch your tongue Seira-chan, you've already spoke too much!" **Ryuk warned me

"Maybe I am..." I said sighing and following the Shinigami's advice.

I looked nervously at Light and I seemed to have a vision as I looked into his brown eyes.

* * *

_I saw him… _

_Shirtless and stuck in a wall with chains on his wrists. _

_His head was at the very same position it was moments ago._

_But I saw his brown eyes were gone._

_Reddish evil had taken over brown…_

_I approached him…_

_Closer... And closer..._

"What are you doing?!"

I returned to reality.

He seemed slightly confused. I blushed paralyzed and felt my eyes shaking.

And then it began to rain violently. I should have known there were too many clouds in the sky that day…

We both ran for a while until we reached his house and entered.

We were soaked.

I gasped looking at myself. It was as if I had fallen to a lake.

And Light himself was a soaking duck…

"Well, at least now I can have a bath…" he said

He walked toward the stairs and he took my hand on the way.

When we were in the middle of the hallway…

"I'll do it in my boxers if it confuses you…" he said

"Huh?" I asked not getting anything he had just said

He opened a door and I walked to reach him.

"What do you…?" I asked but then I understood when I walked into the BATHROOM and saw him UNBUTTONING HIS SHIRT.

Shock came over me like a heart attack.

"ARE YOU MAD?!" I asked shocked to know what he was thinking

"Come on, let's make this quick!" he said with all his buttons unbuttoned "You need a bath and so do I… Besides I'm not taking a bath naked, I told you I'm doing it in my boxers!"

"You want to BATHE with me?!" I asked like he had made a stupid joke

He approached me.

"We're just friends Seira! Nothing wrong will happen here! Trust me?"

I couldn't…

"I trust you…" I said giving in

I turned my back to him.

"We're just friends…" I whispered to myself

I stood there still, until I felt his hands on my waist. Even if there were lots of people inside I would still know it was him by his touch.

"Let me help you with that…" he said taking my shirt off

I turned to him. My hands froze on my pants.

And once again he helped me out.

My pants fell on the ground with no effort. I was on that moment in lingerie in front of the one I loved. He didn't stop fascinating me with those deep eyes. And I realized I wanted to make that madness.

But what did he want? My soul? My flesh? Oh I just wished he would tell me already…

But I noticed there was something there. He noticed too…

Our arms stretched and our hands placed on each other's back.

My hands moved across the soft skin of his back.

And I felt him releasing my bra.

I finally lowered my hands and took my panties out. I noticed he wasn't in boxers anymore.

But somehow I didn't fell embarrassed. And his face seemed emotionless as well.

The next minute we were in the shower. The water was involving us. Hotter than ever.

I moved his wet hair away from his face to glance more into those eyes. We stood there facing each other all the time we were in there. And then came the typical embrace we used to give. Only it wasn't very much the same thing…

We completely forgot the camera was still there. Whoever was watching us…

Time didn't matter at all to us…

_I forgot that I could be in danger… _

_I forgot that maybe L would notice something about me… _

_I forgot my father could be home waiting for me… _

_I forgot that someone could arrive in the house at any moment… _

_I forgot that maybe Ryuk was another who could be watching us…_

_But one thing I sure didn't forget…_

_Something that I was pretty sure about on the next moment:_

**_I was sure it wasn't a saint that was giving me my first kiss under that hot water..._**

* * *

* * *

...


	14. What would follow was a very marking day

_**XIV**_

* * *

_I forgot that I could be in danger… I forgot that maybe L would notice something about me… I forgot my father could be home waiting for me… I forgot that someone could arrive in the house at any moment… I forgot that maybe Ryuk was another who could be watching us…_

_But one thing I sure didn't forget…_

_Something that I was pretty sure about on the next moment:_

**_I was sure it wasn't a saint that was giving me my first kiss under that hot water..._**

* * *

I opened my eyes in my bed later.

I touched my lips. They were still shaking after that.

I wondered if I had dreamt last night about what happened on that rainy afternoon.

I still couldn't believe we had actually… kissed.

* * *

"_It was a pleasure having you here honey! Come back anytime!"_

"_Come back soon Seira-san!"_

"_Sure thing Yagami-san. Sayu-san… Light-kun…"_

"…"

"… _Well, goodbye… See you soon…"_

* * *

Light and I didn't spoke a word to each other after what happened. Our gaze never met again after that kiss.

Ryuk didn't say anything to me after that.

He was in a corner of my room watching me carefully. I wasn't looking back at him.

My gaze was stuck in the ceiling.

Had I unknowingly involved Light into a problem that was supposed to be my own? Were _**L**_'s eyes still watching when our emotions drove us into kissing in the shower?

I felt I was going crazy with so many thoughts locked into my head. Perhaps when I least expected it my head would pop up like a popcorn, with pieces of my brain flying all out.

"_What should I do… mama?" _I asked constantly looking at the celling

* * *

"Minamoto-san! Are you listening?"

"Huh?" I said awakening from my thoughts

There I was again with that weird psychologist. I had begun to skip the sessions and lock myself into my house thinking too much.

As I mentioned I am a deep tinker… I wonder if I would be a great philosopher…

The psychologist sighed and looked at me sounding concerned for a moment.

"I have to talk to you about something… Of all the people whom I had the luck of analyzing, you seem to be one of those persons who seem to have something peculiar within you…"

I blinked with an innocent gaze.

"What do you mean Miss?"

"I sense you have a secret hidden within you… I can tell you hide most of what you feel when we talk… barely…"

"I… You know I'm busy… I'm at my last high school year and I just want to keep some time to study…"

She didn't shake off that suspicious gaze.

"Can I… Can I go to the bathroom for a minute?"

She nodded silently.

I exited the room.

"**I'm neither a psychologist nor a doctor (Heck! I'm not even human!) to see that you're not feeling well…"** commented Ryuk as I placed my back on the wall next to the door.

And again… Right over there…

"I wasn't born to deal with this…" I whispered in a sob as two heavy tears fell from my eyes

Ryuk listened to me silently.

"Crap! My head is hurting with many things and with nothing… I feel like I'm crying for something stupid and at the same time I feel like I have to cry… I'm fucking crazy, I know… But I'm just so scared of so many things going on around me… I don't think I was ready to deal with all of them… Sorry I'm just so…"

But Ryuk just cleaned up my wet face with his hand (was that a hand?) and rose my chin so that I would look at him.

"**Before you finish talking about this sweet-cheeks, I would recommend that you would listen to what's going on in the room you just left…"**

I looked confused at him, and then I heard talking inside the room. I thought maybe the woman was a little nuts when I thought I heard her talking alone.

"I believe it's her… Somehow I do… I know there are kids who are different from regular children, but she's too different! She was the only one to survive that bus jacking! Don't tell me there isn't something peculiar about her !"

She talked like she had lost her marbles.

But then I heard a conversation that would only add another problem into my dark list.

"_So it was her indeed?"_

Wha…?

Who was she talking to?

The voice sounded strange though… I could tell it was a computerized voice… But who was talking?

"Don't tell me that you of all people miss the news!"

"_I just want to get everything confirmed before I make any harsh moves… But the other day I had the chance of watching something… like you say peculiar"_

The person who was talking had already won my attention. But not because I liked his or her speech…

"Fill me in…" said the psychologist

"_Re member my plot to place cameras in the houses of the Kitamura and Yagami family? Well on the first day the girl in the matter was there with the son of chief Yagami"_

"So they were getting down with each other, how cute…"

"_But there was more in those two than it seemed… Those two have a connection that no lovebirds have ever had… I find it hard to believe that coincidences happen! Why did she survive that fatal bus jacking? And why did she actually appear in the cameras I ordered to install? No… there's just something there…"_

"But tell me… why do you insist in your points of view?"

"_Let's just say it's instinct… My instinct tells me to follow ahead with my theories…"_

"Very well… I trust your word… _**L**_…"

I backed a step and froze.

It was _**L**_ talking to her…

I was in deep trouble now. He did notice me as I had always feared. Now I had reasons to expect the worst.

I found myself running from the place and feeling the tears fall down as I did.

Eventually I bumped into many people on the streets but I didn't care.

I felt like I wanted to run away.

I wanted to escape from the events that I felt would follow.

But I found myself in my house.

I locked myself inside my room and sat in my bed.

"Now I'm fucked up… Now I am defiantly going to the gallows! And the worst is that… I'm taking Light with me… I'm the one guilty of the mess I've put us into! I have to do something!"

And I decided to leave my actions for the next day.

Little did I know that I would be unable to control the events that would follow tomorrow.

* * *

There no classes on that Monday. The final period was at its end so most of the students were outside taking some fresh air.

I sat alone in the stairs of the stairs.

I couldn't find him anywhere.

"**What exactly are you planning to do sweet-cheeks?"** asked Ryuk roaring with curiosity.

"I just want to warn him… That he's in danger because of me… And apologize…"

"**Aren't you just going to talk about what ha…?"**

"No!" I said harshly

Some of the students seemed to hear me but then they resumed with what they were doing.

"I… I think we may need some time to think about that other thing…"

"**Geez, you humans all say you need time for whatever! Haven't you ever thought that you may be wasting your time acting like that?"**

"You're not human; therefore you can't talk like you actually feel like a human…" I said closing another of the little arguments that we used to have once in a while

"Minamoto-san!"

I lifter my head up and saw Rena coming towards me with a rush.

She stopped to catch her breath.

"Dostanoh Rena-san?" I asked wondering what was up with her

"I… I wanted to talk to you later…" she said looking anxiously at me

What was happening to her? She wasn't the Rena that I knew from the start. She looked more like herself, somehow…

"Why don't we talk now?" I asked standing up

"I'm sorry, I'm just… Well something just happened now and I need to… Well, I'm just going to take some fresh air and then I'll meet you… Okay?"

"O-kay… I guess…" I said looking a little confused at her

"Right… Okay… No problem… Later then…" she said walking away

"**That girl is even weirder than that Millie girl…"** commented Ryuk

"I wonder what got into her…" I said as I walked through the hallways of the school

My mind was wondering how the world seemed to take a turn around me.

It seemed the Death Note was a motive of changes.

All of them too sudden and awkward.

As I walked pass one of my classrooms I stopped as I peeked into the open door.

Light was in there staring out the window with his back turned at me.

I swallowed then walked lightly into the room.

"**Go at him, kid…" **whispered Ryuk as I walked slowly.

I placed myself next to him and stared outside.

Our gaze still hadn't met since that happened.

"It sure is quiet here, huh?" I said unexpectedly

"Hai…" he said talking to me, but not looking towards me "I always enjoy the silence… It allows you to think…"

We kept quiet enjoying the silence like he said.

"I came… to warn you…"

He didn't answer.

"I think… I might have placed you in danger… I'm in the middle of something I hardly know… And… I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me…"

"You worry too much about others… Don't you want to live a nice happy life like any regular human wishes?"

"I… I feel that if I'm not allowed to live such a life, others should…"

"Isn't there anything worthy for you to live?"

Testing me again? What the heck…?

I breathed harshly.

"If your answer is no, you may leave through the door you came through…"

How could he be so mean to me?!

I grabbed his hand softly.

"I have… I really do… Honest…" I said hardly containing a sob

With his thumb he petted my hand.

"Then you have reasons to worry about yourself as well…"

"But…" I said at two tears jumped from my eyes to the floor "I don't want to put you into something you don't have anything to do with…"

His hand held mine a little tightly.

Our eyes still hadn't met.

"What were your thoughts… on that day?" he asked bringing up what I didn't want to talk about

I hesitated.

"I need time Light-kun… And I know you thought about something yourself as well…"

He remained silent.

But then my voice sounded weak, as I decided to make an awkward question.

"How did you know there were cameras in your house?"

He took a deep breath.

"_Why the hell did I ask this again?! What's wrong with me?!"_

"The truth is… I somehow _**remembered they were there"**_

"What?" I whispered completely stupefied

What was he talking about?! He _**REMEMBERED**_?!

"Remember when you walked into my room for the first time?"

"Hum-hum…"

"When I opened the door, as I noticed the door knob was above, I somehow knew there were cameras in my room… I can't explain… My mind just flashed and I just knew they were there…"

I stood petrified in shock. Did he know that what he was saying sounded nuts? Or was there actually more to him than I thought?

"And I know it's a bigger probability that _**L**_ comes after me… You still have chances of being safe…"

I looked with wide puppy crying eyes at him. He didn't look back at me though.

"Why do you say that?!" I said between a moan and a whisper

He released my hand and turned back from the window.

"The cameras were in my house, not on yours… Remember?"

He took two steps then he stopped.

"_**But whatever follows… It's pre-destined…"**_

He seemed so cold when he said those words. _I wondered if it was him actually talking._

* * *

I washed my hands harshly in the bathroom. I rubbed them time and time again.

That talk with Light was something from another world.

It was crazy talk!

"**Seira-chan… I wanted to confess something to you…"** said Ryuk all of a sudden to me

"Another rule of the Death Note, I suppose… But if you're asking if I want the eyes, I still haven't decided yet!"

"**Geee, you're guessing skills are a little down… No it's neither of those things! When you and your boy were talking a little while ago and he said he remembered the cameras were in his house I remembered something myself"**

"What?"

"**When I first saw him he seemed… I dunno… familiar somehow…"**

…

I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the scared and confused gaze that my eyes had adopted.

Why was everyone remembering things that never happened?!

This was too fucking crazy to my small filled up head!

I landed on earth again when I heard the bathroom door closing violently.

I jumped and looked.

It was Sekino.

I continued to wash my hands like I was moments ago.

I washed harder due to my nervous mood.

"Look at me…" Sekino said all of a sudden

I looked around to see if she was talking to someone else. When it was evident that she was talking to me, all of a sudden she came quickly towards me and grabbed my wrist very hardly.

"I said look at me!" she yelled

I released from her violently. Just when I was about to ask that bitch what was wrong with her, as soon as I looked into her eyes I felt myself becoming helpless.

Her gaze became colder and colder by the days. Now it was as if I was looking at someone whose heart was as cold as ice. Her eyes were staring at me with rage, fear, hatred, tons of emotions very different yet all reunited inside of them.

"Why are you of all people getting all the attention I was supposed to be having?!" she said heatedly

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I said more as an affirmation than as a question

She made a frown which made her look more threatening.

"It's your fault that Rena said those things to me a while ago… How could she exchange my company for the company of a rat like you?"

"Watch your tongue missy!" I said seriously

She moved closer to me.

"All that while, Rena was a poor lost soul when she first came into this school… I showed her how to live, how to act, how to get what she ever wanted… But now… Now she changes everything to be in the company of a disgusting goth girl like you!" she said rising her voice "How?! How the fuck could she change my company for the company of someone who's neither popular nor successful, no NOTHING! What do you fucking have that I don't have?! WHAT DO YOU…?!"

Her loud voice was interrupted by a slap that came from my hand.

She looked surprised to her left then lowered her face.

I hesitated then I exited the bathroom.

My hands were shaking as I walked towards the hallway.

I stopped at the door of a classroom and supported myself on it.

"_Why?! Why is everything becoming so strange to me?! What the hell is happening?"_

I walked some steps to take a seat.

Then it happened too fast.

Sekino came from behind me all of a sudden with a yell, grabbed me by the hair and threw me to my right where there were some lockers nearby.

My back hit them violently and I released a grasp of pain, and hit the floor violently.

I looked up but remained laid on the floor.

Some people inside were already looking like a murder had been committed.

"Do you know whose fault it is that I'm alone now?"

"What are you doing? Get a grip on yourself!" I yelled with a painful voice

She seemed full of rage. She grabbed me by the neck and held it tightly carving her nails deep inside of it.

"IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU!"

I began to cry.

"Stop this! You're hurting me!" I said now begging

Next thing I knew, I flew from the lockers to some classroom tables and struck on them violently. I felt something cracking and I feared I might have broken two ribs or more.

I began to shake, sob and moan in pain.

"You're fucking pitiful…" she said as she walked slowly towards me "How could I have lost everything to a lousy piece of shit like you! HOW?!"

And she began to kick me violently in the back. I tried to protect myself but her foot managed to inflict more pain in my back.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING THEIF, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU REALLY THING EVERYONE WILL PITY YOU EVERYTIME YOU SHED A TEAR?! YOU DON'T DESREVE TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS HUMAN BEINGS! IF YOU'RE MISERABLE THEN DIE! DON'T STEAL FROM OTHERS WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE! I HOPE KIRA FINDS OUT YOU'RE A FREAKING THEIF AND KILLS YOU WITH A FREAKING HEART ATTACK!"

She was out of her mind…

I felt the kicks becoming more violent as well as her yells.

I was never bullied like this.

I don't want to talk about what I felt, for it's an experience that looks fun on TV but it's horrible when you actually live it.

I moaned more and sobbed harder. More people had came into the room all of them too scared to help me. They were shaking themselves like they were feeling my pain, but why on earth were they cowardly enough to keep watching me endure all of this pain and humiliation.

Human beings sure have a sick attraction for drama, indeed.

"Help me…" I said with my voice shaking with fear and sobs

She growled.

"CRIYNG WON'T MAKE YOU LESS MISERABLE! YOU THINK ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS WILL GO AWAY BY SIMPLY PLAYING THE PART OF THE VICTIM?!"

All of a sudden she seemed to grab onto something. She grabbed into a chair.

"THAT'S IT I'M GOING TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH FOR GOOD!" she yelled getting ready to smack me with the chair.

I feared the hit, but then I felt two arms placing onto me for protection.

Rena's small arms picked my crying face up and held my torso in her lap.

She embraced me tightly with a mother's touch.

I felt on that moment that Rena cared for me all that time she was pretending to be under Sekino's influence.

"What gives you the right to treat Seira-chan like this?!" she said with her crying soft voice "She's had so many problems in her life! You shouldn't push her around all the time!"

Her voice was true, fearless and filled with true emotion.

She was small in height but she had a big heart indeed.

"I'm not…" hesitated Sekino seeming calmer "I'm not pushing her around! I'm just giving her what she deserves for…"

"For WHAT?!" interrupted Rena "You're the miserable one! You hide your misery behind actions such as this! Boy, I was sure right in quitting being your friend. I'd rather hang out with someone who doesn't keep saying to me that I should hide what I am!"

Her words were brave indeed.

A push was heard and Sekino let out a grasp of pain. I head the chair falling down onto the floor.

Light involved me and Rena in his arms.

He looked back at Sekino.

"What's the meaning of this… Sekino?" he asked with a raged voice "Why would you do this?"

I heard her voice hesitating.

"What did Seira-chan ever do to you?! What the hell did the world ever do to you?!" he yelled as strongly as she was a moment ago

He lowered his face shaking with rage.

"It's not your fault though… I knew all along how miserable you are… It's just the crap society we live onto… The rotten ideals around us… This is just how the whole rotten world works… How can we live happily in such a society?!"

I seemed to hear around me what sounded like the echo of a ringing sound as he talked.

I didn't know at that time… That the part of him that was talking… _**was his darkest side…**_

* * *

Eventually the teacher found out what happened and me and Sekino were taken to the principal's office.

But the person expecting me there wasn't the principal himself.

"_No! No, no NO, not her!" _I thought desperatly as I saw the psychologist waiting for me inside.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Sekino rudely

She ignored her and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I know what happened to you and I find it pitiful…" she said throwing Sekino a disgusted look

She made her a frown then looked away.

All of a sudden I saw Ryuk disappearing onto a wall. His eyes were shining evil.

What was he up to?

The words the psychologist was saying on that moment were mute to me.

My head spun like in a dream.

Too many had happened.

My head was too light.

The room seemed to slowly spin around me.

But then I managed to distinguish some words she was saying.

**_"I suspect you may be..."_**

I gasped before she had the time to finish.

And then… after that long second of silence... _**the room busted in flames as an explosion took its place right there.**_


	15. Lucky I was! Occultism was all around me

_**XV**_

* * *

_My head spun like in a dream._

_Too many had happened._

_My head was too light._

_The room seemed to slowly spin around me._

_But then I managed to distinguish some words she was saying._

_**"I suspect you may be..."**_

_I gasped before she had the time to finish._

_And then… after that long second of silence... __**the room busted in flames as an explosion took its place right there.**_

* * *

The air was stuffy.

I barely managed to see the things around me, due to the intense smoke. It was like a dark fog.

I got up after hitting violently against the wall. Though I covered my mouth to avoid the smell of the air, there was barely oxygen in the room to help my lungs.

Despite that, I walked around with my vision blurring already. The sounds around me were comparable to strange tinnitus that rang and rang constantly in my head. I just kept moving, being careful enough to step away from the brilliant points that I knew were flames.

Suddenly I located Sekino, almost surrounded by huge flames. She was standing in a circle made of rubble and rising fire, standing there as immobile as a statue, with her arms and legs glued to her body. The flames were getting bigger and bigger and surrounded her.

"Mugoge*… Mugoge*!" I exclaimed between coughs

_**(*"Mugoge"- Move it, Get moving, …)**_

She just raised her head and stared at me with an undecipherable look. Her eyes wandered toward her right and I imitated their movement using my own.

When my head turned to see better, I could see that behind the destroyed wall was the boiler room.

Before I managed to look closer, all of a sudden Sekino released a squeak and the flames reached for her clothes. _**I still managed to catch a glimpse of the two tears she let out. But those tears weren't enough to put out the flames that quickly involved her whole body.**_

I screamed!

I screamed with all the oxygen that was left in me, and when I took a deep breath to scream once again, what went out wasn't a scream, but a huge cough.

A piece of rubble fell right next to me, and I lost my balance, and due to the way I fell, I'm not sure how it happened exactly, I twitched my left ankle and fell on the ground. I still tired to stand up, but I fell again when I tried it.

So I dragged myself trying to find a window at least.

But I barely managed to move.

"**You're as lucky as always, huh Seira-chan?"**

I looked back and I saw Ryuk staring at me with a strange shine in his eyes.

My eyes widened, not because of the way he was staring, but due to the following words:

_**"Kitamura Sekino**_

_**Gets involved in an accident, on which there is a violent gas explosion.**_

_**That explosion reaches the room where she is.**_

_**After that she finds herself surrounded by rubble. After a moment of reflection despite having a chance to escape, she finally lets the flames involve her, ending up carbonized until death"**_

Those were the words written onto Ryuk's Death Note.

I glanced towards him. I tried to claim "Why?!" but my voice was too weak.

The image of Sekino, releasing her final tears was an image that would haunt me several times in my life. To think that I actually felt pity for someone who hated me so much to the point of bullying me violently.

My eyes were wet with tears as well. Could it be there, in that dark place where my life would come to an end?

Ryuk broke away my thoughts, by rising my chin with his hand, in a gentle way.

"**You're not going to perish, neither today, neither now, angel face… Trust my word!"**

Even though he wasn't human I couldn't help but to notice the truth present in his voice.

My eyes wandered towards my legs. They were completely filled with bruises and scratches. My left leg had a huge deep cut that I had ignored until now. My left foot was twitched in a weird way.

On that moment I knew I wanted to see no more. And I fell onto the blackness.

* * *

_A had had picked the notebook… Whose hand was it?_

_The notebook was on the school grounds, in the same place where I found it…_

_But it wasn't me picking the notebook…_

_The figure was taller. I could tell it was a boy._

_But who was that boy?_

_His head was too shadowed for me to get a good glance at who it was._

_Now there's a name written on the notebook… And another… The same name written six times…_

_I see the boy walking in a dark alley… He looks terrified… On the street behind him there is a crowd, an ambulance came past the crowd… But my attention still focused on the boy…_

_He doesn't speak but I hear his thoughts…_

"_I… I've killed two people… I've killed… two people… me"_

_He looked at his hands. They were shaking. Just like it happened to me, when I tested the Death Note. Our reactions were very alike…_

"_What do I do… Get…rid of this evil thing…"_

_I didn't know what to answer, since I decided to keep my notebook._

"_No… No wait… This is what I've been thinking all along-"_

_He looked forward. I didn't saw all of his face, it was still too shadowed._

"_**This world is a rotten mess! It really needs to be cleaned up!"**_

_But I saw his eyes… There was **reddish evil** stored into them_

_Where had I seen those eyes before… ?_

* * *

I released a sound comparable to a hiccup when I awoke. I was laid onto a comfy bed with a lavender smell. At least it wasn't vanilla, I hate both the smell and the flavor.

Slowly I opened my eyes.

I still felt the tinnitus in my ears. Everything was white. Huh? Who had brought me into a white room?

"Hunny, how these things happen to you is something I'll never figure out…"

"Papa-da…" I whispered turning to my right side slowly.

"Shhhh, don't talk… You need to rest for some more time…"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"What happened?" I asked stubbornly

"There was a gas run at your school… That was the motive of that explosion… Two people among which a student died in that gas explosion… I don't know about them, but I sure am going to write a long complaint letter to your school insurance, they have to pay all of your hospital bills…"

I looked down at myself. My left leg was a mess. A huge bandage covered my hip, and I could tell it would take a while for me to put my foot down normally.

"God, I'm a mess!" I complained while I sunk my head at my pillow

My dad patted my hand in a cheerful way.

"There are worst things in life, pumpkin… You should be glad, because you can still do the exams!"

We stood silent staring with love at each other.

"I have to go now… Do you want me to bring you something when I come back later?"

"Yes… You know that bunch of notebooks I have on my bed? Please bring those later…"

"Okay, hunny… Rest now…" he said kissing my forehead and leaving the hospital room

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them again…

"**Rise and Shine!"**said Ryuk fluttering upside down to the air, with his face very close to mine.

I stared back at him skeptical.

"Ya know, a normal person would think you're the bogeyman if you did that at night!"

"**Great to know I still have the looks!"** he said, spinning to sit onto the edge of the bed

"How long am I here?"

"**You slept for three days…"**

Three… days?!

"Well, everyone is lazy from time to time," I said to disguise the shock

I glanced at him taking out all the traces of humor in my facial expression.

"However… I wanna know… Why did you write down Sekino's name in your own notebook?"

Ryuk knew immediately I wasn't in the mood for his jokes.

"**I think I won't get away with it, so I'm gonna have to tell you"**

He stared at me with I thought was fascination in his eyes.

"**Sometimes there are humans who live too much without their lives having any sort of meaning, and others that live in such a short time and can't show their true self… That girl had a huge life expectation, let me tell you! Therefore I couldn't miss that chance… and it worked for you as well…"**

"Keep going…"

He stared at me confused.

"I knew all along Ryuk… How you stare at me like I'm your little lamb…"

"**What do you…?"**

Then he got to my point.

"**Ah! Hell no! I never stare at you that way! Just because that woman got caught in the incident doesn't mean I like you or anything like that!"**

But I stared at him maliciously, containing my laugh.

"**WHAT'S SO FUNNY?! I DON'T FREAKING LIKE YOU THAT WAY!"**

"Oh, But you DO like me!" I pointed to him while making a childish mocking voice

After a little more messing with Ryuk, I stopped joking and we talked about several other stuff.

I did believe though that he looked at me like a parent looks to its child, and though anybody would be freaked out for having a non human being looking at them like that, I felt happy because someone besides my father and Millie felt that way for me.

* * *

When my father brought me my notebooks later, I started to think about the fact that the psychologist died. My calm had increased indeed. Comparing to that time when I freaked out thinking of **_L _**tracking me down.

To me that sounded like something that was pre-destined to happen.

"_**But whatever follows… It's pre-destined…"**_

I thought about those wors Light had told me.

Most of us here in Japan love the expression "meant to happen" and "Destiny" concerning everyone's lives. We beleive that desteny is marked onto us when we're born and we should accept that destiny, no matter what.

But I shook off that thought, I din't had patience for that right now...

I knew that _**L**_ could suspect me more than ever now. But as I took out the Death Note from between one of my notebooks one thought crossed my mind.

"_Hell, so what?! I can't be afraid! I can't stop now! I can't let the world down now! They need Kira! I need Kira…"_

And so I wrote more names down while I watched the news on the little TV in the room. I continued throughout the night until I felt woozy enough to sleep.

* * *

_**On that night I dreamt the first of many enigmatic dreams that would haunt me…**_

_I saw myself at the entrance of my school. Pale and with a low head_

"_What's going on?!" I asked impulsively_

_She didn't reply me. She was almost as skinny as a Jew in a concentration camp. I could see the deep holes in her dark eyes._

_**Was I… drugged?**_

"_What's the matter with you?!" I asked horrified to see myself with that look_

_When I tried to touch on the other me, my hand went through her._

"_A-A ghost? A c-clone?"_

_But she kept her head low, not giving me any signs of having listened to me._

_Light passed by us all of a sudden. But she didn't even bother to stare at him, or even call his name._

"_Light-kun! Can't you see me here?!" I exclaimed so loud the echo was higher._

_But he didn't listen to me as well. He stopped, stared at something on the grounds and walked towards them._

"_What the hell?" I whispered to myself_

_My clone began to walk away slowly with her head still low._

_All of a sudden the scenery around became pitch black._

_The other Seira followed to one side and Light followed to another… __**Separately…**_

"_**This single notebook dropped into the human world by a Shinigami… sets off an all-out battle between two chosen people…"**_

"_Who… who is it?" I asked looking around me_

_All of a sudden Light and the other Seira froze where they were._

"_**The two of them walk to meet their destiny on this very day… **_

_**They don't know each other… **_

_**They aren't meant to meet each other… **_

_**They can't meet each other… **_

_**Because if they do… who knows how it will affect their fate…"**_

_What? So in this dream Light and I don't know each other, huh? It sounded too strange for me… _

_But the voice… The deepness of it reminded me of someone… But who?_

"_**If these two souls should ever meet, everything will change… But who will fight the fight with the other chosen one?"**_

_Where was I, in Star Wars?! Because this chosen one talk was too old._

_All of a sudden the scenery came back to normal and there was the school entrance again. Light and the other Seira still didn't move._

"_**Now watch… As these two live the day that will change their lives… Forever…"**_

_The action started to move, and so did Light and Seira._

_So… they would see meet their destinies now?_

_Just like that?_

_Could it mean that Light and I had been, like marked or something when we were born?_

_I didn't have time to waste on occultism mysteries._

_They moved towards different sides._

_So since I couldn't slash myself into two I had to follow only one._

_I took a deep breath. Time was precious._

_**And then on an impulse I turned and ran to follow…**_


	16. Things began to calm down! Or maybe not!

_**XVI**_

* * *

_So… they would see meet their destinies now? _

_Just like that?!_

_Could it mean that Light and I had been, like marked or something when we were born?_

_I didn't have time to waste on occultism mysteries._

_They moved towards different sides._

_So since I couldn't slash myself into two I had to follow only one._

_I took a deep breath. Time was precious._

_**And then on an impulse I turned and ran to follow… **_

**___________________________________________________________**

I gasped as I woke up.

What kind of dream was that? And why the hell did I always had to screw up when something important was to come?

What was Light doing in that dream of mine? And why did I have such a strange appearance from the actual me? How come the two of us didn't know each other in that dream?

_They don't know each other…_

_They aren't meant to meet each other…_

_They can't meet each other…_

_Because if they do… who knows how it will affect their fate…_

The words kept themselves in my mind…

"_Damn I want to sleep again!"_ I said hitting my wrist violently against my sheets

"Dostanoh?" asked a small voice out of nowhere

I looked to my side wondering who the hell it was.

"Sakura-chan?!" I asked in surprise

She was looking at me with confusion stamped in her little face. Her apple cheeks were very red.

"Why you hurt?" she asked trying to climb up my bed

I chuckled softly at her try. She sure had inherited her small height from her sister. I stretched my arms and picked her up. She was so light it almost creped me out.

"Well, you know accidents can happen when you least expect…" I said sitting her at my lap

She stared back at me with innocent glistening gray eyes. I found myself stupefied looking at her eyes, it was the first time I noticed them. A Japanese girl with those eyes. I haven't seen that since "Memoirs of a Geisha". It was like staring at white-crystal mirror, and seeing your innocence reflected there.

"Who gave you those eyes if I may ask?" I asked still surprised

"Papa did" she said hopping a little in my lap

I smiled. It was so unusual seeing someone in Japan with those eyes…

"So beautiful…" I said "Where is your sister?"

Just when I had asked that question Rena popped into the room in a rush.

"Sakura!" she said as she noticed her in my lap "Don't you dare freak me out like that again! I thought I lost you!"

I noticed she barely managed to yell at her own sister. Sakura lowered her head.

"Gomen…" she said

Rena just took a deep breath and she sat on a chair next to my bed.

"Sometimes I wonder how I can even put up with her…"

I smiled back at her.

"Good morning to you as well…" I said

She chuckled a little.

"Ohio… Sakura-chan can you leave one-chan and Seira-chan alone for a little while?"

Sakura looked back at her sister.

"Go meet Millie-san and Light-kun outside..."

I almost stood up in surprise.

"They're here?!"

Rena made me gently lay down again.

"Yes! Yes they are! But I said I wanted to talk with you first. Come Sakura!"

Sakura stretched her arms and Rena picked her up. I wondered how Rena didn't feel her sister was heavy, because she was so very small herself.

She told a nurse to lead her back to the hallway then after her sister left she turned back to me with an embarrassed face. She sat down in the chair next to my bed again.

I saw a small tear roll down her face. When I was going to say something out of my concern…

"It's my fault this happened…" she said with a teary voice

"What are you saying?!" I said "It wasn't your fault, the explosion would have happened anyway !"

"It's my fault you were involved though… And Sekino…"

I lowered my face. Again the disturbing last image of her…

"I saw her burn right in front of me…" I said with a blue tone

She looked straight at me. First with shock them with clear regret

"I should have never been her friend in the first place"

I looked sadly at her.

"Good thing you eventually figured that out… But I still feel sorry anyways…"

"But it's my fault she ended up like this… I shouldn't have lied! But I was so sad; I needed to be accepted by someone… I couldn't be myself if I wanted to be accepted"

She was crying a little now. Her shaking hands covered her face.

"What are you sadder for? For lying to you or for the fact that Sekino is no more?" I asked with a sincere tone

She looked straight at me.

"Both… Even though I realized Sekino wasn't the best company a human life is still a human life… And I feel that if I hadn't said all of those mean stuff to her she wouldn't have done those things to you, and you two wouldn't have been safe from the explosion…"

I stretched my arm and wiped the tears falling down her face.

"You couldn't stop what happened Rena-san… Other people's fate is not in your hands…"

I felt a turn in my stomach as I remembered the words I heard from my dream.

"But somehow I sense that the people you allow to get more to you have a strong influence on your destiny…" said Rena

Though I found her comment to be a good philosophical matter, I couldn't help but to feel a new turn on my stomach as she told that making me tenser due to my recent dream.

"Can we stop talking about that please?" I said with a visibly agonized voice

Rena blushed and looked down at her shoes.

"Gomen-desu…" she said

I took a deep breath and smiled back at her.

"I know you may have lost a friend… AHEM, sorry… But…"

She looked at me waiting for me to finish. Her eyes seemed like the size of two golf balls when they were wide open. Creepy…

"… You have now the chance of winning another…"

Her face seemed to lighten up and her eyes glistened. I winked at her the same way I winked at her once in the bathroom.

"Will you accept me for who I am?" she asked with a cute blush

"You have more probabilities of me accepting you if you never lie to me about whom you truly and really are…"

Rena nodded firmly and two huge tears slid from her eyes.

"Okay okay that's enough you little crybaby…" I said wiping her tears gently

She hugged me very hard then.

"I'm sorry… I know I'm a crybaby… But I've kept lots of things inside of me, I just… I need to let them out…"

I hugged her back.

"I know very well how you feel… Believe me…" I said barely containing my own tears

All of a sudden the door opened.

"Awwww… Such a kawaii scenery…" said a very loud voice

"Millie, shut the hell up!" I said with a jokeful tone as I turned to the door

There she was with her "All-sexy" pose next to the door. Next to her looking confused to us was little Sakura. And finally holding her little hand was my beloved one.

My eyes crossed each and every one of the other's eyes. Then I laid my head on Rena's.

Millie approached us.

"Oh Honey don't tell me you've been crying again…" said Millie hugging Rena as well

"So you two are friends as well…" I said

"Of course… She's been here as many times as Light-kun and I have… waiting for you to wake your lazy-ass…"

"I see I have many catching-up to do… Seeing as you know each other very well already without my permission" I said pulling my tongue out

I looked straight at Light. Finally our eyes met.

There was no confusion or resentment in there. Just concern.

"You could have given some consideration to your friends Seira-chan, we were concerned you were in a coma…"

I looked with a stupefied face at him. Even his humor remained the same.

"Why you…" said laughing back at him

"Huggie for you too Light-kun!" said Millie pulling him towards us.

Next minute it was one hell of confusion with all the three of them on my lap crushing it with their weight combined. Sakura just stood on the ground clapping her small hands in a very joyful laughter.

Besides yelling "Get off goddam it!" I laughed a little to them and myself

Seeing all of them concerned for me was something I never would have imagined. But everything was fine now… They were all there because they cared for me. Never in my life had I known firmly that I was the concern of many good people.

Gaining a new friend was a good prize after a horrible near-death-almost-traumatic experience. I didn't know if I had more reasons to complain or to admit that my life wasn't the piece of crap I thought it was.

Everything was fine… Indeed…

Just for now…

* * *

The following weeks after classes were over the four of us remained as thick as thieves.

Usually we ended up at the cafe where Light and I used to spend time alone. The final exams were getting closer and since Light and I were the braniacs we had to act like teachers especially to Millie (Even Light found himself with a headache when he had to explain a part of the calculus subject).

Rena and Millie were indeed very good friends since my accident, the two of them seemed to have a lot in common (among which is their obsession with the famous actor and singer Hideki Ryuga, which I always found unbearable as soon as they brought him up in their conversations)

We were more concerned about our studies right now, but… I wish I could talk with him alone again.

I felt a tight in my heart as that thought came to me. I didn't forget the fact that he saw me completely exposed and gave me the first kiss in the lips.

But… _**what had that been to him?**_

Those questions faded away though as soon as Millie or Rena called me back to reality. And I ended up forgetting that matter for a while. But our eyes usually looked fixedly at each other. We clearly shared the same thought of wanting to be alone for a while… And talk again like we usually did.

But for now the exams were the obstacle that needed to disappear before we could clear everything out.

* * *

And then came the big day…

The first exam was to be made soon.

And I was on my way to it now… trying to hurry up with my hutches.

"Damn it, why did I had to twitch my foot shortly before this day?!" I said trying to hurry up and keep my balance as Ryuk was laughing hilariously behind me

I was now at the door of the building where my exam was to take its place.

"Do you need any help miss?" asked one of the teachers at the entrance

When I was about to answer yes, all of a sudden Light placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll help her out, don't worry…" he said

Then his action shocked me. He placed himself on his knees, and I felt strange as I was **taken in his arms. **He walked with me to the list of names that said the number of the room where we were going to be. Apparently I would be in room 304 and he would be in room 317. Ohhh, so far…

"Please can you put me down?" I asked after he checked where was the classrooms were we were going to be

"Nonsense, you can hardly walk…" he said asking for excuse to the teacher at the door and entering with me to my classroom

As you can imagine everyone was looking at us. I covered my face in his chest completely embarrassed.

"I hate you…" I said in a low voice

"Good to know…" he said placing me in my seat

I looked up at him. He petted my head.

"Good luck then Seira-chan…" he said

Then he lowered his head and whispered something to me.

"_I need to talk with you when it's over…"_

I looked at him blushed and continued to remain blushed as he began to walk away.

"Good luck to you too Millie-chan…" he said after stepping away

To my horror I saw that Millie was sitting right beside me and looking at me with a perverted face and letting out an evil giggle.

"My my my…" she said maliciously "it seems I'm the one who has a lot of catching up to do…"

I lowered my head in embarrassment as I noticed she and Ryuk were actually laughing in perfect unison.

"_Shut up the two of you…" _

Eventually the exam begun and I spent almost three hours bashing my brain to make everything exactly as I wanted in the answers.

* * *

When it was over….

"UGGGGGGGGGH!" said Millie out loud "MY BRAAAAAAAAAIN… I NEED TO CHARGE IT!"

I looked at her stupefied. Thanks to her wining everyone was looking at us(like usual...).

"Go throw yourself from the tower of Tokyo…" I said as I moved on with the help of my faithful hutches.

"Your Light-kun is my hero, you know…" she said all of a sudden "If it weren't for him I'd be a dull piece of crap in this!"

I smiled as I moved on.

Everyone was talking in groups in the corridors as we moved on. There were millions and millions of students in there it kinda surprised me.

"But it was pretty reachable though!" I said

"Yeah there was no motive for me to be nervous… Thanks to your knight in shining armor!" she said trying to provoke me "I loved the way he carried you to the room like you were his princess…"

I blushed at the thought of imagining myself as a princess and Light as my knight. It was freaking childish!

"Hummm, I can see the scene now…" she said

"I'm already seeing it so shut up before you traumatize me with your little personal fantasy!" I said with a huge drop on my head

"Oh look, there are Light and Rena, I guess they were both in the same room from what she told me before she went in" said Millie pointing at them from the entrance

I looked at them.

"Let's go talk to them then…" I said anxious to know what Light wanted to talk with me about

_**We walked forward and we both seemed to share the same thought as we wondered who was the black-haired guy talking to them.**_

* * *


	17. Horray for me! For I made a new friend!

_**XVII**_

* * *

"_Oh look, there are Light and Rena, I guess they were both in the same room from what she told me before she went in" said Millie pointing at them from the entrance_

_I looked at them. _

"_Let's go talk to them then…" I said anxious to know what Light wanted to talk with me about_

_**We walked forward and we both seemed to share the same thought as we wondered who was the black-haired guy talking to them.**_

**______________________________________________________________________**

And so we walked in their direction.

Rena noticed us immediately and waved joyfully, hopping a little.

"Girls! How did it go?" she exclaimed with a visibly joyful melody in her voice

Light stared at us and so did the black haired stranger.

Millie and I stopped both. The boy staring at us right now had a very peculiar look. And we were looking at that look (seeming to share another telepathic moment, since we both stopped in unison, for the same reason. Strange huh?).

There was a moment of silence as we both observed him. Not even Light or Rena spoke a word. And neither did the stranger.

He was very messy.

I could tell that his black hair, darker than mine, was kind of badly combed, even though it wasn't very bad on him, strangely. One simple large white shirt, blue jeans, that also looked large on him, and a pair of old sneakers was the clothing that decorated him. Quite casual though. He had a very pale skin, paler than a character from Tim Burton's (awesome) movies. And then there were his eyes. Those eyes had a particularity that caught my attention, and it wasn't because of the huge eye bags that were visible within them: _somehow I felt myself entirely reflected in those big deep dark eyes._

_**I didn't need to be a witch, to see that the boy had a very strange aura. **_Ryuk nodded in agreement as I looked briefly at him though the corner of my eyes.

"Anoooooo… Etooooo… Hummm…" both Millie and I said again in unison, due to the embarrassment of not knowing what the heck to say.

Rena gave a new hop and placed herself right next to the stranger. Despite the fact that his posture was curved, she still wasn't taller than him: her head barely reached to his chin.

"I'll present!" she said humbly "But, etooo, promise you won't freak out!"

I frowned in her direction.

"Why exactly Rena-chan?!"

"Eto… Date, eto…" said Rena sounding a little confused

But Light stole the words from her mouth.

"Because his name is Ryuga Hideki!"

Millie released a piercing yell of admiration, and while I covered my ears and lowered my head with a huge drop on my head.

"Oh great, not another Hideki!" I whispered while I slowly released my hands from my ears.

"You're freaking kidding me, right?!" exclaimed Millie to Light "How could he have the same name of the man of my dreams?!"

Of course, she wasn't saying it like she meant it, but shocks usually made her talk too much; perhaps even worse than when she was drunk.

"He was the one who introduced himself with that name Millie-san" answered Light like he hadn't heard her loud voice (usually I would have yelled back at her, but since Light was way calmer than me…)

Millie looked with more attention to the boy. She didn't sound serious at all, because she was already redder than a tomato or a lobster.

If he was thinking that she was some crazy Hideki Ryuga lunatic fan girl… then I wouldn't blame him! Though he stared back at her with the same serious expression on his face, like he was somehow concentrated on her actions.

"Nothing to do… Nothing to do with him AT ALL…" said Millie walking all around him, staring at him in many ways

Finally she stopped right in front of him and approached him. Rena and I were side by side now, and we both looked scared wondering if she was going to kiss him impulsively or whatever.

"However… I do notice the fact… that…" she said creating more suspense for me and Rena

But we both lolled and became at the same time shocked, and Ryuk contained his laugh behind me, as every one of us observed what she did next.

"… YOU HAVE THE CUTTEST CHEEKS!!!!" said Millie pinching the poorp guy's cheeks.

And I could tell you she was pinching harder than Light and I had ever done to each other. Nobody around us said anything, and neither did the people who stopped to stare at the depressing action taking place.

"Awwwwww!!!! KAWAIIIIII WO!!!! OMOCHKAIRIII!!!!!*" she said sounding even more creepier than Rena from the anime "Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni" when she was in her "Kawai phanse"

**(* "AWWWWWWW!!!! SOOO CUTE! I WANT TO TAKE HIM HOME!")**

I stepped forward when I knew that it was enough and forced Millie to stare at me.

"Millie, for God's sake BEHAVE!" I said lecturing her "You've only met him just now, and besides people are staring already!"

She took off her hands embaressed.

"You're no fun Seira…" she said stepping away with a low face, due to the fact that I ended her fun

"**I freaking agree, why did you had to spoil all the fun!" **protested Ryuk sounding like a kid who had just stayed without his lollypop

I ignored them and I made a brief massage in the stranger's face with my fingers. I must say though that he looked better now that his cheeks were all red: He looked less serious!

"Forgive her please!" I said noticing how very soft his skin was, no acne or no pimple marks.

He remained staring at me curious.

I chuckled and smiled back.

"Atashi wa Minamoto Seira-dese! Yoroshikune!" I said trying to sound outgoing but not a complete idiot like Millie had been

The boy's lips finally released a small smile.

"Ryuga Hideki-dese!" he said talking for the first time "Yoroshiku… Minamoto-san!"

Finally we decided to act like the occidentals and a handshake was switched among us.

A good impression was left at least among the two of us. At least it was the way I felt as I smiled back confidently trying to keep balance with only one hutch.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_I finally met this peculiar girl. __**Minamoto Seira…**_

_Before I proceed with the theories that are locked and tight within my mind, I feel I should start from the beginning._

_No one knows much about me… The action where I am at this moment is taking place when I do something rare for me to do that is named "Going out"._

_But It's my job: I am a detective; the world's best detective. __**L **__is how I'm known in my job to the public. In normal circumstances I just adopt some name, which randomly pops into my head. Today I'm known for having the same name as the teenage idol Ryuga Hideki._

_Why don't I introduce myself with my real name?_

_Because my job depends on the secrecy of my name, that's why._

_It all began when criminals from Japan began to die of heart attacks. The first victims may have been just a simple coincidence to the public and the police at first. But then when a huge amount of Japanese criminals died in one weekend, even a simpleton would know that this wasn't a sort of coincidence._

_Interpol made a meeting on the Monday after that weekend. Little did they know that I had already begun to study that case, on the Friday when the second heart attack was heard on the media. There are no such things as coincidences to me, and I proven right when more criminals were reported dead on Saturday and Sunday._

_I knew that it sounded unreal, but I knew it was murder. But of course the Interpol members deduced that as well. In that meeting on Monday, it sounded more like a debate made in a school than a serious police business to be solved. Every single one of the men in that meeting was practically arguing whether if the case was worth investigating or not, since the victims were only criminals and not innocent people._

_Weather the victims are innocents, criminals or whatever, a human life is of equal value, and no one should be allowed to play with a human life just like that. And so I had to catch whoever it was and make him pay for his actions._

_So, when I spoke and interrupted that childish conflict going on in the Interpol, after exposing what I previously stated, I made them some requests, promising that I would bring them closer to our new criminal. Most of them questioned, of course. But there are people there who recognize that I'm an important piece in the game currently going on with this case._

_On that same Monday, I ordered that a criminal whose prison hadn't been spoken in the media, appeared on TV, pretending to be me, and making some public declarations to KIRA. Apparently that is the codename from which we treat our criminal. I ordered that the broadcast was transmitted first in Kantou, then we would see if it didn't work like I planned there. _

_Somehow everyone still had doubts if this KIRA was real or not._

_Anyways, when the confrontation began, everyone watched in silence. I could feel it as he spoke._

_But when he stated that what KIRA was doing was evil, then the guy overreacted. He begun to speak almost as if he wanted to provoke the killer. He criticized him heavily and somehow personally, and he didn't pipe it down even though the policemen insisted for him not go any further on his words._

_Finally, came the expected heart attack after a while._

_And then came my surprise as a response. I stated anonymously on TV that I knew he was in Japan and on the Kantou region(Which made us lucky that day since we actually worked there). I don't know if he heard or not, but from that moment on the pieces of the chess table begun to move._

_And I made the smoothest moves. Which means it was easy. Despite the fact that I acted very fast._

_I noticed in a short time that the times of death of all the criminals was dependent of a certain schedule. On Friday the second murder was committed on 16 pm and more followed until late hours. On Saturday it was pretty much the same thing. But on Sunday the killings stopped on 21:30 pm._

_Immediately after I received these reports from the police members, the possibility that Kira was a student grew over 85%._

_At the same time, I knew it couldn't be just some sort of student. There had to be something peculiar within that student, I just couldn't put my finger on that and tell, what peculiarity was that supposed to be. As I thought about it, on Sunday I made some phone calls that night, giving orders to send some researchers specialized on criminal psychology to make some tests on the Kantou high schools, on different days._

_First came to me tons of reports from Daikoku Private Academy. It was all I needed to make more pieces move._

_Two of them immediately caught my eye._

_**Minamoto Seira and Yagami Light.**_

_I read their reports several times more than the other reports._

_The two of them were the top honor students, and despite their differences they hung out at each other's company very often it seemed._

_Yagami Light caught my attention first, because besides being the son of one of our task forces, he was often talked about for his brightness, intelligence and other peculiarities that belong to a honor student. However Minamoto Seira, was also as bright as him, but always stood second thanks to him. I also read that she had the fame of being the "lonely-emo-chick" of the school, yet she had told the researcher I sent, that she was getting over all of her depressions, and apparently she showed a lot of recently-won self-esteem. I pondered about her report more than on Yagami's report._

_If she was known for having such a bad reputation for being different and frustrated, why did she all of a sudden won all that confidence?_

_It just wasn't something that happens from one day to another to anybody._

_So I asked that same woman to keep an eye on her progress and reporting to me if she said anything relevant._

_On the day before the first consult with Minamoto Seira, however, I heard from the ressarcher/psychologist that Yagami Light had seen her at the police headquarters while taking his dad a new change of clothes. Considering the possibility that Yagami told Minamoto of what he saw, and that Minamoto would be suspicious about it, I asked the psychologist to be extra careful and see through her body language if she was hiding something or hesitating in talking._

_At the same time a much respected duo of FBI officers decided to help me._

_I ordered the couple Ray Penbar and Naomi Misora to follow the honor students of Daikoku Private Academy. Each of them did their jobs._

_Some days had passed. Nothing very relevant happened._

_Untill the day of the first consult of Minamoto that is. On that day too much had happened. The investigator did notice that she sounded interested in some police information. Maybe out of curiosity or maybe not!_

_Then came that bus accident that victimized Naomi Misora and Ray Penbar, right on the same day on which Ray Penbar decided that there was no reason to follow Yagami Light, and joined his bride in the Minamoto tracking. Apparently, there was a bus jacking, then after the jacker drove into the middle of the field, the bus crashed._

_And the only one to survive intact was Minamoto Seira!_

_I knew that didn't just happen just like that._

_Taking the fact that Yagami Soichiro was taking his son to the hospital(who apparently was eager to see if his "girlfriend" was alright), I instructed him to make her some quick questions about what had happened, and if she had seen Ray Penbar and Naomi Misora, who had died on that accident. According to her answers she did talk to them briefly, and was very shocked and very curious at the same time when she knew they were FBI agents._

_She sure is curious it seems…_

_My instinct then told me that I should investigate the Yagami household, pretty much to see what Yagami Light does and if he may have some sort of relevance on this case._

_Call it irony, but I ended up investigating Miss Minamoto yet again._

_On the first day the cameras were in the Yagami residence, she came over with Yagami Light. I ended up sort of studying the kind of "friendship" going on between those two._

_And I can tell there is something there somehow._

_It isn't about the fact that she dined, slept over, had lunch on their house and neither is the fact that two rather peculiar "flirt scenes" went on between those two. I can't quite explain somehow, but one moment they were like close friends, the other they were like brothers or cousins (or from the same family to say the least), and the other like lovers. I must say I find their relationship rather enigmatic, but I just can't help in sensing something there. __**Something… occult… hidden… **_

_There is also the fact that Minamoto Seira noticed that I was watching her while she bathed alone. I wonder if she was very scared, or wondered if there were more cameras inside the house. But she didn't search for them, yet later on that same shower she makes out with Yagami Light almost having sexual intercourses._

_I can conclude that Minamoto Seira is somehow very unstable, yet that isn't one of the reasons why I suspect her, although it IS something very within her._

_The next days she missed many of the consults and became very closed within herself just as fast as she had won all that self-esteem. Probably because of her teenage problems, or the fear of being put into something confusing, or maybe just some bad moment she began to go through. Or somehow a combination of all of those things._

_A new accident then happened, and although she became injured this time, she was the only one to survive. But the victims were the psychologist and a student with which she had had a recent brawl with._

_So, I decided to see for myself what kind of person is Minamoto Seira. And here I am right now, seeing her in one of her cheerful moments, as she talks a little about her to me. Her two friends, the crazy one that pinched my cheeks, and the smaller cute one are all talking very cheerfully to me._

_Yagami Light is also here. He keeps himself a little quiet seen as the girls own the conversation, but I can tell how his concerned look is upon Minamoto-san. _

_One thing is certain: One of the two… will be the key to the Kira case! My mind reels with questions but at the same time with certainties. About these two, especially!_

_**But which of the two is the key to a lock? Or better yet, which one will act as the key and who will be the lock?**_

_I will keep myself close to them and see what I can find out. If there is actually nothing there, too bad to know that I'm putting my life to this case._

_May the mystery carry on, and unfold then… _

_____________________________________________________________________________

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"I have to go now, people!" said Rena still very cheerfully "Sakura-chan is waiting for one of my special lunches today!"

"Who is Sakura-chan, if you don't mind me asking?" asked Ryuga

"My imotoo! Well, see you on the next exam! Don't lose track of your studies, it begins again on the next week! Bye! Oh, and It was very nice to meet you Ryuga-san!"

Ryuga looked down and scratched the back of his head.

"Kawaiiiii!" Millie pointed to him as he looked shy

"Millie!" I whispered reminding her of the lecture I had given her a little while ago

Millie looked back at me shadowy.

"You keep Yagami-kun, I'll keep Ryuga-kun!" she whispered maliciously

I looked at her stupefied. So did Ryuk.

"Already calling him by Ryuga-kun?!"

"Shhhh!" she said rising her head to smile to the boys

**"I hope she's aware that stalking is illegal!"** said Ryuk and I sighed back

It was Millie... What else could there be to say...

Ryuga walked a few steps away from the entrance where we were.

"Going already Ryuga-san?" I asked out

He looked back at me.

"I have to keep my mind prepared; it is on the next week again, after all…"

"You could help me in the process…" said Millie with her all-flirty tone

**"Stalker alert!"** pointed out Ryuk

Ryuga smiled politely.

"I'll see about that but not today… Bye!" he said and then walked down the street disappearing in a corner

I wished that I could talk with that guy again next week. He was very smart, despite his strange appearance.

Millie then jumped and turned to me and Light.

"Gotta hit the road too, momma's already on my heels!" she said picking up her vibrating phone "Later guys! Hey momma!... yeah, it did… No, I'm telling you it did, honest… Damn why can't you…"

And the building entrance was left almost desert with only me and Light, listening to the strong wind.

I turned to him.

"You okay there? I know you didn't talk much, and I feel a little bad for placing you in a corner…"

We looked at each other casually.

"No, it isn't much of a big deal!" said Light with his arms crossed "But I'm wondering,… if I can have you in the afternoon… all to myself…"

I couldn't help but to smile perversely at him, seeing the causality he was using in his voice tone to say that. No Millie, no Rena and no Ryuga around. Ryuk looked away as if he promised not to stay there holding the flag.

What would happen now that we were finally alone? Alone and able to talk freely with each other agin...

**_"In my house then? So that we can 'talk'..."_** I said feeling a shiver as we then moved onward with our eyes locked on each other

* * *


	18. There was something about him and ME!

_**XVIII

* * *

**_

_What would happen now that we were finally alone? Alone and able to talk freely with each other agin..._

"_**In my house then? So that we can 'talk'..."**__ I said feeling a shiver as we then moved onward with our eyes locked on each other

* * *

_

I used my house keys for us to enter.

After he closed the door I sat on my living room couch and threw my hutch to a corner.

"God damn it!" I protested moving my good leg up and down "One week! One more fucking week until I can walk straight!"

He sat down next to me.

"Would you prefer to walk with a wooden plank instead of your leg?" he asked a little ironically

I looked away to my balcony.

"I know it could be worse…"

We both remained silent for a while.

I looked at him and saw he was still looking away. Like nothing had ever happened between us I laid my head on his shoulder.

"I missed being alone with you…" I whispered so low that I wasn't sure he had heard me

His breath hit the top of my head. I thought he might be smelling my tutti-frutti shampoo at the time, but maybe it was just me.

"I'm just worried about you… You've been finding a lot of trouble this year!"

I chuckled and stared at him.

But he was looking at me like I was his daughter or something! Daddy glanced at me exactly like that every time he feared for me.

"Light… what if…?"

He stared at me waiting for me to finish formulating my question.

I took a deep breath and stared at the shut off TV screen as I talked.

"What if I had… let's say, a magnet! A special type of magnet!"

I coughed.

"I'm not being very imaginative…" I tried to say

"Keep going! I'm listening…" he said laying his head on the top of mine

"Humpf… Well, and imagine that that magnet can drag to me… Events, emotions, ideas, that I had never felt before…"

Comparing the Death Note to a magnet! How low had my metaphors descended?!

"Let me suppose that instead of talking about a magnet, you're talking about a _**burden**_!"

"Like in the Lord of the rings…" I said with a dry voice

I was such a big fan of Tolkien's books! Although my favorite character was Sam, I thought of myself as Frodo when I commented about that. I remembered when he decided to take the ring to Mount Doom, and the power it held over him.

But I shook off that thought seen as I was rationally using the Death Note so far.

"Why are you speaking of that now?" asked Light looking suspiciously at me

I realized I had been random, yet again!

"Oh, you know… Remember when we used to play 'What if?' during our conversations?"

"You still make the silliest questions you know…" he said with some humor in his voice

In the beginning of the school year we did 'play' that game a lot. To me it was like unburying good times…

Now that everything was quiet I could think better.

"I just need to distract myself from the fear I feel right now!"

And I had thought too much aloud.

Light made me rise from his shoulder and held both his hands on my shoulders. I couldn't look away from his inquiring eyes. My cheeks felt heavy.

"What fear?! Tell me! What bothers you?! Is something messing with your sanity?! HUH?" he said shaking me a little

I stood still looking at him with almost teary eyes.

"Kowai…" I said "Kowaio! Kowaio*!"

**(AN: *I'm scared!)**

He approached me.

"Of what?" he whispered determined to rip the truth from my mouth

_**Was I supposed to tell him everything at the time I wonder now? **_

_**Would it avoid the sad destiny that awaited us?**_

"**Well?" **asked Ryuk like he was watching a thriller movie **"Will you tell him? Or not?"**

My vision became blurred as I stared again into Light's eyes. _**In that moment I saw his brow eyes turn reddish, and his face seemed strange. It was as if those red evil eyes were seeing me from the inside and ordering me to submit to them. I felt an urge to scream… It was as if I was staring at the boogeyman of my personal nightmares…**_

"Hey! Wake up!" he said shaking me a little

When I shook my head I saw his sweet face and his clear concerned brown eyes again staring at me. But there was no evil there. How could my head play so much with me?

"Never mind my nonsense talk Light, as you know I've been through hard experiences lately" I said taking a deep breath and remembering all of them with a flash "I will be direct with you… There are only two things I'm afraid of: **I'm afraid of myself! And I'm afraid of losing my beloved ones…"**

Daddy… Millie… Rena and Sakura… All of them flashed slowly through my mind.

I placed my palms on his face.

"… **among those beloved ones is you" **I said petting his face the same way he did it so many times "I don't want to lose you for nothing! But with these strange stuff happening to me I'm scared that someone I love turns up as a victim, I hope you understand me…"

I embraced him and he embraced me back.

"You won't be rid of me that easily, you know… I won't lose sight of you Minamoto Seira. I'm too bonded to you to let you go…"

"_Bonded_?" I asked like a naïve curious child

_**They don't know each other… **_

_**They aren't meant to meet each other… **_

_**They can't meet each other… **_

_**Because if they do… who knows how it will affect their fate…**_

_**If these two souls should ever meet, everything will change…**_

The words in my dream seemed to echo through the room. I wanted to have that dream so badly, but my mind just didn't obey my wish. What exactly could be wrong with the fact that Light and I had met on the last day of the 11th grade in an awkward way, and begun to talk after that?

"Don't ask me… I just feel bonded with you, that's all. Like you're my middle sister, or something like that…"

I confess I preferred that he said "my beloved one", like I thought of him, but I couldn't be indifferent to such a thought.

We released each other.

"You could be the older brother I never had too! Even though you're only older than me by a day!"

We chuckled in unison. That was another strange coincidence we noticed since we me. His birthday was on February 28th, while mine was on February 29th. But since you know sometimes the month of February only has 28 days, most times our birthdays were on the same day (even though I said since little that if there was no 29th of February it wasn't my birthday; That excuse was in order for me to escape aging years, boy how I was funny when I was less than two feet).

"Our day is coming in two weeks by the way!"

I chuckled childishly.

"Nope I won't be celebrating! If there's no 29th of February only you will be hitting maturity! Tough luck, cuz I'm still enjoying childhood!"

He nagged my head.

"Clever, clever, little sister!" he joked

"OWWWWW! CUT IT OFF!" I said hitting his chest softly with a pillow from the couch

The afternoon eventually flew, and it was evident that we were friends again, like before. We talked laughed and picked on each other like we used to.

Yeah, I should be so grateful that everything seemed normal for once.

As we said goodbye to each other though, it was a déjà vu scene.

I stepped on my toes to reach for his face but, unlike that other time on which I stopped and then kissed him on the cheek, he made a movement and our lips touched briefly.

We didn't kiss back though, I looked down shyly towards our feet.

"Gomen…" I said with a dry voice

Then just some brief smiles were switched among us. No more words were switched during that day.

Shortly after he left, I was laying in my bed grabbing hold of the Death Note looking distractedly towards the ceiling.

"**Baka! Still unable to take the chance as always!" ** said Ryuk coming through the wall while finishing an apple.

I turned to my right side.

"It… it might be dangerous if we get too close… It's enough luck that the police hasn't arrested me yet, but what if he's too much involved in my problems? That's just what I think…"

"**Yet he seemed to know of something, when he said he remembered the cameras in his house!"**

I rolled over to my left side.

"I'm afraid of going further! It's crazy talk to me! Speaking of crazy what's up with me seeing him often like he's… **evil?**"

I said that remembering the times I saw the reddish eyes in him in my daydreams, hallucinations or whatever you want to call them!

"You also seemed to know something yourself! You told me Light-kun was familiar to you!" I said sitting up quickly and staring at him with a serious inquiring face

He seemed to hesitate in answering.

"**When I saw him, I felt like I had already met him somehow! I can't tell you any further not that it's forbidden, but also because I can't explain it with much detail. I just remember him somehow, but I can't tell how!"**

I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes.

"Occultism, occultism and more occultism! Just what I needed in a stage on which I'm not rid of the stinkin' exams!" I complained "Probably I would be prepared for a philosophy or a psychology one tomorrow morning!"

I reached my head onto the pillow and read the Death Note. Boy was I becoming fearless. There were tons and tons of names written, even I was surprised.

When I read a name though I was surprised couldn't tell if in a calm or a strange kind of way:

_**Rolf Connor**_

He was a known pedophile, who had always ended up being considered innocent of his crimes due to the money he gave to the judges before the trials.

But the thing was he lived in Britain, and I was dealing with criminals only from Japan in the first place.

I turned some more pages. Yes there were still lots of Japanese names written but as I turned every page it was becoming easier and easier for me to find a foreign name in it.

**박지은****주**

**...  
**

**Juan Cruz**

**...  
**

**Luc Minochet**

**...  
**

**Lucy Adams**

**...  
**

**鄧小平馬霍**

**...  
**

**Oscar Wide**

**...  
**

…

**There were foreign names written! Names I didn't remember having written in there!**

I was shocked to even see that I had written in Chinese and even in Corean.

I could hear my heart beat louder and louder like it was echoing through the room.

"When did I write this? _**When did I write this?!" **_I asked completely crept out

Ryuk examined the names.

"**You did this while you were in the hospital at first… But lately you've been doing it recently!"**

"Why didn't you never call me out about it?!"I asked angry

"**I don't have to! My main obligation is to watch as you use it further! And it seems you **_**have! Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk!"**_

Ignoring his chuckle. I looked at the cover crept out.

NOW I was the one who sounded crazy!

Look clearly at the irony in this: _**While I was hearing that "I somehow remember" without the person never having done it, I on the other hand couldn't remember having written those names!**_

True that they were criminals (some nastier than the others), but I never wanted to make my actions be known worldwide. And since the beginning I only killed those who killed, but why was I going for pedophiles, burglars, among other categories of criminals?!

Was the power, or rather the Death Note... _taking control?

* * *

_

On that night while I slept I dreamed, but it wasn't the dream I wanted to dream.

"_Kill them all! Kira! KILL THEM ALL!"_

"_For me and my child, Kira please kill them all!"_

"_Save us Kira! Save us from the evil rotting this world!"_

"_You're our only hope! You're the only one who can change this world!" _

"_DO IT! DO ITTTTTTT!"_

_And on that dream I was sitting in a throne with a beautiful long Gothic Lolita dress, with long curled up hair. I looked and felt like a princess receiving the main crown.  
_

_ The people screaming around me were also bowing to me._

_It was as if the childish dream I had of being world leader had come true. _

_And someone was holding my hand softly to my left. I looked up at the standing person with wide eyes._

_**All I managed to catch before I awoke all sweaty and shaking in my bed was reddish glowing evil in that seemed to be the eyes of the person. Nothing else.**_

_What followed after that was an amount of sleepless nights…_

_Next morning I decided to do what I feel I never should have done: I took the Death Note with me every time, and I always had the care of keeping my tired eyes open for any suspicious action I might take. For I wanted to keep track of EVERYTHING I was doing with the Death Note, in order to avoid strange surprises like that one you saw. _

_And for a while nothing strange happened. But only for a while though...

* * *

  
_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"_**Ryuzaki! Ryuzaki!"**_

_I looked up at my computer screen._

"_Fill us all in Watari!" I spoke aloud_

_The men who had decided to stay with me were all practically asleep in my hotel room, except for Mr Yagami._

"_**There are reports! Criminals in foreign countries are dying of heart attacks**__!"_

_Mr Yagami rose his head is surprise._

"_Im-Impossible!" he said aloud making the other men wake up_

"_Can you find me some of the names?" I asked aloud_

_Shortly after my request there came a list of confirmed deaths._

"_Wha…?" asked the other men as they also looked amazed at the list_

_I smirked._

"_So, Kira has decided to make this a global challenge huh?" _

_I looked up at the other men who were looking shocked at the fact that Kira was now making this challenge more wider._

"_You may go home for the night if you wish!"_

_The gasped in surprise._

"_Huh?" asked Touta Matsuda, one of the youngest men in the task force "But this is a revelation! We HAVE to investigate this further!"_

"_You've been enough help for the night!" I said smirking politely at all of them "But I also need to be alone to think about this more clearly! Pick up your cell phones and leave if you please!"_

_As they eventually resigned themselves and exited, besides seeming to hear them ask among themselves "Does he ever sleep?", I picked up the two files I hadn't let go of._

_Whoever Kira was, he or she was gaining a brilliant mind. I could tell that Kira's determinations were now to finish crimes worldwide._

_**Kira had won a very dangerous mentality in such a short time.**__** I guess that's what happens when power gets to you easily.**_

_But as I watched the pictures of Minamoto and Yagami over and over again, I wondered the stubborn question to myself yet again:_

"_**Which of them is the key and which of them is the lock?"

* * *

**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

I yawned out loud. Needless to say that I had barely managed to sleep in the weeks that followed.

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AT LAST! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I was walking in two legs(finally!) and I was making an effort to stay calm and sober as Millie and I walked away from our last exam(finally!). The exams hand ended one weekago, but me and Millie decided to go to the second phase, since the subject in the matter was more complex.

"Christ, we need a little peace and quiet after this stage!" I complained calmly

Millie stood in front of me.

"Au contraire! NOW is the time where we must let our energies invade us!" she said dancing happily(or rather hopping in the air…)

We continued to walk out of the building.

"Where is heeeeeeeeee?" asked Millie looking for Ryuga-san.

"Probably wearing a helmet for preventing against cheek pinching!" I joked and Ryuk laughed behind me

She looked at me with sad puppy eyes, and then she seemed to remember something.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she said closing up to me "You need to wear this!"

And she showed a tissue in her right hand.

"Why I don't have the flu or anything?" I asked confused

She placed herself behind me, and placed the tissue in front of my eyes.

"It's for a blindfold, silly!" she said tying it up behind the back of my head

I rolled my blinded eyes.

"Where's the piñata? And the stick?" I asked

"There is no piñata, although something sweet will come after this!" she said with a suspense voice

Next minute she drove me through places I could not see due to the blindfold.

But when we seemed to enter a place full of people, after a little while she made me stop.

"You can take it off now!" she said happly

**I took off the blindfold and I saw with a huge surprise that…**


	19. After my promisse many fears went away

_XIX_

_But when we seemed to enter a place full of people, after a little while she made me stop._

"_You can take it off now!" she said happly_

_**I took off the blindfold and I saw with a huge surprise that…**_

* * *

_The following chapter was rewritten on the 30__th__ of January, 2012._

I looked slowly annoyed at Millie.

"Millie… You better have a reasonable explanation for whatever is going on here…" I said making her a threatening face

What was the surprise you ask?

Sitting at a table were two guys that were her friends or so it seemed. One of them had straw colored hair and amazingly green eyes, you know, that sort of green on which you aren't sure if it's real green or baby blue. He was very handsome and he dressed some shorts as a surfer. Quite the shape he had, but he was very white somehow. The other guy reminded me a lot of Sasuke from "Naruto", an anime series I sort of like. He had very dark hair like Ryuga, but his eyes were dark brown like mine. He dressed a leather coat (which was strange since it was so darn hot!) , blue ripped jeans almost everywhere, and some black and red Allstars. He had some hairs up due to hair gel but it wasn't all messed up like Ryuga's hair was. He was more of a punk than I was (today I only wore a dark mini skirt, a Blue Top with a flaming heart and some white AllStars).

"A double date? That was your surprise?" I asked with a stupefied face at Millie

Millie shook her head.

"Nonono! Wait just let Rena arrive, kay?"

"What does Rena…?" I was about to ask, but as I heard her voice I got my answer

"Ooish-kun, you lead him!"

"Come on Yagami-san almost there!"

That voice was from Kichiro Haji from my school. He was very familiar with Sekino and Rena before, but quite the sweet kind of guy with girls. He also had lots of them behind them, like Light, and although he looked 14 or 15 he was very tall due to the fact that he practiced basketball. He looked very much like Shin from the anime "NANA", only he dressed very normally and didn't had blue hair, but dark-brown hair darker that Light's hair.

"Nah-ah-ah! No peeking until Rena-chan says so!"

I then saw that Kichiro and Rena were both holding Light's arms while he was… blindfolded too. At that moment I didn't know if it was to be skeptical or to shake my head vigorously and demand what was this entire scheme about.

Millie then placed herself in front of Light and removed the blindfold away from his face. He looked at her somewhere between embarrassed and confused.

"Omedeto!" she said happily

"Say WHAT?" I exclaimed in shock

She gasped and looked towards me preparing for a lecture.

"How could you forget it was your birthday AND Light's birthday?" exclaimed Millie

My cell phone vibrated and I looked at it.

"Yeah… I was supposed to know about that right now…" I said showing Millie the agenda that displayed 'Light's birthday' on it "Gomen Light-kun, but with the exam today I…"

He shook his shoulders and sent me a small smile as if saying it was alright.

"Typical of you to have reminders, but aren't you forgetting that it's YOUR birthday too?"

Yeah… On that year there was no 29th of February so therefore I and Light turned 18 exactly on that day. On that precise day!

"The day I feared the most finally arrived…" I said sadly

"Well, we're CELEBRATING!" said Millie with her usual aloud voice

"Surprise party-desu!" said Rena with a humble yet cute voice

I looked around.

"But… But… why?" I asked stupefied "I didn't ask for any of this…"

Millie held both my shoulders.

"You've been a friend for so long to me… It's been over ten years now… Who would even believe this could last for that long!" said Millie now calmly "So I thought I would make you a surprise party… With some help from Rena-chan and some mates!"

I felt teary eyes and Millie immediately embraced me. She had prepared that surprise all to me. Yes over ten years and she makes the best surprise ever.

"No thank yous are needed you little crybaby…"

"And of course since Light-kun's birthday is on February 28th we couldn't let him get away with this now could we?" said Rena cheerfully

Kichiro then made his way to stand in front of me.

"I know I might not have talked with you much, but you were my classmate anyways and I believe that as a gentleman I should give you this…"

He then gave me a black and red package.

"Arigato… Haji-kun!" I said opening it to reveal a Kurt Cobain shirt.

My eyes glistened. He laughed softly and scratched the back of his head.

"I heard somewhere you liked that guy, so I knew you would like it, Minamoto-chan!"

I looked back at him and smiled. I used to think that the rumors of that guy being very sweet were all fake, and I used to think of him as the "I'm the best fuck the rest" kind of boy. Now I was being proven how rumors sometimes (but ONLY sometimes) were correct.

"I don't know what to say…"

Light then made his way closer to me.

"You don't have to say anything, Seira-chan! By the way… Omedetto!" he said kissing my forehead quickly

I blushed but smiled.

"Omedetto!" I said with a pleasant shiver in my chest

After looking at me perversely for a while, Millie then turned to the guy she knew.

"Aye, Nobu! Do ya have the train schedules to Aoyama?" she said slapping him on his head but not very hard

"What do you mean Aoyama?" I asked confused and surprised

"Shinji here has the schedules and the guest list for Note Blue!" said the straw colored hair guy pointing towards the punk guy

Now that I knew the two guys' names I felt more confident to talk to them than I was minutes ago.

"Anoo, Nobu-san, if you don't mind me asking, what are you three talking about?"

Nobu chuckled back at me.

"We're going to watch the performance Olivia Lufkin is giving this evening at Note Blue!" he answered winking at me

"No way!" I said surprised

"Way!" he answered back "We've been planning this for two weeks! It wasn't a piece of cake buying tickets, since nearly everything was out! Luckily, Shinji here knows the manager of the place and managed to make a guest list on his name, which means that besides not having to pay the entrance along with the drinks, you don't have to wait in the line that certainly is there!"

I smiled back at Nobu. Despite the fact that I just met him it was easy talking to him.

Light held my hand which made me creep myself out. The way he held my hand looked as if he was ready to protect me in case I would be in danger.

"So we better get going then!" he said "The trains ought to be full by now if Aoyama is the way!"

And so as we made our way to the station I talked a little with the new "intruders". Although Shinji seemed to me as the serious-type, I found that Nobu was a so-very pleasant company. He told me he was already in Toudou College, but as a freshman. Also that he was in the acting club, and he had played on that year the part of Melchior in the musical play "Spring Awakening".

"Maybe you could join the acting club next year!" he said cheerfully

I smiled humbly and looked away giggling and putting my tongue out.

"I don't know if I have talent for that! I imitated some characters from animes and movies when I used to be alone but I don't think I'm that ready for that!"

"If you don't have what it takes you'll learn how to have it!" he said patting my shoulder with such a confidence

Talking to him was like receiving fresh water in your face after a long run or at a summer warm day. I hoped I could end up in Toudou to be with people like him. And to keep in touch with those I already had proximity with.

All of a sudden I noticed something! I picked my cell phone. It was vibrating for a while now, but I had only noticed it at that moment. Covering my ears to listen better I answered it without looking who it was. I assumed it was a relative of mine

"Moshi-mosh!"

"_Omedetto!"_

Well my hunch wasn't wrong! Dad also counted as a relative! As the closest of relatives…

"Daddy!" I sighed "Did ya really have to remind me of this day as well?"

"_How could I not?"_

We had arrived at the station, and as the others placed themselves in the line to buy the tickets, I walked of near the bathrooms to talk in a quieter place.

"Look, before you worry about me, today I'll be going to Aoyama with some friends! I'll see a live show on Note Blue."

"_Olivia Lufkin, right? By the way are you going with someone I know?"_

"There's Millie and Light, you remember them right?"

"_Keep yourself in the company of those two, I trust them a lot!"_

"Dad, you've only been with them sometimes!"

"_But I can sure tell how they care for you…Millie doesn't let go of you that easily since it's been so long since you became friends. And Yagami-san… he's one of a kind among boys."_

I looked at the line for the tickets. Boy was Olivia quite the hit or what! (The line was at the other side of the street already, believe it or not!)

"_Ya know… I'm looking at some pictures now… Remembering how ya used to be my chibi girl…"_

I sighed and laughed.

"I miss those times already…"

"_But you must focus on the present, hunny! What's gone is gone, and you can't let it mess with the present!"_

"Wacata…"

The line stood silent for a while. I thought I heard a sob on the other side of the line but maybe it was my own sob.

"_Mom would have been proud of you!"_

"Wacata…" I repeated

My mother, my beautiful mother entered my thoughts. I remember me wanting to be the kind of woman she was. She seemed perfect to me in every aspect.

I had inherited her hair, the tone of her skin, and her gaze. I thought of myself as a proof that she somehow lived in this world, so at that moment I knew of another reason to think I was valuable. That my existence wasn't thrown into a garbage can just like that!

Why did that had to happen to a woman like her? She hadn't done anything to anyone, never even touched a fly to hurt it. Yet she had been killed brutally in front of me, after I watched her being raped and injured brutally. _By a bastard whose face I remembered clearly_…

My incontinent wanted to remind me of something else, but I wasn't getting to it on that moment…

All I knew was that an old wound had been reopened once again. And I could feel the internal bleeding, as if the blood was spreading through my organs.

"_I think I'll be late today at work again by the way hunny! If you stay at Millie's house tell me anything, even if it's just a ring!"_

"I will, daddy!"

"_Enjoy your day then! And don't let that what is now gone mess with who you are right now!"_

"Hum-hum!"

"_Love you to death!"_

"Love you back!" I said and then I turned off the cell phone

I sighed and looked down.

Ryuk fluttered from the ceiling towards me. He wanted to make me jump but I was far too focused on myself.

"**Omedetto for still being alive for 18 years now!"**

I looked sarcastically at him. His creepy humor hadn't change at all.

"Arigato! I guess… Né Ryuk!"

"**Nani?"**

"About the eyes… I think I've decided about that!"

"**You're telling me that… now?"**

"Do you want to hear my answer or not?" I asked impatiently

He didn't speak and made a gesture for me to spit it out.

"One day… I will find a certain someone… Someone who took from me something I craved! And when I find that certain someone… I will make the eye trade… And see that name and face clearly as I kill that someone!"

Ryuk still sounded confused.

"**But… What if you discover his or her name anyways?"**

I laughed quietly, and shook a little.

"No… I can see his face clearly right now… But not his name! He's a wanted criminal, but like L his name is unknown to the public… And I wouldn't be surprised if he used tons of false names"

My voice sounded dry and creepy.

"**Why do you need that person dead so badly?"**

My hand landed upon my chest close to my heart.

* * *

"_How long will the therapy last? Don't hide anything from me doctor!"_

"_I'm unsure but I can't guarantee that she will get over what she saw that easily. Your daughter is in a grave state of shock. It's been three days now and all she does is look through that window in a state of trance."_

"_Minamoto-senpai! Where Seira-chan be?"_

"_Millie-chan! What are you doing here sweetie?"_

"_Millie wanna see Seira-chan! Seira-chan here?"_

"_Yeah, she's here, but…"_

"_Millie don't run off from us again like that!"_

"_Gomen mama!"_

"_Mr. Minamoto, I'm so very sorry for what has happened, I couldn't believe when I heard of it… Mrs. Shizue of all people was…"_

"_I know…"_

"_Millie, dad's at the entrance, go meet him!"_

"_Demo… Me want to see Seira-chan! Where Seira-chan is?"_

"_I'll say hello to her for you and I'll give her that pretty necklace you bought for her I promise! Now go meet daddy please!"_

"_She's quite a friend to my daughter… I feel really bad that she can't see her but…"_

"_How is little Seira-chan dealing with it?"_

"_Couldn't be worst! She became unreceptive to this world!"_

"_She'll get over this! Leave it to time to heal her pain… It will be nothing in a couple of years…"_

* * *

I buried my nails in my heart as my memory unburied that long lost conversation. Little did Millie's mom knew how mistaken she was at the time. Not even time had the medicine to heal what I've seen…

"It's because of a wound… A wound that will only be healed after I've done it… It's been in my chest for years waiting to be healed… It's about time I got the chance to do it and be happy…"

My answer to Ryuk echoed in my head as I moved to meet with my friends, right when they had gotten their turn.

After a long silent time at the practically full train and a long foot walk through a filled up street, we made our way to Note Blue. Only Rena, Kichiro, Shinji and Nobu had been there, though they didn't tell me much about the bar because they believed I had to see the inside for myself. So we entered and we were looked with some hostility from the people waiting in the line for a ticket.

When I saw Note Blue I was surprised with its enormous size. It was sort of dark but there were lots of lights of various colors on the floor, which I assumed was to make it an appealing dance floor. On the middle of the room was a stage, with a micro. A rose was tied in that micro. A fancy decoration I thought.

We found a table with some seats in the corner of the room. After we asked for beers, vodkas, and gin (Nobu had the guts for such a drink!), we just stood there talking all night long. Light was sitting next to me and strangely enough his right arm was almost around me.

I could tell though that besides the fact that the show still didn't start, there was the smell of attraction in the air. Millie had all of a sudden stood saying she was going to the bathroom; five minutes later Nobu said the same thing. The suggestive gesture she had made him when she went to the bathroom was immediately realized by me.

So only me, Light, Rena and Kichiro were there talking (Shinji had found some friends and they were now walking around due to all of the beer they had exaggeratedly drunk).

"God there should be a limit for these things…" said Rena looking with a sort of concerned face towards Shinji and his mates

"What can you do, some people find it fun when they're not thinking soberly…" said Kichiro with a warm smile planted on his face

Kichiro and Rena sure showed certain proximity as friends, but I didn't saw them as the possibly-happy couple.

"Good thing we have a good sight of the stage here!" I said cheerfully "I would hate it if I had to stand!"

"By the way Light-kun!" said Rena all of a sudden "What are you going to offer Seira-chan?"

That Rena sure knew how to get out of her shell in inconvenient moments. I felt a little wave of regret for having forgotten about buying something to him, but all of those thoughts blocked out when I heard him say the following words:

"_**That is supposed be a secret between me and my girlfriend**_"

Na-Nani? Did he actually say that, I thought at the time? I felt a little dizzy as Kichiro and Rena showed their surprised faces.

"Girl… friend?" asked Rena calmly surprised

Kichiro chuckled softly and stared at the two of us warmly.

"Not that I'm surprised… You two used to hang out during this last year of high school. Like bees are around honey everyone could tell how you were around each other!" he said, but not mocking me at all

I stood up all of a sudden.

"Toilet!" I sad as I walked from the table and headed for the bathroom

Ryuk was laughing out loud. I could hear him due to the fact that the toilet was completely empty. I looked at him annoyed but he kept laughing like he had heard a recently funny joke.

"**Ya shoulda… Ya should have seen the look on your face when he referred to you as his…"**

My cheeks and my chest were both aching in unison. What had just happened? Gosh I wish Light would explain himself to me later! I was sick of chitchat! I was practically ready to go outside and ask him the definitive question: "What do you REALLY feel about me?". And I wanted a clear, objective and definite answer. While I searched my wallet for my cell to see how many "Happy Birthday" messages I had, I picked my Death Note instead.

"Nice day for me to have this with me!" I said now with a bad hair day face

I peeked through the pages.

"Well, glad to see that I remember everything I wrote there!" I said feeling a little relieve within my guts

As I exited the bathroom and looked around to find my way back to the table I looked at a corner and noticed something that made my teenage fears rise once more.

Millie and Nobu were at that dark corner. He was with his back against the wall and with his arms around her, one hand on her back another on her ass. She had her right knee pressed against the wall in a provocative way, and one of her hands was messing with his hair. Of course I didn't need to mention they were kissing. Only that they were visibly French kissing. They didn't notice though that they were having me as a sort of audience.

Instead of looking away or minding my own business like practically anyone would I stood there and watched with my stomach giving a turn.

I thought about the time on which we had kissed at the shower. What was wrong with me at the time? It had happened just like that! I didn't hesitate nor tried to turn my face away! But watching them make out with that intimacy made me realize how scared I was of him. Not of him actually but of taking the chance of being with him. What if I failed as his "recently-nominated-girlfriend" as he so elusively said it? And there was also the burden I carried. I believed that L didn't let that little scene between the two of us pass by! I was scared that something would happen to him! But I was worried with myself as well. Was I stopping myself from living a relaxed and normal life due to the fact that I had the constant worry that I would be arrested? I squeezed the notebook inside my wallet with my fingers.

So at that moment as I raised my head and decided to go back to the table where the rest of the guys were I made a small cut within me. I divided my heart between the love I felt for him, for the people I cared about, and the burden that I carried. I wouldn't let the pressure make me give up any of the two.

_**I finished making a silent promise to myself: When I kill that certain person, I would give up the Death Note and live a normal life with the time that I was left to remain. Only to live happily with those who were important to me. Only to live like the human I was…**_

That was definitely sealed that within me as I arrived on the precise moment Olivia was on the stage and screams were heard everywhere. I watched the show with a warm smile seeing how Olivia managed to touch on my inner feelings with all of her songs. And as the song "Tears and Rainbows" was being performed, without realizing me and Light were watching that while I had my head on his shoulder and his head was laying over mine.

At that moment a positive thought echoed in my head:

"_Everything will be alright! I know it will!"_

* * *

Eventually we exited the bar after a long while. Millie and Nobu had joined us in the middle of the show. I smiled naughtily at Millie but she didn't get my smile though.

"Damn! Where could that Shinji be?" asked Nobu out loud

"I think he went out due to the hangover he's probably feeling by now…" said Rena

"God, I'll need to find him then! Right then, remember: I want you in Toudou next year freshmen! Especially you!" he said pointing to me

I blushed.

"I look forward to seeing that cute blush when you begin to learn how to act!" he said touching the tip of my nose friendly

"Ay, Nobu-san careful, she's taken!" said Rena joke fully pointing at Light who was standing right behind me

"My bad! Well, I'll see you there then! Millie… you know…"

After switching contacts and watching him run off in search of Shinji, Millie immediately closed up on me. We walked away from the others just some meters of distance.

"It seems that I am the one who has a lot of catching up to do…" she whispered in my ear

"And might I ask did Nobu kissed well?" I asked just to be mean

She looked at me like I was the boogeyman or something she feared.

"I'll… hum… I'll fill you up later! Besides you can't ask those questions, you're taken!" she said pulling her tongue out towards me

"Believe it or not he didn't ask me, he MADE me his girlfriend it seems!"

"Explain it better!"

So after I told Millie what had happened, she took a deep breath and talked seriously.

"Don't you think you're shaking inside for nothing? I mean he made things easy for someone like you! Most times you're too shy to make a move, so you have to take this easy chance!"

I lowered my head.

"But what if… If something doesn't turn out good in the end?"

Millie raised my chin with her hand.

"Seira, you need to live these experiences, otherwise human life will be no fun! And if something doesn't go right, I doubt you'll be easily rid of each other! You're like… bounded"

I looked at him while he talked and laughed a little with Kichiro and Rena.

"Just for this night… Let the fear pass you by!" said Millie kissing me on the cheek

Her words made a cozy feeling in my chest. Before I knew it we were again at the station where we had left in the first place.

"Guys, thank you just… Thank you!" I said without knowing what to say

Rena took both my hands in hers.

"I had to give you something, for making me grow a little!"

I could tell she was more mature. She was very humble in attitude now, but she seemed more natural now. Even her smile was filled with a lot of charm.

"I'll be going home now…" I said

Light immediately acted as an escort to me.

"I can't let you out there alone at night! I'll go with you!"

I smiled softly at him. Always so protective towards me…

As the other three walked off, I and Light walked silent for a while.

"Dad will take a while tonight, and it's still kind of early…" I said as I noticed it was still fifteen past eleven

"Then come to my place for a little!" he asked gently

He laughed as he noticed my concerned expression

"No cameras anymore!"

"How do you know?"

"As soon as I checked the shower one day I knew that all of them were gone!"

I breathed in relieve, and shook as he said the word "Shower".

"Can I… Can I hold your arm?" I asked very shyly

He opened his arm a little, and I grabbed it with my two hands but not in a possessive way. It was the first time we were walking holding arms. It's a lot more intimate than walking while holding hands.

* * *

As I got to his home I noticed no one was there.

"Dad is late too, mom went to a funeral of a distant relative and Sayu is staying at a friend's place!" he explained to me

All of a sudden taking the words daddy had said on the phone and the words Millie had said to me on that night, I made him look at me and I made an effort to put myself in tiptoes. Our lips touched briefly but only because I wasn't maintaining my balance there. Maybe because I was shaking deep within me, or maybe because I was a little tired. He looked humbly at me waiting for something to be said.

"Humpf…" I said pretending to be annoyed "It was rough… Not sweet at all!"

We chuckled in a low voice in the darkness. His hand placed on the back on my head and his fingers involved themselves with my hair.

"Maybe because you were the one to kiss this time!" he said

Before I could mess with him more, he closed up on me and pressed his lips against mine not leaving me any time to breathe. But the kiss this time was… I had no breath at the time to think about it. Okay, so the kiss was breathless… literally and not literally! As I slowly closed my eyes, he placed his other free hand on my waist. My arms wrapped on his neck and I tried my best to kiss him back in a talented way.

We then separated. Without switching a word he took my hand and guided me upstairs. It was then that I was sure of what would follow. I never imagined myself having sex. Was I ready to take that step? Was he so sure that I wanted that?

"Go freshen up if you feel like it…" he said pointing up to the bathroom.

"Okay…" I whispered making my way through the door.

Inside I washed my face a couple of times. My hands were shaking so much. I wanted to do it. But it would be my first time. I didn't know what I was about to put myself into. Would it… hurt?

Before I forgot, I texted to Millie: "_Please tell my father that I'll be staying at your place. I need this alibi for this night."_

Her reply didn't take long: "_;)". _Of course she knew where this would be going. I shook my head taking a deep breath as I entered his room.

He was closing the curtains a little, but they were wide enough for the moonlight to lighten up his bed. I looked at the sight. I already wondered how we would look like.

After he locked the door he grabbed me again by the back of my head with both his hands and once again he took my breath away with a kiss. I moaned in delight, as my mouth slightly opened, which allowed his tongue to make contact with mine.

I then sat down on his fresh bed. I had to lay down because he laid himself over me. I had some tears near my eyes, and he immediately wiped them off. I sure was glad Ryuk had decided to respect my privacy this time and decided to sit and keep it quiet downstairs.

I glanced at him from above me and my hands headed for his waist. I lifted his shirt up. I wanted to look at him. His body was well defined; his skin was soft; his smell was overwhelming. I felt my chest getting heavier. I wanted him! I wanted him so badly!

He began to rise up my top, removing in with no effort. Then he unzipped my shirt, took off my socks, and the next moment I knew I was only in my underwear to him. He stood up from the bed and lowered his pants down, along with his boxers.

I sat again in the bed, and l turned my back to him. Only my lingerie separated us. From here on I would only be doing what my desire told me to do. I was entering the path of no return.

I felt the bed sheets getting heavier, ad he sat behind me, and started planting soft kisses on my left ear and neck. My breath felt heavier and it was getting harder to contain the groans I wanted to yell out loud. I felt my bra loosen, and then his hands moved in softly touching and grabbing hold of my breasts.

My hands lowered down my panties a little, though I felt him more confident in what we were about to do, than me. Finally the panties were on the ground. We sat in the bed facing each other. We stood there for a little while, switching some smooches, and petting each other's bodies.

And then the moment came: he pulled me gently onto his lap, willing for me to sit with my legs spread open. After we placed ourselves in the proper positions, everything was ready.

It ached when he started to enter me. Despite the fact that he was being cautious and gentle, I felt that something inside of me was ripping apart. After I was in the position he wanted me to be, I held onto him tightly, shaking due to the intense pain I was feeling in my womb. He sensed that pain and kissed me several times on the neck and shoulder. I then started to relax, and actually feel the pleasure of having him inside of me.

I stared to move slowly to get used to that kind of thing. He held me tighter against him, his kisses and touches intensifying by the minute. I couldn't contain my groans now: I was moaning with lust, and saying his name out loud, which must have been an encouragement for him to keep going, as I felt him intensifying his grip.

The next minute we knew, we were under the bed sheets and he was on top of me. A cold breeze entered through his opened window. It made me hold him more tightly against me. His body was so warm against mine, frosted and chilled. My hand felt the blood that kept running under the covers of his bed. The spot where he entered me for the first time was decorated with some drops as well. Nevertheless that didn't seem to bother him. No on that moment at least.

He was inside of me exploring me deeper and making himself comfortable within me. My hands made a sort of track trough his back: I wanted to feel him closer to me; I wanted to know he was actually there filling me with the love I longed to have from him for so long. His forehead was pressured against mine, while I felt the dizziness getting worse like I had hypothermia; my breath was very heavy because I made a new effort to contain my groans.

And then in one moment I felt… Pleasure, lust, warmth… like I died, went to heaven and came back once again like a new person.

He placed himself next to me. We stood there kissing for a little while, and then our arms placed around our bodies, and we pulled the sheets up, to make us sleep warmer.

As I felt asleep in his arms that night, my frozen body against his warm one, I deepened my promise:

**If my doom eventually came when I least expected it, I wouldn't drag him along with me.**

I grabbed his index finger with my own. The promise was sealed! And it wouldn't end up stained with blood! _Not with his blood at least..._


	20. Hello new life! Hello new troubles!

_**AN: Please, please PLEASE… give me feedback after you're done with the chap so I can know if the story is being crappy or not! Thank you :P**_

_**

* * *

**_

_XX_

_As I felt asleep in his arms that night, my frozen body against his warm one, besides sending a message to Millie telling her to tell daddy I had slept over, I deepened my promise:_

_**If my doom eventually came when I least expected it, I wouldn't drag him along with me.**_

_I grabbed his index finger with my own. The promise was sealed!_

_And it wouldn't end up stained with blood!__Not with his blood at least..._

_

* * *

_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_Each step I'm giving is a step closer to the truth of this mystery._

_The fact that Kira is widening up his ground is undeniable! Could the power he possesses somehow be controlling him? It is what normally happens to humans with power: there is always a time when the tables eventually turn._

_Now that Kira has decided to widen up the challenge he made upon me, more than ever is when I need to act according to the clues I already have, even if they're relatively small._

_Tomorrow… Tomorrow I'll finally begin to dig through the most vital clue I possess. It's the day of the welcoming ceremony to the freshmen of Toh-Oh University._

_One of the two will go through the test I'll be sure to prepare. The question still pending on my head is: which of them?

* * *

_

"**Oh! Putting quite a thought in your dressing style?"** commented Ryuk as he watched me all busy in front of my bathroom mirror

"Oh not really! This black dress is as informal as you can get. Now the high heels, ugh, my poor feet!" I said

Besides the black dress and the mega high heels I had as shoes, I was now giving the final touch by placing a black rose over the ponytail my hairdresser had so eloquently made moments ago.

"I don't think I would get used to it if I dressed like this every day" I commented passing the black pencil through my eyes

I exited in tiptoes to the living room so the floor wasn't marked by the heels. There was a note in the kitchen stand.

"_I would love to be present in the ceremony… Make a big deal out of this new step of your life! Love you to deathlike you know I do! Papy"_

"Always remembering me, my old man!" I said smiling to myself

I closed the door then I walked through the street. So far my feet were fine. For now…

"**I don't know why but I'm actually proud of you!"** said Ryuk talking very openly to me

"You've been with me for quite a while… I could name you my godfather you know!" I said talking very sweetly

"**Why could I be your Godfather?"** asked Ryuk curiously

"Point number one: You're a GOD of death, ya get me? Point number two: I see you look at me like a daughter heehee!" I said pulling my tongue out to him

I chuckled a little as he protested behind me. Having a god of Death as a shadow was being a reasonable experience. There was something I was kinda wondering if it would be wise to ask: "Are you on my side? Or are you playing the part of an audience as you watch the show that is my life?"; I was kind of wondering If Gods of Death could feel for some humans, something that I found very unlikely. But who was I to talk about creatures whose mind I couldn't read?

"_I was going through the park one daaaaay… In the merry merry month of May_…" I sang quietly to myself

"**How you speak like you're actually English is something that really surprises me Seira-chan!"** said Ryuk from my right side

"Yeah, I know! Humpf today I think there will be no room for all the compliments I'm sure I'll be getting…" I said as I reached for the Yagami's house door bell

Light and I had agreed to go together to the ceremony. So I was there to pick his ass up.

Sayu opened the door, and was immediately hyper to see me. She was already very used to my company.

"Ahhh, finally here Seira-chan! Wow you look like a vixen with that dress!" she said while eating a bag of potato chips

"I know, some said I look like one of the Addams with this dress on!" I said taking out a potato chip from her as I entered the house "So where is our little whiz kid?"

"One sec… Onii-chan! Seira-chan here!" she exclaimed out loud

"Send her up!" yelled Light from above

"You're not going to do stuff now, are you?!" yelled Sayu back trying to mess with her brother

(Every time she was with us there had to be a question of our sex life! How a twelve year old catches up on things real fast is something creepy that always left me with the beginning of a headache due to the exposition of a part of my personal life.)

"Nah, we don't want to do inappropriate things with a kid on the house!" joked Light while his sister made a frown and filled up her cheeks with air.

"What kind of persons do you take us for, Sayu-chan?" I asked joke fully as I went up the stairs and reached for the door of his room

I entered and closed the door. It was kind of stuffy in the room.

"I told you, she had a sixth sense…" I said as I walked to face him

He was turned to me putting his tie in the right place.

"Next time we want some privacy it's your house!" he said kissing my forehead quickly as I took his hair away from his eyes

"Keep your hair away from those eyes, people will find it strange if they can't see your eyes while you speak! Sorry If I sound snobby though…" I said sort of playing with his bangs

About the relationship we now have… Little has changed since that night in our birthday. We still talk for hours like we used to, still hang out at the same places where we used to when we were at Daikoku. Still share pretty much the same secrets as we used to.

Only two things were added:

One is relative to the intimate moments we now have. Sometimes we just stay cuddled up in each other's arms in a sofa, or in the park when no one is watching. Other times the thing became a little more intimate when we shared kisses and "kisses". And others times… were when we arrived in his house with no one, and sometimes we ended up just cuddled up on the sofa while watching TV… or cuddled up in his bed… Well, it depended on our moods in the times we were alone.

Two… is the fact that I'm on pills now. I've gained some pounds as a consequence of it!

"Are you so worried of what people think of me?" asked Light very casually

"Oh, you get what I'm saying!" I said tying up his coat

"Really? Is it really what you mean?" he said with a charm on his glance

"Stop! Sayu is downstairs! Gee, can't you wait until the ceremony is over and we're on my house?"

"You're thinking of the 'party' already?" he replied with that gaze that made my cheeks color up more.

He pointed toward my nose.

"You are!"

"Yagami Light, shut the hell up!" I said hitting him on the chest

I then moved away and sat down onto his bed. I sighed and looked distractedly through his always neat room.

"Ya know… It's like I can still see us the first time we've met… Who would have known we would be like this almost a year after the day I basically told you to fuck off just because you wanted to escort me home!" I said chuckling in the middle of my words

He walked closer to me and tapped my shoulder like the friend he had always been to me.

"You were the perfect example of stubbornness ya know… But funny I didn't call you out after that!"

"Sometimes I wonder if… If ya know… Well, when two people meet each other and hate each other in the first place… if it means that later something very good will appear between the two persons. "

"Do you actually believe in those things Seira-chan? That's not like you…" commented Light smiling, but clearly showing interest in the subject of our conversation

"Heck…" I smiled back then I looked away through his window thinking "My thoughts on those matters have been changing so much lately…"

He took my hand and I stood up still looking through the window.

"We'll have time to talk all about it when we're done with the ceremony…" said Light guiding me outside his room "I see we can have motives to talk…"

"Hummmm… Talk about what more specifically?" said Sayu out loud through the living room

"About matters that are rated M, which means you're far too immature to know!" said Light opening the front door

"One day I will know about them though!" I heard Sayu scream before he closed the door

* * *

As we got to the grounds of Toh-Oh I was greeted by the cherry blossom trees, which were blooming. Petals were floating through the air like bids learning how to fly. But that wasn't the only thing to greet me.

"Seira-chan! Light-kun!" exclaimed Rena waving to us with happiness drawn on her face

"Oh, Rena-chan! You got in too? Isn't it great?!" I exclaimed running towards her and grabbing both her hands

"And she wasn't the only one who made it" said Kichiro from behind her with that so very warm smile he owned

"Cool!" I exclaimed giving him a soft slap in the cheek "Ya go into medicine right Haji kun?"

(Calling him Haji-kun was easier.)

"Yeah… But Yagami-kun also had a chance too!" he said giving Light a quick handshake

"I'm more into police business, though!" replied Light outgoing as always

"And one fine detective you shall be!" said Kichiro with encouragement in his voice "Before you know it, you'll be the one driving Kira through the corridor of Death!"

I froze.

Imagining my own boyfriend leading me to my doom gave me a cold shake in the chest.

* * *

"_Light-kun wanna know a secret?"_

"_I'm listening… As I always listen to you…"_

"_I'm Kira!"_

"…"

"_So now what will you do?"_

________

On that imaginary conversation I imagined us as little nine year olds. It was like we were playing pretend. Three replies from him came to my head:

a)_"Please let me help you fix this filthy world!"_

_b)"I'm guiding you to the Death Penalty!"_

_c)"I don't want to have any more to do with you!"_

It was far too dangerous to tell anyone no matter how intimate they were to me that I was Kira… God knows if I would ruin their feelings about me. It was too risky!

But imagining Light guiding me through a corridor where the electric chair was awaiting me was something I didn't dare to imagine.

In my dreams he was next to me. In my imagination he was dooming me. Why?

"Seira-chan!" he said making me snap back to Earth

I shook my head and giggled to him.

"Sorry, but I always get pretty thoughtful every time someone talks about Kira…" I said disguising

"Come now, it will begin in fifteen minutes!" said Rena calling us

As we entered the building I noticed Light sometimes glanced briefly to me with slight confusion in there. Concern? Or did he actually picked up something from my reaction to the Kira conversation.

"Rena-chan, you and Millie take good care of her! I'll have to sit in the front with some other guy who also had the highest score!"

"There was someone else?!" asked Rena with a face as surprised as mine

"So it seems!" said Light walking forward "Be good back there!"

"He knows I'ma badass by nature…" I said and Rena and I laughed together

"You sure are blessed Seira-chan…" she said winking to me

"Why do you say that?"

"You have the boyfriend every girls wish… Don't you consider yourself lucky?"

"It's something that just came, ya know… I wasn't ever expecting him to look at me that way, even though he always looked for my company at Daikoku!"

"I wish I was that lucky… I only had one boyfriend when I was very young… And…"

I noticed she was beginning to shake. I tapped my hand in her hands to calm her down. But she seemed lost in some sort of trance.

"Yo, gals!" said Millie arriving and taking the seat I was saving to her

Rena seemed to return to normal as soon as Millie arrived and greeted her with an open smile.

"Peace and quiet, farewell!" I commented as she replied to me with a frown

"So where are the boys?" asked Millie

"Light is at the front waiting to speech and Haji-kun is in getting a coffee with some friends he ran onto… Hey speaking of guys… where is Nobu?"

Millie glanced away with her face all red.

"I don't know… He's not a freshman, maybe he didn't come" she said moving her fingers very hyperactively

"You never did tell me what the heck is really going on between the two of you…" I whispered to her

"Tell you later!" she whispered back

I looked to the front with an "Ooooooo-kay…"

Eventually the ceremony begun. But we were mostly gossiping very low as they made one of those long speeches.

"I get it now…" I whispered as Millie told me what the deal with Nobu was

(It seemed they had only had an open relationship for a short time.)

"He wants to find someone serious, ya know… And I never did like him on THAT way…"

Rena was beside us looking to the front and pretending it was none of her business.

(She didn't find it very funny when someone's personal life came to the conversation. Though it was different when Sekino was around her.)

"Humf, I get it now…" I said boringly

"Guys I think this is it!" said Rena shaking my arm vigorously

"Next we have the freshman address!" said the man on the big stage

"Oh, God, shut up now!" I said feeling nervous for my own boyfriend

"Our freshman representative Yagami Light."

"Here!" said Light standing up

"And our other freshman representative Hideki Ryuga!"

A big "WHA…?" was hears through the crowd, along with some whispers among the people.

"Huh? There's two this year?!"

"Did he say 'Hideki Ryuga'? Like, the pop idol?"

"As if that pop idol could get into Toh-Oh, come on!"

I was also very confused when I heard that name, but then when I saw who it was I let out an "Oh!" of surprise.

"Oh… Yeah. Wow, he's NOTNG like that Hideki Ryuga for sure!" said a guy in front of us

Light and Ryuga, the black haired guy I had met in the day of the first exam, went up to the stage and begun to speech. I noticed that Ryuga seemed to study Light very carefully as they made their way.

"Ohhhhhhhhh!" said Millie shaking in excitation and shaking me "Wouldn't it be great if us, the two bestest friends ever, dated the two brightest boys of this university?"

"Quit it!" I whispered making her stop "And please no teenage fantasies here!"

Every single person on the room was comparing them both now that they were on that stage. The guys in front of us didn't pipe it down for a minute about the fact that they both had perfect scores in all subjects.

"The guy on the right is so cute…" said a girl behind us referring to Ryuga

Millie turned to her with blazing eyes.

"Too bad I saw him first…" she said cynically

The other girl looked back at her with blazing eyes also.

"Never mind Kyoko…" said another girl behind us sitting right besides her "Besides the left one is way better looking!"

Millie snapped her fingers in front of the other girl's face then pointed at me.

"He's ta-kennnnnnnnnnnn…" she said with a childish voice

The other girl looked at both of us with disgust in her frown.

"Millie shut up before we make unnecessary enemies!" I said making her turn to the front

Rena was looking at us with a drop on her head.

"You two will be the envy of the girls from this university now…"

"Thanks a lot Millie…" I said sarcastically

(Ryuk was also with a face as stupefied as Rena's.)

"You date one of them?" asked me a boy who was in front of me

"Yeah, the left one…" I said reaching closer to begin a talk

"Humpf… Talk about opposites those two…" said another guy who was beside the one who had talked to me

"Your boyfriend seems like the typical elite private-school type, pampered and brilliant!"

"Yeah we went to Daikoku, where we first met!" I confirmed to him

"The other guy looks…" he said lowering his voice a little (due to Millie) "Kinda wild. Well, pretty bizarre anyway"

"Maybe he's some kind of crazy genius?"

Millie looked away pretending she wasn't hearing.

"Frankly! Coming to the ceremony dressed like that! He's either dissing everybody or he's just acting stupid!" said a third guy mocking him

I looked serious at him. I hated when people were mocked that way.

"If he's stupid, how come he got a perfect score? Why don't you go up there and show you're 'smarter, huh?" I asked in response

The other guy looked at me weirdly then looked at the front.

"I'm not sure…" said Rena all of a sudden "But now that I look better at him… I feel like he's the kind of guy who has many things to say about himself… He's mysterious… Uncommon…"

She was visibly studying him. Her glance was serious and curious at the same time.

As the crowd applauded at the two of them thanked the crowd (well actually Light thanked with a bow, while Ryuga just scratched the back of his head like he didn't knew where he was), I took another glance at them.

_**How could they visibly be opposites, but somehow have something that made them so similar to each other at the same time?!**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_The speech is over._

_Now it's my chance to make my move._

"_Yagami-kun." I call him as we stepped out of the stage_

_He seemed to hear me alright._

"_You're the son of Detective-Superintended Soichiro Yagami of the NPA. Your respect fot your father is matched only by your deep sense of justice."_

_We sat down in the front. He didn't react but he seems to still be listening to me._

"_You aim a leadership position in the NPA yourself, and have in the past provided insights that have led to the solution of several cases. And right now you're showing a great deal of interest in the Kira case."_

_He looked at me through the corner of his eyes._

"_So if you will swear to me that you will not tell anybody, I shall place my faith in your abilities and sense of justice… And tell you something of vital importance regarding the Kira case."_

_He took a deep breath, but he still didn't look at me directly._

"_I won't tell anyone… What is it?"_

_There was a brief moment of silence in the room, like we were the only ones in there_

"**I want to tell you, I'm **_**L!"**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**AN: I'm still waiting for the feedback you promised ;)**_


	21. Things weren't so good next thing I knew

_XXI_

"_I won't tell anyone… What is it?"_

_(…)_

"_**I want to tell you, I'm **__**L!"

* * *

**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"Aughhhhhh! My ass is aching already!" complained Millie, after we exited the ceremony and stood at Toh- Oh's entrance "And if it wasn't enough, you had to play chit-chat with those losers!"

"Can't anyone be nice nowadays?!" I complained with a bored expression on my face

"Hey, I can't see any of our gentlemen anywhere!" said Rena looking around with wide eyes

"But it isn't hard to find new gentlemen!" said Millie patting Rena's shoulder energetically, while she blushed a little

"Hey, isn't that Nobu-san?" I pointed towards a boy who was hanging a poster on the warning board

"Ummmmm, you guys go see him, alright?" said Millie releasing Rena and walking away towards the main entrance

"Millie…" I called, but then I decided not to insist

I believe he had some feelings for her, but because she didn't share those feelings she was choosing to step away from him to avoid hurting him badly. Time is always the solution for dilemmas, no matter what you choose to do. At least it's how I see it.

"Nobu-san!" yelled Rena heading towards him

As I sped up to join them he greeted us both with that warm smile that made him famous in the campus.

"Hello you two! Long time no see…" he said when we reached him

"Where were you sitting?" asked Rena

"During the ceremony? Oh, I was near the exit, because I had to put these posters on every corner of the school!"

I looked at the poster and saw what I always had in mind since I imagined College life: entering the drama club!

"Can I tell you that I'm one of the ones willing to enter?"

"I remember you saying that on your birthday… So, first new member, mind if I tell you about the schedule later?"

"Yes…"

"Just give me your name, and let me write you down…" he said taking out a paper from his pocket and a pen

"Minamoto Seira-dese!" I replied

"Right then, Minamoto-chan!" he said smiling gently to me

I found myself blushing a little, but then I coughed to disguise.

"Where's Light-kun?" asked Rena calling immediately my attention "He should be out of the ceremony by now…"

"His cell is shut down…" I commented a little confused as I tried to send him a ring "Strange…"

"Well, I'm going to have some tea in the cafeteria! Care to join me ladies?" said Nobu placing an arm on Rena's shoulder in a friendly way

"You guys go, I'll check this place out…" I replied with a humble smile

"Don't get lost!" said Nobu winking to me as I walked away and waved towards them

A little while after that, I was chilling out in a garden bench, while the cold wind blew and refreshed my face and neck. The campus wasn't certainly a reply of Hogwarts, but the place sure had beautiful installations, and a lot of vegetation around.

"**What is your curiously strange head thinking?" **asked Ryuk while fluttering around me

"In so many things per second… If I had to name them all we would be here talking until the next dawn."

"**Isn't it what we usually did… when we first met?"**

"Our first complex conversation we both had…" I said smiling to him

The turns my life had given: the relationship with daddy had gotten better, one of the persons on my dark list was now one of the persons who I trusted the most, the people I met were really nice, the boy I loved was now my beloved one…

I thought of my life as a sequence of stations: Was I now in spring?

"**Hey doll, I think you've got company!"** said Ryuk breaking away my pleasant thoughts

"Huh?" I looked instinctively to my right and saw that the person standing there was…

"Domo… Ryuga-san!"

"Domo Minamoto-san…" replied Ryuga disguising his shyness

I smiled to him to hide my surprise in seeing him there. And where was Light? Wasn't he with him?

"Taking an afternoon walk?"

"Yeah, I wanted to know the place a little better…"

I liked the humble voice he showed. Only it didn't make him look less shy.

"So you also had the max grade in the exams… You and Light… Tow braniacs with whom I have to share the school now!"

He smiled with my compliment. It looked good on him. Most girls would find him cutter if he always had that expression on his face. I bet they would!

"So, it seems you two are…" he said trying not to butt in very much

"Yes…" I replied with a sigh that showed how happy I was whenever someone asked about me and him

"For long?"

"Not that long… it was good though that we started out as friends…"

"You seem to share a lot of confidence towards each other…"

"I can tell him everything I want… No matter how silly it may sound."

I was feeling a warm sensation on my chest as I talked about him.

"What about him? Does he tell you everything he wants?"

"Ummmm…" I said because that question had caught me a little by surprise "I believe so…"

"You're not sure of that?"

I looked down and then rose my head up.

"He knows, though that he can tell me everything. Everything!"

When I looked into his eyes I felt that sensation that I felt when I first met him. It was like he was reading my soul, and that what he was reading was reflected in those dark intense eyes: A girl in love. But was that girl feeling safe with her love? Or was she afraid something would happen to tear them apart?

For the first time I noticed that I was more open with him than he was with me. I won't hide the fact that it left me a little bothered.

But before we could talk further, I felt a hand grabbing my right wrist and rising me up quickly.

Light had arrived.

"Come on, Seira let's go! Thank you for taking care of her, Ryuga-san!"

Ryuga just looked at him like the same way he was looking at him when he was walking with him to speech.

For moments I saw the same gaze being shared between the two. And it wasn't a friendly look. I tried to release myself from Light's grip, but he held me like he was guarding my life.

"It's okay… We were just talking casual business, right Minamoto-san?"

"Ye-Yeah…" I said

A strange feeling was invading my chest. It was like the tension shared between the two was linked by me.

But why? Had something bad happened without me knowing?

Ryuk was looking at the scene with amusement, and confusion. I looked at him discreetly with fear and confusion stamped on my face.

"Let's go…" said Light taking me like a mother leading a child by the hand

As we walked through the streets, I laid my hand on his shoulder, and my free hand on my aching chest. It was a bad feeling. I knew it.

At the entrance of my apartment, he made me stood face to face with him.

After releasing my wrist, he held me in his arms. I didn't hug back, though. There was something strange in that somewhat profound embrace.

"Be careful… Please be careful…"

I didn't count the number of times he whispered that into my hair. I only know fear was there. Present in his voice.

He released me, when I was getting ready to hug him back. I looked at him feeling strange. He turned his back towards me, but didn't walk away.

"Why?" I ended up asking

He lowered his head, and sighed heavily.

I also didn't count the time we just stood there, looking to our feet. And then I just watched him walk away as the wind made my hair and my dress flutter. But it was that cold winter-like wind. The sensation in my chest worsened.

_**What was there to him… that I didn't know? What did he knew… that I didn't?**_

_**And what was it... that he didn't want to tell me?**_


	22. I felt truly fascinated by two opposites

_XXII_

_**What was there to him… that I didn't know? What did he knew… that I didn't?**_

_**And what was it... that he didn't want to tell me?

* * *

**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_I can tell that I made a disturbance here._

_Light Yagami knows of my secret. In the ceremony I told him I'm L. I didn't saw him hide the sudden tension that came towards him._

_After the ceremony was done he quickly seemed to hop off his seat as he quickly made his way to the exit. Probably trying to find his girlfriend. Following him, I saw him grabbing hold of the door, while seeming to feel dizzy._

_He hadn't spoken a word after I told him I was L. Could it mean he's Kira? It sure looks like it…_

_I walked past him, trying to analyze his reaction. I felt him sort of shaking a little. But he didn't talk back to me._

_I am certain that even though he may not be Kira, he is on to something. Gaining his trust was and is one of my prior goals to solve this case._

_Then I came across my second suspect._

_Seira Minamoto has one humble personality, although she can be quite full of fire sometimes._

_She talked about her relationship with Yagami in a so very positive way. But when I brought the matter of the trust they have with each other, I seemed to have made her have doubts of what she was so certain before._

_Does this mean that Light Yagami has something to hide?!_

_**I should focus on him for now, seen as he's the one who is harder to get to…

* * *

**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"_Would you know, my name… If I saw you in heaven?_" I sang as I played the song in my guitar "_Would it be the same… If I saw you in heaven?_"

"**Bah! You're way too melancholic girl"** said Ryuk making me stop playing

"Because the song is quite melancholic, you know…" I said playing distractedly "And heaven is not real…"

I sighed and glanced at my cell phone.

"Dad's pretty late… Not that it's the first time he's done it, but I find it strange…"

Exiting the room, I did what I hadn't done in years: I entered my father's room.

One single bed in the corner, one desk with the computer always on, the wardrobe on the wall, and a window with a balcony just like in my room. These were the characteristics of my father's room. I laid down in the bed.

"Used to come and sleep here so many times when I was little… If only daddy was here to make this room cozier…"

In the table next to the bed was a picture of daddy and myself as a small child. I passed my fingers softly through the picture. I felt that as I grew up I became more and more distant from him. I had always and still love him to death but I wanted to spend more time with him. Ever since he begun to have that "strange" business, most of the times I had to eat alone (Or rather, with only Ryuk as a company).

From my bedroom I heard my cell phone ringing all of a sudden. I rushed inside, picked it up and threw myself onto my bed while doing that.

"Moshi-Moshi? Seira-dese…"

"Are you mad at me?" asked Light's concerned voice on the other side

I swallowed a little before answering to Light. Not only had his call caught me by surprise, but also the question

"Uh… I'm…" I said hesitating in my uncertain answer

I wasn't really mad at him. True that I was weirded out seeing him so strange, but I was just willing to know what he was hiding from me. I had stopped being a child not so long ago, but I was now recognized as an adult. I didn't need no more protection. Or so I believed at that time…

But I had never seen him that nervous! Usually I was the one with childish dramas, so I found his paranoia very odd, and not like him.

"Please answer… Just answer the truth…"

"No! I'm not! I'm not, really!" I answered confused

I heard a sigh of relieve on the other side. It was like I had taken a heavy burden off his chest. Or at least part of it...

"But I don't want you to keep so many stuff from me, you know… I'm beginning to think you don't trust me!" I said with a warning tone

"One day I promise I'll tell you everything, Seira-chan! But not now…"

"Now is the best time for you to tell me! Do you want to fill up my, so far empty list of concerns?!" I said very loud

"I have to go now… Sorry again!" he said quickly and then shutting the phone

I threw my cell onto the table next to the bed, and turned my tummy up.

"Crap, what the hell is going on here?!" I exclaimed pissed off

"**Gotta say I'm willing to see what the mystery in this riddle is…"** said Ryuk flipping from the right side of my bed to my left

"Whatever it is… it's something to do with Ryuga…"

I flipped through a music magazine.

"But he seems so normal… Well, almost normal…" I said remembering for example the way he sat next to me this afternoon "And he's actually a really sweet guy, I don't get…"

"**Have you ever thought he might be jealous of the guy?"**

The magazine slid from my hands to my lap after hearing Ryuk's comment. I contained a laugh.

"No way… Light isn't the possessive kind of guy! At least he's not a creepy Edward Cullen…" I said, although he reminded me at that moment of Edward Cullen, a fictional character which I had come to hate as I read the Twilight novels, due to his possessive and too-high sense of overprotection, things I hated in someone, due to the value I give to mine and others' privacies

(Although to me the main reason to hate these stupid series is Bella!)

"**Stop asking me questions before I fill you in with the wrong ideas, I mean, who am I to know what goes on in the head of teenage humans?!"**

"Maybe you're right… Maybe I should try and figure out what goes on in Light's head, he won't be able to hide a secret from me for long!"

Then I picked up the Death Note from my bag.

"When oh when will I forget all of this?"I said to myself wondering If I would never find the person I wanted to find, and if the little black notebook would come with me to my grave

As I flipped through the pages, I found two sentences that caught my attention:

"_A new word is yet to create  
Some humans can't get away with what they make"_

"Ryuk?" I asked "Did you write this?"

"**You're asking ME?! You're the one doodling on the pages like a little kid with a drawing board!" **replied Ryuk as confused as I was

I immediately flipped through the Death Note and saw three names filling up one whole page.

"What have I done now?" I asked creped out and jumping to my computer

I searched for the three names, and found out that the three people dead were in prison for drug possession.

"I have to do something… I swear I don't remember writing the names in the notebook! Ryuk, did you see me writing these names and the other names?"

"**Well, it usually happens when you decide to write the names of criminals! Yesterday before you went to sleep, you were even looking at the notebook like you were thinking of it as a stuffed bear; even I was kind of crept out!"**

"What the fuck…?" I asked to myself feeling stranger

I laid down under my sheets, and as I stared into the dark night through my open window, I began to elaborate a plan to figure out what was wrong. But nothing came to my tired head that night, although I DID had some trouble falling asleep afraid I would do something I wouldn't remember when I woke up. I kept the notebook inside my drawer and was relieved in seeing that it was still there when I woke up on the next morning.

* * *

Next morning my college life in Tou-Oh really begun.

The first day of class was not something to remember, but it was a peaceful day.

I only had classes that morning, so the afternoon was all free for me to do what I want. So I stood there having lunch with Rena and Haji. I hadn't seen neither Light neither Millie in the whole morning.

"Isn't this just great?" asked Haji always with the good mood that characterized him "Life here is kind of different from Daikoku!"

"Well, it's only the first day Haji-kun… And make some effort, someday you'll be a good neuro-surgeon!" said Rena patting him confidently on the shoulder

Haji laughed to himself eating a little bit of chicken.

"Whenever I imagine myself as a neuro-surgeon or another kind of doctor… I can't help but to think of doctor Tenma from 'Monster'…"

"'Monster'? What's that, a book?" I asked tasting the pork rice I was having

"Well, it is a manga, which technically can be considered as a book… But it tells a very strong story, of a doctor who one day, going against the orders of his boss, decides to save a little boy's life, and looses everything…"

"Tough luck…" I commented but he continued

"… only to find out that the boy he saved is a serial killer, who thinks of himself as the anti-christ, and longs to be the last human standing on earth!"

"Talk about really fucked up luck!" I said beginning to show interest for the story "But why do you think of yourself as the doctor from that story?"

"Because…" explained Haji placing his chin on his hands "When you're doing this kind of thing, you'll never know if you'll be saving a good person or a bad person…"

He then looked at both me and Rena with a wise expression.

"That's why I don't agree with Kira's actions! Have you ever thought that he might be killing people who had personal reasons for being considered morally bad? And killing someone who had killed before… Doesn't that make you a worse person than the person you kill?"

I stared at him with confused wide eyes. His philosophy was somehow correct…

"I… I have to go meet Light, I haven't been with him all day…" I said rushing out of the table

"Oh, I saw him with Ryuga a while ago! They were heading to the boys' locker room!" said Rena

"With Ryuga?!" I asked but in a low voice

As I walked on my way to try and meet with my boyfriend, the phrase Haji said was ringing through my head.

"…_killing someone who had killed before… Doesn't that make you a worse person than the person you kill?"_

I couldn't help but to think of myself as a demon at that time. I tried to shake off that thought.

_"I'm just doing the world a favor! And after the death of that person it will be all over!"_

But then the things that I saw and disturbed me when I was little passed right through my head. And suddenly I wasn't so sure of myself anymore.

"But if I kill him… will that make me more twisted than HE was?" I whispered to myself

"Domo!" said a voice from my right breaking away my philosophic moment

"Ah! Oh, hi Nobu-san!" I said with a clumsy bow

"What'cha doing here, it's lunch time!"

"I already ate, thanks! By the way do you know where the boy's locker is? I'm kind of hoping to meet someone and…"

"Want me to walk with you there?" he asked with an open smile

I smiled back. I had a good feeling about having him teach me drama lessons.

"So, this afternoon we'll start with acting lessons, although we'll just be doing some relaxing exercises."

"Okay I won't miss them then!" I said actively disguising the troubled question that was going through my head

"SEIRA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" I heard an annoyingly familiar voice yell out

"Milllie…?" I said wondering how much caffeine she had taken that morning

She stopped in front of us, and talked to me, without even staring at Nobu. Probably they were mad at each other.

"You have… to…" she said between many pants "… come… right… now…! You're missing the… match of the year!"

"Match of the year?" I asked confused but then when me and Nobu followed he and arrived onto the tennis court, we got what she was saying

Right there, with a referee, and a huge cheering crowd, were two faces I knew quite well, staring at each other with determination in their eyes.

Light and Ryuga were the two rivals in that huge tennis court.

I managed to get a good view, just in time to see Ryuga scoring a point against Light. Light didn't move, from his position, although he turned his head and glaced briefly towards me, then served the ball.

I had never seen him playing tennis, and in the games where he played with me watching, I don't remember seeing such determination in him like the one he was showing in this particular game.

The way the two rushed towards the ball, like they were making a sort of choreography, like they had reversed it over and over again… All the sweat and effort they were visibly showing as they played that game made me almost want to try this sport out just once.

It was as if they were letting all frustrations out in that sole game. They didn't took their eyes off each other.

They were visibly opposites, but somehow they looked equal matches. And everyone was cheering neither of the two in particular, because they somehow knew they were equal.

The emotion that fluttered from my stomach from my chest, made me feel fascination. Not only for Light, but for Ryuga too.

Both of them seemed like equals on that game to me.

It was as if only Light and Ryuga existed in the world as the rest of us only watched.

**I realized then… how fascinated I was at that moment by the two of them…**

**Fascinated by two different persons… who somehow had so much in common…**


	23. Had I any reasons to feel insecure?

**I realized then… how fascinated I was at that moment by the two of them…**

**Fascinated by two different persons… who somehow had so much in common…

* * *

**

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_Everybody is watching us… A simple tennis game is making a huge crowd gather around the tennis court where me and Yagami are playing. How people are easily impressionable…_

_Today I spent most of my time with Yagami. The other day as soon as I found a hobbie that the two of us had in common, we marked a match for the following day. He mentioned that he was the junior high champion in 1999 and 2000, but when he started high school, pressure and studies made him quit tennis._

_When we were getting ready to start the match, I told him a little about myself, mostly about the five years of my life that I spent in England. That information won't be enough for anyone to uncover my identity, so I can talk about it without no fear._

_This is just a simple tennis game. It's not enough for me to determine if he might be Kira._

_But what begun to be a simple and friendly game, soon became a competition, like we are fighting to the death._

_He is putting all his effort in every blow. Relax Yagami. Kira hates to lose, but you don't have to be Kira to want to win a tennis match._

_The next ball was just too fast… He's trying to win…_

_One more game will determine the winner… I am at disadvantage…

* * *

_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"Seira!" called Rena breaking away my thoughts and stopping right next to me "What's all this fuss about?"

"Light and Ryuga are giving one hell of a show here…" I said still with my eyes glued to that tennis court

"Remembering old times from the junior high championship, I see…" said Haji with a smirk "I remember when Light used to train with me back then. I never played all that well. Surprisingly though he left tennis before I did"

"Oh, let's get a closer view!" said Millie with a sudden excitement "I want to see Ryuga closely!"

We managed to approach the court where they were standing. The two of them were near collapse. I saw Light sweating like I never saw him before, and Ryuga was even worse. Considering he didn't even bothered to dress up with a proper equipment, I imagined how stuffy It was being for him at that moment.

"Game count, Yagami at the lead. Five games to four" said the referee.

(They even had a referee at a friendly match, wow!)

My eyes met with Light's eyes as he recovered his posture. He sent me that cheerful, yet seductive glance that always made my cheeks feel heavier.

"_What a lucky girl I am…" _ I thought to myself, even though I wanted to talk to him later about the trust we had as a couple.

But all that wasn't a huge problem. I knew we would come to an understanding eventually. Right now I just wanted to see who was the best of the two… Ryuga launched the ball… And the game began!

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_So far neither of us has brought up the Kira case. It would be weird to talk about it when we don't know each other. You'll think that through playing this match, I've laid the ground for moving a step closer to you._

_I told you I was L, saying I thought you might be able to help us solve the Kira case. I'm positive you're going to make use of that._

_You'll say if we're going to talk about the Kira case you'll first need to hear some details of the investigation so you know you can trust me._

_What you're going to do when you have the possibility is to meet a reliable third party who can confirm that I'm L… and then I will make my move._

_So what will end up happening is…We'll be going to the taskforce headquarters together._

_He who moves first… ALWAYS WINS!

* * *

_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

It was… A tie… Ryuga made an amazing move that made my boyfriend even throw himself to the side where the ball was going. Still he couldn't catch the ball that fell right on the middle of his side.

Light had found his match… At that moment I was sure of it like clear water. Not only were they the ones with the highest scores at Toh-Oh, but also the best tennis players on campus, and now the most popular boys at the university.

The crowd around the tennis court roared with loud applause.

"Tie! Three games of six!" exclaimed the referee

"Oh, Ryuga made it against the former champion!" exclaimed Kiyoko, the girl who had developed a crush on Ryuga since the welcome ceremony for freshmen

"I will say hi to him for you!" said Millie from out of nowhere

The two girls exchanged one long and threatening glance. I ignored and entered the court. Millie didn't follow though, and so didn't the rest of the guys.

Light was now sitting on an iron bench with his racquet on his lap. He was trying to control his breath but what was coming from his hair was a waterfall of sweat. I sat next to him.

"You two really pushed yourselves hard on this" I said tapping his back softly

Light rose his head up and took a deep breath.

"I really must have lost my touch" he said looking at his front "But it's been some years though"

"Join the tennis team of Toh-Oh, and you'll have your touch back"

"Nah… It's too much for me to handle…"

I sighed. But I found my opportunity for me to talk about the subject I wanted to make clear.

"Light, look I have to…"

But all of a sudden Ryuga stopped next to us.

"Minamoto-chan, domo" he said politely

"Domo" I said a little annoyed "So I see you two managed to gather a fan club"

I noticed some girls were outside of the fence giggling and staring at the spot where we stood.

"Hmm" replied Ryuga with little to no interest towards the girls "Minamoto-san do you have classes in the afternoon?"

"Well, I only have one until four and a half pm. Why do you ask?"

"Yagami-kun and I are going out for a cup of coffee this afternoon… I was thinking that maybe you would like to join us"

"Well, I…" I said thinking that skipping one class couldn't be all that bad, but…

"Seira has classes to attend to…" replied Light "So I guess we'll go. The two of us"

Two impressions collapsed within me. One was the feeling that I wasn't wanted by Light in the plans they were arranging. Two was the fact that Light replied to Ryuga in a very harsh sort of way. Like he didn't want to go himself, or like he hate Ryuga.

_What was going on there that I wasn't aware of?_

"Seira, I'll be going to the boys' locker. I need a shower after this."

"Ok…" I replied very humbly yet a little disappointed with him

"I'll go have lunch at my home then. I'll text message you eventually Yagami-kun" said Ryuga

I accompanied them to the exit of the tennis court, where people were still watching them, yet nobody surrounded them. That is until…

"RYUGA-KUNNNNN!" yelled out Millie stopping in front of them "That was amazing, you left me speechless!"

Next to her was Rena.

"Nice game you two. You should play more often" she said with a much calmer tone of voice than Millie's

Light smiled and nodded to her, but Ryuga made a bigger appreciation.

"Thank you miss" he said taking her right hand and kissing it

The people around us let out some "Ooooooooo"s of surprise. Haji and Nobu exchanged a perverted glance, and Millie looked to the scene like someone had thrown her a bucket of water with ice.

"In England they taught me to say 'Thank you' like this to ladies" explained Ryuga

Rena released her hand from his and used that hand to cover her reddened face.

"Oh, Ryuga-kun you don't have to treat me like a lady…" she said very shyly

He looked down at her (she was really short, despite his horrible posture) and smiled. She just let out a giggle as a response.

"Well, let's get going Yagami-kun" said Ryuga shortly after that

"Right! Seira" said Light heading towards me and whispering "I know you want to talk to me, but I promise I'll be with you as soon as I can"

Glad to see that he wasn't forgetting about me. Even though I wanted to talk as soon as possible, I decided to wait. I glanced as the two of them walked away. They didn't share any words.

"Rena, you lucky bitch!" said Millie looking with a little envy toward her

"Oh, Millie stop it! I don't like Ryuga that way, he's still yours to claim!" said Rena visibly embarrassed

"Rena-chan should be more receptive to boys though" said Haji picking a little on her "I remember when Yuto Nagisawa was very fond of you, yet you refused him due to the fact that 'He's not just that into me?"

"He wasn't!" replied Rena "Right after I told him that, he started to hit on Sekino…"

"… And ended up used like every single guy who ever got down with her." continued Haji

All of a sudden everyone silenced themselves with the mention of Sekino.

"You may call me a hypocrite considering I sympathized with Sekino-san when she was alive… But I didn't fancy her at all. She used boys like a girl uses make up whenever there's a night out. Despite all of that, no one deserved to die like that"

Haki-kun really valued human life indeed. I could tell that the main reason why he went for medicine was to help human lives at risk.

A heavy silence had installed in our group. The mention of someone who had passed away was something that somehow managed to strike us deep.

"Can we please talk of something else, that subject still makes my stomach turn!" said Rena speaking for not only herself, but for me also

I glanced towards Ryuk. As a God of Death he did what he was supposed to, but it was also something that made us humans shiver in fear. The fear of death will always be present.

And seeing someone die was something that always leaves a scar. _I still couldn't erase her last moments from my head_.

It took me a while to shake off those thoughts, as I headed for the last class I would have that day.

* * *

As soon as I arrived home I was surprised that I wasn't alone: I heard my father in his room.

I knocked on his door.

"Dad, I'm home!"

"Right hunny. Dinner will be ready at nine. You still hang at the gym right?"

"Yes, I do."

I was surprised though when I thought I heard a sob coming from the room.

"Is everything alright?" I asked knocking again

"Yes, hunny, yes. I just have some damn allergy bugging my nose."

"Well, tell me if you need something, ok dad?"

"Ok hunny. Thank you!"

I entered my room and laid myself on my bed. I looked up at the celling.

"Why do I get the feeling that people trust me less and less?" I asked to myself as my eyes slowly closed themselves inviting me for a nap.

* * *

_My name is Seira Minamoto. I am 17 years old, and a terrible influence at the eyes of everyone. After my mother died brutally raped and decapitated, I was left with only my father to raise me. But I wasn't raised properly due to the fact that my father usually left me alone at home and went to bars to drink more specifically. Eventually I turned out wrong. At the age of 14 I tried a smoke and quickly became addicted to tobacco. Soon it wasn't only tobacco that I smoked. I became an addict faster than you can say 'stop. I can't let go of this addiction. It's taking over my life. I feel unloved by everyone around me. Even Millie Kasumoto, who used to stick next to me, stopped giving me the support that I need oh so much. My first time was with a guy whom I had a one night stand. We started to talk, and when he took me into his car and drove it far away it just happened. I slept with a couple more guys after that only to earn money to feed my addiction. I feel in my heart that there is no hope left for me. I spent years in a mental asylum when my mother died, but they still couldn't cure me. No one can save me. When I find the chance I just want to die and put an end to a pitiful existence. I will add nothing to this world, so I might as well die as a waste, than to continue to occupy a spot I don't deserve."_

**It was… My voice! That wasn't me! I would never in my life do the same things my voice mentioned I did! What was I saying!**

"_**It's not your fault! You were like that in your previous self because the rotten world you lived on made you think like that. But when I'm back again I will change this new reality. The two of us can change and reign this world together!"**_

_**That voice that came just now! It was…

* * *

**_

I slowly opened my eyes. The ring of my cell phone was what had woke me up from the disturbed dream I just had. Why was I talking of someone I'm not? And why couldn't I remember the creepy voice that came afterwards?

I answered my cell at last.

"Moshi-moshi!" I said rubbing my eyes

"Seira…" said Light's voice on the other side of the line "I need you right now…"

"What is it love!" I asked concerned by the way he said that

"It's my father… He… He… He had a heart attack!"

That sentence made my heart froze

"What?"

* * *

**AN: Well it seems I'm back :) Stay tuned for the next chapter. Feedback is also appreciated. Arigato ***


	24. I was naive at the time, I know that now

_"It's my father… He… He… He had a heart attack!"_

_That sentence made my heart froze_

_"What?"_

* * *

I took a taxi as soon as I could, but not before leaving my father with a warm miso soup. It was very late already, and the street lights flashed through my eyes like a slideshow as the car rode through Kantou's dark streets. Ryuk followed the cab from the outside, flapping his huge wings to keep up.

Light's father had had a heart attack. I was relieved though that he was still alive. Maybe he needed a little break from his job. Or maybe he's reaching a certain age. I remember that time I saw him that I thought he had an advanced age due to the fact that some white hairs were already appearing straight on the top of his head.

At the same time I couldn't help but to wonder if L would think of this as an attempt of murder against a member of the ICPO. After all, Kira kills through heart attacks. Maybe he wouldn't suspect a thing because he didn't die. Or maybe he would…

As the car now wandered through a tunnel filled with white and red light and honks echoing everywhere, I decided I would just maintain my posture of a supporting girlfriend when I got there. Nothing more, and nothing less.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"_Right! Tomorrow I'll be back to bring in more stuff" said Mrs Yagami keeping up a cheerful posture in front of her husband, who was now laying peacefully on a bed covered in white sheets "Thank you for coming here Light!"_

"_Sure. Seira's coming here too by the way" replied Yagami before his mother exited the hospital room_

_That fact caught me by surprise. Minamoto will be here in a while. It's a perfect chance for me to start to keep an eye on her as well. Even though learning from Yagami right now is more important, I can take this chance to see if she can be considered suspicious or not._

_I have 10% suspicion against Yagami right now. Something about the way he talked to me during this afternoon made me think of him as a suspect. There was the fact that he felt clearly uncomfortable in my presence as we talked further into the Kira case. I told him everything about the case, hiding anything that related to Miss Minamoto. How he made the same deductions as me, and faster than the other members of the crew was beyond me. _

_Another thing that made my suspicion against him stronger was that he wanted someone to confirm to him that I was L, anyone on the team. Maybe he's feeling that I'm slowly closing in on him._

_Mrs Yagami's sigh interrupted my judgment._

"_Why did you had to concern that sweet girl Light?" she said a little bothered towards her youngster_

"_I just thought she had to know… And, besides when I called her, I was thinking the worst" replied Yagami_

_Mr Yagami decided to let out a chuckle._

"_You didn't have to think like that. There is still more strength in me than you believe"_

"_I will go wait for her. Light are you coming?" said Mrs Yagami as she opened the slied door of the room._

"_Tell her I'll… be there in a minute" said Yagami chocking a little_

_Mrs Yagami then left closing the door behind us. Visiting hours are almost over now that I'm checking the time. Looks like my observation towards Miss Minamoto is going to have to remain pendant. But still I wondered if Yagami is really going to ask his father about my identity._

"_Are you sure it was just stress father?" asked Yagami to his father_

"_Yes… I thought of Kira as I passed out, but I'm alright now. I guess I have been working too hard lately" said Mr Yagami breathing hard at every pause_

"_Having your own son as a suspect must also be such an emotional weight…"I said_

_Yagami quickly sent me a reproving gaze._

"_You told him I'm under suspicion?" he said surprised_

"_Yes." I replied humbly "Your father is aware of everything. That also includes the fact that I'm L."_

_Yagami gasped of surprise, then turned his gaze towards his father._

"_It's true. He's L." replied Mr Yagami with a tired voice "We treat him as 'Ryuuzaki' so no one suspects the truth. But yes, he's L!"_

_Yagami just glanced at me with indecision in his eyes. Perhaps he didn't know how to react at the time. I just sighed not knowing how to react to that as well._

"_Riyuuzaki. Did the contact with my son cleared your doubts?" asked Mr yagami breaking both our thoughts_

"_I still have small suspicions" I replied "But the death of two of the greatest agents the FBI ever had still haunt my logic. Ray Penbar and Naomi Misora. Several of the cases they were involved in got a great attention due to the way they were solved. My deduction is that one of the two persons each was supposed to follow may be Kira…"_

"… _And because apparently Ray Penbar followed me, I can't blame you for suspecting me" Yagami said, completing my logic "But you still haven't told me who the second suspect is…"_

_He glanced very seriously towards me. Now it's up to 13%. Deep down I believe we all knew that Miss Minamoto was the second suspect, but like I said for now I didn't fill him in on anything concerning Miss Minamoto. And when I do, It will be in a tim that I can be sure to trust him. If he's not Kira, I can't let him ruin the chance for me to hang on to my second clue to solving this case. I must plan my move like it's a chess match… Everything must be strictly taken care of._

"_Your deduction power is truly something Yagami-kun. Always quick and precise" I said complimented him_

"_I will help you with the investigation Ryuga. My father confirmed your identity to me. That alone is enough" he said crossing his arms "I will prove to you that I'm not Kira, because we will catch him together"_

"_Light!" interrupted Mr Yagami "You need to focus on your studies. You will have time to capture criminals after you become an ICPO member"_

"_What are you saying father? It's going to be a long time before I actually can call myself a cop!" Said Yagami reacting as the concerned son he is "And besides, don't you remember my promise? I swore that if anything happened to you, I myself would bring Kira in the flesh to the death penalty"_

_Mr Yagami and I heard his words with a deep admiration for the boy. It's hard to believe he's faking the words he just said. But if he was faking everything, he at least managed to be quite convincing._

_Someone knocked at the door. A nurse came in telling us visiting hours were over and we had five minutes to leave. We stood up and said goodbye to Mr Yagami._

"_Rest well, you're going to need all your strength when you get back on duty" I said_

"_Light. Tell your girlfriend not to worry so much about me. And not a word about this to Sayu! Understood?" said Mr Yagami_

_Yagami just nodded, and so we both left the room. Today had been a very revealing day indeed…_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

I had found Mrs Yagami at the hospital entrance. She said she was heading home to make dinner for Sayu. It seems they didn't tell her nothing of what happened to her father. Mrs Yagami also said that Light would be with me in minutes. I said I was going upstairs to visit. So we said goodbye to each other and I headed to visit. To my unfortunate, the nurses weren't letting anyone else enter, due to the fact that visiting hours would be over in ten minutes. So I waited downstairs in a bench near the entrance.

I just stood there looking at my feet and looking at my watch. Untill…

"There you are!" I heard a familiar voice say

I stood up with a hop, and headed towards Light.

"How is your father?" I asked automatically

"He's fine. Just very tired due to overwork" he replied making me relieved

"I will come here maybe after tomorrow, alright?" I said imposing my view

"You don't…" Light began to say, but I didn't let him finish

"… but I insist!" I said concluding that mt perspective was set

Light sighed and petted my head.

"Always stubborn…" he said to Ryuga, who I just noticed was there

"You're also here Ryuga?" I asked surprised

"Light-kun was with me when I knew of what had happened, so I decided to come along. It was the most polite thing to do"

"It was nice of you…" I said sending him a small smile "But now how will I get home? I came here by taxi"

"You didn't have to…" said Light

"You want a lift?" asked Ryuga "My limousine is parked outside"

"LI-LIMOUSINE?" I asked surprised "How… How did you get the money to afford that?"

"My father is a mechanic engineer and my mother is a lawyer" replied Ryuga

"But, I hope I'm not bothering you, I can take another cab! I still have some money" I said not trying to sound like I was taking advantage

"Not at all! Come along!" he said with that humble smile he has "You too Light-kun!"

Giving in to his request we entered his huge limo. I stayed in the back seat with Light by my side. As the car began to move again, bathed by the night lights of Kantou, Light held my left hand. I held his back.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_My two main suspects are right here in my car with me. I can take a glance at him through the front mirror. The fact that they were holding hands on each other's lap didn't pass by my watch. The fact that they have a romance may spoil the investigation, especially if Miss Minamoto is Kira. If that's so, he will try to protect her from my suspicion. I'll have to break them a little apart. Make him so busy that he won't have time to think about her. _

_He did promise he wouldn't tell Minamoto that we are evolved in the investigation. I trust he will make something up if she becomes suspicious. I just hope Minamoto doesn't ask too many questions, for the sake of the investigation._

_Maybe I'm coming off as harsh, but I can't let their feelings for one another ruin my plan. I can see that they still have a weak trust as a couple. I will take that as an advantage, and then I will find out which one of them is Kira._

_Yagami… or Minamoto?_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"This is it!" I said pointing out my building

Mr Watari, who I presumed was Ryuga's choffer stopped the car right in front of my house.

"There you go Miss!" he said very nicely "You are delivered"

I was surprised when Light came out of the car with me. What was he up to now?

"You're staying here too Light-kun?" asked Ryuga opening the window to take a better look at us

"Yes. I still have some business to take care with her" replied Light placing his shoulder around me

"Have a pleasant evening. Take care of your father Light-kun! And you, take care of yourself Minamoto-chan!" said Ryuga

Me and Light stood there waving goodbye as the limousine faded away in the traffic, still intense at that hour. We headed to my house. After I opened up the door with my key, I found a note on the kitchen counter:

"_Dear Seira_

_Business orders, but I'll be out all night. Be back as soon as I can. Tell Mr Yagami that I wish him well next time you visit him. Love you. Dad xxxx"_

I sighed. He was out on night business again. It just didn't seem natural to me. He spent nights and nights exiting and not giving me any news. One day I planned to follow him, but that is a story that is going to be for another time.

"Sit down Light!" I said noticing that he didn't have a seat on the couch

Ryuk had gone to take a night walk. He always gave me privacy whenever I was alone with Light. Good thing he knew when he wasn't supposed to peek.

I sat down and then I immediately brought up his attitude on the ceremony.

"Why did you act so weirdly that day?" I asked making clear that he wasn't leaving without us solving that subject

"I just don't like Ryuga that much!" Light replied

"Why?" I asked now confused "You spent all day with him today, and now you tell me that you don't like him? I don't understand"

Light sighed. One big lie came out of his mouth at that moment, but it was on that same moment that I was willing to believe on anything he said, as long as he explained. And of course I didn't knew at that time… **that he was liying to protect me.**

"The truth is… he has some feeling for you" Light said looking very seriously at me

As you can imagine I was stunned.

"Feelings?" I asked unsure if that was what he said

"He developed a little crush on you… At the ceremony he said was willing to do everything to win your heart away from me. That was the reason I freaked out on that day. To think that someone else desires you makes me… well, you get the idea!"

I glanced towards my feet, but my reaction came instinctively: I began to laugh out loud.

"Oh, Light! You really think I will leave you just because someone else likes me too" I said laying my head on his shoulder "I'm with you aren't I? If I didn't love you back, believe me I wouldn't be in a relationship with you at all"

The silence in the room made me instinctively look at him. I had to contain a yell when his face rushed towards mine, stealing a kiss from my lips. It had been a while since he kissed me so deeply like that.

He released from the kiss. Nothing else was said between us on that matter that day. I quickly involved him in my arms and kissed him again. But some quick smooches quickly turned into French-kissing, due to the fact that on the next minute our mouths seemed glued. My hand messed up his hair and the other made its way to the pocket on his pants allowing me to grope his ass a little.

When I came to myself we were next to my bedroom door, and we knew that we would be going too far if we decided to enter beyond it.

"Maybe tonight isn't such a good idea" he said, also aware of what I was thinking

"Maybe not…" I said releasing him "If my father comes in all of a sudden and sees me with you… Well, let's just say he doesn't know I'm not a virgin anymore"

"You owe me one…" he said petting my chin as he made his way to the exit

We said goodbye with another French kiss (which left me temped to place us back to where we were a little while ago), and I closed the door.

"**For a moment there I thought I was going to have to leave you two again"** said Ryuk from behind me making me contain a yell of surprise

"Ryuk, you're a pervert…" I said ignoring him, and making him let out a groan of protest against my attitude

After I was dressed up in my pajamas, I entered the bed, but all of a sudden I remembered something. I took the notebook out of my drawer, and read the mysterious message written in the pages where three more names of criminals have mysteriously appeared.

"_A new world is yet to create  
Some humans can't get away with what they make"_

What did that message meant? Did I wrote that? Or did someone else did? I needed something to find out what happened when I was asleep. Yeah, maybe I wrote all those strange messages when I wasn't awake.

So for that night and the nights that followed, I planned a scheme: I locked the door to my room, left my window opened so that the street lights would brighten up the room a little (when I was sleepy I usually didn't mind if it was dark or bright, I just wanted to sleep), and I left my old video camera on, so that everything that I would be doing in my sleep would be recorded.

"**Are you sure you don't want me to just tell you what you've done while in your sleep?" **asked Ryuk thinking my plan was a little overreactive

"I need to see for myself what I'm doing in my sleep. Not that I don't trust you... I just need to see something..." I replied as I pressed the PLAY button and quickly laid on the bed to go to sleep "Nighty night!"

"**Sleep well"**

On the next morning when I looked at what I had recorded, I found nothing. Just myself moving in my sleep to change positions. But that didn't stop me from placing the camera on the days that followed. And one of those nights, boy was I in for a surprise…


	25. I saw myself dying that night

_On the next morning when I looked at what I had recorded, I found nothing. Just myself moving in my sleep to change positions. But that didn't stop me from placing the camera on the days that followed. And one of those nights, boy was I in for a surprise…_

* * *

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. "

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. "

" Have not saints lips, and holy palmers, too? "

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."

"Well, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. "

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. "

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. "

"Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged. "

"Then have my lips the sin that they have took? "

"Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. "

"You kiss by the book."

"**Okay, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO BLABBERING ABOUT? GOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD!" **protested Ryuk waving his arms in the air.

I just gave a heavy sigh in response.

Nobu and I were alone on that day, making vocal exercises. I just asked him for some extra help after a rehearsal on Hamlet me and others in the acting club have done on that afternoon. Nobu was a big fan of anything Shakespeare had written. He even took quotes from one of his all time favorite movies (1996's "Romeo and Juliet"), and the two of us had spent less than an hour there training our voices. As you can tell, I played Juliet, while he played Romeo. Coincidence or not a radio next to us was on, while playing the song "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits.

"You need to know how to project your voice, but your tone is nice" said Nobu standing up from the chair

I stood up from my chair as well.

"Don't we think we ought to do these exercises on our feet?" I suggested "Maybe our voices can be better projected if we do!"

"Love to, but it's getting late" said Nobu shutting off the radio

And indeed it was. It was past 7 pm already.

"Well, thanks for the extra help Nobu-kun..." I said while looking sadly at the benches where the crowd usually sits whenever there is an official play at Toh-Oh. All of them were empty

I heard Nobu approaching me from my left.

"Something wrong Seira-chan?"

"Oh it's just that… Light was supposed to come here so we could go home together, but…" I said sadly "I guess he just hasn't been having time for me…"

"Want a lift?" asked Nobu taping me hardly on the shoulder "My car is just outside!"

I accepted his proposal. After the lights were out, there I went in the front seat of Nobu's car. Light and I hadn't talked for over three days. I found it odd that he didn't send me a text message, nor responded to the ones I sent him. And I hadn't crossed paths with him on campus. I found Millie, Rena and Haji, and Nobu, but neither Light, neither Ryuga for that matter. Yet I heard they were hanging with each other a lot. At first I thought it was normal, seen as they are on the same course and on the same class. Yet I had begun to feel that somehow Ryuga's presence was breaking us a little apart. **My instinct was yelling to me that it was the truth. Even though I tried to tell myself that I was thinking nonsense, I couldn't shake that thought.**

"Is everything alright with you and Yagami-san?" asked Nobu

"Well, he's been very busy lately. That's all. I just guess that ever since his father had a heart attack he just wants to dedicate more time to family" I said even though I wasn't so sure of myself

"It's understandable… Though I saw him today at lunch with that Ryuga dude"

"Oh really? I didn't saw him today." I said surprised

"The two of them are always surrounded by girls these days." commented Nobu with me "It's like a fan club, always waiting for them wherever they go"

"And how did they behave towards all those girls" I asked feeling a tip of jealousy rising to my head

"They acted like they were not there" laughed Nobu "Trust me, they managed to deal with them like they were nothing but flies"

I sighed.

"Someday they will make you a death threat!" said Nobu joking a little with me

"They better not, because nothing stopped me from hitting some girls in the past" I said acting as a badass

"Uuuuuh, be afraid!" said Nobu who clearly was in the mood to joke around

Nobu was a really sweet guy. Very mature, always available for his friends, and always with a contagious smile for everyone who liked to talk to him. I really had a lot of consideration for him at the time. It had been a while since Millie and he had gone out, and as I thought about that she never really told me the reason why they broke up. At the time I knew she had told me something, but even though I did not remember very well what happened, I recalled thinking she was lying at the time. Like she wanted to give a fast reason and not talk about it again. Though believing he had feelings for her, I still thought that a part of the story wasn't properly told. Like there was more than what I knew behind the reason they had stopped talking to one another. But I wouldn't be the one meddling in whatever was going on. I still kept my position that time was the solution for them.

But despite what I was thinking at the time, I would be discovering why they weren't talking to each other. **And sadly, I would find it out through the worst way possible. It would be one event that would not only endanger my reputation, but also my integrity.**

So Nobu left me in front of my building (was it just me, or was I starting to depend on lifts a little too much?), and as I was exiting the car he called me to say one last thing before leaving.

"If you need company when you don't have it… You have my number Seira-chan" he said with the smile of a little boy

I couldn't help but to reply to him with an open smile, then with a bow, and a "See you tomorrow". I rushed up the stairs. I was tired, really tired, but yet I was rushing upstairs to see if dad was up there. I really wished for him to be.

All of a sudden I almos bumped into him, while he was going down the stairs.

"Daddy?" I asked surprised "What are you doing here? It's dinner time, today I will make that special ramen that you taught me to do"

"Oh!" said my father clearly caught by surprise "Well, business calls. It's impressive, but I have to be there at any time they call for me"

I noticed he had a huge backpack with him. It was the backpack I used to take whenever I went camping with Millie.

"Where are you going with all of that?" I asked confused

"I will explain to you later hunny, right now I have to be on my way" he said rushing by me "I will be back soon"

I stood there for a while looking at him as we disappeared down the stairs. Moonlight coming from a huge window nearby, could clearly show my confused, yet saddened expression.

That day I felt abandoned by the men of my life… Both Light and my father had abandoned me on that day.

After making the ramen that I planned to make I ate it alone. It was delicious, yet to me 'delicious' was really 'bitter' on that day.

"**Cheer up Seira-chan!" ** said Ryuk who had already devoured six apples **"Tomorrow they will spend more time with you. No big deal!"**

"Yeah… No big deal…" I said still unsure of myself

I turned on the camera. Tonight I would be shooting from my desk. I gave quite a good plan from the bed.

"It's been four days since I begun this, and yet I saw nothing" I said to myself "I wonder if tonight I will see something revealing"

"**You think it will work tonight?"** asked Ryuk looking at the camera next to me

"Who knows…" I said feeling an urge to fall asleep

My head ached, my legs ached, and my arms ached. I was so tired on that day. I just wanted to fall asleep and wake up whenever I felt like it. **Little did I knew I was about to face something that would feel like a never-ending dream, on a never-ending night…**

* * *

_It was… that dream which was interrupted when I was hospitalized!_

_There I was again, looking at my depressed clone, and to Light, who was heading to the middle on the school grounds. I remembered the words I heard on the first night I had that same dream:_

"_**This single notebook dropped into the human world by a Shinigami… sets off an all-out battle between two chosen people…**__** The two of them walk to meet their destiny on this very day…They don't know each other…**_ _**They aren't meant to meet each other…**_ _**They can't meet each other…**_ _**Because if they do… who knows how it will affect their fate… **__**If these two souls should ever meet, everything will change… But who will fight the fight with the other chosen one? Now watch… As these two live the day that will change their lives… **__**Forever…"**_

_The action was frozen, and I knew that like the other time, I had to follow only one._

_So I followed… __**Myself!**_

_The action began to move immediately, as the other Seira walked slowly to the exit of Daikoku. I looked back to see if Light was there but… he was gone! Huh? Where did he go?_

_Oh, I had no time to think about that. My clone was getting near the school exit. Yet, as I was walking to keep up with her, even though the faces of some students who walked around the grounds were barely visible to me, their comments rang in my head:_

"_**My God, it's that Minamoto whore!"**_

"_**I heard she self mutilates … That's so creepy!"**_

"_**How does a prostitute like her manage to attend this prestige academy?"**_

"_**She even has the nerve to skip classes, just to smoke weed. Shame on her!"**_

"_**I heard she sells out for money. God, she's repulsive!"**_

"_**What is she even doing here? It's clear enough that there is no bright future for the lights of her!"**_

_I… couldn't believe what was being said and thought of me. Was I really all of that? Was I really such a waste of meat on that world? As my clone left Daikoku, I began to feel that that was somewhat… real! That what I was seeing did happen. But… it couldn't be! My name was Seira Minamoto, and I was on that moment having a crazy dream! Maybe I was dreaming that I was entering the Twilight Zone! Yeah, that ought to be it! I was entering an alternate dimension, where I was seeing an alternate version of myself!_

_Yet, no matter how many times I told that to myself__**… I couldn't shake off the feeling that what was happening there had been real in the past! A past that I felt wasn't as far away as I thought it was…**_

_My clone walked in a very gloomy way through the streets. Her head was low, and her feet almost seemed dragged alongside her. I begun to fee for the pitiful creature whose steps I was following. So much sadness… So much loneliness... So much sorrow… So much gloom… How could she still stand with tons of negative feeling crushing her?l_

_All of a sudden I see her making a wrong turn. She was heading home at first. I knew the path pretty darn well. Yet she turned to go on a street where less and less people were seen. Where the hell was she going? Her pace had sped up. My God, what's going on here?_

_She turned to a dark alley. At first I was straddled, but then I remembered that I was just an audience member on that strange dimension. I peeked into the alley. It was too dark… So I approached slowly._

"_**Give me all you've got, girl!"**_

_That male voice frightened me. I jumped with the scare and rushed to see where it was coming from. I went across my clone due to the rush (she was standing immobilized facing something), and it was then that I understood what was going on: __**The other me was being threatened. A mugger had appeared in front of her, bearing a knife, and a threatening gaze to match! I couldn't see his face, but his uncovered eyes, made me shiver…**_

"_**Are you deaf? I said give me all your possessions!"**_

_I stood there terrified. Yet as I laid eyes on my clone she just stood there stupefied looking at him, without making a move__**. What was she doing? She didn't scream, nor tried to run away, and she didn't look terrified at all!**_

"_**You have got to be acting stupid" **__said the mugger, grabbing my clone by the neck __**"ARE YOU FUCKING GOING TO GIVE ME ALL YOU HAVER OR NOT?"**_

_Yet the other Seira didn't react. She never took her eyes away from the man who was threatening to kill her. I admired her bravery… even though it was proving to be classified more as an act of foolishness._

"_**Run, you idiot!"**__ I yelled, hoping she could hear me __**"Run for your dear life, please!"**_

_The mugger placed the knife near her neck. At that moment I was sure of what would follow… __**she was going to be killed right there… at the hands of that unmerciful man…**_

"_**Ah!" **__I heard the voice of my clone scream_

_He had slashed the left side of her neck. Drops of blood had jumped out, and fallen with an echo on the ground. I saw her shaking on that moment. She was holding the slashed part of her neck. Her hand was completely red due to the spring of blood coming out of her neck. _

"_**Seira, please run!" **__I yelled again feeling the despair rising in my heart_

"_**Now that you know I'm not here to play around…" **__said the mugger approaching her slowly __**"Are you going to do what I request… Or do I have to get nasty with you?"**_

_Again she was just gazing towards the mugger, but without speaking a word, or doing anything to save herself. She was gasping, and it was quite clear she was in pain. Yet she just stubbornly didn't move._

"_**Don't be stupid!" **__I cried fearing for her life __**"Please, save yourself!"**_

_The mugger kicked her on the chest, and she fell flat on the ground. He approached her slowly, with his mouth making the sound of a sick laugh. She just stood flat on the ground, still beading abundantly._

"_**So I see you won't even react or flee!"**__ he said kneeling and reaching for her waist __**"Well then, I suppose you won't mind me having a little fun, while finishing your pitiful life!"**_

_A disgusting grin formed in his mouth! And the next thing I knew, he was doing something that made me question if he was a human being or not… I… I still shake as I remember the whole scene… I can't help but to feel that I just witnessed something that only pure evil would be responsible for! _

_He lifted her skirt up, lowered her panties, throwing them away. Then he unzipped his pants, and without even a second thought, inserted his member inside of her. She let out a weak whimper, but still didn't fight it. __**And then he took the knife and stuck it hard in her chest, while raping her at the same time!**_

"_**Yeah, you like it you whore! Fuck! Fuck, you're so tight! Oh you don't image the pleasure you're giving me! Fuck! Oh, yeah, I'm loving it!" **__yelled out the mugger as he thrusted faster and stabbed her hard, deep and fast __**"God, I needed a good hard fuck! This has to be my lucky day! You're a silent idiot you bitch! But that's good! All the better I can be finished with you! Oh! Fuck yeah!"**_

_As for myself… I had fallen on my knees due to the shock of what I was seeing. I was shaking, and feeling an urge to vomit! My legs had no strength to stand up. I began to cry out loud like a baby! Seira still wasn't reacting… Two rivers of tears had begun to run from her closed eyes, but that was all. She wasn't screaming, nor was expressing desperation for what happeing to her… __**It was as if… she wanted something like that to happen to her…**_

_I covered my eyes… No more… I couldn't see no more… But then, I heard the voice of her thoughts inside my head:_

"**My name is Seira Minamoto. I am 17 years old, and a terrible influence at the eyes of everyone. After my mother died brutally raped and decapitated, I was left with only my father to raise me. But I wasn't raised properly due to the fact that my father usually left me alone at home and went to bars to drink more specifically. Eventually I turned out wrong. At the age of 14 I tried a smoke and quickly became addicted to tobacco. Soon it wasn't only tobacco that I smoked. I became an addict faster than you can say 'stop. I can't let go of this addiction. It's taking over my life. I feel unloved by everyone around me. Even Millie Kasumoto, who used to stick next to me, stopped giving me the support that I need oh so much. My first time was with a guy whom I had a one night stand. We started to talk, and when he took me into his car and drove it far away it just happened. I slept with a couple more guys after that only to earn money to feed my addiction. I feel in my heart that there is no hope left for me. I spent years in a mental asylum when my mother died, but they still couldn't cure me. No one can save me. When I find the chance I just want to die and put an end to a pitiful existence. I will add nothing to this world, so I might as well die as a waste, than to continue to occupy a spot I don't deserve."**

"_**That's not true! That's not true!" **__I cried in despair __**"This isn't real! You're not a waste! You're worth more that you appear! Please don't think those things"**_

"**And now, here I am… I will finally be dead in a short time. No more will I have to suffer again… It's just for the best… For me… And for the world"**

_I took a deep breath before I dared to look again. Fifteen stabs. It was what I managed to count, even with my eyes closed. I took my hands away from my eyes. It was near eve, and there lied the other Seira Minamoto, staring at the opposite side of where I was. Her arms were in a position like she had been crucified, yet her legs were twisted in a weird way. A pool of blood had begun to form around her. Raindrops begun to be heard, and then there came a pouring rain that begun to mix itself with the blood that decorated the floor around her._

_I actually managed to find the strength to stand up from the ground. I walked around her. When I saw her face, I saw her eyes closed, yet the river of tears was still running down her face, now thanks to the rain that washed her whole body up._

_**She was dead… No more would she have to suffer in human hands… It was all over for her… I felt the scenery around me fade, as I heard the sound of an ambulance coming closer… I felt that my heart wanted to pop out of my chest on that moment. And I wish it had...**_

* * *

_On the next moment I saw a boy, tall with brown hair and a Daikoku school uniform, approaching a wake. There it was the funeral arrangement. It was full of flowers in the bottom, and an _ihai _(a spirit tablet) a little below my picture. There I was, with a light smile. Yet I wouldn't be smiling like that ever again._

_He stood there looking fixatedly at my picture. I only saw him, and the wake. The rest around them was pitching black._

_All of a sudden I heard what I assumed were his thoughts… I couldn't see his facial expression seen as I could only see him with his back turned, but the voice expressing those thoughts was loud and clear in my head._

"_**There are plenty of things this world could live without… Immorality… Sin… Crime… Someone ought to change all of that… This girl who I barely knew died thanks to those things! Someone ought to make the criminal pay for what was done to her! Someone ought to make him suffer for the suffering he submitted her to! Someone ought to kill him the same way he killed her! This world… is beginning to rot…"**_

_Something about his thoughts made me shiver… On that moment I didn't knew what it was..._

_But that endless dream I had on that night eventually came to an end…_


	26. Loneliness can drive one into bad events

"_**There are plenty of things this world could live without… Immorality… Sin… Crime… Someone ought to change all of that… This girl who I barely knew died thanks to those things! Someone ought to make the criminal pay for what was done to her! Someone ought to make him suffer for the suffering he submitted her to! Someone ought to kill him the same way he killed her! This world… is beginning to rot…"**_

_Something about his thoughts made me shiver… On that moment I didn't knew what it was..._

_But that endless dream I had on that night eventually came to an end…_

* * *

The strange position on which I had woken up on that morning quickly told me that I would be having something to see recorded in my camera: I was lying in a vertical position, with the notebook opened next to my face. When I stood up, I noticed I had messed up my bed sheets, thanks to the pen that was somehow in my right hand.

After putting those sheets in the dirty clothes basket that was in the balcony, I read the notebook. There were names all over the pages. I couldn't find a single blank space in there. Japanese, Corean, English, Cantonese, Portuguese, Canadian, Indian,… My god I found names on every type of language I could remember. And in languages I didn't even knew at the time. Oh my God, it couldn't have been me doing that! At all! I never wanted to kill all those people! I was losing the guts to carry on with that!

"**This night you were nuts!" **said Ryuk entering the room through the wall **"You took the pen in your drawer and it was almost as if you were dribbling in the notebook, the way you were writing was just… scary!"**

A freezing sensation crossed my insides. Not only because of what Ryuk had said, but also because of what I had dreamt the other night. Seeing me dying in a dream wasn't properly something pleasant of dreaming about. But what really shook me was the fact that somehow I felt that what I had seen was… real. It was absurd what I was thinking, but at the same time I couldn't help it.

But all of a sudden I was curious to see what the camera had captured. How did I do all of that? The thought made me quiver. I pressed the play button in the camera.

At first I didn't see anything. I only saw myself moving in my sleep to make myself more comfortable. I even pressed the fast-forward button to get to the part that I wanted to see.

I slowed down shortly after seeing myself sit on the left edge of the bed. I stood there for a little while looking to what I assumed to be the floor. And then I stood up. Several time passed before I decided to move. Another press of the fast-forward button made me see myself opening the drawers in the table next to my bed. I literally saw myself taking a pen and the notebook in both my hands, closing the drawer violently. I knelt in the middle of the bed, with the notebook opened in my lap, and… The way I started to write made me swallow. I wrote quickly and like I was making a move with my pen, like someone giving a blow with a sword. The pen was like a sword, making a massacre towards people I didn't even know, nor would I ever in my whole life.

I didn't go to college on that morning. I felt ill. Actually I didn't leave my house on that day. Still in my pajamas, I walked up to the living room, and then to the kitchen stand. An aspirin I took just to erase the pain going through my head. But it couldn't erase the pain that was going through my heart…

"Ryuk!"I called after lying down on my couch "I want to ask you something. Something regarding the notebook…"

Ryuk came to me immediately. He stood hovering in the air above me, facing me with that "Joker-Alike" smile.

"**If I can answer that question, you know I will gladly talk!"** said Ryuk like the situation was a fun one

"Is it possible that a notebook can… you know! Take control of the human who uses it for too long?"

He seemed irresolute with that question.

"**Not that I know… Never have I heard a story where a human is controlled by a notebook like the notebook is alive"**

I knew that not even Ryuk had all the answers to business regarding the notebook. But the thought that the power I had could take control over my sanity, made me think about if I wanted to keep the notebook or not. Was the goal I wanted to accomplish just a silly fantasy? Shouldn't I be worrying with building my life, instead of trying to kill off someone who wasn't even haunting my life anymore?

"**They say though that humans, who are haunted by Shinigamis, have nothing but misfortune in their lives"**

It was on that moment that I started to have doubts about my objectives with the notebook. Was it really a source of misfortune? I didn't know what to think. And for the first time I started to consider if it wasn't better… to be rid of that notebook.

* * *

"_We're sorry! The number you've reached is not available!"_

I shut the call in frustration. Three weeks! Three fucking weeks! Three weeks and I hadn't heard anything from Light! What was he doing? His cell wasn't on, he wasn't even going to classes, her mother always said he wasn't home whenever I called there,… What the fuck was going on!

"**Easy, sweet cheeks!"** said Ryuk trying to calm me down

"Easy?" I said frustrated "I'm concerned! I'm concerned and angry! Both my father neither Light have been around and I need them in my life! But they have their little secrets and decided to leave me out of it for some strange reason! I feel rejected! Like they don't want to be around me!"

I was in the campus, but fortunately I made the wise choice of going to the back of the building where I had classes. No one would hear me there, seen as I had skipped my last class due to the fact that the situation that I was blabbering out loud was making my stomach turn more and more.

"The truth is… I feel lonely!" I said letting out a sigh after that

"Why didn't you tell me anything about that?"

I turned around and saw Millie behind me with a concerned gaze, analyzing me.

"Millie… I… I just… I didn't want to make anybody worry about me. "

Millie came next to me and placed her arm on my back.

"Maybe they just have a big problem, Seira-chan! And maybe they don't talk to you about it, because they don't want you to be worried… My God, you're so tense!" she said rubbing her hand in my back

I stood silent. Having my best friend consoling me made my head lighter, and it showed that the friendship we had for too long was hardly dead. But at the same time it was a way for me to hide what I truly felt. And I didn't know if that was good, or bad.

"Tell you what… Let's go out today! To Jetlag! We'll drink and loosen up! No men to bug us! I will talk to Rena-chan too! What do you say? **It will be a night to rememeber!**"

* * *

I decided to loosen myself on that night. No more gloom because of Light. Eventually he would call me back. Or maybe he wouldn't… Bah no worries! Not on that night. On that night I would loosen up!

I was tempted to wear the red dress I bought, but never got a chance to wear. I actually wanted Light to see me in it. BAH! There I was at it again! I couldn't let the paranoia get to me!

At last I was ready to meet Millie downstairs: wearing the red dress that reached my knees, black sandals with high heels that allowed anyone who looked down to see the white nail polisher I had applied on my toe nails, as well as on my hand nails. A red rose decorated my tied hair, which was now all curly and wavy. My makeup had tones of gray decorating my eyes not forgetting a touch of eyeliner and rimmel.

My god, who was I that night?

I noticed Ryuk was staring at me amazed and exposing no emotions. He seemed shocked to see me so different from the girl he used to see every 24 hours per day.

"Is everything alright Ryuk?" I asked turning to him and approaching him slowly

"**No-Nothing… It just seems that… It's not you at all" **said Ryuk not taking his eyes away from me

"Do you like what you see at least?" I said giving a small turn

He didn't reply. Maybe out of embarrassment, maybe of not knowing what to say. I didn't know at that time, and I would only find out much time later, that Shinigamis could really fall in love with humans. From the moment I met Ryuk, I had always thought that Shinigamis couldn't love a living creature. I somehow had never associated those scary and weird-looking creatures, as something capable of having feelings. Even at the times when I picked on him, insinuating that he cared for me, I didn't thought for a moment that that could actually happen. But when I knew that could happen… _**Was on a moment I knew it was too late.**_

When I finally reached downstairs, I noticed how beautiful Millie was. A dress blue like the ocean, with cream-colored sabrinas, and with a beautiful small wallet decorated with a white ribbon.

"Oh my god, look at you!" we both said almost in unison

"Seira, we've been friends for over a decade now! Tonight is going to be a ladies night just for the two of us at Jetlag Club!" said Millie cheerfully taking me by one shoulder "We are going to drink so much beer that we will need the whole Saturday to recover from the hangover!"

She laughed out loud after that (Had she already drank, I asked myself at the time)

After taking the subway and a taxi we were finally there. It was a full house day. Boy oh boy was I going to have a blast that night.

"It sure was bad that Rena-chan couldn't come with us…" I said thinking of her, as I entered the nightclub with Millie

We stopped a little near the entrance so we could still talk a little before we entered the area where the noise and the disco lights reigned.

"I think it's because of her little sister. She has the full responsibility for little Sakura" said Millie

"She doesn't have parents?" I asked surprised

"They died in a car accident when Rena was 15. She stayed for a while in the house of an aunt, but when she gained enough maturity, she got a small job and decided to leave the house. Her aunt still sends her money from time to time, but Rena sees herself many times in hard times when it comes to money" said Millie feeling as confused as I was at the time "Her aunt is very old now, and on the day she dies, she will lose the right to the rented house she's in with Sakura. You see, Rena doesn't want to rely on her aunt too much, but at the same time she can't help it. Her aunt pays her studies and her house."

"I didn't know of that…" I said impressed, shocked and astonished with what I had heard

I had never asked Rena about her personal life, but hearing that story only made my respect for her grow like a beanstalk grows

"Poor Rena-chan… Even on high school I didn't know she went through all that much… I usually saw her with Sekino, and I saw her as a kiss-ass. But after I've met her, … I saw the humble personality she kept inside through high school. Hearing that makes me feel like… Like she's tougher than I am…"

We both stood silent after my expression of feelings. I sure wanted to hug Rena right now. If only she was there with us to chill out from her tough life…

"Come on… Rena-chan will come with us next time, even if I have to force her!" said Millie, taking my hand and taking me inside the nightclub

House music, bright lights, beer, dancing, shots, the DJ with strong tattooed arms, vodka, whisky,… Those were some of the elements present on that night. Me and Millie had already drank a little too much, because as we headed to the bathroom, I seemed to see everything spinning around me.

"I'm telling you Seira-chama" said Millie with a voice which more annoying than usual "There was a guy out there on the dance floor who was so on to you! If I were you I would take the chance!"

"Millie, Millie, Millie!" I said holding her face with my two hands "I may be a bitch but I would never cheat on Light! Even though he practically disappeared out of my life over the past there weeks!"

After I said that, I kicked the trash can and laughed out loud. Millie joined me taping me hardly on my back. I liked the sensation of being freaking drunk though I felt I could pass out at any moment. Nobody was in the bathroom at the time, and even if there was, we couldn't be caring less about it.

"Let's go out there and hump some dicks!" whispered Millie letting out a giggle after that comment.

When we exited, after we had walked for a while to our surprise, not far from where we were was a friendly face. Or as I would find out on that night, a faker with a friendly face…

"Nobu!" yelled Millie calling out his attention "There you are, you bastard!"

She pulled me by the wrist, and dragged me all the way to where he was. He smiled gently towards us, and I noticed he was looking straight on to my face.

"Good evening!" he said with a nice mood present in his voice

"Don't you… Don't you dare say anything to me you dick! I'm going to go out there and have me a real man! Ya hear me?" she said disappearing on the dance floor like the millions of people dancing there had swollen her whole

Instinctively I hugged Nobu. I hugged him hard laughing and jumping hyperactively. He hugged me back really hard, petting me on the hair.

"I don't see anything in front of me; can you help me find my way around here?" I said very joyfully

He said something in a flirty sort of way, but at that time I didn't understand because my brain was like drowning inside the alcohol I had drunk. He took me to the bar, and asked for a safari cola to himself. Impulsively I held the bartender's hand and asked for absinth. One whole glass of absinth. Nobu looked at me concerned as I finished the whole glass.

If after drinking beers, vodka and whisky my conscience was practically dead, it died minutes after I drunk absinth. Nobu and I headed to the dance floor, and from there on I acted instinctively to everything.

I didn't know what I was doing… Until later when I sort of awoke like someone wakes up instinctively with a bucket of cold water or with a hard slap in the face.

But the way I was when I awoke made me froze of shock: I was in a cubicle, with Nobu kissing me in the mouth, with me sitting in the toilet with my legs spread open. He was exploring my mouth with his tongue, licking my neck, and lowering down my dress, while his hands travelled all the way above my legs.

I gave him a violent push that threw him off me, and even threw him off the cubicle we were in. He stood up and rushed towards me.

"Come on Seira, we were about to have a little fun just now! Don't spoil everything babe!" he said with a clearly altered voice while trying to kiss me again, but stopping stupefied after I gave him a strong slap in the face

I exited from the boys' bathroom (god, my night couldn't possibly get any worse), and as I was heading for the entrance, someone grabbed me and embraced me

"Thank god, it's you!" said Millie panting

When she looked at me, I noticed that her makeup was all messy. She had been crying.

"I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have left you! I went for the dance floor, but then after a while dancing I began sobering up, and I was worried that I couldn't find you anywhere! Oh God, I'm so sorry!" said Millie hugging me again

"Please let's just leave. I feel dirty and embarrassed!" I said beginning to cry

"What happened? Oh, my god, please drink this. It's crystal water, no alcohol, trust me!"

But before I could drink something that would surely make me relieved, all of a sudden Nobu comes out of nowhere, holding a condom on his right hand, and all of a sudden grabbing me by the arm.

"This one is for me to use it with you babe!" he said visibly drunk… or drugged "Now, come on, let's go back to where we were!"

Before he could push me, Millie slapped his hand away from me, and placed herself in front of me. I felt sheltered from my shame for moments.

"You're despicable!" she said, talking with pure disgust "I knew you liked one night stands, but taking advantage of a girl whom you knew was too much DRUNK and IN A RELATIOSHIP, is something that makes you sink lower in mine and everyone else's consideration"

"You stay out of it!" he said trying to scold her off "This does not concern you!"

"Fine!" she said furious

All of a sudden I saw her taking the bottle I was holding with crystal water away from my hands, and without a second thought, dumping it all over Nobu's head. I couldn't disguise my shock, and neither could the people who were near the entrance seeing the whole thing

"You can go freshen up those rotten ideas of yours before you even think of doing that to another girl again!" she said shouting in his face, then taking me by the hand to take me out of there "And if I know you tried to approach Seira again, I swear I will turn you in to the police with an accusation of sexual harassment!"

I took a while to recover from the shock, as Millie took me to the outside of the nightclub. When we were a little farther she began to examine my neck, my arms and legs and other parts of my body.

"Thank God... No hickeys or nail marks" she said with a sigh of relief "Oh Seira, it's my fault! I drove you into this! If I didn't drink so much maybe you wouldn't have followed! And I was the one who left you alone with that dickhead… My God, I'm a horrible…!"

"No!" I said cutting off her word "This is mostly my fault! I was the one wanting to have fun on this night with whatever I could! If I hadn't gone too far, none of this would have happened!"

I then fell on my knees crying. "I feel so dirty, Millie! I miss Light so much, yet I just cheated on him"

Millie held both my shoulders, making me stand up at once.

"Listen to me Seira! You weren't conscious of what you were doing! You actually said you would never cheat on Light, and you were quite altered by that time! You should have stopped at one point, yes, but that bastard Nobu made his move, though knowing pretty well that you are Yagami Light's girlfriend, and knowing pretty well you would never consciously cheat on him!" said Millie trying to keep her grip "His attitude was deplorable. I guess I didn't tell you why I stopped talking to him shortly after your birthday party"

I stood up with her help. She sat me in a bench, looked down to her knees and started to tell her story.

"I met him through some people who are currently in the second year in Toh-Oh. Of course as you know he was already my friend by the time your birthday party came around. And we hit it off, that you know already. But even though we started to go out for a little while, I began to notice that he looked too much to other girls. There were even times when he didn't listen to something I was saying, because he was looking discreetly at a group of girls asking for drinks on the bar. That left me pissed off, but I never tried to tell him off. Until one night he went too far: he asked for two drinks, one for me and another for him, and then he gave me an aspirin. Of course I wanted to know what the fuck he was thinking. He just said 'Have you ever had sex drunk or drugged? Well, this is our chance to try it out!'. Of course, as you can imagine I exploded at that time! He was literally saying he wanted to fuck me while I was high without giving a shit towards what I felt about that! I… I couldn't deal with that! So I left him alone and walked out of the nightclub leaving him there alone"

It was being very hard for me to swallow all of that. Until I had sobered up that night, Nobu was a friend to me. Not a close friend, but a good friend, willing to help anyone who asked for his help. It sure is true that sometimes we only get to really know someone only when you see their darkest side. I had seen Nobu's darkest side on that night… Even though I managed to avoid the worst, alas what I did was done anyways. No way to turn it around now…

"He probably took an aspirin with alcohol, before dragging you to that cubicle…" commented Millie distractedly "He seemed too altered when he came to us a short while ago"

"Unfortunately… I didn't need to do that to really lose control…" I said taking a deep breath before coming clean "I drank a whole glass of absinth, headed with him to the dance floor, and… lost it from there on"

Millie looked at me seeming to still be making her mind whether she would be mad or just call me stupid. But she ended up just letting out a long sigh.

"Seira, you never got drunk before… I am even surprised you're not in a coma due to the quantity you've consumed! And a whole glass of absinth? If you were sober I would be calling you suicidal!"

I deserved to hear those things. Indeed I had been stupid. Even suicidal! I swore I would never drink like that ever again. How was I going to explain that to Light when he decided to start talking to me again? Yes… Thought he wasn't giving any life signs to me, I would tell him when I had a chance… Because even though he wasn't showing honesty in disappearing without telling me why, I wouldn't be like he was being towards me. I would tell him… If he still loved me, it would break his heart, but it needed to be done…

I ended up sleeping in Millie's house on that night. But to me it wasn't a peaceful night. It was a long, long night before dawn came through the window of her room.

Loneliness sure could drive one crazy…

* * *

On Monday I walked firmly to college. Had anyone knew about what had happened? God, I prayed not! Surprisingly though, I caught an ear to a conversation between two girls who were in the drama club with me.

"Nobu-kun has been missing since Saturday! What the hell has happened?"

That comment made me gasp. Nobu was missing? How in the world did that happen?

"I don't know, but their roommates found his room completely destroyed, but no sign of him! This is creepy…"

Somehow as that conversation made me shiver, it also distracted me and made me bump against Ryuga. It wasn't very hard though. I noticed his eyes were studying me, because his fixation was solely on my face.

"Oh! I'm sorry Ryuga-kun!" I said bowing as an apology "What… What are you doing here?"

"I need to have a talk to you, Minamoto-chan! Come!" he said walking out of the building

Confused yet intrigued, I followed him.


	27. What did he want from me at that time?

_"I need to have a talk to you, Minamoto-chan! Come!" he said walking out of the building_

_Confused yet intrigued, I followed him._

* * *

XXVII

We remained for a little while at the entrance of the building. He seemed to be waiting for people to go on to their classes before saying to me what the matter of the subject was.

"Ryuga, this better be quick… I kind of want to go to my class" I reminded him.

"Oh, then I'll say it: are you free on this afternoon?" he asked.

"Oh!" I exclaimed with slight surprise "Why, yes… Why is that?"

"I would tell you, but I see you have a class now. Where should we meet?"

"At the cafeteria, maybe. I'll be out at 4 pm though." I replied wondering if that would be an inconvenient.

"Perfect." He said with that typical smile of his "I'll be free on the whole afternoon. I have to go now, my class in only in another half an hour." He said walking away.

"Hey!" I called him out "Do you know where Light is? He hasn't talked to me in days…"

"I didn't see him today…" he replied without turning his back in my direction.

Inside of me I felt relief and sadness. Relief because I wouldn't have to fill my boyfriend in on what had happened that night. Sadness because yet again I didn't know anything about him.

"**Don't you think this came out as a little weird?"** asked Ryuk.

"Yeah. But I guess if he wants to socialize its okay." I said with a dry voice.

The disappearance of Nobu was still alive in my mind. His room was destroyed, and none of the guys he lived with knew of his whereabouts. He disappeared after Millie and I had ditched him at Jetlag Club.

I remember he was very high. Probably took pills with alcohol like I suspected on that night. And maybe someone had done him harm. Maybe he fell somewhere and got hurt. Despite what that bastard did, I couldn't help but to worry for him. I just hoped that the police hadn't given this much attention, if so there would be another strange coincidence on which I was involved. This thought kept glued onto me even as my classes went by on that day.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"_Watari, I want to check on Yagami" I said as I entered the car._

_It was lunchtime. No classes in the afternoon, a perfect amount of time to tell Yagami the good news before I proceeded to my encounter with Minamoto-san._

"_Right away Ryuzaki." Said Watari as he drove away._

_A curious rumor was all over the campus on that morning. About a boy who had disappeared on a Saturday night without a trace. But the only reason why this came upon my mind was because I actually knew the boy. Tamaki Nobu. I did saw him a couple of times with Minamoto-san and her friends. But maybe I shouldn't give this much attention to this disappearance yet._

_Speaking of Minamoto-san I found her today before she headed on to a class. She seemed slightly down-spirited compared to previous days. Maybe because Yagami can't talk to her. She misses him, I could tell by the question she asked me before I left her. And once again I lied to protect the case._

_As I entered the building far off town, I was determined to make the conversation that would follow very interesting. After entering, descending some stairs, and typing the security code I entered a room filled mostly by a prison cell._

"_Good afternoon Yagami-san…" I greeted the boy inside the cell._

_Inside of the cell was Yagami, confined form the outside world for about 18 days. As I opened the cell door he didn't even bother to look at me. He was sitting in the bench with his wrists tied up. His head was low, and his brown hair was beginning to grow a little too much. He smelled like sweat, and indeed there was sweat on his neck._

"_Lunch will be served in a minute." I said lowering myself to look at him. Despite the fact that I was looking directly onto his face, his glance seemed lost._

"_Yagami are you listening?" I asked still in the same position._

"_What do you want know?" he grunted in an extremely dry voice._

"_To talk…" I replied standing up and walking around the room._

"_Yeah? Well I don't want to talk back to you…" he said with the same voice but cynically._

_The door of the cell opened again, and Watari entered bearing a bowl of warm miso soup._

"_I'll feed him. You go fetch the rice balls and the curry." I said talking the bowl._

"_I'll be back then…" said Watari exiting the cell, and closing the door._

_I sat on the floor trying to feed Yagami. But the spoon I pointed towards his mouth didn't enter its destination: he didn't open his mouth to eat, which made some drops fall through his chin, and then either on the floor or on his clothing._

"_Yagami, you won't serve me to any purpose if you're dead" I said trying to push him to eat._

"_I don't want to help you in any way Ryuzaki. After this I just want to either die or be released." he replied turning his face away._

"_Oh but you might like what I am going to tell you. Especially concerning your dearly beloved." I said_

_He turned his face slightly and stared at me from the side._

"_What exactly are you up to now?" he said trying to sound threatening._

_At that moment Watari entered again with a dish full of rice balls and chicken curry._

"_It will require that you eat though…" I said as Watari placed the food on the floor._

_Yagami sighed and finally gave in._

"_Could you just untie me so I can eat?" he asked._

"_Watari, do as he asks, but chain him again after he's done!" I ordered._

_Watari did so. As soon as Yagami saw himself free he massaged his wrists. Then he sat down on the floor and began devouring the miso soup. He was like an animal that hadn't ate in months. The truth was that he hadn't eaten in 8 days. The way he chewed fast on the rice balls made it clear that that food was to satisfy his starvation only. After the meal he just stood there on the floor gasping. I made a sign for Watari to tie him up again. And so he did._

_Yagami the stood up and laid himself down on the bench of his cell._

"_You may leave us Watari. This will be quick" I said_

_After Watari left I backed against the jail bars._

"_Your father is mighty worried about you." I commented feeling the echo pitching high through the room "But he's not the only one though."_

"_Of course he's worried, you kept me here in these inhuman conditions!" he said with a slightly stronger voice. It seemed the food had come in a good hour._

"_Another person willing to know about you is Miss Minamoto-san." I said making a heavy silence begin between us._

"_Seira…" I heard him whisper with a little concern "How is she?"_

"_Wondering where you are, of course" I responded stating the obvious._

"_I want to see her… I want to see her face so much…" he whispered with a little melancholy in his voice._

"_Oh but you will see her Yagami-kun!" I said making his head rise of surprise "As soon as I tell her that she is the main suspect on the Kira case, one of the places she will be visiting in the future is your cell!"_

_With and impulse Yagami stood up, and tried to rush against me. I was quicker though: the cell door was next to me, I rushed outside and closed it. Yagami's shoulder slammed on one of the bars. He fell on the floor screaming in agony._

"_You're not going to behave that way once you see her, are you?" I asked as I watched him move on the floor in pain._

"_BASTARD!" he yelled still on the floor "LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS! SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"_

"_We will see in a near future if she did something or not. For now the main focus is set on her. But you never know if in reality you're the one to blame." I said walking up the stairs after shutting the door._

"_I'M NOT KIRA! WHAT MUST I DO TO PROOF OUR INNOCENCE?" he yelled desperately._

"_For now, all you can do is wait until she is brought in…" I said as I climbed up the stairs. He kept yelling down there. Even after I closed the security door and climbed up the stairs I could still hear him._

"_Watari, to the campus!" I said as he walked with me to the exit "I have a feeling that I will manage to get more leads on this case today."_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

I was waiting for Ryuuga at the cafeteria door. My mind was still focused on the events of this weekend. Would Light come with him? Oh God, I wouldn't know how to react.

After ten minutes I finally saw him waving cheerfully to me. I waved back at him with a forced smile.

"Did you wait very long?" he asked showing embarrassment.

"Oh, not at all!" I said trying to sound cheerful enough.

"Let's have a shortcake and hot coco then!" he suggested.

"Sounds good!" I said smiling.

We decided to get out of the campus, and head to a café where I used to come with Light. It was a cozy and quiet little place, perfect to talk or study. We talked a little while about the space around us. I was trying to ignore the way he was sitting on the café, but it was hard.

"Minamoto-chan, there is a subject that I would like to talk about with you. Something that has been on my mind for long."

My first guess was that he was going to say he liked me, seen as Light had told me he had a thing for me. But then I decided to hear him out.

"About what?" I asked looking straight at him

"About the Kira case?"

"**EH?"**

The gasp of surprise Ryuk let out practically stole the words from my mouth, as I began to develop a strange feeling concerning Ryuga and the reason he wanted to meet me.

I hesitated a little before I decided to answer him.

* * *

These are some replies to some reviews in the author's note previously posted in this chapter:

**To Kotoko Kurosawa****:** I sure am going to need it despite all the free time I have. The twists will be the same while others keep popping onto my head.

By the way, tell me something when you start rewriting your fic ;)

**To SinDRegrets911: **It's okay to tell me anything whether it's in a review or through a PM.

About the rewriting, don't worry, like I said what I intend to do will not change the course of the story. People won't need to reread it all unless they are curious about what changed.

Yeah, after college who knows where my life will end up on. I sure am going to need a drop of luck :/

But thank you for your sincerity :) And good luck to you too.


	28. Then came an unconvinient truth!

_"Minamoto-chan, there is a subject that I would like to talk about with you. Something that has been on my mind for long."_

_My first guess was that he was going to say he liked me, seen as Light had told me he had a thing for me. But then I decided to hear him out._

_"About what?" I asked looking straight at him_

_"About the Kira case?"_

_"__**EH?"**_

_The gasp of surprise Ryuk let out practically stole the words from my mouth, as I began to develop a strange feeling concerning Ryuga and the reason he wanted to meet me._

_I hesitated a little before I decided to answer him._

* * *

XXVIII

"The Kira case?" I asked curious about why he wanted to talk about that of all subjects.

"Yes. I've been having my mind on that case for a while now." he said suddenly locking his gaze upon me.

"It's in fact a complex case…" I said trying to sound natural "I believe though, that alike the famous 'Jack the Ripper', no one will be able to capture Kira."

"No one?" he asked smiling "Not even the famous L?"

"Well, L did challenge Kira all those months ago…" I said "But since then, I've seen nothing… Kira still kills, and L hasn't been updating the people of Japan on how the investigation is going. Or maybe it's top secret. But who am I to talk…" I said trying to sound as casual as possible.

"You don't believe that Kira may end up being caught?" he asked.

"I think not…Despite the fact that L managed to find out where he is, it's had to pick someone in the middle of all the people in Kantou that actually fits in the profile of a serial killer."

"I think I might have an idea of how that killer could be like." said Ryuzaki.

I stared at him curious about his answer.

"From what I can tell it's someone with a trauma related to death."

I gasped silently. Why was he making these observations all of a sudden?

"What makes you say that Ryuga?" I asked, with all my attention focused on his conversation.

"Have you noticed that in the beginning he only focused on killers? All of a sudden he starts to widen up his victims: pedophiles, harassers, robbers, etc. Also Japan stopped being the center of focus. It became a mass murder worldwide."

"I… haven't been paying much attention to that lately." I said making an excuse "But why are you telling me this?"

"Because I needed to talk to someone about this case. It's been on my mind for quite a while. You, Minamoto-chan, are a smart person and one with whom I can have any type of conversation, as was told by Yagami-kun." he said, as his voice tone turned even more serious as he spoke.

"Thanks, I guess…" I said, beginning to develop a bad feeling about what he was saying "But besides the observation you've done so far, why do you believe that something like that happened?"

"I believe that Kira has begun to lose the track of his power. His goal in the beginning was clear: kill off those who had killed anyone before within the limits of Japan. But why did he turn to other types of criminals? Why did his victims started to be people who aren't Japanese? And another thing I've noticed was that Kira has been making some, shall we say… mistakes!"

"Mistakes? What do you mean by 'mistakes'?" I asked confused.

"Some of his victims were people believed to have committed some crime, but who in reality were innocent. Some other of his victims was several people who strongly opposed to Kira. And some other of his victims were random people, rumor has it. Some youngsters who were having no health problems at all were said to have died of a heart attack all of a sudden. Coincidence? I believe not!"

How did he know all of that? Had he been investigating all of those details he was saying by now? Was all of that his theory? I realized that considering the fact that he and Light were studying Criminology made both of them very interested in cases such as the Kira case. But why was he telling me things he could have been telling to Light? He was putting a lot of effort into looking details of this case.

"_Not even L could reach conclusions such as this!"_ I thought at that time.

Despite that I realized how the notebook was getting me onto some deep shit by the minute. I was killing by mistake? Killing off people just because they opposed me? People who did nothing? What was going on? I felt cold sweat in my forehead but I tried to maintain calm and focused. No, it couldn't possibly be possible!

_I had to read the notebook once again… Just to confirm my doubts!_

"I'm… impressed Ryuga-kun! That is a theory that not even L would manage to come up with…" I said lowering my voice.

He smiled yet again. "Thank you Minamoto-chan."

The hot coco for him arrived. He added sugar to it, and mixed it with the drink while holding the spoon with the tips of his fingers. His ways of acting in public were strange. So very strange.

"But… I have to wonder… Why do you think Kira has been acting that way?" I asked fearing that answer as well.

"I believe it's because Kira has lost the control of his power. The power got to his head and controls him now." he said drinking his hot coco after he was done speaking.

It was like he was reading me like a book! I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could. His theories were starting to scare me. What if in the end it wasn't L the one who caught me, but someone nearly as smart as him?

"You seem pale Minamoto-chan…" observer Ryuga "And you barely touched your shortcake…"

"Oh!" I said still trying to keep calm "Sure, I'll eat!"

I devoured the cake in a minute. But the turns my stomach was turning made the cake seem like a rock punching on my stomach walls. It was 6 pm when I finally decided to leave.

"I'm still so impressed Ryuga-kun… I want to hear more about your theories!" I said faking my cheerfulness.

"How about tomorrow?" he proposed "Tomorrow I might have something new to tell you."

"Sounds good!" I said picking up my cell phone "I have to go now if you don't mind! My father is waiting for me to make dinner."

"I can give you a lift home!" he said standing up.

"No! Once was enough! But thank you!" I said bowing and then waving goodbye to Ryuga.

* * *

When I got home I closed the door abruptly. I almost tripped on the way to my room. When I got there I closed the door, and locked it. The strength lacked on my legs and I fell on the carpet with my back supported on the door. I felt dizzy and gasped, while taking a hand onto my forehead. It was like the room was spinning.

"**Seira-chan?"** asked Ryuk concerned about me.

"Where did I put it?" I asked myself crawling to my drawer, and opening the drawer.

When I opened the notebook, once again there were names upon a page. The leaves were almost black with so many spent ink. I turned the pages and one note in particular called my attention:

"**Tamaki Nobu**

**Overdose**

**April 3****rd**** 2004, 06:00 am**

**Realizes all of his wrongdoings after sobering up little by little. Returns home and destroys all of his personal belongings. Heads to a place where he knows nobody will ever find him. Takes a strong pill for headaches that takes away his life within minutes."**

All of a sudden a flashback came back to me: _The night I had slept onto Millie's house, I stood up to head for the bathroom. But instead of heading there to do personal needs I saw myself taking a pen and the notebook which were in my right hand, and write those things. It wasn't me at all. I stood up, flushed the toilet, and took a quick glance in the mirror.__** My eyes had a reddish evil within them!**_

"OH!" I yelled out loud, backing away quickly and banging the back of my head on the door of my wardrobe.

The notebook was alive! It was controlling me by its own will. It made me kill Nobu and many other people who I had never seen in my life. How? How in the world could that be possible? No! That couldn't be true!

I took that evil thing, placed it back in the drawer, and locked it. There was no guarantee that that would work, but I wouldn't be touching that evil thing so soon.

"I have to get rid of it!" I said starting to desperately walk around the room "I know I made a promise, but I can't let this happen again! That thing is alive and has a will of its own! I can't keep doing this! No!"

I sat on the bed trying to rationalize properly. Ryuk came next to me concerned.

"**Does that mean you're going to be rid of the Death Note?"** he asked a little sad.

I shook my head in confusion and denial.

"I don't know… I don't know…" I said repeating this for a while.

I lay down on the bed shaking. My eyes were on my balcony, but I wasn't looking at anything in particular. My body didn't move for all that time. My father didn't come home yet again. I was all alone in the room. Not even Ryuk's constant calls for my name managed to take me out of the trance I had fell onto. After a while my eyes closed. A brief yet dreamless sleep was what would follow for me.

* * *

I woke up with my phone ringing. I felt my eyes all swollen up. My right hip ached and so did my right arm. I reached for my pocket and picked up my cell phone.

"Moshi-Moshi!" I said with a visibly tired voice.

"Minamoto-chan, are you home?" asked Ryuga's voice from the other side.

"Why… Yes!" I said standing up with a jump.

"I'm downstairs, do you mind opening up?"

"O-Okay!" I said rushing to the entrance.

What was he doing there? How much time had I slept? I didn't bother to look into that, as I opened up the door for Ryuga. Like he said he wanted to meet me that day. But what took him to believing that my house was the meeting point? Why didn't he call me sooner for us to plan the meeting? It didn't matter though; he had finally passes by all the stairs, and was now in my doorstep.

"Minamoto-chan, I came here to tell you the truth." He said.

Truth? About what? What was he talking about? He wasn't making any sense at all. And I wasn't exactly thinking properly.

"Please excuse me, this needs to be said indoors!" he said after noticing my extremely confused glance I sent him.

I allowed him to enter and closed the door yet again. He entered then turned himself in my direction with a very serious expression. I shivered. And then he finally told me the inconvenient truth.

"_**Minamoto-chan, I came here to tell you that I'm L!"**_


	29. My life would change from there on

_I allowed him to enter and closed the door yet again. He entered then turned himself in my direction with a very serious expression. I shivered. And then he finally told me the inconvenient truth._

_"__**Minamoto-chan, I came here to tell you that I'm L!"**_

* * *

_XXIX_

I felt like a stroke had paralyzed me. At that moment it was like everything had stopped. In that brief moment which seemed like a never-ending moment of agony, I felt that my whole world was about to change from there on. A growing fear that was present the other day overwhelmed me on that moment. Ruyga was L… My instinct kept telling me that he was speaking the truth. My captor was standing there in my own house, yet I wanted to know why he had revealed himself to me just like that. Was he lying? Was he someone sent by the real L to try and frame me?

"You're saying that… You're the world's most famous detective?" I asked still shocked by the surprise.

"Do you doubt my word Minamoto-chan?" he asked with an unaltered facial expression.

I feared my doubt concerning his declaration would be something that might incriminate me. Was I supposed to blindly believe that he was L? No! I couldn't believe him just because he said it. I wanted to believe him, before deciding what to do next in order to escape getting in the slammer.

"If you're L…" I said looking at him straight in the eyes with a determined expression "… give me proof!"

* * *

Watari drove the limousine without speaking a word to the two of us. Me and the 'supposed L' were in the backseats without speaking to each other as well. That was until I decided to break the silence, and figure out more about his revelation.

"So… L…" I said, finding it confusing for me to actually call him that "… Why did you choose to reveal yourself to me of all people?"

He looked at me from his right side. "Because you may be a valuable clue to finding out whom Kira really is."

"What do you mean? I don't support anyone in particular, if you don't mind me saying." I asked.

"Everything will be explained as soon as we get to our destination." He replied eating some chocolate chip cookies.

"Out of curiosity… Why do you sit like that?" I decided to ask still bothered by the way he usually sat.

He looked at me this time straight into my face.

"If I sat like normal people, my reasoning capabilities would drop by forty percent. And I will need them in order to figure out this case."

I looked away to the window. We sure were going farther and farther from town. If he saw me as a suspect or as a clue it didn't matter to me at that moment: I just wanted to figure out if he was telling the truth, despite the bad feeling I had concerning what would follow what he had to show me.

The notebook was still safe in my house. If something went wrong I would have to give up the notebook for good. It would be sad that I couldn't avenge my mother's death. I didn't have any clues concerning the guy I wanted to kill. At that time I wondered if that goal was an excuse for me to keep the notebook with me for a little longer. I should have gotten rid of it after L had discovered where Kira was. But stupidly, I kept it. I couldn't help but to wonder why had I made that stupid decision.

Even though in the beginning I had started to feel better with myself thanks to the notebook, the reasons for me to keep it were starting to be less and less. After the two big incidents on which I was involved I should have seen myself free of that notebook.

And as for my dearest mother… I began to wonder… If she would really like to see what I was planning to do, as well as what I had become.

"We're here Ryuzaki!" said Watari smiling at us from the driver's seat.

"Ryuzaki?" I asked confused.

"It's what you must call me from here on forward." He replied opening the car door.

We both left the car. Ahead of us was a huge building that resembled a prison. Its grey stone walls were wasted by time. But when we entered inside, the room in question was clearly new and remodeled. He led me through a short hallway, and stopped near some stairs.

"Minamoto-chan, you go ahead. Watari, go down with her and type in the security code. Also, give her the keys to the cell!"

_Cell?_ What cell? I went down with Watari without speaking a word but looking obviously confused. After a while, Watari passed me a couple of keys, which I had no idea of what they opened at that moment. He headed for the right corner of the huge steel door in front of us, typed in something, and then the door slowly rose up.

"You go ahead Miss… I will join Ryuzaki in the command room." He said walking away to go up the stairs. I stood there watching him go up for a while, and then I slowly entered the next room.

It was pretty dark and stuffy. The lights were very weak, and I made a little effort to look around clearly. I didn't need much to figure out that a cell was what mostly occupied the entire division.

Until something inside caught my attention. Someone was inside! A person with his back turned in my direction, dressed in black and very messy clothing, was lying on the ground without making any type of movement. I walked a little around the cell and found out where the door was. It wasn't very hard to find the key, so I opened the door and made my way in.

I could barely see anything due to the horrible set of lights in the room. It smelled like sweat inside. I walked around the person. His hair was covering the whole face. I knelt down, took the person's head onto my lap, and took the bangs away from the face of the person.

It was then that I knew I was in the Wolf's Lair. Too deep inside to turn back now.

"L- LIGHT!" I screamed shocked to see my own boyfriend in that sort of state.

His eyes remained closed though. His skin was oily, his hair had grown too much, and he looked like he had lost some pounds since we were together.

"Light, please wake up!" I said shaking him softly "Please. Look at me!"

I then noticed that he had his wrists chained behind his back. Oh my goodness! What had he done to be in that situation!

"Hmmm…" he grunted weakly trying to open his eyes.

"Light! I'm here! It's alright! I'm here!" I said placing my right hand on his left cheek.

He seemed to make an effort to open his eyes at last. His glance immediately met with mine.

"Seira…" he whispered weakly "Oh Seira…"

My eyes began to feel watery because I had realized the horrible person I was: I had that stupid accident which could have been avoided, while my boyfriend was here suffering without me even dreaming about it. I made him sit down, and hugged him very strongly.

"Light! Oh Light, I kept wondering where you were!" I said with a very emotional tone.

"Curse you!" he said with a bit stronger voice.

I looked at him confused, but then I noticed that he was looking somewhere else. L was at the door cell. I stood up with a furious attitude.

"What is the meaning of this?" I demanded to know very angrily.

"You wanted proof that I was L, and there you have it. Ask Yagami-kun yourself."

I looked at him confused. Light, whose back was against the wall, looked the other way.

"Seira, this is L. L the detective himself, in the flesh!" he said gasping

I looked at L with a confused and a little scared expression. "Why… Why are you revealing yourself to me? Why did you take me here and why are you doing all of this?"

"**Because you're the main suspect of being Kira!"** replied L very severely.

No… I was the main suspect. Just like I feared all those months ago. It was like my life had crashed upon my feet at that moment. I had promised I wouldn't drag anyone into my doom. Yet there was Light, suffering due to my childish decision of keeping the notebook.

"Why?" I said with a shaking voice "What did I do?"

"I just feel that there are too many coincidences around you. That is why you're the main suspect." Said L without bothering to give me any type of explanation.

"But why did you had to keep Light in here?" I shouted feeling a growing hatred for L.

"Even though you're the main suspect of being Kira at that moment, Yagami Light is also a strong possibility."

"You approached us… Just for that?" I whispered revolted "You foul, manipulative bastard!"

"I only did what I thought was best for the case" replied L with a serious expression.

I walked towards him still unsure of what I was going to do. I hated that bastard. I felt my head boiling with the will to kill him. Yet what I did to him was only a sample of what I really desired to put him through: **My right fist landed straight on his cheek, making him fall on his back to the ground.**

"Seira!" shouted Light in surprise.

I stood there gasping slowly in frustration.

"If you want to do this the hard way, fine on me…" I whispered "But head this request: release Light, and put me in here instead."

"No!" protested Light with a stronger voice "Seira, you have nothing to proof to him! I know you're not Kira! Please don't subject yourself to this!"

"I have to Light! I'm the main suspect after all!" I whispered not looking at my beloved in the eyes "What say you, L?"

L stood up, massaging his left cheek. That would leave a mark for sure.

"If you desire to submit yourself to that, it's fine on me. However I will not release Light Yagami from confinement just yet. Keeping you two confined may be an interesting experience though." He said looking at me with a locked interest in my person.

"I have one final request before I go to confinement…" I whispered.

"And what is that request about?" asked L curious.

"I want to say goodbye to my father…" I replied with a sad voice.

The room stood silent. Light looked at me touched with my request, yet L still remained glancing at me with a serious expression.

"Please…" I ended up crying "I only ask this. I want to say goodbye, to my beloved father. He won't see me for a while, so I feel I must…"

"You may…" replied L "By tomorrow though we will pick you up. We will take today to prepare a cell to you."

"Thank you…" I whispered with a sobbing voice.

I headed to my boyfriend who was looking at me with a sad glance.

"Why Seira, why?" he asked as I knelt down to him "You have nothing to prove!"

"But I do…" I said holding his face softly with both my hands "If I do this, maybe the two of us will be cleared for good."

"But…" he tried to protest.

"Hey! It will be alright!" I whispered trying to give him confidence.

He decided to stop trying to convince me. I just lowered my face onto his face, and gave him a very deep kiss. I still had my eyes tearing up due to what I was about to do, and also due to my guilt. I wouldn't tell him now, but after it was all over for the two of us, I would have to tell him that inevitable truth.

"Minamoto-chan!" called L from the cell door "Let's go!"

I separated from Light without taking my glance away from his though.

"We'll be together again…" I said pressing my forehead on to his.

He stole another quick smooch from me in response. I stood up, and walked to the cell door, sending him one last sad glance. Who knew how longer it would be until we met again.

Now I had my father to say goodbye to. I prayed that he was home to see me before the confinement. As I went up the long stairway and made my way into L's limousine, I made a decision, which I should have taken a while ago.

"_**I'm going to get rid of the Death Note! And then… This will all be just a nightmare to forget."**_


	30. After forgetting it all, I left my home

_(…)__As I went up the long stairway and made my way into L's limousine, I made a decision, which I should have taken a while ago._

_"__**I'm going to get rid of the Death Note! And then… This will all be just a nightmare to forget."**_

* * *

_XXX_

"We will pick you up tomorrow at 8 am." said L after I left the car. I didn't reply.

The car just drove away as I looked up onto my apartment. To think that I would be away from what was my home for ten years made my chest feel tighter.

"**What are you going to do now?" **asked Ryuk from behind me.

"Oh… I…" I said mumbling.

To think that I would have to say goodbye to Ryuk also added a sickening sensation in my chest. This new reality that had opened upon me, from the moment I first picked up the Death Note was about to disappear the minute I would give up the notebook.

Despite that I doubted that my life would turn back to normal, even after I got rid of the notebook. I would be in confinement for a very long time for sure. And even if L couldn't find me guilty of anything, there would be no guarantees that I would be free of any sort of accusation. But I would do that, so that Light and I would be free of any charges in an hopefully near future.

But the question that made me worry the most was,** how in the world was I going to explain this bizarre situation to my father?**

"We'll talk upstairs…" I whispered to Ryuk.

"**Alright!" **he replied quietly following me after.

Each step I climbed was like another addition to my nerves. I wanted my father to be there for me. I wanted him to understand, and support me like he did in one of the darkest times in my life. If it wasn't for my father I would have never recovered from the trauma that I had when I saw my mother dying. I owed my life to my father and to all the things he managed to do for me.

I opened the door to my house and locked the door. "Ryuk… I'm afraid we're going to have to say farewell…" I finally said after a small period of silence.

None of us talked for another while.

"**I knew that you wouldn't take it any longer…"** replied Ryuk.

"I'm not even sure If I'm going to be free to tell the story one day…" I said a little sad.

"**You won't remember it…"**

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"**If you give up the Death Note, you will lose your memory. Well you will forget about the notebook, about the things you did with it, about… well, me!"**

"I won't remember any of this?" I said feeling a little sad "Oh, now you say that to me?"

I sighed and looked at Ryuk. It was a little hard saying goodbye.

"Well I think it's for the best…" I said opening the door to my room.

I opened the draw, and took out the notebook, holding it tightly towards my chest. I looked at it for a while, indecisive. Even though that thing had brought me what I thought to be a new meaning in my life, it had also created problems to me. Problems that I wouldn't be able to solve so easily, I fear.

It was almost eve. My father would be home soon. I walked to my balcony to feel the soft wind blowing against me. Ryuk was standing next to me.

"**Are you sure you're ready to give up the notebook?"**asked Ryuk.

"Yes… No need to debate on that matter. My decision is taken. I'm so sorry that we will never meet again Ryuk"

"**I was fun being around a female for a change, let alone a female human." ** Said the shinigami cheerfully **"I can honestly say I…" **But then he silenced himself.

"You what?" I asked.

"**Never mind!" **he replied seeming a little nervous.

I laughed, but then I handed the notebook to him.

"Find an owner willing to continue what I started. If not, well… find someone who can find the notebook useful." I requested him.

Ryuk bowed to me. I bowed back.

"**Farewell, Minamoto Seira. Enjoy the human years you have left while you still can." **said Ryuk bowing to me once again. **"As for me… I'm off to find someone who will actually keep the notebook, like you did."**

And then I went inside and sat on my bed facing the balcony. Ryuk stretched his wings and then flew off to the distance. I looked at him briefly flying to the distance, but then an urge to fall asleep came upon me, and I let myself fall softly on my bed to take a little nap.

* * *

I opened my eyes after hearing the front door open. My head was so very light. I felt strange. Like a big weight was taken out of my chest. However I still knew that I would have to deal with my father's reaction to the fact that I was the main suspect in the Kira case, even though I failed to understand why L had noticed me among many people in Kanto.

"Dad? Is that you?" I shouted getting up.

"Oh, hunny, I'm sorry! I have to go out for this night again. See you later!" my father replied from the living room.

I opened the door of my room only to see my father leaving in a hurry. Everything was very confusing to me. It was as if I had forgotten something. But my father needed to know what was going on! I couldn't let another working night stop me from telling him what needed to be said. He wouldn't see me soon, so I needed to tell him at once!

"Maybe I should follow him…" I whispered like someone was next to me "Oh, why am I thinking loud?"

I shook my head and headed to the front door. "Dad?" I called after opening the door. No one replied. I quickly descended the stairs and walked out through the main door. There weren't many people out on the streets, but I managed to get a glimpse of my father. He was wearing my huge backpack again, and it was very full.

I followed him, but I kept my distance. The light sensation was still present in my head. It was like a piece of my mid had been removed while I slept. Something about his attitude started to feel very strange to me on the minute I saw him walking to an area with a not-so-very-good reputation.

A shiver went through my spine as he turned to a dark corner. That place was familiar to me, yet I had never been there. A weird sensation filled my chest, like someone was stabbing me multiple times. I took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"So… You've brought the coke!" a male voice said.

"I did…"replied my father.

Peeking to that corner I saw something that made my heart fall and shatter on the ground (in a non-literal kind of way): my father opened his backpack to reveal tons and tons of square-shaped bags. The man ripped a little through one of those bags and when he put his fingers inside, a white and dusty substance was filling them. He smelled and tasted the substance and nodded in approval to my father.

That substance I recognized as being cocaine. I had made some essays concerning the subject of drugs in the past, and I recognized that as being cocaine. But where had my father gotten that?

"Minamoto-san, nice job! I hope you're ready to deliver this to Cambridge in a few days" said the man in a very serious tone.

"Couldn't you find someone else?" asked my father concerned.

"No one as effective as you, I mean!" corrected the man "You should thank me for putting you onto this sort of business. After you lost that old job of yours you seemed lost for life!"

"I'm doing this for the sake of my daughter! But she can never know of this!" my father said with a very intimidating voice tone.

The minute my father finished saying that sentence, my legs reacted and I ran away. The tears were burning in my eyes. My whole world was torn apart after seeing my father as a drug dealer. How low cloud he have sunk? What came to his mind to start doing that? It was like my heart had ripped in two. And it ached like a thousand stakes had pierced through it.

That night was the last time I would be in my apartment home. I entered my room quickly and after filling up a small backpack and a hand bag with clothing and some food, I wrote a note to my father.

I couldn't face my father after what I had seen. Until my conflicted emotions concerning my father were calmer, I had to stay away from him. And the fact that I would soon be in confinement would surely made my father wonder about my whereabouts. Whether he would go looking for me or not, I wasn't sure. But I just couldn't look at my father at that moment. To think that he was involved in that sort of business was too much for me.

Maybe I would call L in the morning telling him my location, or maybe I would make the bastard try and find me, seen as I wouldn't leave Kanto that night. I would come up with a decent excuse in the meantime. At that moment I just needed to find a place to stay during the night, even if I had to end up in a motel, I had to be alone. I left my home for good, leaving only the small note in the kitchen stand.

"_I know what you're into. I'm going away for some time to figure out if I can forgive you for hiding it. Don't come looking for me. Seira."_

After glancing one last time to my apartment, where I had lived half of my life, I walked forward, never looking back again. I didn't have a home to come back to now.


	31. I was then confined with a heavy heart

_After glancing one last time to my apartment, where I had lived half of my life, I walked forward, never looking back again. I didn't have a home to come back to now._

* * *

_XXXI_

I woke up after hearing a knock on my door. I got up with a little difficulty. The night had sure passed very quickly.

Last night I found a motel where I was able to spend the night. I didn't even bother to unpack my bags. I had only slept with a white shirt that covered my whole torso, and reached the end of my butt. I was barefooted and I felt my feet getting cold after I stepped out of the bed.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Miss Minamoto, this is the police. We're here to pick you up." a man said from behind the door.

Of course L wouldn't take long to figure out where I had gone to. Probably someone followed me to where I was.

"Let me just put some pants on please!" I replied, putting on dark brown track pants.

I then opened the door, only to be greeted by two men. The first had black long hair with bangs that almost covered his right eye, brown eyes and a fair skin. The second was very strong with short hair and seeming a lot older than the first man.

"May I help you?" I asked pretending to be surprised by their presence.

"We came to get you for your confinement to begin. Why weren't you at home like you supposedly said you would be?" asked the second man.

I lowered my gaze. I was already in deep trouble. I couldn't possibly put my father in a worse situation. I still felt horrible thinking about it though. Still I wouldn't be the one to throw my father in the slammer.

"Oh, it's just…" I replied, this time not hiding my discomfort "… My father didn't react very well to this…"

"You ran away from home?" asked the first man, seeming much kinder.

"No, I was kicked out… I wanted to be alone after that, so I didn't go far. "

"Well, we should be going…" said the first man grabbing my shoulder. The second proceeded to take my things from my room.

I was worried about my dad. Had he seen the note? Was he worried about me? Where was he at that moment? I thought about those things so intensely that I didn't even notice it when we got to a car parked not so far from the motel.

"I'm sorry but I must do this…" said the first man after I entered the car. He proceeded to chain my wrists behind my back, blindfold me and place ear protectors on my ears.

I felt the car beginning to move. I might have been heading for that building where Light was confined, but I never knew if I would be placed in a different place. If I had my boyfriend as company it would make this a lot less hard. Still I doubted I would be privileged enough.

I held in my will to cry. I would probably never see my father or my friends at Toh-Oh. I probably would never return to college after this situation. I had wanted to go to a decent university all this time. And now, everything I had was lost. My home, my studies, my life. I would never live like I used to ever again.

The car stopped after a while. Two hands grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me to a path I never saw. I walked for a while, went down some stairs walked a little more and finally I was sat down in a chair. The ear protectors and the blindfold were removed only to reveal the place where I would be confined for a while. I t was like a mirrored room of the space where Light was confined. I was sat in a bench where on my right was a wall. The lights in the room were as horrible as the ones in Light's cell.

"Welcome to your cell Minamoto-san…" greeted L.

"Thank you, you bastard…" I whispered cynically.

"I heard you ran from your house last night." he said starting to provoke me.

"I told the officers why. You go ask them yourself, I don't like repeating it twice!" I said still very hostile to him.

"She said her father didn't accept the situation, so she went away" said the first officer.

"… I see…" said L but I noticed he found my story hard to believe.

"Where are my things?" I asked the officer.

"Don't worry. They are kept safe. If your innocence is proved, you will eventually have them back" he replied.

"Thank you…" I said lowering my head.

"I will come here oftenly…" L said before he closed the cell door and the gate after that.

I felt the aching pain returning to my consciousness. Alone in that dark room, I did something I never thought I would do: I prayed. I didn't believe in any kinds of Gods, but I wished with all my might that my father and Light would be alright. I didn't care for what would happen to me in the end, but all I knew was that I wanted the two men of my life to be safe. I began humming the song "The Prayer" almost unconsciously. Like before when I was alone I had the habit of humming classical songs to myself depending on my mood.

"_Let this be our prayer… When we lose our way…" _I sang in a whisper decorated with a teary voice.

I sobbed not managing to take it anymore. I wanted the two of them next to me at that moment. Yet alone in that cell, all I could really do, was pray.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_It's been the first day, and Minamoto-san already seems pretty down. She's been humming a song to herself like a way of trying to cheer up._

_As for that story she told about her father kicking her out, I find that hardly believable. According to Mogi-san, who kept a watch from her house, it seems her father came home, exited again after a short while followed in the distance by her._

_Mogi kept a track of her, but shortly after he had to rush, because she ran back to her house all of a sudden. She then packed her things and left in a very rushed hurry._

_I can't help but to wonder what happened outside of her house. I should investigate this matter further. I have her ID with me. The father is Isamu Minamoto, and mother Shizue Minamoto. Now, we shall take a little peek on to Minamoto Isamu's life…_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"Why are you so stubborn?" I heard a familiar male voice shout out.

I had slept in the bench, turned against the wall. I turned slightly. No one was in the cell!

"I told you time and time again, I'm not Kira!" I continued to hear yelling.

Now that I was more conscious I recognized that male voice as being Light's. But where was it coming from.

"I can't release you unless I'm sure that you're not Kira. I said that from the beginning and I keep my word." replied L's voice.

"I swear I'm telling the truth! We must have been framed or something! Speaking of which, where did you put her?" asked Light with a clearly desperate voice.

"That is not for you to worry about." replied L, and I heard the cell door on his cell slamming.

"It is! I want to know if she's alright! Hey are you listening to me? Bastard!" yelled Light as I heard L leaving the room.

How was I hearing him so well? Had L installed something that allowed me to hear what was going on Light's cell? I looked around quickly. It seemed L hadn't installed any cameras in the space, but you never knew.

All of a sudden next to the wall on my right I noticed a small detail. There was a crack on the wall. It wasn't very big, but it seemed to allow me to see through another room. I peeked inside with both my eyes and looked around. When I looked to my right I noticed someone in black clothing sitting on a bench with his head down. His slightly long yet brown hair was covering his face.

"Light!" I whispered "Light! Can you hear me?"

Light raised his head in surprise.

"Seira? Is that you?" he asked looking around.

"Yes!" I said relieved to see him "Look to your left. Come closer to the wall."

He seemed to notice the crack in the wall and came closer. I could only see his brown eyes from the other side when he peeked. He had small dark circles below his eyes. Yet his glance seemed more determined than ever.

"It's you. Thank goodness it's you." he whispered seeming happy to see me, even though he only managed to see my eyes and part of my nose.

"I'm so glad to see you…" I whispered with a sad voice "I hope there are no cameras to see this though."

"Who doesn't guarantee you that he didn't do this on purpose?" asked Light.

"Maybe he wants to see if we interact and let out something that must be valuable." I replied placing that possibility.

"We have nothing to hide…" said Light determined.

"I don't even know how I could put myself into such a situation…" I whispered sadly

"You didn't do anything wrong Seira!" replied Light trying to make me feel better.

"I guess…" I said trying to seem optimistic "How long have you been here?"

"I lost track of time… I believe that it's been almost two weeks since I was put here."

"I've been place here a short while ago. I don't know how much time has passed since then."

"I just wonder what my father told mom and Sayu. I haven't seen my father in a while."

"My father just… Kicked me out when he knew about this." I lied sadly.

"… I'm sorry…" he said clearly feeling for me.

"… I missed you so much…" I whispered emotional.

"I missed you too…" he whispered.

It was a good thing he was there for me to interact with him. It would make the confinement less hard. But the mention of my father still made my heart feel heavy. And thinking about what I was hiding from him as well made me feel so horrible. I decided I would tell him the truth when the confinement ended. That was… if it ever ended.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_It's been a week since Minamoto-san was confined. She still looks very down. As for Yagami, he's trying to stay strong but is constantly claiming his innocence. _

_Of course they eventually found out about the crack I placed on the wall on purpose. I knew it probably wouldn't make them say anything relevant on the case, but it allowed me to study the type of relationship they have. It seems that my attempts to break them a little more apart have failed._

_Right now, I'm heading for Minamoto-san's cell. I have a feeling that after what I'm going to say to her, she will probably start to give in, and admit that she is Kira or someone with a connection to Kira. Especially **concerning the fact that I discovered the truth about her father.**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_


	32. But my suffering would only worsen

_**An: To all my readers, thank you for the atention you're giving to my story. I am determined to finish this one, despite being an extremly long one. Please share your opinion about this fic through a review. I want to please my readers above all.**_

_**Despite the pauses I had to do, due to real-life priorities I promisse this story will have an ending. Hope you will accompany Seira's journey untill the very end.**_

**_Thank you once again, and thank you yet again for reading :)_**

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_It's been a week since Minamoto-san was confined. She still looks very down. As for Yagami, he's trying to stay strong but is constantly claiming his innocence._

_Of course they eventually found out about the crack I placed on the wall on purpose. I knew it probably wouldn't make them say anything relevant on the case, but it allowed me to study the type of relationship they have. It seems that my attempts to break them a little more apart have failed._

_Right now, I'm heading for Minamoto-san's cell. I have a feeling that after what I'm going to say to her, she will probably start to give in, and admit that she is Kira or someone with a connection to Kira. Especially__**concerning the fact that I discovered the truth about her father.**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

* * *

_**XXXII**_

I slowly opened my eyes as I heard the gate open. How long had I been in there? A week? Two weeks? A month? I didn't have a watch with me, so I wasn't aware of how much time had passed since I was placed in there.

I was feeling itchy everywhere, my hair was oily and my clothes smelled like sweat. Considering the fact that I hadn't taken a bath since I was placed in there, it was no surprise. I ate once a day, but despite that, there were times I felt really hungry.

I rose my head up just in time to see L enter my jail cell.

"Oh, it's you…" I said laying down my head again. It was the first time he had visited me since the confinement started.

"How are you holding up Minamoto-chan?" asked L stopping in front of me.

"Are you shitting me?" I asked outraged "How can I be fine in conditions such as this?"

"I suppose you're right…" he said agreeing with me.

He sat on the floor in his strange position, so that his face was facing mine.

"I came here today to ask you some things concerning… your family." he said all of a sudden.

A bad feeling about it became real after he said that. He was going to interrogate me about my family. What if it had concerned my father? I would have to pretend everything was alright.

"What do you care about my family?" I asked.

"Looking up your parents' names really allowed me to get a more clear idea of the type of environment you lived in." said L never looking away from my eyes.

He was visibly studying me. What had he found out? Moreover, what he was doing was unethical. It was a lack of respect towards me and my father's privacy. Could he sink any lower?

"Dead mother. Father left with a traumatized child to raise. Had to get three jobs to earn money. Has a series of debts to the bank. Used to work as an estate agent, but got fired. Am I correct so far?" asked L looking at me very concentrated.

I looked at him shocked. How did he manage to uncover all of that? Where had he found my father's resume?

"After being fired Minamoto Isamu got himself involved on a very dark kind of business… Or should I say, he became a drug dealer."

My eyes were wide opened now! What was I supposed to reply to that? Should I admit that I knew that fact? Or should I just be horribly surprised like I was on the day I uncovered that?

"You don't have to hide that fact from me Minamoto-chan. I know that you are aware of that fact. In fact, I believe you uncovered that one day before you went into confinement. Am I correct?"

I didn't speak anything to him. My father had been uncovered. And I was there without knowing what would become of him.

"Minamoto-chan, are you going to say anything?" asked L still insisting.

"I… I don't have to say anything to you!" I said with a heavy voice "In fact, I believe I have my right to remain silent!"

"Suit yourself, but I hope you're aware that those kinds of attitudes only make me suspect you more. Considering your frail position right now, I would try to be as honest as I could if I were you."

"Well you're not me!" I said yelling and sitting on the bench all of a sudden "I am not Kira! In fact I would like to know why the hell you suspect me of all people?"

L stood up, but didn't look away from me though.

"Let's just say that since the investigation began, you and Yagami Light seemed to be two strong possibilities for being Kira."

"But I'm not Kira! How in the world would I kill someone through heart attacks?"

"That's what I was hoping you would answer me."

"But I have no memory, no awareness of something strange happening to me, so I don't have to tell you anything! I AM NOT KIRA!" I said desperately.

He stood there looking down at me with his bland expression. I was gasping in frustration. Oh, If only I wasn't handcuffed, how it would be a pleasure to close my hands around his neck.

"So you will keep claiming your innocence even if I decide to keep you here for a while longer?" he asked.

"I am innocent! Keep me in here for as long as you like, but my conscience is clear! I am not a murderer!" I said loud.

"If you're not a murderer then why have the killing stopped almost at the same time on which you were placed in here?" asked L.

"No one is dying?" I asked surprised.

"Not one criminal dropped dead, and it's been a week." he confirmed.

"Maybe… Maybe I was framed!" I said trying to think of the possibilities "Maybe Kira knows what I'm being put through!"

"No! The killings stopped because you ARE Kira!" claimed L once again.

"I AM NOT KIRA!" I said standing up and heading to him "LOOK ME IN THE EYES! CAN YOU HONESTLY THINK I AM LIYNG?"

I stopped and my face stood centimeters away from his. I wanted him to believe I was telling the truth.

"Would a criminal look at you like I am looking now?" I asked him trying to be firm.

He then made me sit down on my bench. I never took my glance away from his though.

"We will see if you will keep claiming you're innocent after a few more weeks in confinement. But for the time being, I just wanted to announce to you that your father will be arrested in no time."

I gasped. My heart seemed to break. My face lowered down. I began to let out some moans of angst. I began crying and screaming like a little child.

"No! Please don't! My father only did that to keep us holding on! Do you even know what it's like to lose a mother when you're young? Are you aware of what it feels like to be a widow with a child to raise? You clearly have no family to care for. Please don't do this to my father. It's enough to him that he doesn't know where I am right now. But answer me this…"

I then rose my head up. Blinded by tears I still continued to look him in the eyes though.

"Are his motivations that bad? Is what he's doing worse than what Kira is doing? Please… My father suffered a lot for me! My father was my hero when I was growing up! My daddy… Did a lot to keep me holding on! Without my daddy I would have gone to a mental asylum after what happened to my mom. I will die inside if something happens to him…"

I looked down again and started to sob. I missed my daddy! I wish I could tell him how much I love him in person.

L didn't say a word. Had he listened to what I said, I wondered? At that moment I wished I knew if he ever cared for someone in his life.

"We will speak again in the future Minamoto-chan! Until then…" he said exiting my cell and closing the door "… I'll see you later."

After I was left alone, I just continued to sob and cry, but in silence. I missed my father more than ever now.

"Daddy… Daddy…" I kept saying between sobs and tears.

The confinement had just become harder for me. At that moment I just felt like crying and crying until I fell asleep. Unfortunately though I couldn't sleep for a while. I couldn't sleep thinking that my daddy's fate was unknown to me.

Because to a daughter, her father is practically everything that makes her life have a sense.

* * *

After a while I didn't move. I kept sitting on my bench with my forehead on my knees. I had no tears left to cry, but the pain still hadn't gone away. My mouth was very dry and my head ached.

"Seira…" I heard Light calling.

I slowly turned my head to the crack on the wall. I slowly dragged myself closer to it. I looked inside and his eyes met with mine.

"I'm so sorry…" he said "I heard everything you two were saying. And…"

"He's a bigger bastard than I thought…" I said with a weak voice.

I heard him sigh on the other side. "I know… What he's doing to us is questionable…"

I just looked sadly at him in response.

"Seira, I need to warn you about something… I don't think I can hold on much longer…"

My eyes opened a little more. "Please don't give in! Having my father being arrested is horrible, but if something were to happen to you, I… I wouldn't forgive myself."

"You are not the one to blame in this situation… But you should be aware that I'm here probably over a month now… I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't bathe I can't move…"

"This is too much…" I said agreeing with him.

"My head is burning Seira… I feel hot! I suspect I am becoming sick…"

"No…" I whispered preoccupied "Oh dear, please no!"

"I think I am going to lay down for a while… I feel my head spinning, and I can barely keep my eyes opened…" I heard him grunt with a very weak voice.

"You need to rest… Please sleep long…" I said concerned about him.

"I will… My dearest Seira…" he said looking at me with a loving glance that comforted me a little.

Then I heard him lay down. His room was then silent. I looked away from the crack and placed the right side of my head net to the wall for support. And then my mind just flew away to happier days. Days on which I could still see my father at home, greeting me with his warm smile. Days on which Light and I were still naive high school students talking about whatever topic came to our minds. I wished to go back to those days where none of this was happening to all of us.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_Minamoto broke down quite faster than I was expecting. The love for her father was present in the words she spoke to me after my little reunion with her. _

_Deep down I can understand why her father did that. But the law is the law. It's not supposed to be soft on anybody who breaks important rules. Wether it's Kira we're talking about, or Minamoto Isamu-san, the law is equal for everybody. No exceptions._

_She keeps insisting that she is not Kira, but all the evidences are going against her. No criminals have died in over a week now. I wonder when she will be ready to come clean. Her confinement will continue for now._

_As for Yagami Light's condition, I have a feeling he won't be able to take this much longer. I can see he's becoming paler and skinnier by the minute. He just laid himself down some minutes ago and is sleeping deeply in his bench after talking a little to Minamoto. I should keep an eye on him. I don't want him to die in the confinement. Neither him, nor Minamoto._

_Matsuda-san and Aizawa-san are questioning me more than ever now. Then say that what I'm doing is not ethical. But for now I won't decide anything. All I can do is wait to see what happens in the future. Will the killings continue or not? Is Miss Minamoto-san Kira, or not?_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

* * *

I opened my eyes all of a sudden after I heard Light standing up. I peeked into the crack on the minute he lowered his head to the ground and vomited.

"Light!" I exclaimed worried "Light, please sit down!"

He looked disorientated and barely managed to keep his balance. "Seira, please call someone… I'm…"

But then he looked down and puked once again without finishing what he was going to say.

"Light, please don't push yourself!" I yelled regaining the strength in my voice.

"Somebody…" he whispered before he collapsed very hard on the ground.

I looked deeper in the crack but managed to only catch a glimpse of his head on the ground. I couldn't hear him breathe. I kept calling him desperately but he didn't react.

"LIGHT! OH MY GOD, NO! NO!" I screamed, fearing for his life.

I hopped out of the bench and screamed with all the strength left in my voice. "SOMEBODY HELP HIM! SOMEBODY COME HERE QUICK! PLEASE! LIGHT? PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME! LIGHT? LIIIIIIGHT!"


	33. Then he decided it was time for me to go

_I looked deeper in the crack but managed to only catch a glimpse of his head on the ground. I couldn't hear him breathe. I kept calling him desperately but he didn't react._

_"LIGHT! OH MY GOD, NO! NO!" I screamed, fearing for his life._

_I hopped out of the bench and screamed with all the strength left in my voice. "SOMEBODY HELP HIM! SOMEBODY COME HERE QUICK! PLEASE! LIGHT? PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME! LIGHT? LIIIIIIGHT!"_

* * *

_**XXXIII**_

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_I was awoken abruptly by Matsuda-san entering the room in a rush. He had a newspaper in his hand, which seemed to be the paper on that day._

"_Kira started to kill again!" he yelled as he got past the door, followed from behind by Aizawa-san "He was merly resting! He just started killing criminals again!"_

"_We have to inform chief Yagami about this fact!" said Aizawa-san taking his cell phone from his pocket and proceeding to call Mr. Yagami Soichiro._

"_There's no reason to keep those two locked now Ryuzaki! That's enough!" said Matsuda with a voice that clearly showed his position regarding my methods._

"… _We will see about… Huh?" I said noticing something that made my attention turn to the two screens in front of me._

_There were hidden cameras in both rooms where Minamoto-chan and Yagami-kun were locked. Yagami-kun had stood up all of a sudden. He walked a few steps, when all of a sudden he turned his head to the ground and vomited on the floor. The three of us in the room gasped in surprise._

"_Li-Light-kun!" shouted Matsuda-san in response._

"_Chief, I'll call you later!" said Aizawa distressed, shutting off his cell phone "My God, what's happening!"_

_Minamoto-chan had awakened as well and was peeking through the crack that allowed them to interact. Meanwhile I had taken out my cell phone in an urge to call Watari to do something._

_"Light!" she shouted after seeing him throw up like that "Light, please sit down!"_

_"Seira, please call someone… I'm…" grunted Yagami-kun._

_He then lowered his head again and vomited once more._

"_Watari!" I exclaimed after hearing him answer "Go to Yagami's cell at once! We may need to call an ambulance!"_

"_An… ambulance?" whispered Matsuda-san in horror._

_"Light, please don't push yourself!" screamed Minamoto-chan with a very strong voice. She was now very anxious considering Yagami-kun's situation._

_"Somebody…" grunted Yagami-kun, and then to mine, Aizawa-san and Matsuda-san's horror he collapsed on the ground in a very violent way. It was as if he had lost all of his strength just like that._

"_I'm going there! I'll meet up with Watari down there!" said Aizawa running quickly off of the command room._

_"LIGHT! OH MY GOD, NO! NO!" yelled Minamoto-chan now visibly distressed with the way Yagami-kun had fallen._

_She then stood up and began to yell even more and even louder. "SOMEBODY HELP HIM! SOMEBODY COME HERE QUICK! PLEASE! LIGHT? PLEASE DON'T DIE ON ME! LIGHT? LIIIIIIGHT!"_

_I noticed Matsuda-san's expression, visibly concerned about her as well._

"_Are you happy now?" he asked me, this time looking directly towards me "Now that you got him sick and her with more concerns on her shoulders, are you happy?"_

_I didn't reply to him at that moment. I just stood up and quietly said "Let's wait for the ambulance outside!", and walked past him._

"_Bastard…" I heard him whisper, even though he didn't want me to hear that._

_I wondered what effects this event would have on Minamoto-chan. But at that moment I just wanted Yagami-kun to be removed from confinement at once. Even though the Kira case is a priority to me, a bigger priority is the lives at risk due to this. I couldn't let Yagami-kun die just like that._

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

I was now looking anxiously through the crack. Watari and another man had entered the cell, and were now examining Light's condition. Watari had entered with a bucket of water.

"He's burning in fever…" whispered the man whose name I didn't knew "Hey, Light-kun, can you hear me?"

He gave small slaps in Light's face, but he didn't react. Watari placed a fresh towel on Light's forehead.

"We need to carry him upstairs…" said Watari holding him in the shoulders "… take his feet!"

The man did so, and in an impulse they carried him out of his cell. The room then became completely silent, covered by the melancholic lights in the cell. That darkness would be very uncomfortable to me, in the lonely and tortuous moments that would follow in my confinement.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_The doctor came to us when the afternoon was at its end. According to him Yagami-kun was in a very weak state due to malnutrition. He wasn't feeding himself properly, and that left him weaker and weaker. The fever that he had was something he would be suffering from whether he was confined or not, and the vomiting was due to the fact that his digestion had stopped for too long. _

_Yagami Soichiro had arrived shortly after we did in a distress that is understandable considering his position as a father in the middle of all. He was also confined as well, but unlike the other two, he was allowed to stay in contact with his family. Before his son was locked I instructed him to tell his wife and daughter that Yagami Light had ran away from home for reasons unknown, and that he, as a father, would not forgive his son, until he had the sense to return home. He would survive, but he would have to remain hospitalized for a while. _

_After we were allowed to see him, I glanced towards the bed he was in. He never opened his eyes during the time we were in there. His heartbeat and breathing seemed to have stabilized, but his fever had lowered down just slightly. He was stabilized for now. His father stayed next to him all the time._

"_I can't say I fully understand what you did to my son and what you're currently doing to his girlfriend…" said Yagami Soichiro, after a long and heavy silence had started in the room "But if something similar or worse happens to that poor girl, I will take measures against you… And I believe I won't be alone on that matter."_

_Matsuda and Aizawa approached Yagami-san, and glanced at me with threatening eyes._

"_Mogi-san isn't here right now, but he already mentioned he feels uncomfortable to what you're doing to these poor kids." said Aizawa "You should do something that proves that the girl is really Kira or not, before someone else gets hurt by your strange methods!"_

_I glanced at them, and this time I knew they weren't going to accept what I was planning so easily. A new plan had to be made._

"_We will let some days pass for now… Yagami-san, you may stay by your son's side during the time you feel like it." I said._

_The task force nodded in approval. Indeed at that moment my mind was working it's hardest to come up with a plan to uncover if Minamoto-chan was really Kira or not. Considering that Kira needed the face and name of someone to kill, I had to put someone face to face with her, and somehow make her kill that person. On that moment I only thought about getting back to watching Miss Minamoto-chan._

_So I left Yagami-san to look after his son, and then Aizawa and Matsuda went to their respective homes. _

_I stood up and watched her all night. She lay down on the bench of her cell, her back turned to the hidden camera. She didn't move an inch throughout the night. I couldn't help but to wonder how much more would it take until she just couldn't take it anymore. True she was staying strong, despite being clearly down-spirited, but deep down I admired her resistance._

_But in a very brief space of time, we would be seeing if the innocence she constantly claimed was true… or not!_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

Time sure passed without people noticing it… I didn't know if it was day or night, no more. I had times on which I was conscious, others when my mind would slowly drift away to memories of happier times.

In those flashbacks I saw everyone who had entered my life and left me with a good memory of that person: Millie, being the energetic and faithful friend she would always be to me; Rena, as the shy, yet strong-willed girl, with a strong love for her little sister; Haji, with his ethical values well established, among which was his concern for a human life;…

I kept wondering to myself if they had noticed that I and Light were gone. I wondered how many times had they tried to contact us in vain. I missed my life before that very day on which L had revealed himself to me. Speaking of which…

"Good evening, Minamoto-chan…" I heard his voice as he entered my cell.

I didn't even bother to stare at him, nor reply to him. If I did, I would probably say something that fully expressed my hatred towards him.

"Brought you fried pasta with vegetables tonight. You better eat, so you won't end up like Yagami-kun." he spoke approaching me slowly.

I turned slightly to take a look at my dinner. It smelled good and was very warm. I made an effort to sit in the bench. But how was I going to eat? I sent him a confusing look, which he didn't take long to understand.

"I will feed you…" he replied.

I sent him a glance of disgust. Now he was treating me like an idiot. That was more than I could handle.

"Can't you untie me so I can eat myself?" I asked, barely hiding the indignation in my voice.

"With you being the strongest possibility for being Kira, I doubt that would be a good thing to do…" he replied very blandly.

I gave in, despite my indignation. I opened my mouth and L started to feed me like I was a little child.

"Yagami-kun's condition seems to be improving progressively…" he said as he kept feeding me

"I'm glad to hear that…" I said after I swallowed the pasta.

But then something about the food seemed to be… off. Moments after it had reached my stomach a dizzying kind of sensation took over my mind. It was as if someone was sticking needles in my cranium constantly. I hurled, yet I contained my will to vomit.

"Too bad you will not be able to see him anymore though…" said L, backing away from me slowly.

I stood up despite feeling horrible at every passing second. "What did… you put… in this food?" I tried to shout without any success.

I fell to my knees. I could feel my mind slipping away into a deep slumber.

"What… are you… doing… to me…?" I managed to say as I lost my consciousness.

I felt like I had fallen into deep water, and I was now sinking to the bottom slowly. And eventually, I felt no more.

* * *

I was awoken by the turning on of bright lights. My eyes opened with difficulty. When I tried to move and felt my hands chained separately, I opened my eyes with an impulse. I was tied to a wooden chair with my wrists chained on each sides of the chair.

"What the…?" I said trying to release myself, but with no success.

The room where I was in had grey walls, but I could barely see around me. My feet were tied up too, but it didn't take long for me to notice some other details that left me aware of where I was: there were several wires attached to my arms and neck, and on my head was a metal helmet with wires connected to an electric plug.

"No way…" I whispered feeling the fear coming to me slowly "…Haha! He couldn't be going this far… Not a chance!"

Another set of lights was turned on, and I was able to see a glass window in front of me, a few meters from where I was. I could see the familiar faces of those two officers that took me to the confinement, of that man who carried Light away from his cell, and,…

"Yagami-san!" I shouted noticing that Light's father was with them "What's going on?"

He took a microphone that was probably lying there, and pronounced the words that only confirm my fears: **"Seira-chan… L has decided to execute you on the electric chair you're stranded to!"**


	34. I truly feared death at that moment

"_Yagami-san!" I shouted noticing that Light's father was with them "What's going on?"_

_He took a microphone that was probably lying there, and pronounced the words that only confirm my fears:__**"Seira-chan… L has decided to execute you on the electric chair you're stranded to!"**_

* * *

_XXXXIV_

As soon as I heard those words come out of Yagami Soichiro's mouth, I began triyng to release myself, even though it was futile.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! It can't be!" I shouted with my wrists shaking in fear "He can't be serious!"

"No, L has proven that you're Kira!" Mr. Yagami replied harshly towards me.

I looked at him, trying to find some form of mercy in his eyes. But he kept his threatening glance firm. I shook my head slowly.

"No… How can I be Kira?" I said in a slightly lower voice "I have no weights on my consciousness, no recollection of doing bad things to people… But why do all the evidences incriminate me?"

I couldn't look at Mr Yagami at that moment. It was over. Whether it was life being unfair, or someone incriminating me, my luck had ended to me at that moment. I heard a door unlocking somewhere, and two men were walking towards me. One was the nice-looking policeman that took me to my confinement, and the other was the man who had helped Watari carry Light from out of his cell. The two of them had buckets of water in their hand and sponges.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked, even though I immediately understood after I asked.

The man who had helped Watari took a sponge full of water and headed in my direction. "It's to help conduct electricity better through your body."

The other man also took a sponge and the two of them started to pass them through my arms. I lowered my head and held in my will to cry.

"It will be over in no time Seira-chan…" said Mr. Yagami from the glass window "If there is such a thing as life after death, then you and my son will most likely meet within moments…"

"Wh…What?" I said rising my head "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Ryuzaki didn't tell you, I see…" said Mr Yagami with a sad sigh "… **My son, he… He died today… due to pneumonia…**"

I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as soon as he finished saying that. Two tears rolled down my face. The two men stopped rubbing my arms and looked at me.

"No… It can't be… He can't be… Please tell me you're joking Yagami-san!" I ended up shouting, trying to deny what I had just heard "Please… Please tell me you're joking!"

"Do you see me as the kind of man who can joke with such a serious situation?" Mr Yagami ended up yelling towards me, furious "Your loss wasn't as big as the loss I suffered today! Have you any idea of what it's like to lose a son? Of course you don't! You barely lived the same way I have!"

At that moment I felt despicable with myself. How could he be so horrible with me in my final moments? How could I be subjected to hear things such as those?

"At this moment I have a wife and a daughter waiting for me at home, unaware of the news I have to tell them. They haven't seen him in days. They think he ran away from home for reasons they don't know. Every day they ask me when he will come back home and I'm forced to say that I don't know about anything about his whereabouts… Now you tell me: how does a father who just lost a son… tell his family that he will never come back home?"

"How… How could you be asking me such a thing?" I asked feeling like I actually had something to do with that.

"Because deep down… I blame you for what happened to him!" he said looking at me with hatred in his eyes.

I lowered my head. "You actually want me to die with this weight in my heart?" I asked with a shaking voice.

"If my son had never met you… He probably would have been better off…"

The sponges were passing through my neck. The drops of water came running down my neck. They were ice cold. But not as cold as my heart was feeling at that moment. If I never met Light, he would be living a normal life like a bright yet ordinary teenager. He would have managed to work at the ICPO like he had always wanted. But now… he would never live to see himself solving cases.

"I'm very sorry Minamoto-chan…" said the nice-looking officer "I wished that you weren't really Kira, but in the end…"

"Touta Matsuda!" shouted the other man, interrupting his kind words "You shouldn't talk like that to a murderer!"

"Schuichi Aizawa, please!" said Matsuda upset "The girl knows what she's caused don't make her bare more crosses!"

"I don't even know how I even got myself into this!" I finally managed to say, distressed by what was about to happen to me "All of a sudden L reveals himself to me, locks me and my boyfriend away in horrible and inhuman conditions, and claims that I'm Kira without letting me in on why the hell he suspects me!"

Aizawa and Matsuda had backed away one step, a little intimidated by my aggressive voice tone. Now I was looking at Yagami Soichiro straight in the eyes. I wanted to make myself clear to him. I couldn't be deceived into believing that all of that had been my falut.

"Never did he explain why I was put into this, or Light for that matter! I wasn't the one who locked him away and made him suffer! If there is someone to blame for his death, it's L and his inhuman ways of solving a case!"

"SHUT UP YOU MURDERER!" yelled Yagami Soichiro snapping all of a sudden.

I gasped, intimidated by that interruption. I could see his veins pumping in his forehead, his face contorted in anger, and his sweat falling from his hair. All the arguments I had at that moment were worthless. I could tell he wouldn't let go of his idea that I was the murderer of millions of people all over the world, as well as the one who led his son to his fate.

"L had declared that the killings of Kira will stop once we get this over with!"

"Wait… Did you say killings?" I said rising my head in surprise after hearing that "That's not what L said to me!"

"Wait a minute, but that's got to be clear proof that I'm not Kira!" I cried trying to release myself again though it was worthless.

"L controls the police. He's solved numerous cases and has never been wrong." Stated Mr Yagami, never turning his eyes away from me "He is even saying that if this doesn't stop the killings, he will take responsibility and end his own life!"

"The he might as well die right now! How can he claim that I'm a murderer just by watching me suffer in a cell without any contact with the world? Why is this even happening to me? I don't want this!" I yelled beginning to cry like a little child.

I feared death more than ever at that moment. I was going to be electrocuted within moments with many things left unsolved.

_I would never see my friend again… I would never graduate from college… I would never solve things with my father... I would never talk to Light again… I would never… live to watch the sun rising… ever again..._

Those were the realizations that flashed in my mind. And then I realized I couldn't die. Not on that moment! Not like that! I hadn't lived enough to see all of it end like that.

"Please!" I insisted, crying loud and trying to release myself "I can't die! I will do anything, anything I can to proof my innocence! I will even try to find the real culprit! No matter what it takes, no matter if I'm not as smart as L, I will do anything I can to help! Just please, let me live!"

"Your crying won't get you out of trouble. As a matter of fact it never did!" said Yagami Soichiro heading straight for a switch on the wall to his right.

I realized that that was the switch that would activate the electric chair. I yelled and tried to release myself more persistently. I couldn't end like that! I just wanted to live to see the real Kira get caught! I had so much to live! It couldn't end like that to me.

"No! NOOOOO!" I yelled desperately "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! PLEASE, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

"Seira-chan…" said Mr Yagami in a lower voice, his glanced still glued towards me "… we're both murderers. We will meet again in hell!"

"NO, PLEASE, I CAN'T DIE LIKE THIS! PLEASE STOP!"

The echo of my yell rang in my ears, as he lowered the switch. I felt myself getting numb, awaiting for the pain that would invade me within moments. It was a moment of agony as I anticipated the shock…

* * *

Another long moment of silence followed, when I realized that I wasn't feeling any pain at all. I raised my head. Mastuda and Aizawa were on the ground on their knees covering their ears. Mr Yagami was gasping, his hand still holding the switch he had lowered moments ago.

I felt my pants getting wet in the hip area. I lowered my head and realized I had pissed myself… Literally!

"Nothing… Happened…" I whispered shocked to see that I was still alive.

"Thank God!" sighed Matsuda relieved "For a minute there I thought we would be the first ones to go Aizawa-san!"

Mr Yagami released the switch, and took the microphone in his hand again. "Thank God… I… Please forgive me Seira-chan… But… I had to do this… To prove once and for all that L was wrong about you… Oh, my God, I'm… getting to old for this… My heart doesn't take it as well as it used to…"

We were all trying to catch our breaths in that room. He did all that act… to prove my innocence. I still felt scared shitless, but I was slowly feeling the relief of being proven to be innocent.

"Were you watching this Ryuzaki?" asked Aizawa out loud "As you can see we did everything you asked us…"

L's voice echoed in the room: _"Yes! As a matter of fact, you did it brilliantly, especially Yagami-san. If she was Kira, who can kill with a name and face, she would have killed you both first, seen as she knew your names and was seeing your faces clearly. Or she would kill Yagami-san before he pulled the switch. Despite this, Minamoto-chan, you're in the grey. My suspicions regarding you as Kira have drastically decreased. If you were Kira, you would be desperate enough to kill in order to save yourself from death…"_

I felt myself being released. Matsuda then placed his arms around my waist and helped me up. He must have sensed that my legs were weak, because he placed my right arm around the back of his head and held my wrist tightly with his right hand. He practically dragged me out of the room.

"Don't worry; we'll take you out of this place and into a nice decent hotel room… You need to rest for today… The confinement was very hard on you, and this was more than you could handle…" he said gently, yet visibly concerned towards me.

"_Take her to a hotel room. I will pay for her stay on this night, and tomorrow, I myself will have a conversation with her tomorrow, after she's rested all she needs."_ I heard L's voice saying before I heard a sound that indicated me that he had signed off.

Aizawa then took my other arm and helped Matsuda carry me to the outside of the room.

"By the way… Light-kun is fine…" he said with a nicer attitude "… He will be released from the hospital in no time, and will be joining us again real soon…"

I opened my mouth to ask one of many questions I wanted to ask, but Matsuda interrupted me. "Tomorrow all your questions will be answered! Either L or even us, we will tell you everything you are willing to know. But for today you just need to rest…"

I nodded. Even though my head ached, and my body was practically screaming for a hot bath, I just wanted tomorrow to come quickly. All my questions would be answered, but the most important thing to me at that moment was the fact that I was still alive.

I was so very relieved that I hadn't died in vain… But now, what would follow in this series of contrived events? Tomorrow I would begin to know my answer…


	35. I ended up on the investigation team!

_I was so very relieved that I hadn't died in vain… But now, what would follow in this series of contrived events? Tomorrow I would begin to know my answer…_

* * *

**XXXV**

I sighed heavily inside the warm water inside the tub of the hotel room I was at. A few bubbles shook a little and some popped under my breath. I then closed my eyes and lay down on the tub yet again. I really loved the feeling of that hot water involving me from top to bottom.

So Aizawa and Matsuda had left me at the hotel, paying me for that night. They said that tomorrow L would explain everything I needed to know. Yet I couldn't welcome him tomorrow with arms wide open, like nothing contrived had happened. I had learned to hate him in that long period of time. How would I actually be able to look at him without feeling the will to punch him yet again?

I remembered the way I looked when I first looked at myself in the mirror shortly after I began filling up the hot tub with hot water. I had huge bags underneath my eyes, some pimples and marks in my face, which was extremely oily, and my hair was literally a mess. As you can imagine I couldn't stand the way I smelled, and neither could the people who looked at me at the reception of the hotel like I was a sewer rat.

But at that moment I felt softer. And less itchy.

I rose up from the bathtub and remembered the fact that my father was arrested by L… Now I would definitely try to murder him the moment I saw him.

"Daddy…" I whispered to myself alone in that bathroom "Are you in a warm space like I am right now?"

I missed him so much. Alas, I couldn't be with him at that moment like I so desired. I missed his comforting voice and his tight embrace. In fact, I hadn't embraced him since I began hitting puberty. I used to be a daddy's little girl, but then I had to spoil everything with the typical rebellion that teenagers have, and the fact that I had started to smoke just to look cool.

"Daddy… I'll find you… And it'll be alright!" I said, speaking from my heart.

I then showered after releasing the water from the tub, dried the top of my head, dressed a yukata which was hanging in the wall next to the sink, and then laid down on the bed. I sank in the mattress like it was sucking me. That type of comfort felt too good to be true to me. Still, while looking out the window, I could only think about my father and the complicated situation we were both in. Would I ever see him again? Would I be able to look at him the same way ever again? As I prayed for those questions to turn out to be true, the slumber eventually took the best of me, and I blacked out without even realizing it.

* * *

I moaned as I woke up. I felt fresh and rejuvenated. I felt ready for that day. But when I opened my eyes, I sure wasn't ready for what I saw.

"AH!" I exclaimed in surprise standing up with a hop.

Standing next to my bed, looking down at me while I was sleeping, was L. His eyes faced me like I was a lab subject to be studied.

"Wha-wha-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU CREEPER?" I shouted after snapping out of the shock.

"Waiting for you to wake up." He said like I had asked a stupid question.

"But, but you were watching me while I was sleeping! That's creepy!" I continued to shout.

"It's not my fault you're a heavy sleeper Mimamoto-chan…" he said.

"Why you…" I replied provoked trying to slap him straight in the face.

But in a quick impulse, he grabbed my hand, and jumped to the bed next to me, restraining my arm. He placed himself behind me, and now my right arm was behind my back with him still holding it. I tried to release from him, but he was too strong.

"Now, will you behave like a civilized woman or am I going to have to get nasty with you?" he asked, too relaxed.

"Ngh…" I grunted trying to release myself "…I hate you…"

"I couldn't care less…" he replied really like someone who didn't care.

I stopped struggling and sighed heavily in defeat. He then released me and sat next to me on the bed.

"So… why did you confine and Light in the first place?" I asked with that question willing to leave my mouth "As a matter of fact, why were we the potential suspects in the first place?"

"Because at the time when the investigation began, the two of you were very peculiar… students."

"And… What made you believe that Kira could be a student?" I asked confused.

"It had to do with the schedules of the killings. They stopped during the mornings and the first part of an afternoon, and then ended close to midnight. Even though I wasn't very sure of myself at the time, I sent several psychologists to interact with several students inside the Kanto region. And then… your report and Yagami's immediately caught my attention."

I knew that the psychologist worked for L, but now that he was telling me that, all of a sudden everything seemed to make a little more sense. Still I had to pretend like I never knew about that detail. I was still in the grey, but I wanted to be clear.

"That woman… Was working for you?" I asked.

"I believe you actually know about that fact, but that is another conversation." He said breaking my attempt to pretend that I never knew "Anyways you and Yagami's file caught my attention. Yagami's because besides being the son of Yagami Soichiro, he had and has characteristics that belong to an honor student. A genius mind such as his could have easily plotted a plan to eliminate criminals of he had the right ways to do it. Don't you believe so?"

"No…" I said shaking my head.

"Why do you not believe that?" he asked.

"Because I know that Light wouldn't do that… Ever since we were friends, he's always talked about his high sense of justice. But… I believe that he wants the world to be a better place with no deaths."

"Sometimes you think that you know a person very well. But the moment that a person is given either power or a great responsibility, then and only then can you see that person for what he really is: either strong or weak."

"But I don't believe he's weak." I said looking at L straight in the eyes "I believe he just wants the world to become a better place."

"But would he do it through the right actions?" asked L trying to get me to lower my defences.

"Yes…" I replied firmly "I don't believe he would do what Kira is doing to get a better world."

We stared silently at each other for a while. That subject was closed. For that moment…

"Anyways… The reason why you were also made a suspect was due to the fact that not only were you the second brightest in your academy, but also due to the fact that, according to the report, your low self-esteem had suddenly began to rise up without any psychological support or any medication. " said L and only then I noticed he was barefooted and scratching his feet.

I made a frown but I kept listening to him.

"My guess is that you probably gained the power of Kira, and the fact that you possessed such a remarkable object, made you stare at the world with very different eyes."

"I just… Began to get over my stupid little dramas!" I protested trying to justify myself, even though something about that fact didn't feel very right to me as well.

"Maybe… But that isn't something that happens from one day to another. Something must have entered your life and made you feel more confident."

"I just remember starting to get over my dramas. Nothing else."

"… I see…" replied L, visibly unconvinced.

All of a sudden a cell phone began to ring. L stood up from the bed, took the cell phone from his pocked, holding it with the tip of his fingers. He pressed the answering button.

"Hello? Oh, so he's out already? Good! Tell him to come to the hotel! You drive him here Matsuda-san! Thank you!" he said shutting off all of a sudden.

"Who is coming here besides Matsuda-san?" I asked.

"Yagami-kun is. He was released from the hospital today. Matsuda is giving him a lift here." replied L.

I smiled at the thought of being with Light again. But then the remorse took over my consciousness yet again. I started to fear the time which we would have to sit and talk honestly to each other. How would he react? Would he be mad? Sad? Frustrated? Oh, I now feared a conversation that probably wouldn't take place on that same day.

"Anyways, another reason that you most likely know about, is the fact that you were involved in two incidents, which only you survived. As you may understand, I can't let that slip." Continued L, breaking away that thought.

"I don't understand as well! How can I help it that I got lucky in those two horrible incidents?" I protested feeling Goosebumps as I remembered the horrible tragedies.

"Kira could have easily saved himself, sacrificing others. At least ever since he started to kill, he seemed to let the power get to his head progressively." Spoke L, sure of the truth in his theory.

"How are you so sure of yourself?" I asked "You have interesting and credible theories L, but how can you speak of them with the belief that they are the truth?"

"I don't…" replied L looking at me with an innocent glance "I just try to elaborate an explanation that seems closer to the truth about this case."

"But why are you telling me all of this? Aren't I the main suspect?"

"Yes. But at the same time you may be an important way to help us get closer to the truth. Considering the fact that the killings of Kira continue, you may be a helpful source to find out who the killer really is. And if you're really not Kira, this may be a chance for you to finally prove your innocence."

"So… You want me to cooperate with you?" I asked.

"Yes. If you want to prove that you're not Kira, you may want to join us, and help us get to the bottom of this mystery." said L waiting for my response.

"… I'll join!" I said not thinking about it very much "I don't like you L! In fact I could rip you apart for all the things you've put me and Light through! But… If I can prove to you that you were unfair in making us go through all of that, then I'll do it, and rub mine and Light's innocence in your face!"

He then offered his right hand. "Partners?" he asked.

I looked at his hand reluctantly, but then I quickly grabbed it and gave it a firm shake. "This doesn't mean 'friendship' in any way!" I reminded him.

"I never said that…" he said releasing my hand.

"By the way… Did you really arrest my father? Where is he?" I finally asked.

All of a sudden we turned around after the door knocked.

"They came quicker than I expected. As for your father, I will have a conversation with you about that matter later. And I know nothing about how he is at the moment." replied L, heading to the door.

What did he meant? He didn't know if my father was ok or not? He probably knew about where he was. Was he really arrested? Or was he still out there? Oh, I couldn't help but to feel worried about my daddy.

"Ah, finally!" exclaimed Matsuda stretching himself as he and Light made their way in "Oh, hi Minamoto-chan! Did you sleep well this night?"

"I feel refreshed…" I said standing up and turning straight to them.

Now I and Light were facing each other, a few centimeters away. He looked a lot healthier, even though his hair was still long. It looked like he had bathed too. We approached, never looking away from each other's eyes. We then held hands. His were warm.

"I feared you were dead…" I said visibly glad he was there with me.

"It's over now. We're reunited again." he said smiling lightly.

"Yeah…" I sighed, releasing my hands from his and looking away.

How in the world was I supposed to tell him about that night? Now the fear of his reaction was more present than ever.

"I like your yukata, by the way… it suits you!" he said complementing me warmly.

I looked at him again, feeling a little blush in my cheeks. "Th-Thanks!"

He then approached me and made me lay my head on his chest. My heart skipped a beat.

"So now, Ryuzaki, what do we do from here on?" he asked looking at L.

L sat down on the bed again and looked at Matsuda, Light and then towards me.

"Now that Minamoto-chan is with us, helping with this case, I can talk to the three of you about **the building that I ordered to build a while ago, in order for us to have a proper base to investigate the Kira case."**


	36. Just like that we were through! It hurt!

_"Now that Minamoto-chan is with us, helping with this case, I can talk to the three of you about __**the building that I ordered to build a while ago, in order for us to have a proper base to investigate the Kira case."**_

* * *

_**XXXVI**_

Before any of the people in the room could say anything, there was a new knock on the door. L walked over and opened it. Watari made his way in.

"Ryuzaki, I brought the laptop, like you asked." He announced as he placed the briefcase containing a small laptop in a table near the window.

"Just in time, too." Replied L as he grabbed a chair, and sat in his usual and strange position.

I decided to approach the table, out of curiosity. L quickly turned the laptop on, and in less than a second, we were all looking at photos of a huge building, located in the middle of the city.

"Construction started when I first met face to face with Yagami-san and the others. It should be completed in a few days."

Everyone was around the table, looking at the images.

"There are 23 floors above ground, two floors below. You can't see from the outside, but the roof is equipped with two helicopters. The outside looks like an ordinary high-rise building, but to enter you need to go through various security check points." Added L, explaining all the details.

"The 5th to the 20th floor all have four private rooms per floor, so I'd like that everyone in the task force lives there as much as possible. And if we increase in numbers, we could accommodate about 60 people." He proceeded

Looking at the pictures of the outside and the inside, my mind could only wonder how much money had he invested in that initiative. It had the perfect conditions to the investigation, several rooms filled with high-tech computers and other gadgets, security at the main entrances. Even the rooms looked more luxurious than the one I was in for that night.

"As for the two of you" announced L turning to me and Light "Each of you will be getting your own room on one floor. I assume that it should allow you to have your own space and keep you happy while you are there."

"You mean we're… Moving there?" I replied still processing what he had just said.

"Yes. The two of you will be kept under watch." Sighed L.

"But… But what about my house?" I responded, wondering if everything was still in place there.

"That is part of the matter that I wish to explain to you later…" replied L, ending that subject for that time.

"Where are you getting the money for this Ryuzaki?" asked Matsuda visibly intrigued.

"As you can see… I want to solve this case no matter what." L proclaimed, ignoring the question Matsuda had placed.

"You didn't answer me…" complained Matsuda in a lower voice.

"These mass-killings are bad enough, but I'll never forgive Kira for the trouble he's brought to my dad, Seira and me." Exclaimed Light "I want to catch him, no matter what too."

"Well, in a few days you two will be able to go there. Minamoto-san, for now you will remain here with Yagami-kun. If you feel like going out, day or night, Matsuda-san will accompany you."

"Eh?" bellowed Matsuda after he said that "Does that mean I'll have to be around them 24 hours per day?"

Once again L didn't reply.

"Don't worry Matsuda-san. We won't be any trouble." I whispered to him "We might as well keep a low profile while this case is unsolved."

"He will still be watching you though…" sighed L picking up his laptop.

Matsuda sighed heavily in defeat.

"I'm going to meet with Yagami-san, Aizawa-san and Mogi-san in the afternoon to speak about the building. You two stay low here. When the building is ready I will come to pick you up." Said L walking out the door "You can expect me at anytime"

L then walked out the door followed by Watari.

"I suppose I should give you a little privacy. I can tell you have a lot of catching up to do." Mumbled Matsuda feeling like he was too much in the room.

"Matsuda-san I'm sorry…" I murmured "I feel bad for you having to watch after us like this."

"Oh, no! No!" he exclaimed shaking his head "It's just my duty! I could trust the two of you, but… Well, a demand is a demand… Despite how inconvenient it is…"

I felt a little sorry for him. You could tell he was a really nice person. His laugh was genuine, something I never thought I'd see in a police officer.

"I don't think it won't take long to finish the construction." Said Light "Besides, if you need a room you can always get Ryuzaki to pay you one."

"… I'll keep that in mind…" said Matsuda walking towards the door "I'll be having some coffee in the cafe in the entrance. If you need me, you know where to find me."

"If you don't mind, I need to rest." I muttered rubbing my eyes "I still feel a little tired from yesterday, and let's just say I didn't fell asleep at the most proper time of the night."

"Of course…"said Light rubbing my head "Go then and rest up for a while. I'll go downstairs with Matsuda. You sure you're alright?"

"Yes…" I mumbled, faking a yawn "Just tired."

"Let's leave Minamoto-chan to rest then…" said Matsuda closing the door after Light had passed through it.

I then laid in the bed with my tummy turned towards the ceiling.

I had to fake my tiredness. Now that Light was there with me, I had to be ready to have "the talk". But at that moment I didn't want to have "the talk". So my only way out of that was to say that I wanted to rest. I thought I was ready for this day, but I sure was wrong.

And what was it about my father and my house that L said he would talk to me about? I couldn't put together what was going on. All I knew was that I felt more worried about my father after L said that.

And most importantly, now I would be living in a building until the Kira case was solved. What if we never caught him or her? Did that mean we would stay in there until we rot? I probably was thinking too much about it. L was really putting his heart and money into catching Kira.

Even though I feel he still hasn't given up the suspicions towards me and Light. By keeping us in there he could continue to study us the same way he did when we were in confinement, despite the circumstances being slightly different. So technically we would still be in confinement, but this time we weren't put into pressure.

I thought about all of that with my eyes closed. All that was left for me to do, besides faking my sleep, was wait to see how everything would turn out.

* * *

The next day I woke up with Light's cell phone ringing.

"Light… Go pick it up, will you?" I asked him, covering myself with the bed sheets.

He moaned but then made an effort to stand up, and headed across the room to where his cell was.

Yesterday I faked my act until the middle of the afternoon, when I descended from my hotel room to the café where Matsuda and Light were talking. I joined them, but then we had to have dinner. We went to a take-away restaurant, where we feasted with rice balls in my room.

It had turned out that Matsuda decided to take the idea of asking L for a room in the hotel. Surprisingly L agreed to that, and booked a room for him and Light. Of course Matsuda wasn't surprised when Light said he would sleep with me that night. He was quite open-minded... For an officer that is.

After 11 o'clock in the evening, Light sneaked into my room. I was afraid at first, but then he just changed and got into bed next to me. A few smooches were switched among us, but then I turned my back to him, he held on to me, and we just slept that way.

I couldn't do it. I turned my back to him because it was getting harder to face him. I felt that the weight in my consciousness could me sink on the bed.

"Hello?" he answered "Yes? Really? Okay, we'll be ready in a minute!"

He shut his cell and walked to me.

"The constructions went faster than Ryuzaki was expecting. We're going to move there today." Announced Light

I uncovered my face. "That's nice…" I whispered in a grumpy mood.

"You seem a little distant today…" he commented, walking across the room to find his clothing in the dark.

I just turned on the light and didn't answer. I couldn't keep it in me for long. That night I felt uncomfortable sharing the bed with him.

We then got dressed (without sharing a word) and went downstairs to check-out of the hotel. L's limousine was outside waiting for us.

We were there in no time. Watari took some time to fill me and Light in on the security matters. Some doors needed a code, others required us to take off our belts and other metal accessories (the kind of security you find at airports).

We then went to our rooms. My room was on the 20th floor, and Light's room was below mine.

When I opened the door I wasn't expecting a room like that. It had a living room with expensive-looking furniture and decorations. The couches were fluffy and very soft. A table next to the couches had a cup filled with chocolates and other sweets. The bedroom had an LCD television in the wall and the bed was on the other side, so I could watch it while lying down. It had a wardrobe that was empty, and a big wide window on the left side.

I unpacked, and placed everything I had in the places that seemed proper to me. I walked into the living room to find L sitting in the couches while feasting on the sweets in the cup. He then noticed me.

"How do you like your new home?" he mumbled with his mouth full.

"I wouldn't call it a 'home'…" I said a little displeased with that comment "But it's nice."

"The task-force members will start to move here tomorrow." Said L swallowing something.

"All of them?" I asked

"Except for Aizawa-san and Yagami-san, due to family matters."

Light then entered the room. He looked around and then his glance landed upon me.

"It's not much different from mine." He commented "When is my father coming, Ryuzaki?"

"Probably in the beginning of the afternoon."

"Light…" I called out of nowhere.

I knew the matter couldn't remain like this for long: we had to talk. We had to talk and take weights off our chests. He also owed me some honesty for not telling me nothing about me being a suspect.

"Yes?" he replied a bit surprised.

"L, I would like to talk with Light, please. Will you excuse us for a few moments?" I asked nicely.

"Certainly Minamoto-chan…" he replied "I just hope that you're aware that I will know about what you will talk one way or another."

Of course! How could I have forgotten one other thing that Watari had told us in the lobby? The whole building was full of cameras!

"Well then, we might as well talk here" I said making a sign for Light to sit in the couches "… seen as Mr. Detective here, likes to stick his nose!"

It was provocation to which L didn't reply.

I took a deep breath and pretended that L wasn't there next to me. I assumed Light tried to do the same.

"Okay…" I said in anticipation "Now that we are bothe in the proper conditions, explain this to me Light: Why didn't you tell me you were investigating the Kira case, and also, why didn't you tell me that I was, and currently am, a suspect?"

Light closed his eyes, visibly contrived. Then he opened them and let out a heavy sigh. It seemed he was about to tell me something complicated.

Yet his response was long, yet straight to the subject:

"The truth is I didn't want to fill you with concerns. At the Tou-Hou welcome ceremony, when Ryuzaki revealed himself as being L, I immediately figured something wasn't well. I presumed that the incidents where you were caught in, not to mention what happened in my house that day when the cameras were up… All of those things were incriminating us, even though we did nothing bad.  
To my surprise, Ryuzaki wanted me to help in the investigation. But something that would always catch my eye was the existence of a second suspect besides me. Although I was told much later that it was you, to me it wasn't a shock: I could see that everything was pointing out to you somehow.  
**The reason why at a certain time I decided to step away from you was because this started to take hold of my time… And also because I wanted to protect you. So that maybe the attentions would turn away from you. I also didn't tell you anything about you being a suspect, because I just didn't want to fill you with more concerns.**  
I ask you to forgive me. I know I may not have acted in the most honest way, but it was all for your own good. I hope you understand Seir… Oh!"

My hands were shaking in my lap, and several tears fell over them. I was now trying to hold it in, but it was revealing to be futile. I felt horrible at that moment. An inconsiderate person who couldn't see beyond the acts of the person she loved. Light would never do anything to hurt me, and I was aware of that, more than ever after his confession. My false conviction had driven me to a stupid and shameful behavior.

"Hey, you don't need to cry!" said Light smiling naturally unaware of the revelation that was to come "I just want your own good. If it wasn't like that we wouldn't be together, right?"

"Then we shouldn't have started in the first place…"

A heavy silence crashed upon the room. L stopped eating sweets from the cup, and turned to me. It seemed my comment had called his attention.

"What do you mean by that…?" grunted Light, his tone turning serious.

And then I let it all out. It was a big sacrifice that had to be made:

"What I'm about to tell you will hurt you now, I know. But I can't hide anything from you. So… here goes…  
One night, I decided to go out with Millie to relax and to lighten up due to yours and my father's absence. When we got there, we made a mistake: we got drunk. Then, we found Nobu. Yes, Tamaki Nobu, you remember him, right? Millie and he don't talk to each other because he tried to convince her to do drugs. But I would only be aware of that story much later.  
Anyways, as soon as she saw him, she insulted him and walked away, leaving me alone with him.  
I don't remember what happened next very well, but he never left my side. I just recall going with him to the bar and asking for absinth. Besides burning my throat, that drink made my mind fall asleep like a sedative would…"

I stopped for a while, took a deep breath, and then proceeded. New tears were appearing in my wet eyes.

"And… When I came to my senses, Nobu was getting ready to have his way with me! He had managed to place me in a cubicle in the men's bathroom, had given me some kisses and was getting ready to go further. I pushed him off of me and stormed away from there. Millie, who was dying of concern, found me immediately.  
All of a sudden he came to us, holding a condom on his hand, and taking my arm, demanding that we got back there. Millie stopped him, defended me, and after pouring crystal water in his head, took me away from there.  
Then she finally told me about how they had broken up, and then blamed herself for what had happened, even though the one to blame is…me!"

There! It was finally said! The weight was finally out of my chest. The room was quiet once again.

"**You've got that right!"** Light spat all of a sudden, breaking the silence.

I looked at him. He had visibly turned tense, and his eyes were closed, but he had an infuriated expression on his face. L was just sitting there, watching me from the end of the couch.

"I didn't mean for this to happen…" I replied with all of my sincerity "Millie and me had agreed that that night would be ours. We didn't imagine that it would end like that."

"What about what the two of you did after drinking? Was that also agreed?" he hissed

"If Nobu wasn't there, the night would have turned out better!" I exclaimed trying to defend myself from the blame feeling, which was now taking over.

"Then you wouldn't be dragged by Nobu, but rather by some stranger! The way I see it, you would have blacked out either way!" he spat.

"You seem pretty sure of yourself!" I yelled feeling provoked "I wouldn't be into that mess if…"

"… If you hadn't drank like crazy, yes!" he interrupted, starting to raise his tone.

"Well…" I snarled, feeling the irritation rising to my head "I wouldn't be so tense if my own boyfriend had told me why he wasn't speaking to me! First my father, and then you! Having the two of you hiding things from me… I think anyone would feel horrible in my skin!"

"I've already told you why I did it! Alright? You can be upset with my attitude, the same way I can be upset with your stupid behavior!"

"Stupid?" I shouted standing up in outrage "My goal that night was to have some fun, and to forget the fact that you and my father were treating me like I didn't exist! It wasn't my fault Nobu had decided to butt in! It went wrong, I couldn't have done anything to prevent it!"

"You would, in fact, if…" he said standing up to take a better look at me "… you had slowed down at some point, giving you time to stop that bastard from having his way with you!"

We were both facing each other fiercely.

"At least I wasn't coward enough to hide something from you!" I hissed at him.

"And at least I wasn't the one that acted like you meant nothing to me!"

That comment made something inside of me snap, making my rage uncontrollable. How dared he claim that he meant nothing to me? I had been honest with him and that was what he had to say!

My hand got out of my control and flew towards his face. But when it was about to struck him, I got a grip, and my hand stopped, inches from his cheek.

I couldn't hit him. Not him! I loved him too much! I couldn't hurt him more than I already did.

And then my heart was filled with bitterness.

He lowered my hand and passed by my side without even looking at me straight in the eyes.

"For a while we better not speak to each other…" he said as he approached the exit "… not until we figure out if this can work right again, or not."

He exited, slamming the door on his way out.

"And I thought these situations only occurred after marriage." Said L, breaking the heavy silence that followed after the slam.

I ignored him, and sat on the couch gain, meditating on what had just happened.

Yet everything that was on my mind at that moment was the unpleasant feeling that the situation I had gotten onto had cost me the love of the only crush I've ever had in my life.


	37. Later the detective had a surprise

_Yet everything that was on my mind at that moment was the unpleasant feeling that the situation I had gotten onto had cost me the love of the only crush I've ever had in my life._

* * *

**XXXVII**

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_What an interesting revelation that occurred a while ago. Not only her confession, but a detail that she let slip. _

_So, it seems that Tamaki Nobu, who's been missing for a couple of weeks now, was with her and her friend shortly before going missing. I haven't gone to To-Oh lately, but I've seen his face in the papers for the first days. I checked this case, but it seems he still hasn't turned up. I doubt he's still alive, but there still isn't a body. _

_Considering what Minamoto-chan just said, could she have killed him out of anger for what he had tried to do with her? And now we have yet another coincidence involving the main suspect of the Kira case._

_Her attitude changed only slightly since the confinement has begun. Still I can tell something has changed. I just can't quite put my finger on it right now…_

_Right now I'm afraid that this situation between her and Yagami-kun may end up disturbing the course of the investigation. It's certain that he won't protect her as much as he did, but still I'm afraid that the tension that surrounds them ends up getting in the way of the investigation. I can tell they may try to keep it in, but I'm expecting one of them (especially Minamoto-chan) to snap all of a sudden. I'll have to try my best to keep those situations from happening, but the best to do right now is to try to keep them a little apart._

_Yagami-kun will be working with me, and the rest of the task force will leave her in peace for today. _

_I'm going to have to talk to her later though, about the subject concerning her father. I know where he is. I will try to arrange for the departure to London in three days._

_What I'm planning isn't a guarantee that Minamoto-chan will start to get a better opinion of me, in fact, that's not my goal. Keeping her close to me on this trip will be rather interesting…_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

Sitting in the bed of my new room I kept meditating about what had happened earlier that day. It came to be worse than I thought.

Some things were better left unsaid, yet the words that we said to each other left marks on the both of us. I didn't think I could stand being in the same room as he would be. But since we were working all together it just had to be something I had to go through keeping my emotions bottled as much as I could. I knew it wasn't going to be easy facing him from now on, but if I thought too much about that, I would go crazy in there.

At that moment I was calm, thankfully. But that was only because I wasn't in the same space as him. Shortly after I decided to be alone in my room in order to cry everything out and calm down. Eventually after a little crying session I felt better. I just hoped that this situation wouldn't reach the ears of the task force, or else things could worsen.

Tired of being locked in there, I decided to catch some fresh air. After ascending on the elevator, I found myself on the enormous space on the roof. There were the two helicopters, just like L said, but there was a lot of open space too.

I approached the edge, and was impressed with the view. The ground below was like a carpet, decorated by other sky scrapers who barely reached the building I was at.

For a moment I started to enjoy my prison a little more. It was a beautiful day, with soft and fresh wind in the air. Standing there, watching the city I wondered where would Kira be hiding. That was… If he was still hiding in Kanto.

_Would I have tried to run away if I was…?_

No! What was I thinking at that moment? I shook my head trying to forget that idea. Nonsense! I don't think I could be able to pull through being a serial killer who killed murderers.

_You know… I can kind of relate to that… _

Again? What was wrong with me? Why was I somehow trying to relate to Kira?

_Could it be because deep down you've always desired to avenge… __**her?**_

A cold shiver came through my guts. I closed my fist feeling a little tense.

_Your family was destroyed by a murderer. A murderer is a bad person, no matter how you look at it. Would someone with good intentions do that to your dearest mother?_

Was I somehow supporting what Kira was doing? Would I be able to pull that off if the power had came to me instead of the real Kira?

My thoughts wandered in the past as I watched the afternoon coming to an end.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_All of the taskforce was in the control room at that moment. Yagami-kun was sitting next to me in front of the main computer. He had a laptop of his own, and was concentrated on something I couldn't see from where I was. Yagami-san, Matsuda-san, Aizawa-san and Mogi-san were sitting on the green couches near the glass stairs. Matsuda was looking to the newspaper who had the front page dedicated to "The Return of killer Kira"._

_I was looking at what was going on at that moment on the security cameras in the building._

"_Still on the rooftop, I see…" I commented after connecting to the camera that was on the rooftop. _

_Minamoto-chan had been up there for over an hour, and it seemed she was either lost in thoughts or just enjoying the view._

"_Hm…" grunted Yagami-kun, without looking at the big screen, still focused on his researches._

"_Is everything alright Yagami-kun?" I asked._

"_Yes… I suppose…" he said not looking away from his laptop._

_But I could see that he was still tense due to what had happened that day. Yet nobody of the task force dared to ask what was going on, not even Yagami-san, who kept looking at his son with concern._

"_It seems that Kira is really determined to pass a worldwide judgment." commented Matsuda-san "According to this paper the killings are becoming more massive than before."_

"_I keep wondering though, if Kira's power can be, shall we say… passed to another person." I commented pouring sugar in my tea._

"_What makes you think that?" asked Yagami-san intrigued by my thought._

"_I noticed that the killings came to a halt on the day that we confined Minamoto-chan. They would only resume two days before we decided to pull off that plan with Minamoto-chan in the electric chair. The way I see it, she would have been able to kill Matsuda-san and Aizawa-san, to save her own life, the same way she might have killed Lind L Taylor all those months ago. But, I believe the reason why she didn't do that was because she no longer had the power of Kira…"_

"… _or because she never was Kira in the first place!" interrupted Yagami-san, who was willing to believe her innocence ever since that act._

"_The thing is that my suspicions regarding her have increased because somehow, something feels different about her ever since she entered on her confinement. And there is another thing that caught my eye, and that came in the sequence of a conversation she had with Yagami-kun this morning in my presence."_

_Everyone in the couches looked at me interested. I noticed Yagami-kun had become a little tense. He didn't look away from his laptop; still I noticed the slightly short pause he made after I said that._

"_What do you mean?" asked Aizawa-san_

"_A boy who was with her one night during Yagami-kun's confinement went missing the morning after and never showed no signs of being alive ever since." I proclaimed._

_The task force members switched glances among each other._

"_What were the circumstances specifically?" asked Matsuda-san._

_I was going to reply to them, but all of a sudden Yagami-kun stood up without saying a word, closed his laptop, and walked over to the elevator._

"_Light…" called his father slightly confused, but Yagami-kun just entered the elevator and ascended without looking back or saying a word._

_Matsuda-san and Aizawa-san sighed and looked at each other confused._

"_Ryuzaki, what is going on? Why is Light being too quiet today?" asked Yagami-san concerned _

_I turned back to the main computer and didn't reply. It wasn't up to me to reveal personal problems. Besides, they would eventually figure out that something was up between those two._

_This is going to be quite hard to handle, I can see…_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

"Miss… It's late… Aren't you hungry?" Watari called me all of a sudden, breaking away my thoughts.

Night had fallen faster than I had expected. With all that daydreaming I didn't notice the time passing by. It was colder too.

"Oh!" I exclaimed surprised "Why… A little, yes."

"I've taken the liberty of leaving your dinner in your room Miss. Hurry up before it gets cold." He said with his kind voice.

"Thank you Watari-sama." I replied bowing.

"Oh, no need for formalities." Chuckled Watari softly.

Despite him saying that, I had more respect towards him then I would ever have towards L. Something about his way of addressing to other made me like his presence.

Inside my room I was delighted by what I had waiting for me: a big bowl filled with warm and nice-smelling _ramen_, another dish filled with varieties of_ sushi_ (_Magura, Hamashi _ and _Ebi) _and a teapot with green tea.

At that moment, all I could think about was eating the food that awaited me. The monster inside of my stomach immediately begun to roar willing for me to fill it with the food that was in my room, waiting for me to devour it. I ate like a pig that night. When I was finished I couldn't move for a while on my bed. I let out small groans of satisfaction.

Eventually I decided to change onto my pajamas. As I changed, a brief thought came onto my mind.

_I wonder if Light had a meal as tasty as mine…_

I sighed, thinking once again about the problem that still wasn't solved. I picked something that was neither too hot nor too fresh. I laid down willing to sleep after my feast and after this complicated day.

* * *

I briefly dreamt that Millie and I were riding our bikes in the mountains, like we used to before college. In that dream we were children laughing loud and racing each other going further and further from the city. All of a sudden Millie stopped in front of me, and asked me:

_"Do you believe we can live more than once?"_

* * *

But before I could answer that unintelligent question, I heard the door slam, and got up straddled, and still a little sleepy. I looked around trying to get my consciousness back.

All I saw at the door was L with his horrible posture and usual bland expression. I sighed, displeased with his visit.

"You really had to show up when I was about to hit the sack, hadn't you?" I commented lying down on the bed, sighing heavily again and rubbing my eyes.

When I took my hands off, he was looking down towards me.

"Stop being creepy!" I exclaimed moving a little away from him "You really should learn how to socialize properly with people!"

He didn't listen to me, keeping still.

"Minamoto-chan, I came here to tell you that the booking is done, and in three days we should be boarding a private jet." He announced, making my brain freeze.

It took me a while to process everything he said. "Booking"? "Three days"? "Boarding a private jet"?

I shook my head vigorously and took a deep breath.

"I will make my reaction perfectly clear…" I said slowly raising my head to look him in the eyes"… WHAT?"

I then started to laugh in confusion. Where the hell had that came from? Why on earth had he planned that trip? And especially WHAT made him THINK that I would go on a trip with HIM of all people?

"Okay, okay…" I said trying to focus "Explain to me then: Where did that eccentric idea of yours came from? And what made you think I want to go with you? I'm sorry, but I'm in my right to say 'no' to this. So: no!"

I was rude in my reply and then I landed my head on the pillow. But before I told him that it wasn't worth his time trying to convince me to go along with that moronic idea… He made my mind change radically with the following words:

"**We are going to the United Kingdom not only because I have business there, but also because I believe you owe you father a visit: He's been arrested in the prison of Littlehey in Perry, Cambridgeshire for almost a month."**


	38. When I saw him I felt like a child again

_"__**We are going to the United Kingdom not only because I have business there, but also because I believe you owe you father a visit: He's been arrested in the prison of Littlehey in Perry, Cambridgeshire for almost a month."**_

* * *

**XXXVIII**

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_At first Minamoto-chan seemed to be frozen, not knowing what to say, or how to react to that fact. After a little while she stared at me, her hands shaking, her lips trembling and her eyes shining. She mumbled something I couldn't understand, and then her two wobbly hands grabbed my shirt and she laid her head over them and muttered repeatedly: "Thank you… Thank you… Thank you… Thank you…" on and on._

_I decided to do this hoping that she will start to cooperate more willingly with us on the Kira case. Whether she's Kira or not, I hope that she will start being useful to us. It's not my intention to make her think better of my person, but if she starts opening up more, maybe we can solve this case a lot quicker._

_But that's not the only reason I'm going to the UK. There's something I need to discuss with Roger at Wammy's House in private. About who is going to take over my role, should anything happen to me in this case. _

_Right now there are two potential candidates, according to Roger: __**Mihael Keehl**__ and __**Nate River**__. I can't speak much of them seen as I don't know anything about neither of them._

_Minamoto-chan seems to have fallen asleep. No one will bother her during the days before the trip. For now we just need to focus on finding new leads for this case._

_The day has finally arrived. It was half past seven and Minamoto-chan was ready, all dressed up and ready to go in the lobby of the building. I joined her shortly after._

_Watari then escorted us to the limousine and in half an hour we were in the airport. After we've arrived, we exited, but then I chained Minamoto-chan to me. The chain was very short._

"_I hope you understand that you're still the main suspect, therefore I can't let you out of my sight." I reminded her._

_She just nodded and replied nothing. She didn't let out a word of protest._

_Watari took care of the check-in for us, and it wasn't long before we were boarding in the jet. Watari went to the front of the plane and then it lift into the sky within minutes._

_Minamoto-chan's head fell onto my right shoulder twenty minutes after the trip had started. Her attitude was being peculiar: she showed no emotions. Maybe she is thinking too much about seeing her father._

"_Watari. Call the warden of Littlehey, and tell him to set up a room for a private visit. Pay them whatever they ask after." I instructed him._

_Watari did so. I pressed a switch on Minamoto-chan's chair, making the upper side of it fall back. She clearly was more comfortable in that position. It didn't seem she would wake up so soon. I decided to unchain her for that moment._

_I walked toward a window next to the chairs. We still had a long way to go._

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_I found myself on a bed with fresh white sheets. I couldn't find the strength to move. A big weight was keeping me lied down. That weight also didn't allow me to speak or call out for someone. I couldn't find the strength to mutter a sound. _

_My eyes were open, but I wasn't looking at nothing in particular. Just looking ahead towards a window where the sun shined brightly Nothing outside that window caught my eye. _

_Yet a bright and shiny day couldn't lift my spirit up. Nothing inside that room would make a five-year-old child whose mother had passed away a few days ago happy like she used to be before that unfortunate event. The innocence that defined me was gone since that happened. My soul and heart were shambled into pieces that I probably would never be able to pick up._

_Of course I was a child at that time, and couldn't explain what I was feeling at that time the same way I am right now. But feeling that sort of pain was horrible for a little girl who had barely started to live. _

_A child who was feeling a kind of pain that she wasn't supposed to was a bad sign. It meant her childhood would be over too soon._

_I could hear voices somewhere. One of the voices I recognized as being my daddy's. I tried to move and call out for him, but the horrible weight didn't allow me to do so. _

**"**_**How long will the therapy last? Don't hide anything from me doctor!"**__ I heard my father ask in a desperate voice._

**"**_**I'm unsure but I can't guarantee that she will get over what she saw that easily. Your daughter is in a grave state of shock. It's been three days now and all she does is look through that window in a state of trance."**__ a man replied to him in a soother voice._

_All of a sudden I heard some rushed steps somewhere, and also what seemed like a child gasping._

**"**_**Minamoto-senpai! Where Seira-chan be?"**_

_It was Millie. Where was she? I wanted to go to her. I wanted to run to find her and hug her. I… I… I felt like crying! I couldn't move. The weight that was crushing me was getting heavier! I couldn't move no matter how much I tried! My chest was aching…_

**"**_**Millie-chan! What are you doing here sweetie?" **__ my father asked seeming very surprised._

**"**_**Millie wanna see Seira-chan! Seira-chan here?" **__she wept. It seemed she was a little sad._

**"**_**Yeah, she's here, but…" **__my father grunted, unsure of what to tell her._

**"**_**Millie don't run off from us again like that!" **__her mom shouted all of a sudden with rushed footsteps_

**"**_**Gomen mama!" **__Millie muttered._

**"**_**Mr. Minamoto, I'm so very sorry for what has happened, I couldn't believe when I heard of it… Mrs. Shizue of all people was…"**_

**"**_**I know…" **__my father replied._

_A heavy silence followed. Someone had walked away._

**"**_**Millie, dad's at the entrance, go meet him!" **__Mrs. Kasumoto ordered Millie_

**"**_**Demo… Me want to see Seira-chan! Where Seira-chan is?"**__ Millie cried in protest_

**"**_**I'll say hello to her for you and I'll give her that pretty necklace you bought for her I promise! Now go meet daddy please!" **__her mother ordered, in a more assertive voice._

_I heard small steps walk off to somewhere slowly._

**"**_**She's quite a friend to my daughter… I feel really bad that she can't see her but…" **__my father whispered._

**"**_**How is little Seira-chan dealing with it?" **__asked Mrs. Kasumoto._

**"**_**Couldn't be worst! She became unreceptive to this world!" **__my father sniffed._

**"**_**She'll get over this! Leave it to time to heal her pain… It will be nothing in a couple of years…"**_

"_**I'm not so sure of that Kasumoto-san." **__Whispered my father sadly __**"She became a vegetable after it happened. She won't move, she won't eat, she won't sleep… She won't even speak when someone asks her something."**_

"_**My Goodness… Why did she have to be in the house when that happened? Who could make a child watch such a scene…?" **__muttered Mrs. Kasumoto heavily._

_What I then heard at that time was a big shock to me: my father was sobbing! At first in a low voice, but then he just couldn't disguise it anymore._

"_**Oh… Mr. Minamoto! Oh my God, I feel for you…"**_ _muttered Mrs. Kasumoto visibly troubled by my father's crying._

_All I could hear for a little while, shortly before I woke up again, was a sentence that would echo in my head, when I got to the prison of Littlehey:_

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_After a while I had to wake Minamoto-chan. She immediately awoke silently._

"_We're about to land Minamoto-chan. You slept for quite a while!" I commented as she mutely rose up._

_The only response I got from her was a nod of her head._

_The plane eventually landed. We got off without switching a word, but not before I chained her to me again. It wasn't long before we were on our way._

_She kept her glance on the car window. It seemed she was preparing herself mentally for the reunion with her progenitor. She was anxious, but keeping it all inside._

_Eventually we got there. And I noticed some shivers from her as we got out of the car…_

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

There I was. An old and small building stood before us. I was so close now. The moment I longed for was moments away from me. Goosebumps invaded my skin.

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

No! I had to keep that promise! I had to be strong, and give my father the strength of heart he surely needed to go through that horrible situation.

"Minamoto-chan…" L mumbled "I will accompany you only until a certain point."

I nodded. The shivers were now taking a walk through my skin. At first in my arms…

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

… then in my chest…

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

… then they moved onto my belly…

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

… finally my legs felt the shivers. My legs stopped moving. No! I had to go inside!

"Something wrong Seira-chan? Are you sure you want to proceed?" L called out.

The entrance door was now open. I was so close…

"Yes!" I exclaimed rising my head up "I want to see him, now!"

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

But… Would I be able to keep that promise?

I walked for a little while, while L and Watari did all the talking with the guards. I didn't pass by any cells, only through a dark and barely illuminated hallway. And then…

"Minamoto-chan, I have to go to London now. When you're done, just call Watari through your cell phone." L said

I nodded.

"You two will interact in a private room which is just through this door. When you proceed, this door will be locked for security matters. There will be a glass window somewhere in the room where the warden will be watching your every move." He explained to me.

I nodded several times to state that I had understood.

"You may proceed when you're ready…" L said as he unchained me.

I looked to the brown door in front of me. My hand moved to open it.

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

But I felt that familiar feeling in my as the door slowly opened.

* * *

_I still couldn't get rid of that weight which was crushing me. I felt like a soulless doll. Like those I had back at home. A mindless puppet ready to be played with._

_Yet at that hour my head was in my father's lap. I felt a hand petting my hair gently. It was my daddy hand…_

_He never left me alone. Never stopped coming to see me in that lonely place._

"_Baby…" he called out to me "I know you don't want to talk right now. I know that we won't have mommy around anymore. But please… remember that you still have your daddy."_

_My daddy… Yes… I still had my daddy right there. But why couldn't I tell him anything?! Why couldn't I respond to those words?! The weight in my body felt heavier; I wanted to go against it, but it was as if a hippo was over me. I couldn't move._

"_Mommy's gone, but I promise you, my little angel: I will do anything that is on the reach of my hand… to make you happy again."_

_He grabbed hold of my right hand. I had to show him that I was listening to him. But… what could I do?_

"_Please Seira… We can get through this together, baby…I want my little girl back… I want my little angle to smile for me once again… Please… Seria… Be my little baby girl again… Oh!"_

_His surprise came from the fact that I had started to try to rid myself of that weight. It was still a very weak effort, but it was the beginning of my struggle against the weight that the depression was causing me._

_I was gripping his hand. In response to what he was saying me, I only managed to hold his hand._

_Somehow, it wasn't only him giving me the strength to be strong: I was also helping him! I could feel that daddy was very sad. But the thing different about him was that he was stronger than me. Daddy was a big strong man, and I was a small little girl. But with a big strong man, I would be safe._

_I squeezed his hand harder. I wanted to get through that with him. Together… We could still be a happy family…_

* * *

There he was… Oh my Lord, it aches when I think about the way he looked at that time. That poor slim creature looking at me with loving eyes…

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

But that promise was beginning to be forgotten, as I walked towards my father's arms. Slowly at first, but then quickening my pace…

"_**I promised myself I wouldn't cry…"**_

The promise was gone… after I reached onto his open arms.

My arms were shaking, and I began sniffing. After burying my face on my father's chest, I didn't care about anything else.

All I knew was that I wanted to be surrounded by those comforting arms for as long as possible. Only my daddy mattered to me at that moment… For a little while… I could be his little girl again…

* * *

_I had made some progress since I was put in that hospital. I managed to respond to some impulses, and I was beginning to eat again._

_At that moment my daddy was taking a walk with me in the garden on the back of the hospital. The wheelchair I was sitting on was making a little noise. Maybe it was too rusted._

"_Nothing like catching a little sun, huh Seira?" Said my father stopping to wrap my hair in a ponytail. At that time my hair only reached the middle of my neck._

"_Hmmm" I mumbled._

_Rising up my head to look around me, I saw a sunny day around the big garden. The wind was soft and fresh, and some leafs that fell on my lap had a green and healthy color. I picked them up with my palms to look closer at them._

"_Oto-san…?" I called, to ask him a question I don't remember._

_But he wasn't near me. I looked around curious._

"_Oto-san?" I kept calling looking around me._

_I saw him near a small tree. He was knelt on the ground and seemed to be looking for something there._

"_Oto-san!" I called him again._

_What was he looking for? Could I be able to help him? No, I wanted to help my daddy. I couldn't just keep sitting around there!_

_I was growing stronger against the horrible weight crushing me since my mother's death. A new form of strength came to me on that day._

_Before I knew it, my legs made an effort and I managed to stand up again. I walked slowly towards my daddy, limping a little on the process._

"_Oto-san…"I called when I got to him, laying my little hand on his shoulder._

_He turned around seeming too much surprised._

"_Baby… You can walk again…" he whispered still seeming in shock "How…? Miracle…"_

"_What Oto-san is looking for?" I asked. Of course, since I was still 5, I couldn't exactly speak very correctly._

_He took a little while to answer, still affected by the surprise of seeing me walk again. But then he shook his head. "Oh… I'm just looking for something very special… I thought I saw it around here so I came to pick it up…"_

"_Nani?" I asked trying to see past his shoulder._

_He turned to me with both his hands closed._

"_Pick one of them baby…" he challenged me._

"_Hm?" I asked but yet I pointed immediately towards his right hand._

_He opened it. Nothing! I opened his other hand. Nothing as well!_

"_Noting… Nothing! Nothing!" I protested still looking for something on both his palms._

"_Ah! I see!" he said touching my chin softly making me look at him._

"_Hm?" I asked extremely confused._

"_That something is with you, but you are the one that has to make it appear…" he murmured._

"_What for?" I was now boiling with curiosity._

"_Oh, to make you even more pretty than you already are, sweetie." My father said with a warm smile_

"_But what that is?" I asked looking towards my feet to see if I could see anything._

"_A smile…" my daddy replied._

_I raised my head surprised. "A smile", he said? How would a smile make me prettier I wondered at that time…_

_But then… I felt the sides of my lips rising… And that felt… good! Surprisingly wonderful!_

"_Ah, there it is… My little girl's beautiful smile..." My father announced, smiling himself._

_We stood there for a little while… Just the two of us… And our smiles that gave us strength._

* * *

It was that smile that came to my memory, shortly after being surrounded by my daddy's arms.

"I found my smile again daddy…" I whispered to him "I'm here at last…"


	39. I promised him it would be alright

"_I found my smile again daddy…" I whispered to him "I'm here at last…"_

* * *

**XXXIX**

The hours went on, but to me at that moment time seemed to make me a favor and seemed to slow down. It had been forever since I last talked to my father that way. Years after I've grown, I was now regarding him again as the hero I grew up with. How long had it been since I saw him that way?

Ever since we moved to start over… he had been my idol.

* * *

"_We'll be living here, hunny!" my dad announced cheerfully._

_There it was. The apartment building where I would live, most of my life. At first it was hard recognizing that tall place as a home. I looked at that and longed for our home in Nagano, which I would never see again_

"_Huh? But why?" I asked "Aren't we ever going to go home again, papa?"_

_While I was in the hospital, it seemed that my dad had started to move things to our new house. That day, after being released from the hospital, shortly after beginning to behave (slightly) normal again, my dad took me on a long car drive. Shortly after we had parked the car, not far from there, he took me to the entrance of the building, and told me what I had just heard._

"_Because daddy has a new job here in Kanto. And I think it will be nice to live in the city for a change." My father replied, confident._

"_But… What about home? And Millie?" I asked a bit sadly._

_My father got on his knees and placed a hand on my shoulder._

"_Kasumoto-san told me that she and Millie will be moving here soon enough, to move in with Millie's father." He explained to me "You know that Millie barely saw her father, back in Kiso."_

"_Hai." I replied "Millie was sad when her daddy wasn't there, and sometimes she cried too."_

"_Yes, well, she will be moving here in a while, so you won't feel alone when going to Shogakko for the first time."_

"_Shogakko?" I asked._

"_Yes, it won't be long until you go to school. You're six years-old now, after all." My father explained, keeping that cheerful tone._

_I lowered my head. I remembered that mother used to talk about how I would learn many new things, and how I would meet new friends. I never dreamed that… she wouldn't be there to see me go to school for the first time._

_My father noticed that and rose my chin up._

"_Mommy would be happy for you, hunny. You know she would."_

_I smiled but my chest ached thinking about my mother. My father seemed to notice that I wasn't entirely happy._

"_How about some bread with honey for the afternoon?" he said, taking me in his arms and tickling me. I giggled in response._

_I still had a lot of progress to make. But things had been a lot worse before. While my father was there to keep me strong, I would be fine._

_Because he… was my hero._

* * *

"I still remember your first day of school like it was yesterday…" my father said, visibly nostalgic.

We were sitting in a table in the middle in the room. Two chairs were on opposite sides. We were sitting there, facing each other, never breaking eye contact.

"Hm? You do?" I calmly replied "I barely remember it myself…"

"You kept behind me, too afraid to look at the families and other children in the entrance. You were grabbing hold of my pants, and hiding your face behind my left leg. But then… when Millie's parents came, each of them holding her by one hand…" he kept telling, beginning to laugh "You ran to her to give her a hug. And when you got to her, I remember seeing the two of you falling down… and then rolling on the floor laughing out loud…"

The two of us laughed out loud. I remembered that last part. Millie's mother then made us stand up and kept seeing if we weren't covered in dust, while her father kept telling his wife that she was overreacting.

I wiped a tear off my eye, after catching my breath from all that laughing.

"Good old times…" I mumbled remembering how much I missed elementary school.

"How is Millie, by the way?" my father asked.

"She's fine. But… I haven't talked to her lately." I said a little sad due to that.

"You'll talk again eventually." My father comforted me. Although I wasn't so sure of that.

A long and comforting silence came upon us.

"After you turned into a teenager… You began to change." My father stated all of a sudden.

I looked at him, ashamed. But it was true. He was my hero since we moved to Kanto. I couldn't imagine my life without him; I wanted him to be always there for me.

Alas, when I went to high school, and said goodbye to many people I barely remembered at that time, I went to Daikoku Private Academy. A school, where I didn't adapt. As a consequence, I began to be an anxious person, with very little self-esteem, who would do anything to deny that problem. And that showed in the way the relationship with my father developed.

I then remembered one of the worst discussions we ever had…

* * *

_I was fifteen years old, and had gone to a café with Millie and two of the guy friends she already had. It was Saturday, and I had decided to go out at night for a little while. We talked for hours and I and a friend of Millie's had shared some cigarettes. That night I had smoked three cigars that tasted like chocolate. At that time it was a little taste of heaven to me._

_I opened the door to my house and when I saw my father standing in the living room facing the door, with both his arms crossed, I knew I would be in trouble._

"_I'm home!" I said trying to ignore his furious glance._

"_Seira!" he called out, meaning it was serious "What time is it?!"_

"_Half past midnight, why do ask?" I replied still trying to ignore him._

"_You can't come home this late, Seira! Do you realize how these streets have been lately, at this time of the night?!" he shouted._

"_What if you stop treating me like a child? You overprotect me too much!" I shouted in response._

_He headed towards me, and for a moment I thought he would hit me._

"_Maybe I do that because I'm your father! Maybe I do that because I care for you! Maybe I do that because you're all I've got left in this world!" he snarled._

_My response was impulsive: "Maybe I would be more independent if you stopped worrying too much about me! I'm fifteen years old! I'm not a chi…" _

_He then interrupted me, and took my bag away from me._

"_Hey! What the heck?!" I protested trying to take it away from him, but he held me back._

_He then found something that would be the issue of our future arguments: my pack of cigarettes. His furious expression intimidated me._

"_I knew you smelled too much like tobacco! What is the meaning of this?!"He said, becoming more intimidating_

_I shook my head, and took a few steps towards my room._

"_Answer me, Seira! What are you thinking?!" he yelled, taking one step in my direction._

_As he did that, I opened the door to my room, and then closed and locked it. I placed my back on the door afraid he would try to break in. Fortunately, he just knocked hard on the door._

"_Open the door Seira!" he demanded knocking harder._

_I shook my head vigorously, and felt tears rolling down my face. I wiped them, but more persisted on falling down._

"_Seira, will you open the goddamned door?!" he yelled more aggressively. _

"_Why don't you just let me live my life, by stopping this overprotection?! I'm not the helpless child you still think I am! So leave me alone for a change!" I yelled, throwing myself onto my bed._

"_Open the door this instant!" my father bellowed, knocking with both hands._

"_I hate you!" I yelled loud, throwing a picture I had to my reach to the door "I don't know how mom managed to be happy with you!"_

_To my surprise he stopped._

"_Just…" I sobbed "Leave me alone!"_

_I began sobbing loud and shortly after I heard him walking away._

_Later I would notice that the picture I've thrown to the door was of me and my dad when I was still a child. The frame was destroyed, and some glass was on the ground. The photo was torn and crumpled._

_At that time… I thought it was something sad, when I woke up the next morning and noticed that. Because I looked at that the same way I looked at the relationship I had with my father: __**a relationship that had suffered an irreversible change and would never return to what it used to be.**_

* * *

"I remember when we used to fight a lot…" I mumbled.

"Yeah…" my father sighed "I suppose there comes a time when that happens to every father and child."

"But today, I feel I was too… reckless." I mumbled with shame.

"But you grew up" my dad said petting my right hand. I smiled back at him.

That nostalgic feeling was back again. I almost felt tempted to go to the glass window and beg the warden to release my father. But, of course, I knew that doing that was a futile attempt that would bring me more trouble if I was impulsive to that point.

"Meeting that boy really helped you be more confident." My father said all of a sudden.

I looked away, bothered by the mention of Light.

"Hm? Did I say anything wrong?" my father asked confused.

"Oh!" I exclaimed "No! Not at all! It's just, well… We aren't exactly together right now…"

"… That's too bad…" my father said feeling sorry for me "Though I remember when you first mentioned him…"

* * *

_Summer break had come at last. If nothing particular had happened to me before that, I would have probably spent my whole summer practicing guitar at home, going out some afternoons to the movies with Millie, or going to the beach once in a while. But that summer was special: I had made a new friend in Daikoku, something I never expected to obtain._

_I didn't give too much thought on my clothing. But maybe that cute red top would fit me better. And some shorts would be nice for this weather. What if I made a ponytail? Would that make look better?_

_Those were my thoughts as I prepared myself to meet him._

_As I left my room, I found my father on the couch. He looked at me seeming surprised._

"_Where are you going all dressed fancy up like that?" he asked calmly._

_I was surprised with his reaction. I expected him to start inquiring me like crazy. But I guess I caught him in a good mood._

"_I'm going out… with a friend." I replied with a dry voice._

"_Millie-chan?" he asked._

"_Oh no, you don't know him!" I shook my head._

"_A boy?" he asked seeming surprised._

_I hesitated a little in my response. "Y-Yes… A friend I made in Daikoku!"_

"_A friend or more than that?" he asked._

_Something felt strange when he asked me that. It was as if… I was afraid to reply about that. I looked away._

"_No! No! I don't like him that way! I just met him a few days ago." I replied, stammering._

"_And you're going out with him already?"_

"_Just as friends dad!" I replied a little embarrassed._

_He still seemed unconvinced. "Go on then! Have fun!"_

_I looked at him and smiled. "Thanks dad."_

_But before I went out the door…_

"_Just out of curiosity…" my father said suddenly, making me halt my pace "What's your friend's name?"_

"_Yagami…" I replied opening the door "Yagami Light."_

* * *

"Whatever the problem is…" said my father breaking away my thoughts "… you'll get over it. I'm sure of it!"

"I'm not so sure, myself…" I replied a little sadly.

"You will!" he said gripping my hand "I know it!"

I decided not to contradict him.

"Now… what will you do? " he asked me "The bank probably got a hold of our house and all of its belongings."

That probably really did happen while I was confined. Father wasn't done paying the house, and that debt lasted for too long. I wouldn't be surprised if I came to my apartment door only to find that all of our belongings were gone.

I couldn't tell him I was living in a huge building surrounded by a police force who suspected me as Kira. He would freak. I had to hide that from him. Until he was released, he couldn't worry too much about me. I couldn't let him in on the truth yet.

"I… got a part-time job, and… I live in a rented apartment with some classmates." I lied "It has a discount for students, but that will only get me though the first year… I'll have to drop out of college when it's all over."

My father lowered his face. I noticed he was shaking a little, so I made him look at me, by placing my hand on his cheek. He was crying!

"Dad?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry I got into this baby. I'm sorry that I can't be there to help you get though it all." He sobbed.

I stood up, went to his side and hugged him firmly. "I'll get by dad… I'm not a little girl anymore, remember?"

"No… No you're not… You're my little woman, now" he whispered.

I felt touched by those words. No longer was I a little child to him. He had finally recognized me as a woman. Finally he accepted I had grown up…

"I love you daddy…" I whispered, burying my face on his hair.

"I love you too baby girl…" he sobbed in response.

What followed was another moment of comforting silence between us. Only my father mattered to me in those last moments we would be spending together.

And when the time came to say goodbye… Along with a big weight in my chest, came some determination: I would be free of suspects! I would have daddy by my side again! And I would never leave him again after that! No matter what had happened between us in the past… all was forgiven between us.

After one long and silent hug, I left him, not with tears, but with a promise:

"**When you're out of here… When we're back together again… I'll never leave you again!"**

* * *

When I stepped outside the prison, I noticed Watari standing in front of a black Audi, waiting for me. I looked up and noticed it was evening already. Some clouds were barely visible in the sky.

"It looks like it's going to rain this evening…" I said to myself.

"Come along now Miss…" said Watari guiding me to the door of the car "It's going to be a long car drive."

"Where are we going?" I asked after entering and closing the door.

"To the orphanage." He answered.

"Orphanage?" I asked confused.

"Yes. **To Wammy's House.**" Watari explained as he drove away.

* * *

**AN: Thank you to all my readers! Reviews are appreciated! Tell me your thoughts of this fanfiction so far (positive or negative).Sorry if I take long to update, but sometimes I have priorities to take care of. Once again thank you, readers! Next chapter will be up ASAP! Cheers! **


	40. Frustrations characterized that week

_"Come along now Miss…" said Watari guiding me to the door of the car "It's going to be a long car drive."_

_"Where are we going?" I asked after entering and closing the door._

_"To the orphanage." He answered._

_"Orphanage?" I asked confused._

_"Yes.__**To Wammy's House.**__" Watari explained as he drove away_.

* * *

A big house with an enormous backyard stood on the outside of the car. "What is this place?" I asked shortly after Watari had stopped in front of the gate. "The Wammy's House" it said near the main gate.

"This is an orphanage built to accommodate orphans with bright minds! Watari replied.

"An orphanage for intelligent children?" I whispered amazed.

"Wammy's House. This is one of several orphanages built around the world." said Watari. I examined the building. Some children could be seen at the backyard in the distance. A few of them were just running around, while others just sat in the ground passively. Seen from there they seemed like normal infants to me.

"I see you've never heard of these orphanages." Watari observed "Does the name 'Quillsh Wammy' say anything to you?" he asked.

I looked away from him and bit my thumb softly. I knew I heard that name, maybe on TV or so, but it didn't ring any bells in my head. "Ummm… I heard it somewhere, but…"

"He was the man who founded this orphanage. This and many others by the name 'Wammy's House', around several parts of the world." Watari explained to me "He is a great inventor. Using the money from his achievements he dedicated himself to this cause."

"He must be a really good person…" I mumbled. Watary chuckled.

"But what exactly are we doing here?" I asked still examining the outside of the orphanage with my curious eyes. Some children were playing football, and were just passing near the fence.

"Ryuzaki will be here any minute." Said Watari.

"So we're waiting…" I sighed. "But what does this place have to do with him?".

One of the boys kicked another in the heels in order to take over the ball. "Ow, Mello, that hurt!" I managed to heard from outside.

But before Watari could respond, the answer itself came to my head. "Wait… Did L grow up here?" I asked.

Watari just coughed in response, and I understood that he wasn't supposed to speak of it. Which meant it was probably true.

I wasn't too surprised though if I ever got the confirmation that L was an orphan, although I had never questioned his origins. Somehow I imagined him, feeling all alone in the world. Just like I felt since I left my father a few hours ago. I wondered how it had felt to him back then.

My eyes kept examining that home, until I saw a silhouette in a white shirt coming out of the building, and I knew he had finally done… whatever it was he had to do.

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

_I had exited the orphanage with an unclear mind. Both of them seem to have their potential, but it's still a rather hard choice._

_They didn't see me in person, but I saw them and spoke to them through a camera and a microphone connected to an empty room.__**Mihael Keehl**__ and __**Nate River**__. Having seen their files and also seen how quickly their minds reacted to certain impulses or riddles has only made my decision harder._

_I don't want to be forced to choose under pressure. Maybe I don't have to worry about this. Or maybe I do. You never know… _

_I've been having these strange thoughts ever since I've decided to keep Minamoto-chan and Yagami-kun close. I still think that one of them will be the key to the other… But I'm starting to consider the chance that I may not be able to get out of this case alive. Something tells me that this may be the last case I ever work on._

_I've been putting my mind and soul into solving this. But not only am getting nowhere with this, but I'm also fearing that I may die without getting to the bottom of this mystery._

_It seems I have a problem with dualities: I can't decide between heirs, and also between potential suspects._

_We're flying back to Japan at this moment. Minamoto and I didn't switch a word, just a brief glance. In her eyes I saw an aggregate of several emotions: compassion, understanding and sorrow. But then she just chuckled softly and looked away from me. This girl can be quite a mystery sometimes…_

_But now that I made her this little favor, I hope she can cooperate a little more in solving this case. If she's really not guilty this can be an encouragement to prove her innocence._

_Whatever will come in the future… I hope I can still be alive to see Kira get the Death Penalty._

* * *

_**xXxXxXxXx**_

A week had passed since we came back from London to headquarters. I had grown to adapt myself to my "prison". After a few days it wasn't so bad. Or at least I believed it wasn't. I had already wandered around practically every part of the building there was. Some doors were never opened, but figuring out mysteries in that building wasn't my main goal. I liked to take a walk around when I was bored, or sometimes just stay in my room and enjoy television, seen as there wasn't any other form of entertainment for me there.

But half my day was spent with the rest of the taskforce members, some of which I've grown to really like, and others that weren't so sociable.

During this time, Matsuda-san had become adorable to me. He was inexperienced, clumsy and sometimes awkward, but a genuinely good person. Aizawa and L scolded him sometimes due to some comments he made from time to time (and I admit I also didn't find some of the things he said funny). But behind that goofiness of his was a man trying to make progress. Nevertheless he was someone who would really cheer up our days of work.

Aizawa-san on the other hand was a more serious type of man. More experienced, and always keeping our heads on the main focus. He told me once he was a family man. He had a small daughter and a baby boy. But since the investigation has started his relationship with his wife had worsen. One time he told me how his daughter was happy whenever he went home to her. I just nodded remembering the times when I would act like little Yumi (Aizawa's daughter) acted whenever I saw my dad by the end of the day, when I was at elementary school.

There wasn't much to be said about Mogi-san. He was very quiet and usually kept to himself. Very quiet and discreet, but dedicated to the tasks handed to him.

Yagami-san was one of my prime examples of a really good man. He was serious and responsible, but also kind and very respectable. He was always caring towards me. Although he had said those horrible things to me when I was put in that electric chair, somehow that hadn't affected my opinion about him. I could see why Light regarded his father as a model to be followed.

Speaking of Light… at that time our relationship couldn't be at a worse phase. We didn't switch any words unless it was necessary; we kept a distance from each other; and if we ever had to ascend in the elevators together the air would suddenly turn tense. I had difficulties at keeping a straight glance whenever he was in the same room with me. Whenever someone of the task force would talk to me something inside of me sighed in relief. I couldn't shake off the feeling that he was keeping an eye on me; I wasn't sure about why he would do that, but that sensation just wouldn't shake off of my stomach.

One morning I heard a knock on the door outside of my room. I quickly put on a slightly revealing black skirt and an ocean-blue sweat-shirt. Barefooted, I quickly ran through the living room in my room and opened the door.

"Oh…" I sad unsurprised when I noticed L was there.

"Ohio, Minamoto-chan…" greeted L as Light appeared from behind him.

"_Fuck…" _I thought as I saw him. He and L entered the room. All of a sudden the atmosphere felt stuffier.

"What brings you here?" I finally asked shortly after I closed the door. L had already sat at my couch and was unwrapping some candy that was in the table nearby.

"Well…" L was about to start but Light interrupted him. "We need to speak about everything that's been going on during this week. Ryuzaki, we have this great facility, and yet you don't seem very into it."

Light hadn't sat down but he was standing very close to L. I discreetly passed by them and sat on the couch which was facing the one where L was sitting.

"Into it…? Not really… I'm actually kind of depressed."

Light was as surprised as I was with that statement. "Depressed? What do you mean by that?" I inquired.

"Yes… For the longest time I thought that you, Minamoto-chan, were Kira. I feel slightly surprised, but and also a little shocked."

"Why not look for a new suspect then?" I asked.

L looked at me like I had made a stupid question. "Because there are no new leads."

I sighed. "However…" L continued all of a sudden "I've come to elaborate a new theory: I believe that Kira can control people's actions."

Me and Light gasped in unison. "Think about it…" L explained as he unwrapped another piece of candy "… Kira at first started by killing off criminals who were guilty of the crime of murder, but as time passed he widened up his targets. Sure, the power he owned might have gotten to his head, but what if Kira was acting through somebody? More specifically through one of you."

"One of us…" I mumbled considering what he said. What if that was it? If Kira was controlling me… then it wouldn't be my fault! I wouldn't be conscious of what I was doing! It made sense! If I had to be somehow involved with Kira, it had to be through such circumstances! I wanted to believe that that would probably be it!

"Or maybe the two of you… If you were being controlled and killed people without being conscious of it, then you two are nothing more than victims… If that is proved, then I will have to start the investigation over from scratch." He grunted visibly down "For example, if Kira took an interest on Light-kun because of his father and the fact that he had access to police information and then controlled him to make you a suspect in my eyes… That would be a pretty big shock to me… Very frustrating…"

Silence hit the room for moments. "Ryuzaki…" spoke Light "With that line of thinking, it means that while we were being controlled, if it comes to both of us, Seira and I were Kiras…"

L looked up at him. "Yes… I don't think there's any mistake there. The two of you could have been Kiras after all."

I believe that both I and Light became tense with that statement.

"The way I see it, when Minamoto-chan went into confinement, she was Kira… But then the killings stopped. It made sense that you were Kira, but then the killings resumed. Based on that, my thinking is that Kira's power passes from person to person."

That thought made me shiver. To think of a power which could pass from person to person, possibly controlling that same person and making him do things he wouldn't possibly do. It was absurd! In reality such a thing couldn't possibly exist! Or so I tried to think so…

"That's an interesting theory, but if that's the case, catching Kira is going to be difficult." Light proclaimed.

"Yes… That's why I'm depressed… You control someone and use them to kill the criminals, then when that person is caught, you transfer the power to someone else, and the first person loses all of his memories… This would make the capture practically impossible…" sighed L whose determination was at the lowest level.

"But that's not definite yet. There are too many things that we don't understand about Kira right now. Come on, show some energy." Light declared, trying to cheer up L as he placed a hand on his shoulder confidently.

"Energy…? I'm just not feeling it… Why even bother…?" mumbled L "Trying hard to go after him just puts us in danger… Don't you agree? I'vre thought I was going to die so many times already…"

Such a state of spirit made me confusion. What had happened to the determination that defined him?! I was ready to say some words I don't currently remember to him, when suddenly, Light called him.

"Ryuzaki…"

"Huh?"

And what followed made let out a scream of surprise and shock: Light punched him right in the face! Probably harder than I did! L flew off the couch and landed very near to the wall.

"Light what the hell are you…?!" I yelled standing up, but before I could finish, he interrupted me.

" Don't be ridiculous! Just because neither me nor Seira are Kira… Just because you were wrong, you want to give up?! You gonna sulk like a baby?!"

L got on his knew wiping his mouth. "I may have worded it poorly but… I'm saying that continuing this isn't going to get us anywhere good, so maybe we should stop…"

"What are you talking about? Unless we chase him, there's no way we'll catch Kira. Who's the one who swore to send Kira to his execution?" Light continued to bellow.

"Guys, please…" I said approaching them with both my hands raised in the air "There's no need for…"

Light ignored me, walked to L and held him by his shirt. "The police, the FBI agents, TV announcers. How many innocent people do you think have been victimized?! You're the one who put me and her in confinement!"

"Light, please that's enough!" I exclaimed, fearing the route this argument was going through.

"I understand that… but whatever the reason… Once is once!" said L, when all of a sudden…

…he made movement, too quick to me to describe, and he literally kicked Light in the face. Light landed on the couch, making it fall backwards.

My wrists were shaking. They were literally on an unnecessary fight. All of that could be solved with a simple chat. God, why did boys have to complicate things sometimes?!

"It's not just that my reasoning was wrong…" whispered L walking up to Light and falling on his knees. It's the fact that this case can't be solved with one of you being the true Kira. So I'm a little disappointed. I'm human- that's not allowed?"

Silently I somehow agreed with him, but I feared the pace this was going towards.

"No, it's not!" replied Light trying to get up "The way you talk: It's like you won't be satisfied unless one of us is Kira."

L seemed to consider what Light had stated. "Yes… That may be true… In fact, I have just realized something…". He then turned to me "I wanted Mimamoto-chan to be Kira…"

Did he really mean what he had said?! He really wanted me to be Kira?! Did he really want to see me being condemned to death?! It was that dark side of L that made me dislike him strongly many times during this investigation.

All of a sudden Light caught him off guard and punched him straight between the eyes and the forehead. L shook in response.

"Once is once. I'll have you know that I'm quite strong." L spat, kicking him in the stomach.

"Stop it! Now!" I yelled, but my attempt was futile, because Light ran up to L, threw his arms onto him, knocking him on the ground, and then proceeded to punch L several times in the face. L reacted by kicking Light off of him , grabbing him by the hair and then punching him in the cheek.

What was I to do?! I was scared to try and break them up. No matter how much I screamed they wouldn't listen.

Eventually I myself began to feel annoyed by that childish fight. Taking a moment on which both of them were standing, and about to punch each other, I quickly stepped in the middle of those two, and used my arms to quickly break them apart.

"THAT'S. JUST. ENOUGH." I bellowed furiously. The two of them lowered their fists and looked away from me and from each other. They each took a few steps backwards.

I felt my head boiling with irritation, and my hands were ready to strike the first one who dared to interrupt me. "To be honest, both of you are wailing like little babies! We're supposed to be taking this case seriously, not fighting like elementary school kids! To be honest this fight was ridiculous, because the two of you are supposed to be acting professional and try, I repeat, TRY, to solve this case! The fact that we have no leads just means that we have to work harder! "

I then pointed an accusing finger to each of them. I started with L "You! Just because you were proven wrong doesn't mean that your goal of solving this case has ended for good!". And then moved to Light "And you! You better start using you brain instead of your heart, because if you snap again like you did now, you're not going to be of any help to this case at all!"

Light looked me in the eyes for the first time in a while as I said that. In that brief moment our eyes were glued. A glance of tension was amongst them. For a moment I was tempted to freak out, walk straight to him and confront him about the way he was treating me since that incident. If I could have my way I would yell at him until my voice became dry. But there was still a small part of me that wanted him to forgive; yet at that moment that small part was being squished by the fury that I felt due to that stupid bloody fight.

Then I looked down and pointed my finger towards the door. "Get yourselves out here, and when you start to get serious about all of this, you may come back here in order to have a professional and civilized conversation."

The two of them obeyed me silently, and made their way out.

"Can't I have just one more piece of candy?" asked L just like that.

Driven by fury, I slammed the door on the faces of the two of them. And then I threw myself onto my bed to give my thoughts a rest, for a while.

* * *

"Cheer up Seira-chan. Hey, at least it was nice of Ryuzaki to let you catch some fresh air for a change." rambled Matsuda, drinking his cup of coffee.

"Hmm…" I grunted a little uninterested.

Sometimes I was allowed to leave the building, as long as someone of the task force accompanied me. Matsuda was the one that always came with me. Of course I had chips attached to my clothes which revealed my position on a GPS and also recorded my voice.

That night I decided that I really wanted some fresh air. I talked about it with L, and through many pleads he eventually allowed it, ordering Matsuda to accompany me. We decided to sit at a café nearby, seen as we would have to go back eventually.

"It just feels like they don't give a darn about this right now…" I commented.

"I'm sure they'll get their heads back onto what's really important eventually." replied Matsuda "But you really had some balls… no I mean, eggs… err, I mean ovaries, oh I mean, err…."

I looked at Matsuda inquiringly. "Oh darn! Well… you had guts… you had guts to stand up to them and call them out!"

I smiled and giggled slightly. Matsuda's awkwardness could sometimes be funny. "Thanks, I guess."

We then just sat there and chatted about casual themes. I felt good by chatting with someone as light heads and open minded as Matsuda. Rain had started to pour on the city without us realizing it.

"There was one time, when… when…" I said telling about something I don't remember right now, and interrupting myself after I caught a sight of a familiar silhouette.

A short woman carrying a big piece of cloth, hunched and clearly dragging her feet was passing by the entrance. I immediately recognized her.

"Rena…" I whispered clearly surprised.

"Who?" asked Matsuda confused.

I stood up and rushed out of the restaurant to go to her. It had been so long since I last seen her. I wanted to talk to her about so many things.

"Rena!" I called out as I exited the café and caught up with her.

She looked back and stopped. Somehow she seemed smaller to me.

"Rena…" I said cheerfully as I reached her.

But when she turned to me, I could see that life had been all but pleasant for her. She looked like she hadn't slept bathed and eaten for several days. Her wet hair was completely messy and covered most of her face. Despite that I clearly saw that she was pale, skinnier and looking extremely tired. Her clothes were dirty with mud and water, and were slightly ripped.

"Rena… What… What happened to…?" I murmured trying to get a grip on myself.

And then I noticed the huge piece of cloth: her little sister Sakura was wrapped on it. Her cheeks were swollen up, and she seemed to be in a deep sleep. She didn't look god either, but I couldn't evaluate more than her face, seen as it was the only thing uncovered by the cloth.

Behind me I heard Matsuda gasping in surprise. "Who… Who's that Seira-chan?"

"A friend…" I replied, passing miy hand on Rena's left cheek "… a very, very close friend."

Rena's eyes filled with tears and she looked down to the ground. Then she began mumbling a confusing explanation of what had driven her into such a confusing and horrible situation (which she would later explain to me in a calmer mood): "Auntie Natsuko died… There was no money for me… Couldn't find a new job… I was thrown out of the house… I've been living on the streets ever since… Feeding on bread and things I've found on the trash… Sakura's sick… She can't wake up… My little princess just doesn't wake up…"

I grabbed her shoulders with both my hands. "Why do I have to suffer like this?! Can't I redeem myself for what I've done?!"

And then she literally broke down "I'm tired of this life! I'm tired of all of this!"

I held my screaming and bawling friend in my arms. We both fell on our knees. I was shaking but I didn't want to let go of her. My suffering friend needed support. And it seemed… I was all she had left.

I don't quite remember how long we stood there, embracing each other. But I do remember the words she addressed to me as a pleading for me. The only response I could give her was to hold her harder against me. All her desperation and sorrow was summed in those sole words she addressed to me:

"**Please, Seira! Help me…"**


End file.
